26F — I think my 29M boyfriend resents me. I love him, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Can this be fixed? Sorry if it’s long. Trying to figure out solutions if that’s even possible m.
We’ve been together just over 2 years. It started fast and intense — he moved closer after 2.5 months, and we were living together full-time by month 4. In the beginning, he was sweet — flowers, dates, surprise coffees. Now I feel like he resents me. Everything I do seems to set him off. It’s only been like this the last 1-2 months
We live together with our two big dogs — one of them, his dog, is wild despite $2K in training. Many of our fights now revolve around the dog, chores, or me not doing things exactly the way he wants.
Some examples: • Dog/Breakfast Incident: I ran out for 5 minutes to pick up pre-ordered bagels. His dog peed on my shoe and pooped inside. I had just taken him out ~30 minutes prior, and thought I could skip the crate just briefly. I admitted I was wrong, cleaned it up, but my boyfriend screamed at me for 20+ minutes, slammed his fist on the table, and said I was “pushing his limits.” I froze and started shaking. Not because he’s ever hit me — he hasn’t — but because of trauma from past abuse. My brain kept whispering, “Please don’t hit me.” • Shock Collar: I took the dog out before bed (quick bathroom trip) without his shock collar. He wasn’t pulling — just not heeling perfectly. My boyfriend yelled at me again, saying I “never follow through” and that I don’t listen. • Today’s Drive: He came with me for coffee, then said he wanted to grab lunch. As we got near a main road, I suggested turning left toward a bunch of lunch spots. He exploded, saying I “don’t listen,” that I’m “narcissistic,” that I “never apologize,” and berated me for almost 40 minutes. Later he asked if I wanted food — like the fight didn’t just happen.
The pattern:
He holds onto every mistake — even ones I fix or apologize for. I try hard to listen. I validate his concerns, I adjust, I try to learn. But I’m tired. I feel like I’m constantly doing things wrong. Even small missteps feel huge in his eyes. He says I talk too much, don’t make sense, or act defensive when I try to explain myself. So I say less. I shut down.
I’ve started slipping — pushing chores to the next day, skipping vacuuming, laundry folded but not put away. I feel paralyzed. He wants a clean house and more effort, and I do want to contribute — but I’m stuck in this cycle of trying, failing, being yelled at, and shutting down further.
I love him. I want to fix things. But I feel lost. Is this just resentment? Is there a way to rebuild trust and peace? Or am I too far gone in this relationship?
Has anyone actually come back from a place like this?
TL;DR Summary : In the last 2 months my boyfriend started criticising everything I do. I love him and want to fix things. Is that possible? I am able to take more accountability
Comments
Is there a plan for him to stop being abusive? That’s step one.
You are not safe with this guy. Start planning your exit.
this sounds abusive. You wouldn’t talk to him that way, would you? You obviously don’t like being talked to and berated like this and should consider if you want to be in a relationship where you feel unsafe and are afraid. Sounds like he’s pushing boundaries, seeing what you’ll let him get away with. talk to him, but be aware things might change for the better briefly, before getting worse again. His behaviour does not sound like how you’d treat someone you love
He doesn’t have to hit you to be abusive. Many abusers rely on the threat of abuse by using aggressive behaviour – banging his fists – to make you fear him. This way he can see himself as a ‘good guy’ because he didn’t hit you, but the threat was enough. However, give it enough time and it will escalate into abuse. Then he will tell you ‘it’s your fault for pushing my limits’ or ‘you always make me this angry’.
It will not get better. You need to leave safely and swiftly.
I’m really sorry you are in so much pressure with your partner. I really feel bad for the way he treats you and how he yells and screams at you it’s really not a good sign.
He needs to understand that he can’t treat you like that and you’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re not his maid to do everything perfectly on the time he wants.
He needs to stop acting like that, it’s really not good especially when he scares you.