Hi everyone. I’ve posted here before about my Nmom and I’m here for a little more advice. I am
Likely going to have to see my birth giver within the next year and my kids may/may not be with me.
I’ve been NC with my momstrosity for many, many years, not quite a decade, but working on it. A few weeks ago my parents long time best friends reached out to me because they have been given a terminal medical diagnosis. It’s face moving and optimistically we have 6 months. I love this person dearly and their only flaw is being my mother’s friend (but in all fairness, they both loved my dad most. He passed 15 years ago and the friendship between the adults was never the same as my mother is nuts and without my dad keeping her crazy in check, they strayed further and further from her. But not me. When I went NC they vowed to never share even a crumb of info they knew about me or my kids as they fully understood why I needed to go NC and also supported it. Their adult child is friends with my JNSibling and they don’t even share info with their kid to prevent anything from getting back – all to say, I trust them entirely). I know my Nmom found out about the diagnosis indirectly, from friend’s kid telling my sibling who told Nmom. They aren’t close anymore, but they would never exclude her from this.
This couple is honestly more like my second parents – the woman I have always wished was my mom. They’ve been heavily involved in my life for my whole life and this news is honestly devastating. They may be having a celebration of life prior to the passing. They haven’t decided, but if they do, and even if they don’t, I will be present at a funeral for their partner (trying to be vague for anonymity).
So this is where I’m asking for advice, how do I prepare (mentally and physically) for seeing my mother and sibling (sibling and I have been NC for a few months less than my mother and I, but still a significant amount of time). My kids were babies the last time they saw them (my SK was pre-teen). What do I do? I do not want to cause a scene in any way (I would leave if it was coming to that). Is there anything I can do in advance? I don’t want to break NC to set ground rules, idk if that’s even a good idea, but both of them are literally unhinged and I am worried. I want to be there for my friends, my chosen family, but I don’t want to create drama.
I’m at a loss and don’t even know what to expect or prepare for or if there is anything I can do to try and keep the peace for my friends, but also hold my boundaries and not get sucked into the black wet hole that is my mother and sibling… Any advise is welcome and appreciated.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/Vemars:
^(To be notified as soon as Vemars posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Vemars JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Why don’t you, your husband, and children go see your special friends before the celebration? It could be a quiet, lovely visit, and you would get a chance to say what you want to say without your Mother or sibling’s presence. Give them a call and ask if that would be possible. It might be more meaningful to all concerned.