Up until I was 29, I thought I wanted kids, mostly because of how I was raised. Growing up, I was taught that a woman’s ultimate goal was to get married and have children. That message really stuck with me for a long time.
But now I’m 33, and honestly…thank goodness I never had a child. I do like kids, but the more I got to know myself, the more I realized motherhood just isn’t for me.
I’m currently looking into getting my tubes tied, and for the first time, I feel like I’m making a decision that’s truly mine, not one that was handed to me by tradition or expectation.
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The state of the world, late stage capitalism and climate change. I really do hope things do get better for those who want/have kids but I’m not hopeful and I did not want to create my kids just to put them into a society who’s direction I vehemently do not agree with, and of course what is coming with global rising temperatures. I know I would love my kids immensely, this is my way of protecting them from potential harms.
Basically, if I had a kid it would be for my own joy, not because I’m confident they would have a good quality of life in their teenage/adulthood, and I think the latter thing is WAY more important.
When I was growing up it was never presented to me as a choice. I thought I wanted kids just because that’s what people do y’know. Very thankful that I found the side of the internet and idk matured and talked to people and realised its very much a choice and there’s nothing wrong with not having kids. Thank god I didn’t because I’m a tired person and there’s nothing more I love than downtime and just doing my hobbies alone in peace and I feel like I would’ve absolutely spent a lot of time as a mom trying to get away from the kids. I’m not too old still but I really think that no kids is better
i wanted to much to have kids but now i’m so tired of them, you can’t even imagine
I didn’t want kids because my mental health was so unstable and I didn’t want to add go society’s burden. As I got older and my mental health stabilized, I realized what an amazing caregiver I am and how much I love being around kids and want my own. And how important I think it is to add to a generation of kids with good community values to make the future less ideologically bleak, to help raise a generation of kids who know people care about them and who will be empowered to care for and respect others.
I didn’t want kids but I got really high and watched something on TV while my husband was at night school getting his master’s and I realized if he died then my life would just continue and I’d probably go on and be in a new relationship eventually and he would just be gone and as I made new memories, I would think about him less and one day it’s almost as if he was just a past relationship that didn’t work out and I love him and would not want that, I would want a piece of him forever so when he came home I told him we’re having a kid. Not today but one day. That kid turned 3 this week, best decision ever.
I was the opposite of you. Had a pretty unhappy childhood and into young adulthood never really wanted kids. Even after I was able to realize and come to terms with the fact that the way I grew up wasn’t “normal” and that many families are reasonably happy together almost every day, I was still on the fence. Finally when I was almost 30 I started a relationship with someone I could actually see myself having kids with – fun and relaxed, but still responsible and shared my values. I was still unsure of how good a mother I would be, but that turned out to be my anxiety/self esteem telling me I couldn’t be good at it. At 36 I had my daughter and I get sad when I think about the fact that I almost never knew her. She brings a totally different form of joy to my life. And, I actually turned out to be really good at being a mom. Who knew?
I’ve never met a man I would trust to be the father of my children. Also, I’d only want children if I could be a dad.
I didn’t want kids and even loathed them in my 20s, then I met my husband. I thought if I love someone, I’d want little versions of them too.
I am currently trying to have kids, but I absolutely do not blame anyone who doesn’t want them right now. The world is a fucking mess.
That said, until my late 20s I was very unsure. Like you, it was just something “I was supposed to do” to me, but i dealt with severe undiagnosed depression my entire life and until I received a diagnosis and began treatment I felt like something was wrong with me – I could barely take care of myself let alone a kid! I remember in my early 20s thinking “how could I ever be responsible for another person right now?” I was barely caring for myself in the most basic ways. I also had a pretty dismal dating life until I met my now husband, and I remember feeling like “none of these men are worth having kids with” (as in, none of them were kind, loving, or the type of people I felt there should be “more of” in the world). At one point I even accepted that maybe I could foster kids as a single woman and that could be my contribution. I knew by that point I had a ton of love to give, I just didn’t know how I’d make it happen.
Once I treated my depression, and met my husband I knew I wanted kids. My husband is the type of man that should be raising kids, and the type of man I feel like there should be “more of” in the world.
I always thought I would have them, never once any desire it was just social conditioning and I never realised that there was the option not to. I’ve never even been on the fence as such, more a feeling that I would definitely want them in my late thirties even if I never felt the urge so far. Well I turned 35, saw my sister struggling big time with her two toddlers and they’re amazing little people but I just got bored easily. I’m just not cut out for the kid games and overstimulation. I’ve got ADHD and can’t even manage my own life, but mostly I can’t be assed.
I decided not to opt out, but that my default was childfree and I’d opt in to motherhood if I decided I felt like it. 43 now, still no urge lol. I’m very sure of my decision. Maybe my future kid would’ve been amazing and I’d love it, but they don’t exist and I’d be more likely to end up with an asshole kid.
I always thought I’d have kids. I was raised conservative, and I do genuinely like kids. I always just assumed it’d be my future.
Then my friends had kids. Keep in mind, I have multiple younger siblings. I know what babies and toddlers require in terms of time and attention.
I had no idea just how much wear and tear it would have on my friends’ psyches. No time for themselves, no time for each other. The kids were the focus of their finances, their future plans, just everything. This is how it SHOULD be if you become a parent.
But I recoiled. I have aspirations, dreams, and career goals that will take time to succeed. I KNEW I would resent any kids I had if I never achieved my personal dreams. So I opted out.
I’m 27 and all I ever wanted was to have kids but I do want the best for my future kids and never found a man worth having them with so would rather stay childless than risk them having a bad life. I still really want a child more than anything in this world. A loving family. A husband, 2-3 children and a cosy little home. A private life. That’s all I want tbf.
I have had phases where I thought it’s better not to have children because this world is a horrible place to raise kids in but I love kids.
I never wanted kids, then I got with my husband (who had a kid from a previous relationship), and I was like, “Oh, with him, it works.”
After some time, we actually did try, but quickly, I realized it wasn’t for me, and after a little bit, we decided not to pursue that avenue.
What changed? We went from split to primary custody, and I became more involved with day to day parenting of my stepson. I love him very much, but being a parent is fucking hard, and my stepson is not an easy kid at times (audhd, (c)ptsd, mild odd, and he also just turned 13 in April). To be totally transparent, I don’t think I could parent another kid like him. I’m happy to be his stepmom and do all the parent things and show up as much as I can, but this is fucking hard (and I imagine parenting a neurotypical kid is also super hard). Add on that were hours from the closest friends and family, and I have no maternity leave/dh has no paternity leave. It just… doesn’t feel worth it. Like, there are so many other things I’d rather do than have my own. Also, we get one day a week where we don’t have to be parents, so that’s super nice too. Aaaand he’s 13. I’ll be in my early 40s when he graduates high school (we have full confidence that he’s going to be successful in something that suits him, and he’s been researching some ideas already).
This life has taught me to listen to my gut more. I kinda always knew this was what I wanted, and it’s nice to see I was always right.
I have always considered myself childfree. Then my brother had a kid and she is the most amazing little person. It’s made me reconsider my own stance. The only thing I’m afraid of is my kid won’t turn out to be as cool as her!
Volunteered for a place that looked after kids in my youth which made me realize how much hard work and triggering it is (some kids really know how to push your buttons). I vowed not to have kids ever since.
Then years later, I met my partner who is an amazing person and I think the world would be better with more of them in it. They’re also very loving, responsible, loves kids, and does a lot for the family. I became more on the fence. Then the pandemic happened and I realized life is short, I’ve traveled and done lots already, and it would be neat to share/show the many wonderful things in life with a new human, and watch them grow into their own person. Grow the family and expand the love! Hopefully they’ll be there when we’re old too so we’ll still have family around that loves us, but one can never depend on that.