I have been living in Japan for nine years, always in the same city, and have been with my partner, who is Japanese and from the same city, for eight years.
The city is located in the north, with long, harsh winters and a small expat community. From the moment I arrived, I struggled to make friends or join communities here – people I made friends with kept moving. The city doesn’t have much to offer in terms of cultural activities, which is something I wasn’t used to, having lived in a rather vibrant European city with many friends and connections.
Despite my efforts to appreciate this place and its positive aspects, I continually envisioned moving to a more central city in Japan. Over time, my work commitments and my relationship with my partner anchored me to this location, and I found myself staying longer than I had originally planned.
In terms of work, my partner and I worked for different companies, but a few years ago, we started our own small business. Our business has been based in the city and the same region, and it turned out to be strongly tied to the location, with little to no possibility of expansion outside of this area.
I have always made an effort to communicate my intention to my partner to relocate to another city. While he is open to the idea, he feels very connected to our current location due to the nature of work and local connections. Recently, we have discussed the possibility of me living part-time in another city in Japan, but I am uncertain if this arrangement will benefit our relationship. From what I’ve seen so far, and even if I go elsewhere temporarily, my partner seems to have decided to be settled here permanently. I respect and understand his needs, but I’m not sure he understands mine. Honestly, I’m having a hard time envisioning my future while living here. Despite my efforts, I can’t seem to find the motivation to settle down here. As a result, even though I’m not exactly young, I’m considering leaving my situation and relationship to start fresh in a new location, potentially returning to Europe, where I visit almost every year, keeping in touch with my family and friends.
I find myself in a state of confusion. On one hand, I deeply value this relationship and what we have built together. On the other hand, I feel trapped, and I struggle to imagine a fulfilling future if I stay in this city I don’t like. Is there a compromise I’m not seeing? Any advice?
TLDR: I (35F) don’t want to lose my partner (36M) and my work, but I feel stuck in the city I don’t like. I want to move somewhere else, but my partner seems settled. I feel stuck and need advice.
Comments
You have nothing to wait for it seems, have you disused this with you partner?
I have a restless spirit. All my life I’ve wanted more… and different. I’ve travelled, I’ve moved, I’ve worked overseas. The times that I up and left when I had a partner were the times that partner was not the right one for me. Now I’m married, I still have the restless spirit, but there is NO WAY I would ever give up my partner to go somewhere else.
So you have to ask yourself – is this the right partner for you? The answer would probably be found if you move to another Japanese city part time. It would fulfill your desire to get out of your area but also give you space away from your partner to see if that’s what you truly want.
Life is too short to be stuck somewhere or with someone. See how fast 8 years already went by?