My girlfriend (24F) is now mad and currently not talking to me. (25M)
Yesterday evening I hung out with my girlfriend at my place.(we don’t live together, but are in a relationship for just over a year now) We spent some time watched some movies, nothing special, just a chill Saturday. Since it was Saturday we stayed up longer. At around 2 at night, I got a call from my ex.
My ex (26F) and me split up after we moved in together, and it just didn’t work out. We simply had different expectations and different things we did or wanted to do. We didn’t end it on a bad note or anything, we just agreed it simply wouldn’t work between us (simplified) and that’s it.
As mentioned earlier she called me at night, I picked up and she was crying, sobbing, not really making a lot of sense, since she was obviously pretty drunk. Once she calmed down a little, she told me that no one picked up, and she had no way to get home, friends ditched her apparently and it was around 15km to her home. She also said she didn’t have any money left to get home any other way.
So I told my girlfriend what has happened and that I was gonna drive her home, cuz I didn’t want to have the feeling over me wondering if she made it home safe or not. I offered my gf to come along if she wanted to, but she refused. She turned up the notch, by telling me how dare I to even consider driving at night to get her home and if I still have feelings for her etc. etc. She then told me that it’d be over with us if I did pick her up.
Long story short, I still drove and picked her up and honestly the way she was when I arrived, I am glad I did, cuz imagine what could’ve happened to her. I told my ex, that for the future, I won’t be there to do that, she should not call me for that anymore and figure something out beforehand.
Now my girlfriend is at her house and won’t text back or answer the phone ( she didn’t end our relationship, it’s just pure silence, that I can’t stand) Now I honestly feel bad and think I could’ve avoided everything by simply not going and am kinda scared of losing her.
Has any one ever been in that situation and might have any advice for me? I just want to go back to the way it was before.
TL;DR: After making sure my drunk ex(26F)got home safe by driving her, my gf (24F) went completely silent and is ignoring me right now.
Could I (25M)have done something different and what should I do now?
Comments
I’m with your gf tbh.. your ex, not your circus, not your monkey anymore… would u be ok with your gf calling her ex all drunk and damsel in distress like?? 🤷🏻♀️
You didn’t do anything wrong. I wouldn’t try to make it up to her, because there’s nothing to apologize for. You were in a tough spot and tried to do the right thing. That’s it.
Really couldn’t uber or call her parents? Super suspicious to leave your gf at 2am to pickup an ex.
I hope GF dumps you. I hope you learn about boundaries and straighten yourself out.
Well you had good intentions and helped your ex, I do find it odd that she didn’t call anybody else? No family, friends, cousins other exes…..
Unfortunately it may cost you. Hopefully you can make it up to your girlfriend. Block the ex.
You didn’t do it behind her back or hide it. And you did a good thing. She sounds insecure and maybe she has reason to, I don’t know. But I would help my ex in a heartbeat in this situation.
LOL her not talking to you is her ending it. She warned you and you let it blow up in your face.
I’d buy an Uber if I was that worried.
I dont drop everything at 2AM for an ex. Wtf is wrong with you?
You should have called a taxi for your ex, or suggested that she call her friends or parents to come and get her. You need to block her. You certainly didn’t need to run to her aide leaving your gf.
Updateme!
You’re at your GF’s place at 2 a.m. Your phone rings, it’s your ex, and you answer it. (Mistake #1.) Then you leave your GF’s place to go pick up your ex whom you’ve been broken up from for hopefully longer than just a year. You drive ~30 kms round trip (I don’t know how many miles that it, but it sounds like a lot) because your ex got drunk and apparently didn’t want to pay for an Uber. Your GF even told you how disrespectful that felt, and you *still* left to go rescue your ex, who simply put isn’t your problem anymore.
Sometimes in life you have to learn lessons the hard way. This might just be one of those times.
My dude. Why are you picking up a call from your ex at 2 am??
This isn’t about the act of making sure your ex is all right; you have phrased your title to make it sound like you’re some altruistic victim here. You are not. There were like a hundred other choices you could have made.
Maybe you’re just this stupid. Maybe you have some dumbass hero complex. But your choice was disrespectful to your gf. And you fell for your ex’s manipulation. That’s what your gf is mad about.
While this situation is a little bit in the grey area, I believe that overall, what you did was disrespectful to your relationship. it’s ok to care about the well-being of your ex but the moment your gf expressed that she was uncomfortable with this, you should have started looking for an alternative. Taxi Uber etc, or call ex’s parents.
What you seem to fail to understand here is that the act of picking up someone who is drunk, at 2am, is an intimate act which expresses deep care for that person. The fact that you even picked up the phone call from your ex at 2am is not a good sign. The fact that your ex feels like she can call you at 2am is not a good sign. I’d be interested to know the history with the ex and the gf too. Has gf met your ex? Have you all hung out together? What does gf think of ex? Has she told you in the past that she’s not comfortable with you spending time with ex?
My gut says that there are some residual feelings between you and ex.
You’re in the wrong. Sorry
I’m with your girlfriend because there were other options to get your ex home without having to get involved with her alcoholic/drama shenanigans. You chose to involve yourself and now you have opened a door where your ex will consider you a reliable backup whenever she decides to be irresponsible and drink so much that she can’t figure out a way home. I get shit happens but her poor planning shouldn’t ever be your responsibility. You’re creating a bad situation that is directly affecting your actual relationship because you’re acting like you can’t think outside the box and figure out a less-involved way to get your girlfriend home.
An ex boyfriend would be the last person I would call for help in this situation. Highly doubt she had zero other options.
I’m with your gf, sorry. It’s likely she feels invalidated, and that her feelings in all of this weren’t even considered.
Give her the space and time she needs. I’m sure a rational conversation can be had at some point, but your girl has every right to be deeply hurt.
Block your ex, her being irresponsible and wasted isn’t your problem anymore.
I think you’re a stand up guy that helped a friend. I think your gf is insecure. I think your ex needs to figure out her shit and grow up. I’m glad you picked her up because God forbid something happened to her if you said no, you would have that hanging over you for the rest of your life. That would feel much, much worse than your gf dumping you.
It was an unexpected situation that you reacted kindly and gentlemanly to. Kudos to you for that. You invited your gf to join you and that was the correct thing to do. If she leaves you for helping an alone woman in need, she needs to re-evaluate her sense of womanhood and her maturity. If she was so insecure about your relationship, she should have gone with you to check out the situation herself.
As long as you were open with her about the you were doing it and didn’t sneak behind her back she’s way out of line. Hopefully somebody will do the same for her someday if needed.
I mean, you broke a boundary that she was clearly setting when she said it’s over if you go drive ur ex home. And it made her question your feelings for her and your ex, which she also stated. The point is – she voiced her concerns and boundaries and you did not listen.
I understand your concern and I would have been concerned too, but there was a line crossed – her reaction and emotional response is valid.
Asking ur ex to call a family member (if they are around) or calling an Uber would have been a more appropriate call, but even then, some boundaries may be pushed. Just because it isn’t a boundary for you /(isn’t an important value to you), doesn’t mean it isn’t to ur gf, and that should be treated with the same or more respect as she values it.
Rock and a hard place that one. I’d have done the same thing as you rather than leave someone in the lurch and maybe danger, but I’d also accept that the consequences may be inevitable. She may very well dump you for it.
You could’ve ordered an Uber and paid for it. I guess that’s a little tricky with the app and ordering a pick up from a different place…
I get that your girlfriend would be grumpy, but she should’ve gotten in the car with you. It would’ve been embarrassing for the act, especially the next day, and I would understand how your girlfriend would be a little salty but bottom line, you don’t leave a super drunk girl to walk home by herself. I think you should tell your girlfriend that you would’ve picked her up if she was a complete stranger because you just didn’t want to leave someone vulnerable like that. And if this is her dealbreaker, you just found out that she’s not that empathetic. Maybe not the girl for you.
Dude, when your girlfriend gave you an ultimatum, why don’t you just order your ex an Uber?
i sooo hope that your girlfriend dumps you over this, you deserve it
Why did she call you and not someone else? Why couldn’t you call an Uber? I would probably break up with you too given the circumstances. Sounds like your ex has you wrapped around her finger and perhaps you still have feelings
U made your bed when you went to pick up your ex and now u need to tuck yourself in.
Yeah idk. I like that my bf is friendly with exes and women he’s dated more casually. I would also feel weird if any woman called him at 2am hysterical, drunk, and needing help and he just hung up on them and didn’t do anything. Would it be a little uncomfortable? Maybe. I would also probably go with him just as he would go with me if I got that call from a friend.
I think you did the right thing, I don’t think it’s weird that your gf is uncomfortable with it, but I think making sure someone is safe is more important than being uncomfortable.
What do you mean she didn’t end your relationship? You said that she said if you pick her up, it’s over, and you still did it. She did, in fact, end your relationship.
Should’ve called her an uber.
I think your girlfriend is being irrational. You even offered to bring her along, she declined. If she were in your ex-girlfriend’s position, she’d be grateful to have someone she trusts come to get her. How would your girlfriend have felt if your ex had been assaulted because you refused to pick her up?
As far as the comments like “why didn’t she call her parents?” Not everyone lives near their parents. “Why didn’t she called an Uber?” Where I live, only about 15km outside a city in the Netherlands, I can’t get an Uber at all. I’ve tried a few times at different times of day and night. No chance. A taxi from the train station to my house? I called for one at 5 pm, it was 20 minute wait and then a €60 cab fare to go 15km home.
Your gf is not mad, she is done!
Congrats on being single, OP. She’s not silent, she’s done.
You sound like a young man with the best intentions and good values. You also sound mature for your age, describing your breakup with being incompatible but still on good terms. Your ex might think she’s just calling as the friend you both seem to consider each other as.
But you seem to be waking up to your girlfriend’s perspective. You should realise that if you are how you describe in this post, you’re not the norm. I wish you were but you’re not. You’re being judged by every other guy out there despite being with your gf a year.
I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t take it well if one of her exes called at 2am. Not making much sense and her dripping everything to go get him and drive him home?
I understand your decisions. I admire that you made them. The only part you messed up is not being clear with your ex on what’s ok and what’s not as you’re in a new relationship.
Your gf might forgive you. She might not. But none of you are fully in the right or wrong here. You did a very good thing. And you should feel good about it. But you did mess up how your gf now sees and feels about it. Which might taint how she feels about you. I hope the two of you get to talk it out. I do hope you can sort it out.
I’m gonna disagree with most people here and say you did the right thing and the trash is taking itself out.
I’m in good standing with all my ex and I would have done the same. If anyone I care about calls me at 2am crying and asking for help, I’m definitely gonna go.
To me helping an ex is just a sign of good character. And given you asked her to come along, it’s clear you only had good intentions. If your gf can’t see that, that’s her problem.
I wouldn’t date someone who gets upset with me when I help an ex in an extraordinary circumstance. The lack of empathy on her part is honestly astounding.