We hear it all the time, but what does it really look like in practice for you? How do you know you’re truly letting yourself feel?
What does “feeling your feelings” actually mean to you?
r/AskWomen
We hear it all the time, but what does it really look like in practice for you? How do you know you’re truly letting yourself feel?
Comments
Allow myself to be giddy when im happy, cry when im sad, swear like a sailor when im angry.
It means remembering that I’m human and that I have a functioning limbic system.
It means not being ashamed for how I feel. It means not suppressing.
I wish I knew, but I’m here to learn!
Not stuffing things down, repressing things or bottling things up. Not pretending to be okay with shit you hate. Not pretending to be happy when you’re sad. Not convincing yourself that how you feel is wrong and you should feel another way, not letting someone else tell you to do any of those.
I strongly believe while not all feelings are valid whatever you are feeling should be processed, contemplated and worked through it possible.
I dont feel my feelings, I keep them to myself. If I am mad, I stuff it deep inside until its gone, if I am sad, I put on a smile and pretend I am fine. I dont talk about them at all, so noone knows what I am feeling.
This is NOT good, but I do not know how to be any other way.
If you are mad, express what angers you. If you are sad, its OKAY to cry, if you are scared, no need to pretend.
Let your feelings out, its so much healthier.
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Right now it means I talk to a really nice person about it every Monday at 2:00 p.m.
And I learned a new word recently: Alexithymia
I have a tendency to jump to “am I feeling the right way about this?” “how does the other person feel?,” basically mocking up conversations and strategies as soon as something happens, instead of actually just sitting with how I feel about the situation. Which in the long run is bad, because I feel like I never express myself. So I try to sit down with a journal and before all of that, just start with “that made me feel ____ because.” It helps clarify a little bit.
Allowing yourself to cry without (self)shame or (self)judgement
For me, it’s crying when I need to cry. Even I feel pressure to be “strong” or worry that crying makes me manipulative or immature or crazy or unstable. That’s an unhelpful narrative that sometimes prevents me from “feeling my feelings”.
The same narrative and other factors also leads to some anger suppression in me. Part of me wants to always lead with empathy and to accept all ways of being. This means that sometimes I bury my anger. “Feeling my feelings” in that situation looks like me sitting in a room silently thinking about my anger and feeling it 😅 I genuinely just think angry thoughts, sometimes I punch a pillow, but I move through it, I explore why I’m angry, what it tells me.
Sometimes it’s a little more obscure like shame, guilt and accountability. I can catch myself deflecting and being defensive, thinking poorly of others, and then I realise that I’m suppressing the guilt I feel for my part in that situation, I’m avoiding the feeling of shame because it’s easier to trick myself into believing that the fault wasn’t mine and that I did the best with what I had. That’s why this one is a bit more elusive because it’s easy for me to lie to myself. When I explore it and find that deep down it’s myself and my own standards that I am ashamed that I didn’t meet, I allow myself to be ashamed. I accept that shame is a good feeling, it tells me how I can do better, not for anyone else but for me, and by avoiding feeling shame, I am stopping myself from growing into who I’d rather be.
Every person is different and will have wildly different relationships with each different emotion. Sometimes that relationship causes a kind of repression of that emotion, and “feeling your feelings” looks like fighting that urge to suppress, deflect, avoid, and instead actually feel and process.
To regularly stop sensory overload by phone/internet/ events/ people, in order to sit in current feelings
Not reaching for a distraction. Alcohol, other substances, meaningless scrolling, sex, overeating, burying yourself in work etc… These are all distractions. I personally will jump into people pleasing to ignore my feelings. You have to sit with it when you’re uncomfortable. Name the feeling, acknowledge it, honor it, hold space for it. Cry, scream, lay in bed, vent to a friend, write a letter
And it doesn’t mean you have to stay in this feeling. You can feel it for 10 minutes if that’s all you can handle for today. Then distract yourself. Breaking habits is hard work but that’s where the growth is 🙂
I used to be a represser. Stoic face, no emotions etc.
Now, I sit with that emotion even if it makes me uncomfortable, then I name the emotion, then check what physical reaction that emotion makes me feel like clammy hands or dry mouth, give myself permission to feel it without feeling guilty or ashamed, no rushing through it. When I feel relief is when I know I was feelingy feelings. If I still feel restless or stuck then I know I need to go through the same steps again.
In the beginning it took me a while to
feel my feelings but now I do ok with it.
Letting yourself actually be emotional/outwardly expressing or verbalising your emotions.
Whether it be anger, sadness, happiness etc.