TLDR: We had a discussion around a reel he shared which showed the girl putting her whole salary into household expenditures and total spendings and the boy’s salary was being used for investments. I expressed that I dont think that’s a practical idea and suggested finances in a relationship more specifically marriage should be mutually managed and balanced if both are earning. He interpreted this as a lack of trust from my side and the conversation shifted towards trust issues, compatibility and emotional safety in the relationship. I clarified that I didn’t mean it as a trust issue but was just trying to suggest a more equal and logical financial arrangement. He said he often adjusts to my views even if he doesnt like them and felt I don’t do the same for him. The talk moved into how we communicate how often conversations turn into conflict and whether our relationship feels healthy or open enough to express opinions without fear of judgment.
my bf and I are quite young but we still have discussions on heavy topics time to time. so the other day he sent me this reel where the girl’s entire salary is used for household expenses and the guy invests his full salary. I told him it felt a bit one sided and financially risky. I suggested a more mutual approach where both partners contribute fairly into expenditure and savings both so there is no emotional or financial imbalance in marriage. But he countered with a very specific financial reasoning. He said that doing things mutually would lead to a big financial loss over time due to compounding. He gave examples like assuming I earn less than him which is kind of possible as I will just be graduating at that time and then securing some job and he will be a post graduate and having a job. so then if we mutually invest 40-50 percent of our salaries, he says it is going to be of lesser profit than if we invest his whole salary. He says that gap in amount invested in both the cases would be ₹30k when assuming our worst case scenario earnings and that 30k will get compounded every month for 20 years then would turn into crores. and if we split things, we would lose that potential.
I replied that while that might be true on paper, if both partners earn and contribute sensibly, there is no real loss plus it is about long term safety, equality and shared responsibility more than just high returns. I also pointed out that keeping things mutual isnt only about avoiding divorce it is also about reducing mental stress, handling emergencies or adapting to changing life priorities.
But instead of continuing the discussion from that point he suddenly shifted the topic to trust. He asked me things like “Why can’t you trust me fully even once?” and “Do you think I’ll ever leave you or take anything away from you?” I clarified that I was never questioning his intentions it was just a practical discussion. I was only trying to talk openly, not doubting him.
Then he flipped it entirely saying how he always agrees with me or lets go of things even if he doesnt like them but I never do the same. He said I always put myself first and that he compromises more and he gives his all and he does not understand this concept of 50-50. I reminded him that I do try to understand and adjust as well but the moment I bring up a point or opinion it often turns emotional and he starts talking about trust or guilt so the actual discussion never happens smoothly then says things like “Why are you even in a relationship when you don’t trust me?”
He then said this is exactly why he hesitates to share things even sending a simple reel because it might lead to arguments. He says relationships should be a space where you can speak freely without overthinking. He even questioned if our relationship is healthy, saying that if we have to think so much before saying anything, maybe something is wrong.
I told him I do want to make space for honest and calm conversations but it is tough when he escalates things emotionally or shifts the narrative. I even asked how we are supposed to have mature discussions, how instead of that they always end in guilt or blame. By the end he was like he didn’t feel judged but more unheard.
He also said that he is ready to invest in my name but at the same time he is hesitant about even opening a joint account. So Im just left wondering how both those thoughts go hand in hand. And that whole cores of loss logic he started with. He didn’t bring it up again after I gave my perspective. It just got buried under emotional arguments.
Do you think mutual accounts for savings are better in marriages OR black and white. one person’s salary for saving and other one’s for spending?