I (18f) came home today after being away from home housesitting. I found an assessment test for ADHD my Stepdad (47m) had filled out where you answer categories about your “kid.”
For context, me and my parents (Mom and Stepdad) have had a rocky relationship since their marriage when I was 10 (but him and my mom also dated when I was a toddler). My actual dad was abusive and is largely out of the picture. I have never gotten along with my Stepdad, and my mom and I go back and forth, but are pretty close.
For a while I’ve been considering going in to be assessed for ADHD or Autism because of trouble focusing during school. In order to be screened, most places will have people close to you fill out papers with categories like “does this person have trouble focusing?” (With 1-3 being the scale—1 being never and 3 being very often). For questions about “disrespectful behavior” my Stepdad wrote in a 5 (which isn’t an option). Reading through the paper my stomach began to drop, as I read through basically every negative attribute someone could have being given a “5” on the scale. He also wrote that I am abusive to animals which is completely untrue. He wrote that he doesn’t trust me with my younger siblings, and that he wants me out of the house (which I’m not even sure is relevant to an ADHD questionnaire). Under the question how problematic is the persons relationship with their parents he drew an infinity symbol.
The entire packet felt like him taking every opportunity to bash me, and I was never supposed to see it. Somehow it ended up in my room, I’m not sure if he put it there knowing I’d find it or if it was an accident.
I know I am not a perfect person without faults, but reading a packet that purposefully exaggerated my behavior and at some points completely lied really hurt, to a point where I’m not sure how to come back from this.
This fall I am going to college, and although I’m allowed back at home, my parents have threatened to kick me out if my behavior doesn’t meet their standard. I want to bring up this packet I found because it has deeply impacted me, but I’m not sure it’s the smart decision right now. I already sent screenshots of the answers to my mom, letting her know I found it. That might’ve been the wrong thing to do, but when I originally found it I was very upset.
TL;DR I found an ADHD screening packet my Stepdad filled out saying my relationship with my parents is “infinitely bad”(he wrote in an infinity symbol), that he doesn’t trust me around my siblings, that I’m abusive toward animals (which is a complete and total lie), and that he wants me out of the house. Reading pages of terrible things about me hurt and I want to bring it up but I’m not sure it’s the right decision. I could be kicked out before I go to college, and I still rely on my parents for certain things. I don’t think I’m a perfect person without faults, but reading the packet I felt like a complete monster. How do I come back from this?
Comments
Why would it be in your room if not for you to find? Nobody writes in higher numbers and infinity symbols if they’re mature and taking things seriously. What a weird immature loser!
I wish I knew but your stepdad sounds like he controls your mum he sounds like narcissist have you got anywhere else to stay he’s going to ruin your life and your mum too it looks like she would believe anything he tells her it’s never happened to me but my friend is in the same position with her so called boyfriend I have told her many times but wouldn’t listen
Agree. Don’t mention the packet again. Stay at school as much as possible and minimize trips home. You already did what you needed by sending it to your mom, there’s nothing more to discuss.
Focus on securing a job, handling your academics, and setting yourself up to be independent. It won’t be easy, but it’s necessary if you know your family is likely to escalate things or even kick you out. Don’t wait to be blindsided, start taking control now. If leaving is inevitable, do it on your own terms, not theirs.
While you’re in school do your best to take advantage of therapy and work on your self esteem. How others view and treat you does not have to be the internal messaging you judge yourself by.
That’s fucked up. Go away to college, find a job and some friends, get a house share, dont go back if can afford it
He hates you and wanted you to know it. Keep these papers, will be Very Useful when he asks you for help in the old age.
That is horrifying, I’m so sorry. Like others have said, keep your head down until you can get out of there to college.
Once at college, find out about what support you can get and see about getting an ADHD diagnosis, as having the right support and treatment can really help with your studies.
In the meantime, look into tips and tools that help people manage ADHD with or without meds.
How to ADHD on YouTube is great, and I found Ned Hallowell’s podcast really helpful – he’s a psychiatrist with ADHD, so he has some really good insights into what works.