Hi everyone, first time poster here as this is my first relationship. I could really use some outside perspective on this. I’ve (24F) been dating my girlfriend (25F) for a few months (little over 4 but we’ve been friends for a few years), and overall, it’s been a really loving, supportive relationship. We talk every morning and night, we’ve met each other’s friends and family, and we’ve been planning a trip next week to meet more of her family.
The last week or so, things have started to feel different. She’s been more distant and harder to reach emotionally. Then last night, she told me that “something shifted” for her about 5 days ago. She said she worries we may have moved too fast and that she needs to be “selfish” right now to focus on her healing and sobriety (which I deeply respect and support, she’s been open about being in recovery). She also said she wants to “slow things down,” but when I asked what that actually means, she couldn’t really explain. She just said she needs time.
I love her, and I want to support her journey but I also want to protect myself. I’m not sure how to interpret this shift. Are we breaking up slowly? Taking space? Still together but just less close?
I’m also struggling because my love language is quality time, and I’ve been feeling especially hurt recently and now this conversation has made me feel even more unsure of where we stand.
To complicate things further, like I said, we’re supposed to go on a trip next week to attend a wedding and meet her extended family. That now feels like a pretty emotionally loaded trip to take while we’re in this weird limbo. I’m torn:
Do I still go and try to navigate things with care and boundaries?
Do I opt out and give us space, even though I was really looking forward to going?
Do I ask for more clarity before I decide?
If anyone has been through something like this or has thoughts on how to approach it, I would really appreciate your perspective.
Thanks in advance.
TL;DR: My girlfriend recently told me something changed for her and she wants to “slow things down,” but she can’t explain what that means. We’re still talking daily, but she’s been more distant, and I’ve been feeling sad and confused. We’re supposed to go on a trip to her hometown next week. I don’t know if I should go, give space, or ask for clarity first.