Hi. I know I have to tell him. Okay? I know. I will. It’s just…The 5 years he’s been my dad have been the best. And I’m scared of losing the ONLY person who’s ever seen me…yno? Maybe you don’t. like, I’m 15, my “real” dad died when I was a baby…like…18 months or something? Mom found out she was pregnant after…and little sis is blinding. I tried so ahrd. Mom just doesn’t lvoe me. She doens’t hate me, either. She doesn’t care. Sis gets everything she wants, and anything I have. I’m so scared of going back to that.
It’s going to be worse. She’s going to know I told him. How could she do it to us? He won’t stay. He shouldn’t stay. She doesn’t deserve him. i just want to be loved. I don’t know what I did wrong.. I don’t know how to survive 3 more years of alone.
I have to tell him. I have to. I’m so scared I am too weak. What if I don’t just look like mom? What if he hates me? how do I cut my own safety net?
Sorry for rant. I’ll tell him soon.
Comments
Tough situation, sorry you’ve had to go through this. Must be very difficult.
I don’t know enough about the situation to know whether this might be the case, but it might not necessarily end the relationship you have with your dad.
It may be too difficult for him to maintain a relationship with you, however him leaving does not necessarily mean you will not have some kind of relationship with him, even if he leaves.
There are no certainties that I can give you unfortunately.
Whatever you choose to do, best of luck. Ultimately, this situation has been forced onto you, and nothing is your fault, and it’s a tough situation for someone who is a well adjusted and mature adult, let alone a 15 year old.
Whatever the outcome, nothing will take away the fact that your father loves you, and has shown you what a loving parental relationship is. This experience will stick with you for the rest of your life. Nothing will change that.
Best of luck, and again, I’m sorry you have been put in this situation and have to go through this.
This shit sucks OP, but you will be happy again.
Discreetly tell him privately with evidence, encourage him to NOT confront your evil biological mother until he has consulted with an attorney.
Offer to testify on his behalf for full custody of you and hopefully your sibling as well for him to be your legal guardian instead of your abusive mother.
Your stepdad can sue for child support in most jurisdictions if the other spouse is abusive or neglectful of their children.
If that is not viable, seek support from your local child welfare programs.
Morally, it can be justified NOT telling him. Making sure SHE knows that you know is optional, but while it looks deceptive not telling him, if you do you run the very real risk of destroying everyone around you, including yourself. I’ve always said that, all things being equal, I wouldn’t want to know if I was being cheated on. I did find out once and all it did was create problems, some that have never gone away, many years later.
Ask yourself this: are you telling him to assuage your “guilt” (because you know) or to protect him from your mom’s actions?
It’s eating you up inside. I think you should get proof you can present before saying anything to your DAD, if not mom will deny and you’ll be in the doghouse with both of them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you’re so young carrying this heavy burden.
Your mother’s choices have caused pain for everyone. They will hurt him, you and even her, but these things can’t be your burden to carry, and honestly shame on anyone who would ask you to do such a thing. You very well could lose both relationships but is maintaining them worth the burden keeping quiet would carry? Ultimately you will become your own person and how your mother treats YOU for her own misdeeds is going to speak volumes about what kind of relationship you would have had anyway. If she is capable of this then she’s capable of so many other things. It’s why friends back away from cheaters, since they do these things to people they loudly proclaim to love. What would they do to a friend if it benefited them?
Your mother is going to be faced with something hard when it comes from you, but how she behaves is going to tell you everything about her, unfortunately.
I think an anonymous tip is the way to go here. If your stepfather treats you well, which it sounds like he does, then he will still want to be in your life, regardless of what happens to he and your mother. Do not listen to these people telling you to keep silent. If he finds out on his own and that you knew about it, things will be much worse between the two of you.
He needs to know. Ask him if he would consider taking you with him as you are old enough to choose and he knows that you are routinely ignored and neglected by your mother.
Not your business to tell him.
I’m sorry your mom is not a good one.
It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship with your stepdad.
But there’s a chance his first reaction will not be the best, as he will probably be shocked.
Don’t hold that against him. Ignore the first negative reactions.
Don’t be too proud to tell him that you would really rather stay with him. And if his first reaction is no, but he comes around later on, go with the second reaction.
Also, whatever happens between your mother and stepfather, you are 15. Look up what it takes to get legally emancipated.
It probably won’t be something you can make happen in a week, so it’s good to look into beforehand.
Possibilities with that depend on where you are. But if you have a good reason to not stay with your mother, and you’re old enough to somewhat take care of yourself, the government can declare that you are on your own. And this should include a basic income, while you are still in school.
But like I said, that really depends in the laws in your regular. It’s worth looking into, though.
If even for the possible situation of your stepdad wanting to take you with him, but your mother not allowing it.
If all else works against you, do try to focus on school, so you have the best chances at going away to a college, when the time comes.
In less than 3 years, you can tell your mother you’re out of there, and have any kind of relationship with her as you please (including ‘none at all’).