I matched with this woman on a dating app about a year ago. She’s a lesbian, and I’m bi. We hit it off over text, we had a lot in common and it felt nice to connect and share things. The only issue was that we lived in different cities, so it was hard to meet up.
When we finally met in person, she kissed me, but honestly I didn’t feel much. Still, I wanted to give it a shot because I liked her as a person. Looking back, I was pretty confused at the time. I’d just gotten out of a long, monogamous relationship with a man, and I wanted to try different things like nonmonogamy, date women and nonbinary people, figure out what I really wanted. From the beginning, I told her clearly, more than once that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and that I honestly didn’t know what I wanted romantically or sexually. I wasn’t even sure if I was physically attracted to her. But despite that, she started pushing for a monogamous relationship. She told me that she was in love with me and really misread a lot of what I said. She’d talk about how “we would love each other” and that we were perfect for each other and I just didn’t feel the same way.
Around that time, I met a guy I was really attracted to. I was honest with her about it, but she got extremely jealous. She wanted me to be a “professional liar” and act like he didn’t exist. She didn’t want to hear his name. She wanted me to say that I loved her. She also started ranting about how I shouldn’t be with men, how men are evil and stupid, and that, as a feminist, I should hate them. That kind of talk made it hard to even have a normal conversation with her, I started feeling really uncomfortable whenever we spoke.
What made it even more weird was that we had only seen each other once in person, and she went and got a tattoo with my name on it… She claimed she didn’t expect anything from me, that she just loved me, but she’d also constantly start arguments. And I kept thinking why am I arguing with someone I’m not even in a relationship with? It was too much. Eventually, I told her that I just wanted to be friends and that I wasn’t interested in anything romantic or sexual with her. She didn’t take it well. At one point she even said that I was a heterosexual in denial because I wasn’t attracted to her. I am attracted to women. Just not her! For weeks, she went back and forth, some days she’d say she understood, other days she’d say she was in love with me and that she was depressed because I rejected her. And that I should comfort her and help her get through this, she can’t share this with anyone else… she also occasionally asked if I might change my mind.
Meanwhile, things with the guy I’d met started to get serious. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes, I had genuinely fallen in love with him. I told him about the situation with her, and it made him really uncomfortable. I knew I needed to cut contact with her, but every time I tried, saying I needed space or wanted to be alone, she didn’t take the hint. To be honest, I was even a little scared. She seemed obsessed. But eventually I had to be direct and tell her I didn’t want to talk anymore, even as friends.
It was a tough conversation, but she said okay and didn’t reach out for a month. Then she sent a long email and messaged me again, saying she was sorry for breaking her word but just wanted to write for my birthday. I didn’t read the whole email and I don’t want to. I replied to her text message and thanked her, told her it was okay. That was a week ago. I didn’t respond to the email, but today she texted again to ask how I was.
The truth is, I don’t want to talk to her at all anymore. But I also feel weird about blocking her because, in some way, I still respect her as a person. If I’d been physically attracted to her and if she hadn’t disrespected my boundaries and dating choices maybe I would’ve considered dating her. I do think she’s a good person deep down. But at this point, I don’t think even friendship is possible. It seems like she’s still struggling to move on.
Also, I should mention that I’m now in a happy, monogamous relationship with my new boyfriend, and I’ve changed my mind about wanting to try nonmonogamy.
TL;DR Woman I rejected won’t stop texting me. I don’t know how to approach this situation. Just block and act like she never existed?