I (30f) met my partner’s (40m) friend (29f) for the first time. They worked together and built a friendship over the past 5 years. My partner and I have been together 2 years, so I have no met her as she moved out of state around 2.5 years ago. They keep in touch over the phone every 3-4 months, but aren’t really in constant contact.
She came to visit our city and wanted to see him. He invited me along so I could meet her as well. The meeting was very strange. She was very cold to me. And at one point started talking about how much money she makes and how nice her boobs are. My partner said I might have made some statements that she didn’t like (I have strong opinions) but it doesn’t justify how she acted towards me. And he is going to call her out on the disrespect. He said it felt like I was watching someone posture against the woman I love.
I feel validated that he saw it too. But now I don’t know where to go from here. She’s barely in our lives, and he said not to let it get to me, she is probably feeling insecure. It just made me feel really weird and I don’t know how to proceed. Do I let it go and trust my partner to have that discussion with her when the time is right? Do I end things with my partner because I feel disrespected by his friend? I can’t say chose her or me. I just am lost. I feel my feelings so big and it clouds my rational brain sometimes.
Please ask further questions if needed! TIA!!!
TLDR; met my partner’s friend and she was very cold and unwelcoming to me.
Comments
> Do I let it go and trust my partner to have that discussion with her when the time is right?
Yes. In this case he has seen it, validated you and is planning to speak to her about it.
Why would you end a two year relationship over this? He couldn’t have predicted she would act this way and also sounds shocked by her behavior.
He said he’s going to talk to her about her behavior and she doesn’t seem like a particularly close friend anyway. Let him handle it.
I think give him the chance to sort this out, whether it’s ending their friendship or calling her out for her blatant disrespect. If he doesn’t deal with it and continues the friendship…. I would say you have a bigger problem and That’s when you can decide to end it
>My partner said I might have made some statements that she didn’t like (I have strong opinions) but it doesn’t justify how she acted towards me. And he is going to call her out on the disrespect. He said it felt like I was watching someone posture against the woman I love.
It sounds like he is handling it well, so I would just trust him to take care of it. I suspect this will not be a big problem for your relationship because you two are on the same page that it was weird, and she is not a huge part of your bf’s life anyway.
It will depend on what happens as a result of his conversation with her so you’re asking this question way too soon.
My gut tells me he was caught completely unprepared for this side of her. To him, she’s always been friend-zoned so he didn’t even begin to think she would do something like what she did. And then when she did, he likely was gaslighting himself in the moment (i.e. “She did not just say that, did she?”) but also didn’t want to make things too awkward with an outright confrontation.
So, he addressed it with you later. He made you feel seen and validated because he recognized it as a problem too. And he intends to call her out on her behavior. So you have to wait for that to happen. Now, granted, you don’t wait forever. If he still hasn’t done it or hasn’t followed up with you at some point over the next couple of weeks, that’s when you have another conversation about it and start rethinking things.