For my (32F) first job out of school, I was hired by Alexa (35F). We became friends, and despite job changes, we are still friends to this day. We have been friends now for 9 years.
We worked with Bob (55M). He was great to work with. I’ve also known him for 9 years (last worked together 7 years ago). He has a daughter about our age, Jill (33F). Alexa and Jill were close, would do weeknight drinks, etc. I never got too close with Jill and only saw her when I was with Alexa. That’s important to this.
Every year Jill invited Alexa and I to Bob’s house for big day parties. Always a blast.
Alexa and Jill just recently had a falling out and no longer speak. Alexa said it was nasty between them. Jill invited me to the party this year and not Alexa. I feel torn. I like seeing Bob and Jill (I know Bob much better than Jill but no longer work with him). But I also value my friendship with Alexa and don’t want her to feel like whatever “nasty”-ness Jill did was OK with me. How would you handle this?
TL;DR
A friend of a friend and daughter of a former coworker invited me to a BBQ party. She was supposedly nasty to my friend. Do I go? Is it rude to not go?
Comments
You’re not involved. It’s not your business. Neither Jill, Bob nor Alexa have told you the details beyond that it was a falling out – you’re not expected to pick sides. This isn’t high school anymore, they’re not acting like it is so you don’t need to either.
If you want to go, go. If you don’t, don’t.
Talk to her. Ask if it would bother her, then make your decision from there. Of course she doesn’t have the right to dictate what you do, but you two have been friends for a long time and it would probably be meaningful for you to check in.
Alternatively, if you’d rather not run the risk of her saying she’d be upset and then opting to go anyway, just let her know beforehand.