I had this friendgroup which i hanged out with since middleschool. We we’re in the Theater Club and after we graduated we kept in touch and played Dnd on the weekends (online, since it was during the pandemic).
Outside of this, during 2021, i had a friend who told me out of nowhere she wanted to end our friendship, since she felt it had gone stale after highschool. At first, i said i undertood, and that i would always treasure the friendship we had and that i hoped she would have a nice life. Then the grief of it hit me, and i couldn’t stop crying for a week. I tried messaging her, asking her if our friendship didn’t mean anything to her. If all those years of sleepovers, of hanging out, of eating lunch together, didn’t meant anything. But she changed phone numbers and i couldn’t get a hold of her.
Someone in the Theater club was friends with her and they kept in touch. I didn’t mention she stopped being friends with me, cause i didn’t want to make a fuss about it. But i was really bitter and hurt.
Then 2 people in our friendgroup had a REALLY bad breakup and the friendgroup dissolved. And then i found out 3 people on the friend group were still playing Dnd and talking, and i just didn’t know about it at all after months. I thought they were close, but they didn’t even invite me.
There’s only one person in the friendship group whom i talk to now, but it feels weird. Cause while we don’t have any problems chatting and stuff, somehow, is really difficult to meet up.
A paranoic part of me keeps telling me that the friend who i cut ties with, told my other friends something nasty about me that made them dislike me. Or that my other friend dosen’t want to hang out with me cause she’s just waiting the moment to tell me she dosen’t want to be friends with me anymore.
It’s really disheartening since that friendgroup was my only support group, and the only people in my life i feel truly “got” me.
I can’t move on, no matter what i try. And it’s been 5 years already. Not even counseling has helped me, and i keep having dreams of my old friendgroup, and that friend saying she was sorry, and that she wanted to be friends again.
I don’t care what happens at this point. I just want to get over it. I NEED to get over it. But i really can’t. I don’t know what to do anymore.
TL;DR:Had a friendship breakup, and a friendgroup breakup. They were the only people in my life i ever felt truly close to. I can’t get over it. I don’t know how to move on. It’s been 5 years.