I always use the Brita filter in my fridge to fill my 40 oz tumbler in the morning. It had been a few days in a row where the jug would be empty before I could fill up my tumbler and I thought I was losing my mind because I was filling it like always.
I thought it might’ve been my boyfriend who doesn’t normally use the filter so I decided to ask him. I didn’t want to sound accusatory so I asked “Hey, have you been using the Brita for water in the night recently?!” He replied “Yeah I’ve used it to fill up my glass”. I said “Oh okay that makes sense, I haven’t been having enough water to fill my tumbler in the morning and thought I was losing my mind! Do you think you’d be able to just top it up if you use it in the middle of the night so I can have enough in the morning?!”
I thought it would be a simple “yes, I didn’t even realize!! I will do that from now on”. Instead, he told me I was ridiculous for needed a full 40 oz of water in the morning and that he shouldn’t be expected to fill up the Brita every time he wanted a glass of water.
There have been other instances like if I left a few dishes in the sink, he washed his own and left mine. They have all added up to really bother me and when I brought it up again, he basically repeated the same thing. He also said that I shouldn’t even need that much water, that I could always fill it up wherever I was going, etc, etc. Basically: if you want to fill your water…that’s not my problem and you should be the one checking its full at night (which I always do, except he was using it in the middle of the night when I was asleep 😭😭😭)
I told him that if my partner isn’t willing to do something as simple as taking a few second to fill a jug so I can have enough water to fill my cup in the morning, that was incredibly selfish and not a life I was looking forward to.
We’ve been together for almost 4 years and been through each other’s side for a lot. Our relationship isn’t abusive, there’s been no cheating or anything so now I’m wondering if I’m just blowing this out of proportion. To me, it’s more about the principle not the incident. Like if you loved someone, you should want to help them out in small ways like that??? But maybe I’m being unreasonable???
Idk help!! AITAH??
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I always use the Brita filter in my fridge to fill my 40 oz tumbler in the morning. It had been a few days in a row where the jug would be empty before I could fill up my tumbler and I thought I was losing my mind because I was filling it like always.
I thought it might’ve been my boyfriend who doesn’t normally use the filter so I decided to ask him. I didn’t want to sound accusatory so I asked “Hey, have you been using the Brita for water in the night recently?!” He replied “Yeah I’ve used it to fill up my glass”. I said “Oh okay that makes sense, I haven’t been having enough water to fill my tumbler in the morning and thought I was losing my mind! Do you think you’d be able to just top it up if you use it in the middle of the night so I can have enough in the morning?!”
I thought it would be a simple “yes, I didn’t even realize!! I will do that from now on”. Instead, he told me I was ridiculous for needed a full 40 oz of water in the morning and that he shouldn’t be expected to fill up the Brita every time he wanted a glass of water.
There have been other instances like if I left a few dishes in the sink, he washed his own and left mine. They have all added up to really bother me and when I brought it up again, he basically repeated the same thing. He also said that I shouldn’t even need that much water, that I could always fill it up wherever I was going, etc, etc. Basically: if you want to fill your water…that’s not my problem and you should be the one checking its full at night (which I always do, expect he was using it in the middle of the night when I was asleep 😭😭😭)
I told him that if my partner isn’t willing to do something as simple as taking a few second to fill a jug so I can have enough water to fill my cup in the morning, that was incredibly selfish and not a life I was looking forward to.
We’ve been together for almost 4 years and been through each other’s side for a lot. Our relationship isn’t abusive, there’s been no cheating or anything so now I’m wondering if I’m just blowing this out of proportion. To me, it’s more about the principle not the incident. Like if you loved someone, you should want to help them out in small ways like that??? But maybe I’m being unreasonable???
Idk help!! AITAH??
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> I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for getting mad at my boyfriend because he won’t refill the Brita jug when he uses it. Maybe I’m overreacting and that makes me an asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta
He’s just being generally childish and inconsiderate. If you’re setting up the Brita and he’s refusing to leave enough for you, he can drink tap water water. Easy.
Fill a bottle with the filtered water last thing at night so that you can have the extra water always available for the morning. That is a quick fix, now you have to fix the boyfriend. A good man would think to himself ‘if I drink this my love will be short in the morning’, not telling you that you are ridiculous. He should be doing his share of the chores. You are in red flag territory.
NTA
Jeez it’s not hard to fill up those pitchers. I share a house with my mother and sometimes grab a glass of water out of her pitcher instead of going to my room where I have my own – I immediately top up the water so it stays full. It’s the easiest thing and it takes five seconds
Your boyfriend sounds lazy and selfish if he can’t even top up a water pitcher.
Ugh. I live with my brother and we both drink a lot of water. Before we got a fridge with a water dispenser we also did a Brita jug. We both knew to top it off after EVERY pour. It’s just common sense and decency. Not only for the other person but for yourself. NTA.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKP3P_gy1CO/?igsh=MWFxYmxxM285cHRhaA==
NTA. It was one thing before he knew he was leaving you short but now he knows and is going out of his way to justify not helping you out instead of taking the two seconds to fill it.
I know everyone loves to jump to breaking up and obviously I don’t know your relationship. But if this is how he acts when he’s asked to do small things to help you now how do you think he’ll act if you end up in an accident or getting sick in the future and need assistance? To me the Brita is a small part of a potentially much bigger issue.
Let me tell you the story that broke my marriage, it was ice cream. For years and I do mean years, each evening I would serve my husband Ice cream, later in the evening after dinner, I would ask him do you fancy some ice cream and he would say yes and I would get it for him.
One evening, I was busy and didn’t have time to do it, so my husband got up went to the freezer and served himself, one bowl of ice cream, did not offer his daughter or me, just him.
I stared at him while he did this and said what about me and his daughter.. he looked blank.. could not understand why I was so upset and hurt.
It was then I realized I did all the giving in the relationship and was getting very little back, and my position was not wife, but maid with extra’s. It was the beginning of the end.
Is that what you want a life of constantly being placed at the bottom of the pile, refilling the Brita, its is so simple. Sorry you tell you are you being told you are not worth 30 seconds of effort from him to make your life a little smoother.
F. T. S.
NTA. This is the part where I’d get petty. Fill up your tumbler the night before and leave the brita almost empty. Just enough to give him like 2-4 tablespoons of water in a cup. When he gets upset, “Why are you so upset?? It’s not like you have to drink that much water anyway. It’s the middle of the night!” Or whatever. But I’m an AH.
His response was defensive in the moment. It happens. So when you two talk about it again you can find a solution, maybe it’s two Brita pitchers, or get the big dispenser one, maybe he just stops using the Brita. Maybe you fill your cup up at night, put your filled cup in the fridge, and top up the pitcher then – skip the whole morning problem. I’m sure it can be figured out. NTA though.
>Our relationship isn’t abusive, there’s been no cheating or anything so now I’m wondering if I’m just blowing this out of proportion.
A relationship not being abusive doesn’t make other shitty treatment OK. Your partner not abusing you or cheating on you is literally the bare minimum, and you shouldn’t accept other shitty behaviour just because of that.
Frankly he sounds selfish, and just generally a dick.
NTA, but he hates you.
This reminds me of “She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink.”
Same selfish and disrespectful mentality in the man’s part. NTA
NTA. He just told you that you aren’t worth the effort to refill the pitcher that he just used. Believe him. This is the man you’re with. Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? Would you ever treat someone you love the way he’s treating you?
Honestly his actions are not looking good. Like not washing the plates only his, not filling up the water. He’s acting like an entitled roommate not a partner. What if you are too sick to do the washing up? He just lets it pile up? What if you need him to pick something up for you or refill something it’s not his problem it’s all yours. He’ll take the little kind things we do in relationships but he won’t reciprocate. Is this someone you could trust to be there for you at the hospital or look after you when you are sick or be there for you when you are grieving? Because he doesn’t seem like it. And your life partner should be someone you can rely on for the hardest things that will ever happen to you. Like he seems a very his needs first you provide and look after me I don’t do it for you.
NTA. My husband preps my coffee machine for me every night so it’s ready for me the next morning. He hates coffee but knows I really appreciate it. He also re-fills the filter jug after! These are not big things if you like and respect someone.
NTA. But if he prefers to use your Brita Jug at night, perhaps you should mutually agree to get a larger one?
(True story. I had a large Brita jug in the fridge where I used to live. My sister brought a guest, and they liked to drink from it. For three days they would ask me to fill it every time it was empty. Finally I blew it and told them to fill it, exclaiming “it’s not magic!” My sister looked me dead in the eye and said: “it is to me.” Moral of the story, some people do not understand the concept of Brita jugs.)
He’s showing you who he is. Believe him. If he can’t be bothered to take a few seconds to refill the jug, and he dismisses you when you ask for this simple courtesy, he’s the one who’s selfish.
NTA
Are you sure he really wants this relationship… sounds like he doesn’t care anymire and that it is just convenient to stay with you and pretend you are roommates.
Personally I would take it to the test if he truly cares or if it is just convenient to have you around to pay bills and do stuff. I mean not stopping to pay bills obviously, but a rapid decline of doing stuff that also benefits him. You know stuff like filling that jug… not having time to do his laundry etc.
NTA, If he can’t be bothered to use basic etiquette like filling it up when he uses it, then he should stop using it and get his own.
You have a routine and he is messing with it and you’re absolutely right that he’s being selfish and lazy.
The big question of course is — if he refuses to refill it when it’s half empty, when WOULD he refill it? Is he going to keep drinking from the jug that you refill for the rest of your lives? This may be a metaphor for the relationship…
OP, he has told you he doesn’t like you, he’s told you he doesn’t respect you, he’s shown you that he will use your property with no regard to how it impacts you.
Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? Or even the next 10 minutes?
Go over to YouTube and watch some of the u/BurbNBougie videos to see what it’s like for women who stayed with and or married men like your soon to be ex.
They break up or get divorced and the male is “blindsided.”
Save yourself time and money and make your life better and easier by dumping the asshole.