So I’ve been with my girlfriend for four months and she is nothing short of amazing. She is adorable m, beautiful, sweet, smart, kind, funny etc. she is overall amazing and I would prefer no one other than her.Here’s the thing. I’ve always noticed other attractive people but I’ve pushed the thoughts away for a while until one day it overwhelmed me to a point where I gave in and I didn’t go and physically cheat but I yk…got off to the fantasy in my head. No emotional connection whatsoever and I don’t want to be with the person I was fantasizing about. Quite frankly I don’t want to be with anybody besides my gf it’s literally just fantasies when I’m bored. Ik I have to get it in check bc lust is bad and dangerous. But all of this is to say that after that initial experience I had a chat with my mom and I was honest about the whole thing and she said that it is normal and as long as I don’t go out and physically cheat it’s fine and harmless and she said that everyone commits adultery in one way or another. So I took this and I kinda opened myself back up to fantasies and essentially gave in but I realized that I took it too far. I started to look at other people’s pages when I was bored and it would fuel my drive. And tonight after I found myself doing it I began to feel bad. Nothing I’ve done has changed the dynamic of me and my gfs relationship but I just feel bad for what I’ve been doing and I want to stop. I misinterpreted what my mom said and I unknowingly put myself in this sort of hole and I want so bad to get out of it. But even though I don’t actively want to pursue any of these girls or do anything with them (as I said before they’re fleeting fantasies) does that make me a bad boyfriend or a cheater. I posted on this page bc I know I can get answers without being judged. What can I do to be a better boyfriend? And do the things I say in this constitute me being considered a cheater?
TLDR: I feel like a horrible boyfriend and I am seeking advice on how to be a better boyfriend wnd trying to figure out what kind of boyfriend I am.
Comments
nothing wrong with feeling what ever you’re feeling and think whatever you’re thinking. in fact it’s unhealthy to try to suppress thoughts. practice being mindful about your thoughts and simply choosing to act in an ethical way in response to those thoughts.
You’re in a monogamous relationship.If you want to be non-monogamous, put in the mental and emotional work to do it ethically.