TL;DR; , On the fence about trusting my birth control pill because my sneaky link is refusing to buy or wear condoms from now on.
We are both gonna be seniors this fall. Our parents have no idea about us, but we have been hooking up for around 15 months. We regularly use condoms, however, I decided to go on the combination birth control pill. I have never used birth control, but I am good at taking it at the same time every night.
Anyways, he found out about me being on the pill and now he is refusing to wear a condom. Out of the blue he told me that since I am on the pill that he will not be buying condoms anymore. I told him that I would be more comfortable with wearing a condom because it would be double protection against pregnancy and it would also protect me from diseases. He then told me that he’s not gonna be buying any more condoms or putting another one on because he will pull out. He also says that he doesn’t want a kid right now so he knows that he will pull out.
Although I am on birth control, I’m still skeptical about if it’s 100% safe if he pulls out. Of course we just wanna be teenagers, but I have a lot to lose this year if something goes wrong. And I mean a lot because my parents would definitely not approve of him. I am not sure why he is so adamant about not wearing a condom whenever we’re not even together. He also said that whenever he has a condom on, he can’t feel me.
I’m not really sure what to do about the whole situation and I can’t just up and leave because we’ve been doing this for so long. I think that I’m attached and while I don’t wanna make him unhappy, I just wanna be comfortable because I have high anxiety whenever it comes to things like this. Can I trust my birth control? Or do I still try to convince him that I want to use condoms?
Comments
He’s a moron, he’s not your boyfriend, he won’t commit to you. This guy is going to give you a STI. Tell him you won’t sleep with someone who isn’t your boyfriend unprotected.
Stick to your guns. Don’t fuck people who violate your boundaries. You’re not monogamous of course you should be using condoms
Girl, no. It is not “100% safe if he pulls out”. You know this. Dump him.
Birth control doesn’t stop STI’s. He’s not worth it, I promise
“I can’t just up and leave because we’ve been doing this for so long”
You can always stop or leave.
No birth control is 100% effective. It’s smart to double up and you’re right no condom means no protection from STIs. If he’s not your boyfriend he’s sleeping with others right? You don’t want anything passed on.
Be clear with him it’s either condom or no sex. If he can’t feel it why has he been continuing to hook up with you for 15 months? Don’t fall for his illogical manipulations.
But honestly the way he’s being a sook about condoms, and the fact you’re not even dating, I’m sure you’d be able to find someone more mature elsewhere.
“I can’t just up and leave because we’ve been doing this for so long” Actually, you can. You could end the relationship just because if that’s what you really wanted.
Do what’s best for you girl. Yall are young and in high school, and like you said you’re not comfortable and would have a lot to lose in the case you got pregnant. This guy is blatantly ignoring your request that will allow you to have piece of mind for his own sake. It’s low risk for him, yall aren’t even committed to eachother. Is this guy gonna be there for you in case something actually did happen?
Im not saying he’s horrible and to break up now. However you don’t have to stay in a situation that makes you uncomfortable just to keep someone else happy, and a guy pressuring you not to use protection when you ask is a red flag!
He’s out of his mind. Not even your BF and thinks he can demand unprotected sex
Stop fucking someone you need to call a “sneaky link,” because he is DEFINITELY fucking other people and your pill won’t protect you against STDs.
Insist on using condoms. If he won’t use them, don’t have sex with him. Just have this as an absolute boundary for yourself. The birth control is to stop you getting pregnant. The condoms are to protect you from most STIs, and to provide a double layer of protection.
Puliing out won’t work. Most guys say they will, but in the moment, they don’t. If he truly meant it when he said he didnt want kids, he’d use a condom.
If he’s complaining about lack of sensation he might want to try with different condoms, or experiment with putting a small amount of lubricant inside the condom at the top. But he would need to be very aware of the condom to make sure it doesn’t come off.
You may be very attached to him, but you need to put yourself, your future, your physical safety, your health first.
Do you want to suffer from STIs? Or have STI (or other illness) that lasts for the rest of your life?
Believe me that this likely will not be your only and last sexual partner. Are you ready to have conversation with your future partner if you do have…say herpes or HIV positive?
Or would you rather keep yourself safe and healthy for YOUR future?
If he doesn’t have condom with him, do not have sex with him. He’s not your partner/bf to begin with. He’s having sex with other people and he can infect you easily without condoms.
Besides pregnancy, you can get a disease that can stay with you all your life. Think about it – is this boy worth a life of trouble? Do you think in 10 years time you’ll look back and regret not hooking up with him more?
I bet there are other boys out there that would be delighted to be in a relationship with you, and respect your boundaries and needs. Don’t settle for less.
Condoms aren’t just for preventing pregnancy and why not be extra safe?
Has he had sex before? Has he tested for STIs? Are you the only person he’s sleeping with and can you be sure he’s telling you the truth?
Don’t trust someone with your body if they aren’t enthusiastic about doing it responsibly. Use protection and as many forms as you can! No birth control is 100% effective so why not be as careful as you can? Why risk it?
Birth control pills are very effective when you take them on time every day, but they are not 100% effective… there’s still a small chance of pregnancy (about 7 pregnancies per 100 women in a year with typical use).
But more importantly, the pill does nothing to protect you from STDs. Some STDs are incurable once you get them. That list includes:
-HIV – can be treated but not cured
-Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2)… stays in your body for life
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-HPV (human papillomavirus) – most strains clear, but some stay and can cause cancer or warts
-Hepatitis B – lifelong infection possible
-Syphilis (in later stages) – treatable if caught early, but can cause permanent damage if not
Condoms aren’t just about pregnancy prevention. they’re your only real protection against these infections.
Honestly, unprotected sex should only happen in a committed, mutually monogamous relationship where you both have been tested and trust each other. A “sneaky link” refusing condoms is not that situation. and the fact that he’s pressuring you after you said you’re uncomfortable is a red flag.
You deserve to feel safe and respected. If he “can’t feel you” with a condom, there are thinner ones and other options, but that’s his problem to solve, not yours to shoulder by taking all the risk. Also, he’s full of shit
Wtf is a sneaky link? Girl, dump this asshole. You’ll have lots of partners in your life. Time to move on from this dip shit who prioritizes how his dick feels over your safety and comfort.
No, the pill is not 100% because even perfects humans get unlucky or make mistakes. So you could get pregnant by this loser and he will definitely abandon you when you need him.
Next time, don’t give your partner an “excuse” to not use a condom. Don’t tell them about your BC and don’t have sex without a condom.
But mostly, stop having sex with this selfish knob.
We old people have a saying: no glove, no love.
Listen. An 18 year old boy should be on his knees, begging for the chance to touch you. He should weep at the glory of your naked presence. If he’s not properly grateful, and respectful, and willing to do what it takes to be safe and protect your body and your futures, then he can go …. Enjoy himself. Alone. Elsewhere.
Tell him latex is his only hope of a repeat entry, and you don’t eff whiners either.
But stay on the pill too. Two methods are better than one. And sex should leave you with orgasms alone, no other consequences.
Get it. And don’t listen to any man who puts his pleasure above your safety.
I mean…if you’re good with herpes, HPV, HIV, and the clap, sure?
IIRC, they sometimes don’t work if you take antibiotics. I haven’t taken the pill for 50 years so things may have changed. But ya, they do fail.
Absolutely the fuck not. Hell no. And you literally can just up and leave! You hold all the cards. He’s the one being unreasonable. So unreasonable, in fact, that I don’t think you should ever hook up with him again, regardless of whether or not he changes his mind about this. He has disrespected you and had the audacity to demand you endanger your health. He can pound sand.
My wife, before she was my wife, told me “I’m on birth control. You can go in raw”. So I did.
Our child will be 9 next year.
Not if you’re trying not to catch something. If either of you are even questioning this you’re not mature enough to be doing it.
It was just such a situation that inspired someone to coin the phrase “go fuck yourself.”
If he won’t use condoms, stop having sex with him. He does not get to decide the risks you’re taking with your body and your health. Him thinking this is his decision is a massive red flag.
Do NOT have sex with him without condoms. First of all, neither the pill nor condoms are 100% safe so combining both is safer. You’re still in school, you do NOT want to risk getting pregnant. Pulling out is NOT birth control, it’s gambling your future. People who rely on the pull-out method are going to be parents, it‘s just a matter of time.
Second of all, do NOT have sex without condoms with a person you’re not in a committed monogamous relationship with and who hasn’t been tested for STIs and actually SHOWN you their results. Condoms won‘t protect you from everything but they’ll help a lot in keeping you healthy.
I got pregnant twice while on birth control in my 30s (with my husband). I highly recommend you NOT have sex with ANYONE without a condom.
The pull out method DOES NOT WORK TO PREVENT PREGNANCY.
You said it at the end that you’re not going to leave this guy alone.
I guess you have to learn the hard way when he gives you an STI.
He’s not your boyfriend and with his mindset he’s 100% fucking other girls raw.
Some STIs you can treat easily the others are life long and can affect your fertility and general health.
If you want to risk the future of your health, for a 18 year old boy who doesn’t like you enough to date you in the open – go ahead a fuck him unprotected. He will drop you once you tell him the results
Block and delete his number then move on.
Anyone who tells you they refuse to wear condoms when you want them to, does not respect you and you shouldn’t be sleeping with them at all. Also, was he a virgin when you got together? Because if he has had sex without a condom with other girls, he could be carrying STDs.