I realized I don’t identify with anyone and it is likely despite how active and dynamic my life is that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I think I am not a complicated person but all that’s around me is debauchery and solipsism no matter where I go. I have many fleeting thoughts about saving money and falling off the face of the earth or vanishing without a trace. I have RJ OCD/Rebecca Syndrome and I don’t trust women romantically because I feel like they all don’t really respect me despite what they say and they all employ sexual favoritism towards other men besides me. I went to college for no reason despite graduating and the ship has sailed for any positive experiences that I could have had from that. I overthink and i’m too self aware and i’m not able to turn my brain off. I don’t relate to anyone because I can’t turn my brain off and indulge like a “normal” person. I have a job, a car, apartment and I travel. I’m only 30 I don’t think I understand my purpose here at all. I don’t enjoy anything.
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Therapy
You can’t. Its your brain telling you something is wrong.
Sounds like you’re looking for advice so here’s some. Not sure if you realize this but you’re coming across judgmental and condescending of others. You also seem to be too wrapped up into yourself.
My advice is to try and find ways to take your mind off of your current mental spiral habits to disrupt these negative thoughts. Meditation, exercise, hobby, job that challenges you, etc
We are all human, we all make mistakes, none of us are perfect. The more we can see and accept the flaws in others and ourselves, the more we are able to relax and be happy in the presence of others.
Maybe once you allow peace and optimism in your life, youll find that you don’t need anything or anyone to be happy. True happiness operates similar to depression in that they both create vacuums. One seeks to push people away whereas the other naturally brings people close to you.
You’re probably dismissing some potentially positive and fulfilling experiences as “debauchery and solipsism”.
You have a weird comment history. Some normal stuff, then bizarre rant, then repeat. Somethings wrong, man, I think you need some help.
I’m in a similar boat as you. I decided just 2 months ago I need a change. I am very much a work in progress, but here are some things that have improved my mental state and sense of hopelessness:
That’s my 2 cents. Best of luck.
You must go through the loneliness to break the cycle of samsara
You are the reason for your own problems. Stop blaming women.
Just go disappear, live your life & stop worrying about being alone. If that’s what you want to do.
You are the master of your universe. No one else.
Dude anyone who’s single within our age bracket is lonely af. If you cannot admit that, you’re probably doing things that give you a temporary dopamine boost. Have faith and just always believe in love buddy
Dude, listen. You’re not broken, you’re just playing chess in a world full of people still trying to figure out checkers. Stop trying to “fit in” with the normal crowd—they’re mostly just winging it while doomscrolling TikTok anyway. Instead, go find your weird 1% tribe, the ones who think like you, and build something with them. Right now you’re basically a Ferrari stuck in rush-hour traffic, getting mad that the Civics don’t understand you. Pull off the road and hit the track you were made for.
Here’s your cheat code list:
• Pick one nerdy thing that actually makes your brain light up and go full goblin mode on it.
• Join groups full of other goblins doing that thing—trust me, they exist.
• Stop trying to be liked by everyone; you only need one or two real allies, not a fan club.
• Dump your thoughts on paper every morning so your brain stops acting like a caffeinated squirrel.
• Maybe see a therapist who specializes in OCD—not because you’re broken, but because you deserve a better manual for your brain.
• Oh, and relationships? Build boundaries first. Let trust sneak in later like a raccoon at night.
Long story short: quit trying to be “normal,” lean into your weird, and let the Civics keep honking while you build your own damn racetrack.
It’s how I found my wife, by being my weird self… she liked what she heard and saw and asked me out. It took a long time to figure this out.
Get a dog, have a kid. As Agent Smith says … purpose!!
I feel like you spend too much time in your own head and prob hold other people to unrealistic standards. You have to learn how to turn your brain off and just live in the moment sometimes.
Theres value and enjoyment in engaging with imperfect people. Youre not perfect so its not reasonable to demand perfection from others to interact with them.
As for finding things to enjoy…………. try things and give them time. The kinds of things that give instant gratification generally arent healthy for your long term well being.
Lots of people throwing out generic or discouraging advice here who probably don’t understand much what this feels like.
As someone who struggles in a very similar way, the problem with climbing out of the hole of loneliness is that every attempt you make at it makes you feel MORE lonely.
The overwhelming insecurity and jealousy, the anxiety that comes into play, being too self aware, your brains always on survival mode.
I hate to be cliche, but probably medication (if doctors see it being applicable) and therapy.
Therapy basically for rewiring your brain, and medication to give you that breath of fresh air or added clarity so you can kickstart the process of rewiring your brain so its no longer hypervigilant.
Put your phone down, go outside, and lay under a tree until you fall asleep for an afternoon nap. You’ll feel refreshed. 🙂
RJ (Retroactive Jealousy) OCD, also known as Rebecca Syndrome, is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder characterized by intrusive, distressing thoughts and compulsive behaviors related to a partner’s past relationships.
dont know if it translates well into english:
i am alone, yes, for sure, but i am not lonely.
5 years ago after my first and only girlfriend took her things and left. i decided to stay single and learnd to be happy with it. i have some personal traits that hurt others, so i dont want to burden anyone with it.
i can do what i want when i want. take a stroll at 3am? sure. have a weeekend in another city, even fly to the sea to have some nice fish. hell yeah, did it at least 3 or 4 times. go to the local bar until its closing? also did this many times.
you are not worth more or less wit or without a girlfriend. thats first. the other point is: what purpose? the purpos of life? to procreate? the purpos to society? you do owe nothing to noone. learn to be independent, do your thing, whatever it may be, its never to late to start something. my grandfather startet painting at 79? or so and got realy good until he died at 87.
This reads like me in high school – feeling superior to others, yet burdened by the isolation of my own superiority. It sounds like you haven’t found your tribe yet.
People are complicated, but life is simple: Be kind to and curious about others, and people will want to be around you.
I actually spend a lot of time on Reddit when I feel lonely, I find that people on this platform are generally very nice and professional, and calm
Drugs. It helps artificially cure what chronic isolation will do to your brain.
I personally make it a daily goal of mine to talk to strangers all the time and have at least 15-30 mins of meaningful conversation with my partner Then I add friends to this too.
Honestly brother… talk therapy.
You have a ton of baggage you’re carrying with you, and your worldview seems to only reinforce your self-imposed isolation. Talk to someone.
Appreciate the words of support btw i’m on an alt because for whatever reason I got landed in reddit jail for 3 days by someone making weird assumptions towards me and defending myself. Thanks for the people being sincere and trying to help me I genuinely appreciate it.
Get yourself a girl dog. I’m married with a kid, but spend a lot of time alone on my days off when the kid is in school and my wife is at work (or both are sleeping in til 10-12 and I am up at 4 am). Getting a dog has been one of the best things to happen to me in years.
I read something a psychologist said it takes 8 minutes in conversation with a friend for humans to feel less lonely. Maybe it’s not only that you don’t have a romantic partner but what about your friends? Do you talk to them frequently? They can help set you up with people. Help you feel less lonely and Encourage you to get out there.
College isn’t always where you meet people. Go on outings alone and strike up a conversation anywhere you go about anything (without it being weird).
Example if you like reading go to a book store look around for something new to read and maybe someone in the same section you can ask for their opinion! Something easy and simple just to start embracing those conversations with women and make it less stressful on yourself!
You have to start pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone or you won’t find the purpose in much and will keep going through the motions!
Get a hobby