I’m a minor living in the Philippines, and I need to let this out. There are things I’ve witnessed in my own family, school, and community that make me sick—especially how much inappropriate adult behavior toward younger people gets ignored, laughed off, or tolerated.
There’s a teacher at my old school who’s known for having “too close” relationships with students. He apparently dated someone in Grade 12 while already working as a teacher. My friend’s adviser even acknowledged he gives off a bad vibe. I had him when I was in Grade 9 and noticed how differently he treats girls he finds “pretty.” He’d be playful, borderline flirty, and make inappropriate comments, but only toward certain female students. Never boys, never girls he doesn’t find attractive. He even body-shamed a friend of mine in front of the class. And yet, he’s still teaching.
Then there’s someone in his 20s who lives with my extended family. He’s been in a relationship with a 15-year-old. My family knows. My parents even confronted him about it. But he still hangs around—does errands for my dad, lives under my grandma’s roof. What’s worse is my 15-year-old cousin (and her little sister) live in the same house with him. People in my family gossip about how “lazy” or “useless” he is, but somehow him being a pedophile isn’t the biggest factor why they dislike him.
He also has a friend who crossed a serious line with someone even younger—barely a kid. And yet, these guys still hang out like they’ve done nothing wrong. People around them know, but no one does anything. It’s like if someone’s a family friend, or if they’ve had a hard life, suddenly they’re not accountable for what they do.
And then there’s my grandfather. Years ago, he did something awful to one of my cousins when she was still very young. I was little at the time, so I didn’t fully understand it then. But I remember her family showing up at our house in tears. Her mom was crying because her daughter had started hurting herself. That should have been the end of it—he should’ve been cut off from the family completely. But he wasn’t. He still gets invited to reunions. Still sits at the table like nothing ever happened. And I’m the one who gets scolded when I ignore him or don’t want to “pay respects.”
I’ve been told I’m rude for not treating him like family. But how can I look at someone who ruined someone else’s life and pretend it’s all fine? Sometimes I feel horrible because I think dark thoughts, like thinking about pushing him down the stairs. But it’s not because I’m evil. It’s because I’m sick of watching everyone else be okay with this while I’m supposed to stay silent.
I’m a minor. I don’t even know what I can do. I feel helpless, and honestly, guilty—for not doing more, for just watching it happen. But it’s hard when you’re young and the adults around you only care about avoiding shame or conflict. It feels like no one wants to acknowledge what’s right in front of them.
There’s something seriously broken in how people here treat these issues. Protecting “family” or avoiding drama always comes first—even when someone has been clearly harmed. I’m tired. I don’t want to be surrounded by this silence anymore. I don’t want to sit at the same table as people who hurt others and got away with it.
Comments
Never suffer in silence. Always speak up. Talk to other adults. Bring them the shame they should have felt since the start.
You are 10 times the person any of them are. It isn’t right and they shouldn’t pretrend nothing happeneds. I wish you luck. Keep yourself safe and know that this should never ever be tolerated. So call them out. But keep safe. It is a thin rope but one that should be walked without falling. Another victim, whilst calling attention, will only traumatize them further.
Much love from the Netherlands.
I hear you, sister. Much of my extended family is the same. I was even encouraged to strip to show people my privates because they wanted to see if I was “grown” and even encouraged to allow them to touch. They were just my aunties, so it should be fine right?
I currently have a LC relationship with most extended family, not NC because my father absolutely does not want to cut contact because they’re “old” and we’re the only ones left of the proper bloodline, can you hear how hard I roll my eyes. I’m an adult now, with a job and the free will to say no. They can make up any excuses they want to save face but no is no.