I (21f) been dating my boyfriend (22m) for more than a year now, we have mostly a great relationship; he’s the best boyfriend I’ve had and he is sweet and genuinely cares for me and we are pretty serious about our relationship even though we are young. Now here’s the problem: he works in night life and he drinks a lot, it’s not always but recently he has been drinking more than I would like. I am no saint and I drink with him as well but I’m a nervous person and know when to stop (except for the occasional night of an extra shot of two) once he starts it’s hard to make him stop; he’s a nice drunk, sweet and affectionate sometimes I can’t even tell how drunk he actually is but he always says he is good to drive (although a couple of times I’ve had to convince to let me drive or get a hotel) and whenever he drinks he starts craving for coke (something I have told him I don’t like) the other night we had a really nice time at one of his gigs but he got so drunk I had to end up babysitting him and cleaning up his vomit till late (even though I had work early the next morning) and it really worried me and bothered me bc he wouldn’t hear me when I tell him he’s had enough to drink and he insists he doesn’t have a drinking problem bc he doesn’t drink everyday; I know substance abuse problems run in his family and he has an addictive personality. I don’t want to leave him bc I know we are young and he could be experimenting and could learn his limits but I worry about our future, specially bc his career revolves around night life and I always worry about what could happen when I’m not there to stop him taking that extra shot or getting behind the wheel. He is an extremely sweet guy and I really don’t want him to go down that path, I feel like he’s at a crossroads of a good life and addiction and I don’t know what else to do to help him, I really love him, I also now I can be a little controlling but I don’t want to marry him and he ends up a drunk. also what if I leave him and there’s nobody there for him to help him not Go down that path, he doesn’t have that many people that care for him enough to help him see: Thoughts?? Is it just normal at our age and I worry too much?
TL;DR: Boyfriend works in nightlife and although he’s really sweet he’s been drinking a lot, after a night he went overboard I worry about his and our future and wonder if he’s falling into addiction, what can I do? Or is it normal for our age?
Comments
Best is to communicate how you feel about it to him and have a conversation regarding your concerns with him, if it bothers you now it wont stop in the future and you’ll be miserable
It sounds like you love each other and havr a lot of fun, you want to be there for him as he explores, but are wary of his potential dead in a ditch future if he stumbles down a dark path…
You can’t make him choose, you can’t be the reason he gets healthy, but you can encourage him and reinforce healthy activities and reward him when he chooses not to have the extra shots and blow.
It could end up in a dark place if he keeps this up, it depends how deep he is into his addictions. If you see that happening, keep talking to him about it, but make arrangements for an exit plan and don’t let him drive you when he’s fucked up!
I’ve been there myself and I found a middle path that works for me. I needed some time being sober and realigning my values, and I wish I did it a lot sooner. SMART recovery groups are really helpful as they have lots of tools, don’t have religious affiliation, empower independence, and don’t label or place stigma on why people are there.