I’ve been dating this girl for almost 2.5 years. Girlfriend officially for 2 years. She does not listen to anything I say. When I want to have difficult conversations, she will threaten to leave me, she will leave me, she’ll leave the house, if we’re talking on the phone she hangs up on me. Is this okay?
When I tell her “this is how I feel” she says I’m turning it on her. I always follow with “I understand how you feel and I’m sorry if it seems like I’m turning it on you but that’s not my intentions, your feelings are valid, I’m just trying to get you to see my view”. She takes it as me pointing it out to her what she’s doing wrong.
She does not live with me and I don’t know if I want her to. We’ve already seen couple’s therapy and she says “I’ll listen if I want to” and won’t listen to his directions.
I stay with her because when I was incarcerated for 6.5 months she stayed with me. But she also did threaten to leave me if I got sentenced for a long time, hung up on me multiple times when I would call her from the inside, said this isn’t the life she wanted. Mind you I got put away for something I didn’t do and it took a while for me to try and prove that to be free, she doesn’t understand I have post incarceration syndrome and I’m also a veteran with PTSD. I have mental health issues but I always provide.
I have my own home, car, career, 4.0 in school, I have a lot going for me. I stay because I love her and she’s just very angry. I think about her waiting for me and I remember I was sending her money for gas to come see me, I know, a lot is wrong here I’m trying to save.
When I was locked up she went through my phone and found some pictures I never deleted, yes I was wrong for having those pictures but I never cheated on her. I admitted to my wrong and now I told her in this new life after incarceration I’m not that person, I’ve been great. And she won’t let that go. Mind you she does so much to put me down, I can point the finger to but I don’t.
On days she’s with me she doesn’t cook for me, she doesn’t clean, I’m always the one cooking, and cleaning. Oh yeah and our sex life is non existent. Maybe once or twice a month. She blames it on
Birth control and talked to an OBGYN and told me it’s “normal” to not do it after a long time of being together.
I’ve already sat down and tried to tell her how I feel, write stuff down, all the communication advice you’re about to give, I’ve tried. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I want to leave but I feel trauma bonded. When we’re good she’s great, but when she gets angry like she always does, she mocks me, literally MOCKS me, uses profanity, and will leave the house, leave me, or not talk to me. Our therapist said that’s not okay and she shouldn’t use it as a weapon. That’s 2 years of my life I’m throwing away, I make 6 figures, I have steady income for the rest of my life, I’m a high value man. And she says “I can find someone who will love me like you” yet she says I’m the sweetest guy she’s been with.
A guy won’t deal with someone who isn’t going to be submissive, won’t cook or clean or have sex with you. Can I have advice I had to help her develop a savings and put her on a budget, I helped her buy a car, I’ve been there. I don’t get what I put out.
I also told her she’s mentally and verbally abusive, which she is. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’m not, but I’m SO nice. I tell her “I don’t approve” instead of “you can’t”. She tells me she’s okay with being alone. Mind you I’m not on Facebook, I’m not on Twitter or Snapchat or Instagram. I have NO social media and I refuse to. In my opinion it’s toxic. I’m an anti surfer I’d rather meet someone in person. She has Instagram but it’s private, she has snap chat. She won’t delete it. I tell her she’s addicted to it and she gets angry. I just want to save this. But I feel depleted and idk why it’s so hard to leave.
I feel like I’m not good enough. I feel like I’m not doing enough.
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I mean I only had to read the title to know it’s a bad relationship.