I (50f) live in a big apartment complex which is converted and a Grade II listed building (for non-UK it means it has historical significance). We are lucky to have big communal gardens that create a nice space at the weekends to sit out with friends or solo.
In recent years, neighbours have taken to holding large (50+) parties that essentially marr days/evenings/nights at the weekends with loud music, external guests parking in resident bays, litter, using our grounds as a toilet (no facilities except in flats) and sometimes noise going on til the early hours. Many times, it’s external people doing it but nobody really wants to go and challenge them.
Recently, a new-ish tenant declared her intention to hold a big party in the grounds and her Facebook post got a few “likes” (from her friends) but when it came to the weekend in question she had hired in a massive marquee that could easily hold 100 people and decided to put it up right in the middle of the gardens.
Things kicked off in our Facebook group and many of us posted things like “we get disturbed by big parties” or “it’s too much” – the ‘worst’ comment was “this is taking the piss, it’s a spaceship”
Another group of residents (interestingly most of whom don’t get impacted by garden parties as they’re on the other side of the building) started name calling and insulting those who said it’s too much: we are apparently “sad, mean, despicable, douchebags” just some of the choice phrases. We (the “too far” group) then all started getting trolled and messaged privately by this woman’s friends and after us being accused of “piling on” the woman, we then received a massive “pile on” of messages ranging from the “mean, miserable, despicable, sad old farts” to the petulant “I hope you’re happy” grumpiness backlash piled on all weekend. Because they decided to move the party after our reaction.
It got pretty toxic very quickly. To the point of bullying. We said “no” and apparently that became “hurty words”. There may have been more to it from some individuals but comments from our side were really tame. They made it personal at us.
So, AITA for being part of the no group? Should we have just sucked it up, closed our windows and stayed inside? Btw, there is space in the garden to share, but the location meant finding a spot to sit would be loud wherever we were and generally, we’d have to put ourselves far away in the garden a long way away from our own flats.
BACKGROUND: It’s against our lease to hold big parties because of the disruption, this was an “event” not a party, no toilets (guests would use our garden) and no UK public space eg parks would allow this to happen.
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I (50f) live in a big apartment complex which is converted and a Grade II listed building (for non-UK it means it has historical significance). We are lucky to have big communal gardens that create a nice space at the weekends to sit out with friends or solo.
In recent years, neighbours have taken to holding large (50+) parties that essentially marr days/evenings/nights at the weekends with loud music, external guests parking in resident bays, litter, using our grounds as a toilet (no facilities except in flats) and sometimes noise going on til the early hours. Many times, it’s external people doing it but nobody really wants to go and challenge them.
Recently, a new-ish tenant declared her intention to hold a big party in the grounds and her Facebook post got a few “likes” (from her friends) but when it came to the weekend in question she had hired in a massive marquee that could easily hold 100 people and decided to put it up right in the middle of the gardens.
Things kicked off in our Facebook group and many of us posted things like “we get disturbed by big parties” or “it’s too much” – the ‘worst’ comment was “this is taking the piss, it’s a spaceship”
Another group of residents (interestingly most of whom don’t get impacted by garden parties as they’re on the other side of the building) started name calling and insulting those who said it’s too much: we are apparently “sad, mean, despicable, douchebags” just some of the choice phrases. We (the “too far” group) then all started getting trolled and messaged privately by this woman’s friends and after us being accused of “piling on” the woman, we then received a massive “pile on” of messages ranging from the “mean, miserable, despicable, sad old farts” to the petulant “I hope you’re happy” grumpiness backlash piled on all weekend. Because they decided to move the party after our reaction.
It got pretty toxic very quickly. To the point of bullying. We said “no” and apparently that became “hurty words”. There may have been more to it from some individuals but comments from our side were really tame. They made it personal at us.
So, AITA for being part of the no group? Should we have just sucked it up, closed our windows and stayed inside? Btw, there is space in the garden to share, but the location meant finding a spot to sit would be loud wherever we were and generally, we’d have to put ourselves far away in the garden a long way away from our own flats.
BACKGROUND: It’s against our lease to hold big parties because of the disruption, this was an “event” not a party, no toilets (guests would use our garden) and no UK public space eg parks would allow this to happen.
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> AITA for being part of a group that said a big party in our communal gardens went too far? The organiser was upset and moved locations
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
It sounds like the people who wanted to take advantage of the garden didn’t like being told “no” and reacted defensively. Moving the party afterwards suggests they knew they were in the wrong.
This might be a good time to establish (or publicise?) some reminders about the rules/use of the communal gardens, so everyone is clear (or gets a visible reminder!) about what’s allowed and what’s not.
Absolutely NTA in this case.
NTA you can’t just call something an “event” and say it’s not a party when it has all the trappings of a party: a tent, loud music, food, etc. Furthermore, allowing your guests to use common areas meant to be shared amongst neighbors as a public toilet is one of the most inconsiderate things I’ve heard. I would take it up with management.
NTA. Communal spaces such as this are intended for the use of residents, not to be used by mobs of outsiders. No event should be allowed to affect any of you in the ways that you describe.
NTA
NTA at all. If party-holder wants to hold an event she should have asked permission and been upfront about it. Now that her friends are being arseholes it’s a definite ABSOLUTELY FING NOT.
NTA. I do wonder why your building management didn’t get involved? Don’t residents need to get permission to do things like this? Isn’t there a landlord who could have handled this?
NTA either way, I’m just wondering how it works there, because where I am, this would have easily been all shut down by management and the offender probably would have been evicted for even attempting.
Time to create a Residents Association and come up with some basic rules for using the communal areas (assuming these rules don’t already exist in your title deeds).
NTA. The new neighbor’s party seems to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I hope you are able to restore some peace in the garden.
Are porta-potty rentals a thing where you are? Is it possible to make that a requirement for events hosted the garden? As well as time limits and post-party clean up?
“Use the garden?” My god! Someone is going to poop, it’s inevitable. It’s beyond disgusting.
NTA. I’d call a lawyer.
I thought a marquee was the sign outside a theater