In my 20s, success meant constant achievement in career milestones and external validation. I chased goals relentlessly, thinking fulfillment would follow. Over time, especially after personal setbacks and deeper self-work, my definition shifted.
Now, success means living with balance and genuine connection, like having time for loved ones and feeling aligned with my values, not just my accomplishments.
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Probably a similar approach, I’m extremely happy with life as it is now and my definition of success is being financially stable today and in the long run so I can retire early if needed but not a must.
Having my own time to do the things I love such a smultiole trips a year, meeting my friends and so is key and work is a mean to that not a major driver.
I started looking inward for my judgement of success rather than seeking external validation. I’m anti cap now so the corporate rat race ain’t for me. Success for me is happiness in my personal and work life.
I’m still most happy with my friends and family, but the pursuits which define our personal time is different. I really just want to cook good food and be with my loved ones. Happiness has changed from something to seek into something to build day by day.
For me, success is being the best father I can be. The best husband. The best employee. The best coworker. In that order. Each of the lower priorities help me with the higher ones. It’s not difficult from that point to balance and become all of those things at once. I consider it success because I feel accomplished, satisfied, and to be quite honest, righteous. It’s not enough just to be a good person. I want to be the best I can be at everything I do. It’s never been difficult to achieve despite poor upbringing and lack of support.
In my 20’s, success was securing all the right drugs for the nightly party.
In my 40’s, it’s being a good dad to my daughter, being a positive roll model for my fiance’s daughter, being a good partner for my fiance and getting this development project that will do great things for my town going.
If you would’ve told 20’s me who 40’s me is, I never would’ve believed you. I honestly thought id be dead before now.
Hasnt changed at all: be succesful at work, get laid every now and then, enjoy things with friends.
It changed drastically when I had kids. Now success has to do more with how much opportunity I can provide for my kids than myself.
I see success not in terms of achieving things, but in maintaining them…
Mental health
Physical health
Financial security
In the beginning of my 20s i was convinced money / financial success will bring happiness. Now in my 40s this is very far down the list of important stuff 🙂
Twenties — money.
Early-thirties — freedom to do whatever I want.
Late-thirties — influence and authority.
I think the next shift is social impact.
There are some interesting contradictions:
Having fun.
Materially, there’s nothing you can buy in a shopping centre that you’ll give a fuck about in 5 years.
None of us are going to be on our deathbeds wishing we worked more, it’s the stuff we do outside of work that make life worth living.
Because I grew up impoverished and the child of a single mom who worked 60 hours a week, getting financial security was my major life goal. I let a lot of other good things in life pass me by because I worked so much and prioritized getting out of that situation and never have to live like that again.
Just as things on the financial front settled down, we discovered that two of our children had very serious developmental disabilities. This meant that I had to worry not only about my wife and I and the children when they were younger, it also meant that I had to accumulate enough to leave behind for those two children to be taken care of for the rest of their lives and after their mother and I are gone. So finances took front and center again, and those other things went by the wayside again.
It wasn’t until I had reached my mid-50s that I realized I had accumulated all this stuff, and had recognition professionally, and had happy children, but that I was not happy at all personally. So I took the time to get some help on that front and find out what was wrong. That made me feel better about myself, but the work life still continued.
Eventually, I realized I had to do something about my situation at home and how I was spending my life. I learned to enjoy making friends away from work and getting new and fun hobbies and activities. That finally changed my view of life and to accomplish other things in life other than making money.
I used to be obsessed with proving to everyone how I was competent and belonged. I thought I was missing something.
A few years ago I realized I had been competent all along, but I just didn’t fit with everyone else because I don’t think like they do, which is fine. I accept the fact I am who I am, and in turn, people respect that much more than my trying to be somebody I’m not.
Also what others have said here, just generally living by my values and not compromising certain things has helped me take my own power back and stop viewing life as a victim. Easier said than done in this society!
Before kids, sucess was measured in what position i had in a company, income and material luxuries. After kids, success is measured in my childrens happiness, wellbeing and comfort in life.
I used to chase validation, always. Climbing ladders for my ego. Rescuing other people’s problems to make it shine.
Now? I just want to be reasonably paid and a member of a team that does their own shit. I’ve had enough heartburn rescuing others. That me is gone.
Now I use my energy to chase passion and support others enjoying a passion. Arts. Performance. Growth. Exploration. Life’s for togetherness and support, not ego driven successes.
As a child, being good at games and sports.
As a young adult, girls.
In my 20s and early 30s, money.
Since I became a father, being a present dad, good husband. And overall, being a decent human being.
I do not care about luxury good anymore only my TIME and peace.
Before reading your second paragraph, I was going to write a repeat of your second paragraph.
I retired early to raise my kids and chill out enjoying nature and having fun when I realized my wife and I got far enough ahead to live comfortably. I decided life is short and I didn’t want to work in a high stress field for another 20yrs just to feel the satisfaction of seeing a few more projects get completed and live in a house higher up in the hills. It’s all about the balance, and my balance leaned too far into the grind. I missed out on some parties in my 20s but now it’s my time to chill. My friends who didn’t miss any party’s get to keep grinding but their grind never has been what mine was. I’m sure they do not feel the same way, just riding the mediocracy train slow and steady the whole way until it slides into its final stop. Maybe they had it figured out.
Can I come home feeling good after a task well done? Have I earned a man’s rest? Can I be content with myself? If the answers are all yes, then I feel successful.
I used to think success was paramount to life. Now I see that success is something that folks without love need in order to fill a void in their life. Success doesn’t really matter to me anymore, I have love.
Earning the most money I can with the least amount of hours worked so I can spend more time with my kid. That’s a perfect combination.
The old mighty dollar does not define success.
Failure is the best teacher. What have I failed at today.
For me success today is knowing that my kids all run to me as soon as I am home and I am overwhelmed with papa look at this, papa can you, papa papa papa.
Have the most beautiful and unwavering love of my wife , with zero reservations.
Knowing I do not need to say everything I think and feel.
Family comes 1st.
It will all work out if I choose to continue to participate in my own life.
I could go on and on , but I gotta get my day handled
For me, it’s now all about money. It used to be about doing things that I liked or doing things that would help other people or not being as assertive as I could be about wringing every dollar out of a situation I could, but the time for that is over.
Success is being grateful to wake up in the morning, finding joy in simple things, and leaving kindness in your wake. Be the reason someone keeps their faith in humanity. This, to me, is the highest form of success.
There’s a scary amount of people in this thread, who had no values before they had kids. Which means they went out making copies of themselves that nobody asked for even though they had no values.
I used to want to have a lasting beneficial impact on the communities I engage with.
Now if I can get through an afternoon on the beach with my nephew without throwing out my back I’m calling it a W.
In my 20’s:
“doing something complex well” for work success
“improving someone else’s life well” for social success
“choosing for the right reasons” for personal success
In my 30’s:
“doing something well oriented and complex” for work success
“to find a good friend & be a good friend again” for social success
“staying true to myself” for personal success
One thing that’s really hit me lately is how I’m trying to find the most successful life for me, not anyone else. For example, I’ve chosen a career path in accounting that some might not like, but should be rewarding for me. I’ve chosen to be childfree, and this isn’t success for everyone, but makes sense for me. I’ve made friends that don’t click with everyone, but they make sense for my life.
General transition from materialistic / superficial to a deeper sense of fulfilment and creating legacy for others.