I had been sober for 3.5 years. We’ve been together for a 2 years. We had been friends for about 5 years but got really close about 3 years ago. Hes also an alcoholic but never aligned with being “sober”. He is comfortable having a few drinks with friends or at an event then not drinking more.
A few weeks ago at a wedding I broke my sobriety. I’ve tried to navigate drinking casually but it’s not working. He’s been drinking at home some with me since then and it’s become a daily habit for us both.
We’ve had a very healthy relationship. Learning how to live and coexist with each other. Learning the others forms of love and communication and bonding deeply. But since we’ve started drinking things have gone the opposite direction. We’ve had some intense heated discussions over the last two years but nothing compared to anything that’s happened since I broke my sobriety.
We’ve been drinking together regularly for over a 1.5 months. It has caused some issues, but tonight was rough.
He drank a mixed drink and half a bottle of wine. I had a few sips of my drink but wasn’t feeling much although I had smoked a lot of weed. We got into an argument and things got physical. I told him to leave and get out. He went to drive off but, he was trying to drive off after a few good drinks with an open bottle to keep drinking from (after saying he hopes he wraps his car around a tree and he has a past DUI from years ago that he still has restrictions from). He puts the bottle in his passenger side and goes to close the door, Im grabbing the door and screaming no you aren’t going to do that. We tug back and forth on the door, we argue and he grabs the bottle and starts chugging it. I eventually grab the bottle from his mouth and dump it all out. We scream and he beats the fuck out of his car. We go inside and he says since I want him to leave he’s getting his stuff. He takes some stuff to his car and I lock him out. He uses his key to get back and I block the door. He grabs my arm and moves me out of the way to keep packing. Eventually I just sit on the bed. He comes back in and pushes me off the bed (not very harsh just roughly guiding me out the way). He gets more of his stuff and goes to leave.
Happenstance; a family member of mine calls him to talk and we all take normal to chat with her. Eventually we calm down enough to just go our separate ways in the house. He passes out on the couch. I sneak out to go drink. I just went to the gas station then got drunk in my car in the driveway.
We’re suppose to go out of town and meet with our wedding officiant this weekend, oh yeah, our wedding is in a month.
We’ve never been violent or outlandish towards each other like this. We’ve had 2 heated arguments while sober and we talked them out like adults before. We both listen and learn each other languages to the best of our abilities. We’ve argued every night for the last week now.
We’ve worked hard to build our love and learn each other in a drawn out but healthy manor, just to throw it all away to booze.
Were suppose to go out of town in the morning, my sister is suggesting I just go without him (I’m going to be with her). I think maybe we could use some physical time apart but we need to work on wedding stuff.
What would you do? Go out of town with him, without him, or stay not go at all? Our meeting with the officiant is Monday in another state, we could just wait to go Monday to meet him and not stay with my sister over the weekend. I want to go be with my sister in that state tomorrow then come back to get him Monday and we go together to the officiant and work through things later. But I don’t want to create more tension. I feel so lost and would just love another persons stance on how they would handle this.
TL:DR; we started drinking together after being together for 2 years. Things have gone bad quickly, we’re suppose to get married next month and meet with the officant this monday. I still want to get married but want some alone time. I just don’t know if this weekend is the right time to want to be alone.
Comments
I think you have learned in this short time that the two of you cant have a successful and happy marriage together with alcohol. many can but you two just dont work that way. you do need to take some real time to figure this out.
You cannot get married under these circumstances. This shit is so unhealthy. You need to stop everything and do a real reality check right the fuck now.
You’re an alcoholic. You can’t drink casually. That means you need to stop and remove the alcohol from your life. Your fiancé should be on the same page if y’all are to live a happy married life together. The alcoholism needs to be put back in check NOW. The fighting, driving intoxicated, all of this, this is drunkard shit.
You should both go to a meeting tomorrow. You should, whether or not he goes. Wedding should be on hold while this shit goes down. Taking tomorrow to be apart after tonight would be wise.
sounds like you both are alcoholics. Both terrible for fighting and you for locking someone out that lives there and has no where to go except for drive drunk and possibly get someone else innocent killed. Also the fact you left and went to get more alcohol at a gas station just highlights how much of an alcohol problem you have. Best advice is to go to AA or rehab and get treatment