I’ve 28F have been with my boyfriend 28M for 4 years. He got a Boxer dog about a month into our relationship. He is a very sweet and obedient dog but my boyfriend doesn’t take care of him very well. He’s not desexed. He doesn’t get any flea and tick medications. Doesn’t get worming tablets. Does not go to the vets and I highly doubt he gets his vaccines. He also gets cheap supermarket food that gives him runny poos. He does go on daily walks and swims at a nearby lake so he gets his needed exercise.
I on the other hand don’t have a dog but I did grow up with a little Maltese family dog who was very spoilt by my family. All his monthly worming and flea and tick medications were always up to date, I showered him every week, brushed him every night etc etc.
My partner treats his dog the complete opposite of how I think a dog should be taken care of and I don’t know how to get him to change his ways. I’ve told him numerous times to get him desexed as it’s a legal requirement but he freaks out and says “IM NOT CUTTING HIS PENIS OFF”
I’ve tried and tried to tell him that he needs to be having his medications but he is insistent that the best way to prevent fleas and ticks is by taking him swimming at the beach
My biggest hate is the fact that he never ever bathes the dog. He absolutely smells foul – no exaggeration he smells like a farm animal. To make is worse is he lets him sleep on his bed!!!
We don’t live together but I do go over and stay the night sometimes and his room and sheets just smells like a farm and like dirty dog. It makes my skin crawl and I can’t go to sleep because I’m so grossed out.
He’s not allowed to come to my apartment, but my boyfriend doesn’t know that it’s because of how gross he is that I don’t want him over. He thinks he’s not allowed over because it’s a small apartment and he doesn’t have enough room to run around
Trust me when I say I have tried endlessly over the years to get him to change his ways, but it feels like a loosing battle to the point where I just don’t see the point in trying anymore. He will either go off at me or act like I’m “being mean to him”. I also think that because we don’t live together and it’s technically his dog he feels like I don’t have a right to be telling him how to treat him
We’re now starting to talk about getting an apartment together and I just can’t imagine living with his dog. I feel guilty for not even wanting to pat the dog because he really is so sweet but he’s just dirty. I also don’t know how to get my partner to realise how shit of an owner he is. How do I open a conversation up with him without getting him upset or going off at me and to actually take me seriously? I don’t expect him to choose between me or the dog, I just want him to actually care for him properly look after him without me having to do it all
ADDIT: thank you for all your comments. I’m glad to see I’m not in fact being dramatic. And most of you are right in saying I don’t hate the dog as I said earlier, he is the sweetest thing. I just wouldn’t go out of my way to pat/snuggle with him. I do agree that I really should be doing more to stop the neglect I just feel so powerless in this situation and it’s sad
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You’ve been together for 4 years and well, so have they.
They’re a package deal.
Maltese is a completely different world to a Boxer. I think maybe you also don’t like big dogs? Which is fine. They do tend to smell more, and flea and tick medications should absolutely of course be used but if the dog doesn’t ever get fleas or ticks then it’s not going to improve the hygiene situation (which sounds like the real problem for you)
It might sound harsh but I would reevaluate the relationship. He is neglecting his dog and that’s no way to treat a living being.
If your boyfriend made it to the age of 28 believing getting a male dog neutered means “cutting his penis off,” I fear there are bigger issues at play here.
His dog absolutely deserves better.
However, I disagree with your titling here—your boyfriend’s dog is (assuming what you’ve written is true) neglected, and that neglect is causing the dog to experience things you find disgusting. The dog can’t take himself to the vet, or buy different food, or bathe himself. That is a boyfriend problem; not a dog problem.
I think this should be part of how you respect yourself. This is a dirty man and if you choose to be with him that is a choice you are willingly accepting.
Dog is not the problem. You and the boyfriend are. He neglects his dogs needs and you only care because the dog smells. Ugh. Do whatever you need to do, you deserve eachother.
Sounds like the dog has been a part of your relationship nearly this whole time for four years. And you’ve been a part of the dogs life the whole time. If you wanted a solid future with this man, I’d think you’d have participated in the care of this dog, even if your boyfriend’s ways were up to your standards. Why haven’t you? Obviously it’s not your responsibility — but I’m curious how his dog hasn’t been an “our” dog. Like how would he feel if you took on sharing the dog? Is he too broke to pay the cost of cleanliness?
If you feel grossed out by the environment, I’d think it’s a total turn off, and would have a hard time feeling sexy and continuing to be involved ….. Personally I never could have been with a guy who had even the cleanest boxer for similar reasons. ( until I got a Great Dane a few years ago, so my tune sure has changed)
I don’t know what your long term plan is here but I for sure couldn’t live with or raise a family with someone who doesn’t see the value in basic hygiene for their pet and by extension themselves. Really think about what this looks like in 5 years before you move in together or really even spend more time with him. You deserve to find someone who matches your energy and treats you (and their pets) well.
Do NOT move in with him. Its animal cruelty what he is doing and you should report it to the correct authority. You bf should not be owning a pet if he does not look after it properly. You could also threaten to break up with him if he does not change his ways. I don’t know how you can stand going to his place under the circumstances, if he is that messy why do you want to live together? If you do you will be the one cleaning up after your bf. Get a better boyfriend who takes care of pets better.
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Hating the dog? Why not hate the owner??
To me, this is a break-up worthy offense. If my partner does not maintain some decent level knowledge about huge responsibilities he gets himself into, then I would seriously question how seriously he’s going to take marriage, children, etc.
He should do enough research as a dog owner to know that pets need to be spayed and neutered. If he was responsible, he’d proactively be making sure his dog recieved the best care possible.
He is a terrible owner and is abusing this dog. Shame on you for watching this go on for 4 years and still saying you hate this dog.
To a lesser extent, him being able to stomache the barn animal scent and an unwashed dog in his bed tells me that we have vastly different hygiene standards and if the relationship progresses, I will eternally be nagging him to pickup after himself. No thanks 🤮
You’re worried about the dog but you’re not worried about this grown man who thinks he knows better than veterinarians. He actively neglects his dog’s health, and that’s not a good person. He’s so stupid that he thinks neutering is cutting off the dog’s penis.
Four years and you’re too uncomfortable to tell him, “I don’t want a dirty dog in my clean bed, and I don’t want to sleep in a dirty bed. Wash your dog.” There’s soooo much bacteria in the ocean, and his bed is full of it! And he’s fine making you sleep in that! Does he even like you??
There’s no way to open up the conversation without him getting upset or going off at you. He’s being a bad person by actively neglecting his dog, and he should feel awful about it. If he’ll go off at you over asking him to wash the dog because you don’t want to sleep in a dirty bed, this man is NOT your husband. The dog is great. Your boyfriend is 100% of the problem.
Please ignore people saying you don’t like dogs and about how boxers are different to little dogs. Your boyfriend is mistreating his dog. If he has never been wormed or treated for fleas and ticks or washed that is a mistreated animal. He probably has runny poos because of intestinal parasites. Please call whatever the equivalent to the RSPCA is in your country on him. Yes the dog is disgusting and it’s your boyfriend’s fault. You are both probably at risk of getting sick from the parasites and vermin that are on this poor dog. I can’t believe you have been together this long without doing anything about it. He doesn’t deserve to have a dog and needs to learn how to care for them before he can ever be trusted in a long term relationship (and eventual children).
I couldn’t be with someone that won’t treat his pet right and doesn’t care for them appropriately. It shows the character of people more than you may think. It doesn’t sound like he is ready for responsibility too. Do you want kids with a man, that can’t even take care of a dog? (If you want kids, that should be the first thing you should ask yourself).
People that own a pet only for their mental comfort instead of seeing them as a living being that have needs are difficult in my expierence. Especially if he doesn’t even take the dog on daily walks… Borders on animal abuse…
I would have a deep talk with him. If you want to live together, he atleast has to change some of his ways.
Just offer to help him bathe the dog once a week and send him a link to the medications on amazon and offer to pay for half. If you’re going to live together thats your dog too.
Why have you been with someone who you feel is mistreating his dog for so long? You are complicit in staying with him through this. Imagine how he will be if you ever have kids? There’s nothing you can do to change him. Cut ties before you waste another 4 years with him
As a dog lover, I would be doing something for the dog. I don’t know if you live in the US, but I would rat this guy out at the very least. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t treat his dog well. But that’s me. My dogs are spoiled.
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well it’s a good thing you don’t live together. That makes it all the easier to be objective about the situation. If he can’t take care of a dog, how would he be with kids? Maybe that doesn’t matter if you don’t want kids, but it will matter when it comes to household chores. Once you move in you won’t be able to stop yourself from doing more for the dog and then you will end up resenting the situation. Don’t break up if you don’t want to, but don’t move in
Your man is a bad person. Anyone who condemns a dog to a life of being consumed by parasites and plagued by bowel issues is a bad person.
If you know how to take care of a dog why not help take care of the dog?? Take your mans card and buy better food. As for the bedding ewww. He is unhygienic that I’d something you can’t change. So you going to have to think about it you’re willing to deal it for the rest of your life
Bf has an intellectual impairment that will permanently complicate your life.
Idk if you understand how this post also makes YOU look bad.
You hate the dog which is a living being that is dependent on someone else (your boyfriend) and not the human being who is not treating him well?
And it’s taken you 4 years? Poor hygiene for 4 years? You’ve been putting yourself in a situation that disgusts you for 4 years? And yet you’re still discussing getting an apartment together?
Please be serious 💀💀
Yeah, I couldn’t rock with a partner like that. If that’s how he treats a dog..you aren’t far behind!
Definitely sit down and reevaluate your relationship
Dogs in a relationship are more trouble than they’re worth. Indeed, my last relationship ended because of dog problems as well.
It sucks to have an external thing be the source of conflict but it does reveal insight into their mindset that may be incompatible with yours.
The dog isn’t disgusting, your boyfriend is. That’s a very sharp distinction
It sounds like you’re dealing with a situation where your partner’s lack of responsibility toward his dog is causing real stress in your relationship, and it’s understandable that you feel powerless about how to address it without creating more conflict, have you considered setting clear boundaries around what you’re willing to tolerate before moving forward with living together?
if it’s like this with a dog, imagine what it’s like with children: at best you’re the mom doing everything, at worst he’s enabling the kids’ poor behaviors and you can do nothing about it
The boyfriend is the problem; that dog is just a victim. I cannot imagine what this manchild has to offer if he neglects his dog in such a way.
Excuse me…you hate the DOG because your boyfriend doesn’t take proper care of him? The DOG? WTF, you should hate your boyfriend because he is neglecting his dog’s necessary care. The dog can’t get himself to the vet or give himself a bath. The dog deserves so much better.
Why would you want to spend any time there if the house and bed smell disgusting? Why would you even entertain the notion of living together?
It’s an abuse to the dog. If he is treating a helpless dog like that, think twice about your relationship; how he will treat you when you are sick and your children if that is your future goal.
Correction: your boyfriend is disgusting. His dog is neglected. Save the dog, dump the guy.
Is this someone you truly want to spend your life with and potentially have kids with one day? Because I doubt it.
He’s neglecting his pet. Desexing doesn’t mean cutting the dog’s penis off, and your BF needs to educate himself. You have to do what is right for you, but I absolutely do not tolerate anyone mistreating or neglecting animals. I would NOT be dating ANYONE who treats his PET like this, period. He doesn’t bathe the dog? Does your bf enjoy sitting in his own filth for months/years? Does your bf enjoy not being clean? Because he’s forcing his dog to live in filth, without BASIC protections against worms/heartwork/tick diseases, etc. That’s like not bathing your kids, and not giving them any vaccinations against disease. It’s horrible and selfish behavior. Again, you have to decide what you can tolerate but to me this is bordering on animal abuse and I would not be associating with someone who treats an animal this way.
“You will start taking appropriate care of this animal, including yearly vaccinations, medications, regular bathing, and vet care, or I will be breaking up with you immediately and also reporting you for animal neglect. You don’t get to just take an animal and then not provide appropriately for it. If you think it’s acceptable to neglect your pet in this way, then you are not someone I have any interest in dating. Either show me that your pet is getting appropriate care and treatment, or never talk to me again.”
And then report him to the local animal care people as having a dog that is not fixed, and not vaccinated.
This is a bone of contention now, the relationship won’t survive living together, by the sounds of it, he’s isn’t going to change.
This is probably how he’ll treat your children too, unbathed and unvaccinated.
girl….. 4 years was too much to give this smelly dim witted man. leave yesterday
Book grooming appts for the dog let the groomer go over how poorly he is taking care of his dog. I can easily not send my dog to the groomer every 6 weeks and cut her nails myself but I want her cleaned properly. Teach your boyfriend to keep towels and wipes and even wet face clothes with soap ready at the door to clean his dogs feet face and privates when they come in…..I do this with my dog each time she goes out.
Have you ever said to him “the way you are treating your dog is abuse?”
Dump the guy, steal the dog and love on it❤️
Yeah so this is gonna be a child’s father one day, do you wanna stick around and be mom to THREE children? The man, the dog, and the baby?????? This is a glimpse into your future. Look closely. And run.
The dog is not the problem—the boyfriend is. I would not continue a relationship with someone who does not take proper care of their dog.
I thought I misread the ages, because there is no way a 28 year old (fully grown, presumably at least somewhat educated) man thinks neutering a dog means cutting its penis off. I bet he thinks the dog “loses his masculinity” or some other shit. I’m heartbroken for that dog, but he’s not the problem here – what do you expect, after he treats him like that??
You seriously need to reevaluate your relationship with this man…
I’d break up with him and call animal control on his ass, but it’s not my life.
I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t take care of their pet. it’s disgusting behavior
Red flags!
If he treats his dog this way, how do you think he will treat you or a child further along in the relationship? He is ignoring a pet, who is essentially at his mercy. What does that say about him?
Behaviors like this don’t get better, they get worse. Eventually this type of neglect is going to show up in a lot of different places in your relationship.
I couldn’t live with someone who thinks any of this is ok. And the dog deserves much better. Give him an ultimatum cause you won’t be happy and I’m sure the dog isn’t. You can’t change people. Only yourself. Sometimes that change in you causes change In others. I’ve tried unsuccessfully to change too many people. Hard lesson learned
Ew. Your boyfriend is gross.
I feel like a lot of this advice is in the extreme either way. Personally I would hate to live with a smelly dog so I really sympathise with you on this. It does sound however like he loves his dog, the fact that the dog gets outside for walks and swims every day is more than a lot of people do for their dog. It sounds like the dog has a lot of enrichment and has been trained well. The fact that he sleeps in the same bed as the dog indicates that they are very close so I can see your dilemma in raising the issue. No one is really giving you useful advice…
I would bring this up in the context of you living together, making it less about him and more about you and the standards that you expect. i.e ‘it’s important to me that the dog is treated regularly for fleas’, or ‘it’s important to me that dog is washed regularly, especially if we’re allowing him on the furniture’. This way you’re not outright criticising him or calling him gross, which anyone would get defensive about, but you’re making the conditions for dog living with you very clear. There may be some areas you have to be flexible on (for example the food, if you want to feed it more expensive food you might have to foot the cost of this).
Do you ever intend to start a family with children? Will you ever get another pet after this one is gone? How will these living beings be treated?
I can’t imagine living with or being in a relationship with someone so neglectful, ignorant of basic care, and stubborn to the detriment of other living beings. This would be a dealbreaker for me. I was shocked that you said you’ve been with this guys for years, plural. You’re basically saying you don’t mind being with an animal abuser because you don’t live together and only now because it will smell up your apartment, do you think that action must be taken. This post is wild to me!
Does your boyfriend have a low IQ
how are you dating someone so immature ?? how is this not an issue for you ?? not the dog being dirty, but the fact that your boyfriend is clearly an idiot that has no care for basic hygiene? you really wanna take care of this man child for the rest of your life ?
for the love of god please never procreate with this man