I have to see MIL and FIL tomorrow. Family get together. Birthday I can’t get out of lol. I get anxiety even thinking about it. I get anxiety about being fake. Anxiety about what stupid thing they’re going to say and how I have to react. How they’ll act like grandparents of the year even though they do absolutely fuck all with my kids except buy them clothes every now and then. How MIL is going to tell me a hundred dumb rude tactless comments. And how I have to just smile and nod or I’ll be the a hole. How my husband will ignore every dumb thing they say, or not even notice it. While I stand there seething on the inside. Thank goodness an aunty and cousin are all over their toxicity and always give me the look when they say something inappropriate. Which is at least four five times per get together. Then FIL will have too much alcohol and become a sloppy mouthy mess.
Embarrassing.
I don’t even know the point of this post. I’m just unsettled for days before I know I have to see them. Every time I think about it I cringe all over. Anyone else the same ? How do you handle it?
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I am the same. My son just had a birthday party and it took me a week to recover from having to be near them those few hours. My husband acts like he doesn’t care and just wants me to deal with it. Our relationship is suffering. He will say he cares how I feel and then invited them to my son’s party without even asking me if it’s OK! I can’t stand him…
Same. I prep by mentally drafting witty comebacks I’ll never use, and reminding myself that their behavior reflects on them, not me. Your aunt and cousin’s “looks” are probably the only thing keeping you sane.
Number 1. Look up gray rocking. You’ll find plenty of info about it in the sidebar here.
2. You don’t have to entertain her or keep her busy. That’s not your job. You can basically ignore her (be kind and don’t be in your face with it obviously). You don’t have to let her talk to you.
3. It’s not about “being fake.” It’s about protecting yourself from someone else’s toxic behavior. It’s not fake. Yes, it’s different from how you normally would treat her, but she has shown by word and deed that you need to approach her differently in order to keep you safe. Fake is pretend smiles and acting like everything is all hunky dory. This is not you being fake. This isn’t you putting on an act. This is you putting the necessary distance between you and someone who is not safe for your mental health.
Are you on medication for your anxiety? If not, I think it’s something you should look into. I personally take hydroxyzine for my anxiety. It’s only as needed, not like a daily pill. It’s an antihistamine. For me, it dulls the bad stuff enough to make it tolerable but doesn’t dull my physical senses or my mind. It’s like it goes and sits next to my anxiety neurons and pats them on the shoulder and gets them their weighted blankets and brings them water and cookies. So I don’t get brain fog. It’s seriously the best.