Hi, earlier this year I gave birth (first time mom here). A month after I gave birth, my in laws came and visited. Upon meeting the baby, my mil says “do you have a baby picture of yourself, he doesn’t look like my husband, I’m trying to see who the baby looks like”. I was so surprised by it and waited till my husband was alone to bring it up to his attention. He responded with “she didn’t mean it that way”. I was taken aback by his response. After they left I brought it up again, and he responded with my mom didn’t mean anything by it. I started wondering if I was overreacting and started looking inwards and also asking other women if I was overthinking this. They all reacted the same way I did, shocked and apologized on the behalf on my mil. I brought it up to my husband’s attention and this time told him this is what her comment meant “it insinuated that I stepped out of my marriage because the baby had more of my features”.
It took him a while to see that view and we kept on revisiting this. He at some point had a conversation with his mother because he noticed just how much friction it caused between us. I found out that when he did have the conversation, he didn’t fully tell her the impact of her words. Just that I was hurt by it. I told him that I would be confronting his mom for this because I realized that I stared feeling anxious just at the thought of her coming over for a visit. (Please note this is not the first time she has made sly comments, this is the most egregious one). I have always had to explain to DH the impact of her words.
Anyways, flash forward to me confronting her, she “apologized”. Her apology did not land the way it was supposed to. Flash forward to today, I have moments where I would wake up angry by this entire ordeal. My husband keeps saying that his mom has way too much real estate in my head and it’s unhealthy. That we don’t see her this often and that the entire incident should not be crossing my mind the way it is.
I no longer feel comfortable with my mil and especially her around my child. My husband can’t fully understand the lack of trust I have when it comes to his parent and him around his parent with my child. He doesn’t understand why this hasn’t been resolved and why we still have moments where there’s friction in our relationship.
After I confronted her, she went home and according to my husband was in tears and felt like she may never see her grandchild because of this. She mentioned to him that whenever I’m around that she’ll just keep her distance so she doesn’t stress me
Started therapy to work through this but idk what to do…am I overthinking this?
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