Hi reddit.
Sorry if this is rambling, sleep deprivation is a main aspect of this. This morning, I admit I woke up in a very bad way. My 1 year old daughter caught a case of covid about a week ago and since then my sleep has been extremely bad as I’ve gotten up with her multiple times a night. At first she had a fever, requiring me to hold her all day and night to soothe her, and now she is just very congested, meaning she cannot soothe at night and i can’t get her back down to sleep. This is relevant! Last night, because of her sleep difficulty, I only got about 2.5 hours of total sleep according to my apple watch.
About 5 am I texted my husband saying that I was losing my head and I felt like I needed help and a solution because I was becoming too tired to keep holding my daughter. To his credit, he came down and attempted to hold her but, as she’s very much attached to me, she cried pretty hard and he handed her back. I got pretty upset at this point and started to cry and get agitated, telling my husband just how frustrated I was with the situation. I want to stress I never got agitated with my daughter, and I felt like i was just venting to my husband. He told me to just hold her in bed instead of on our couch and we walked upstairs. I still had to hold and soothe her there, and I again started ranting to my husband about how upset I was. At this point he got irritated with me and reminded me that our daughter is sick and I just need to hold her until she feels better. I stopped crying around this point and he fell asleep.
Later, around 8am, I tried to move the baby off of me but she started crying again, wanting to cuddle. At this point I was getting really agitated and felt like I needed a break so badly from parenting and cuddling. Husband was getting upset that I wouldn’t cuddle and soothe baby. At this point, I admit that I got nasty and started snapping at him about how he wouldn’t help me when I asked.
From here, I honestly got pretty riled up and cried a bit more (not proud of that) and kept telling my husband how angry I was that he wouldn’t help me the night before and that I can’t take it parenting without a break any longer. I admit I was very upset at this point and I definitely wasn’t coming across very nice. It is fair to say I was snapping at him pretty badly and telling him he pretty much let me down the night before when I needed him.
Here is where the crux of the argument happened. My husband basically started to film me as I got upset. Lately he has done that whenever we fight and so when I get upset there is always evidence to it. I told him before how much it bothered me and when I realized he was filming me during this moment I totally lost it. I pulled off a very sentimental and honestly expensive necklace he bought me years ago that I never every take off and I threw it across the room in anger.
In response, my husband told me that I am throwing a tantrum, walked over to the necklace, and pulled on it until it snapped in half. The clasp broke.
I’m honestly devastated that he would break it like that but he told me that I should learn to not throw things and throw tantrums and that I brought it upon myself to have it broken.
I know I shouldn’t have started yelling at him for being tired, is he correct that it’s my fault that he snapped my necklace?
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He started FILMING you? That’s just not on.
Info: have you done anything violent, abusive, dangerous, etc in fights before? You mention throwing the necklace in anger, and that physical outburst combined with him filming makes me wonder if you’ve done things in the past that he now feels like he needs to document your explosions for his own protection.
Is that the case? Or is this the only time you have ever escalated to physical actions when upset?
He’s going for custody. Thats why he’s filming you.
Feels like there is something crucial missing here. When a dude feels a need to film something it usually means there is a certain aspect of denial with your action that prompts him into thinking this is the only way he could go forth with future cases.
But at the same time it is bogus for your husband not to take care of the child when he could. Sounds like both of you feel justified of your own individual reaction instead of coming to a middle ground.
You’re being abused. Pushing someone to a meltdown then filming them is a technique abusers use. He is abusive. Pack your stuff and go stay with family or friends who’ll help you rather than destroy you.
hes abusive
he sounds really cruel and it feels like he’s partly engineering these situations. do you have anyone else that can take care of your baby so you can actually sleep?
One, he never helped you when you asked, he is a parent as well and this is his child, he’s just as responsible as you but doesn’t pull his own weight. Then, he films you. No, you are not overreacting at all! I would honestly have a very frank conversation with him that if he doesn’t step up and stop acting like this, I’ve I was you I’d be done. He sounds manipulative, lazy and just an over all jerk to be with.
So, your husband who has left you to deal with a sick toddler alone for two nights with no sleep, got upset that you were burned out and needed help? And then filmed you to try and frame himself as the victim?
Nope, he sucks.
Sleep deprived parenting isn’t safe. You don’t need a break just for your own health (which btw is also important and a good reason to need a break from the person who promised to be your life partner) but also so your child is kept safe.
Is there anywhere you could go? Family or friends?
Ma‘am, why are you focusing on the necklace when your husband is clearly not parenting together with you? Your child is probably very attached to you because you are the only one providing care. Why is he even filming you instead of helping you?
It sounds like you all would benefit from therapy and separation at least temporarily.
I was ready to give a ‘ugh poor you, this sucks for everyone and no one’s the AH’ until it got to the bit about him FILMING you. Screech on the brakes. What?! And then breaking your necklace? Yes, you were having a tantrum, sleep deprivation will do that to one, but what the actual hell is this man about?! I’d wait until you’re not sleep deprived and then have a cold hard think about this through the lens of patterns of abuse. Does he regularly trivialise your feelings, infantilise you, punish you, etc? Is the baby refusing to go to him actually as a result of weaponised incompetence? Are there other areas and patterns of coercion? Remember abuse often escalates during pregnancy and post partum when you are dependent and vulnerable. Please consider speaking this all through with a trusted friend or family member, a therapist or a national abuse hotline. This may all be fine, but you seem to be majorly under reacting to your husband filming you in a moment of emotional vulnerability.
Oh hell no.
He likely isn’t able to sooth the baby because he doesn’t spend enough time with her and thus isn’t a safe space for her.
Him filming you MULTIPLE TIMES when you’re upset is a “Do not pass go moment”.
Purposefully breaking things is usually a hallmark of physical abuse to come. When breaking your things no longer gets the results he wants – he’ll break you.
I don’t think you are safe in this relationship anymore.
Kind people don’t punish having an emotional breakdown. Rules are stated in advance or they don’t exist.
Is this anything like normal behavior for him? I’m trying to figure out if he acted like an asshat once because he was overwhelmed or if he’s an asshat in general.
You guys need therapy. For the sake of your kid more than anything else.
Having 2 parents having tantrums, throwing things, breaking things, yelling and crying is not a good environment for a child. Especially a sick child. And it doesn’t matter if you’re tired. It’s your responsibility to be an adult and it’s also his responsibility to be an adult.
He should be helping more. But based on how many aspects of your own behavior that you aren’t proud of telling the story, you also need to do some work too.
You both need to get your emotions under control. You need to work as a team.
I am fighting back the feeling of rage on your behalf as I tell myself,”This didn’t happen to you, relax.”I have never read a post that I reacted to this way. The fact that he started filming you infuriates me. Neither the filming nor the breaking of the necklace is normal or reasonable behavior. The term narcissistic gets thrown around a lot and used when it’s not the case. In your circumstance, it sounds like your husband is very narcissistic. He is literally provoking you to lash out and then filming it, which is even more infuriating, so he can use it against you later. You are exhausted, sleep deprived, and most likely undernourished. This could turn any normal adult into a full-blown toddler at this point. On top of all this, you’re being emotionally and mentally abused. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you have support from other people in your life. It sounds like you are the primary parent, which is so hard when you have little to no support from The Man Child you are unfortunately married to.
With someone who had three kids later in life, sleep deprivation and exhaustion is a real thing that if goes unchecked, can be devastating to a marriage.
Don’t listen to all these people who are beating on you or him. Even the filming thing, though not normal, is a by product of the shit both of you are going through.
I will say if it was one night he didn’t help, chalk it up, but if that’s a normal pattern with him, then you have issues.
You need help, a family member that can come in and assist, even if just for a few hours so you all can sleep.
My kids slept 20-30 minutes at a time the first 6-9 months, so yeah, I have some experience.
He’s setting you up so he can divorce and get everything due to your “abuse” and “mental illness”. I can guarantee it. One, he’s a shitty partner because he should have been helping all along. It’s his child too. Second, he’s setting you up. You need to leave this relationship before he pushes you far enough that you end up losing your child forever. Wonder how he’d feel if you filmed him every time he was a shitty partner and not helping.
Oh hun, you have way bigger problems here than a broken necklace. The filming of you being upset or angry is for his own defense when you are in divorce court. I”m seriously baffled that he said this; ” Husband was getting upset that I wouldn’t cuddle and soothe baby.” so the question is WHY ISN’T HE DOING SOME OF THAT WORK? So you could freaking rest!? OP, are you sure you’re not in abusive relationship because my spidey sense is tingling.
Be prepared for your kid to have their things broken when they’re not palatable for your husband. Things or bones.
Jfc. Your husband is actually awful. Every single thing he did was awful.
Taking the sickness out of the equation, filming doesn’t seem right. Maybe I’m just going crazy, but this looks like he’s trying to have “evidence” to something else
Your husband is abusing you. You are a married single mother. He’s not doing his share of parenting yet has the gall to film you when you’re upset – 100% because he plans on blackmailing you when you’ve finally had enough and want to leave him. It is imperative that you talk to a family law attorney. Discreetly.
Read Why Does He Do That by Bancroft. You can download a free PDF now.
No. He’s abusive.
He needs to pack his stuff and leave. Hes failed as a partner a father and now hes destroying property that doesn’t belong to him. Your a single married parent time to make it a single parent
It sounds like you were carrying an immense amount of stress and exhaustion… and it’s completely understandable how that could lead to a moment where things feel out of control, especially when someone close isn’t offering the support you need in return.
Can he not take time off work to help care for the baby? Or in the evening after work he can’t help out? Just lets you be the sole parent?
And he’s made it a habit to film you??? That’s messed up and there may be a hidden reason as to why he’s doing it. Some people in the comments are hinting at using it for custody battles
So his response to your “Tantrum” was to have a Tantrum and destroy your stuff? Sounds like this is a him problem.
Ok he’s being very evil by filming you. He’ll use that against you. Plus he’s not helping you – he wants you to fail. Be careful- try and delete those videos. Then afterwards try and get out of that situation.
u/burbnbougie
Your husband’s actions are never your responsibility. Because even if you were sleep deprived and angry, he wasn’t and decided to break it to hurt you.
He’s the father of this child and needs to learn to be a parent. Kids cry, it can be uncomfortable, but she would have stopped. You needed a break and he basically passed her back when it got a little difficult.
You had every reason to feel frustrated. There was no reason for him to break the necklace.
Your husband is abusive. This is abuse.
Your husband is trying to set you up. Don’t worry about the necklace. Start filming him every time he holds the baby and the baby cries. You need your own insurance until you’re ready to leave.
Okay one… he’s abusive.
But honey…. Why not just put the baby in a crib or pack and play and let her self soothe? I know she is sick, but you can’t take care of her properly if you are that exhausted. It’s okay to put them down for a little bit.
Your husband should absolutely help… but it sounds like he is a piece of crap.
It’s sad to hear that you seem ashamed that you were crying, as if that’s a bad thing. You were at the end of your rope and exhausted with no real help from your husband. His reaction was to FILM you? And then he snapped your necklace as a “lesson’?
These are HUGE issues. You need to loom at other areas of your relationship and see if there is any crossover (does he film only when you’re upset related to your daughter or all the time?) I’d literally film all the time – so that it isn’t just your reaction being recorded. He’s painting you in a bad light for a reason, and it isn’t good.
My mouth fell open and hit the floor…FILMING YOU??!
Anyone would understand you’re sleep deprived, over being touched and frustrated. Anyone would get annoyed especially with a partner that goes back to sleep??
Even if your baby only wanted you he could have gotten you some tea, got the bed ready and comfortable for you both, maybe rubbed your back or watched a show/movie to keep you company.
“Teaching you a lesson” who does he think you are? A pet???
Breaking anything because of anger is so childish.
My only advice is that he sounds gross and you deserve a partner that will help and show compassion for you taking care of HIS CHILD.
Seriously, he has recorded you multiple times? I’ve never met him and I hate him.
“there is always evidence to it” << what? fights are court cases. although i feel like yours might well be in the future.
Would you do this to a friend, as they are crying and emotional, film them so you could feel vindicated or right later? Of course not.
Why is he treating you this way instead of with empathy?
He’s going treat your kid the same way.
He’s going to downplay your kid’s valid emotions and/or goad her into feeling worse. He’s going to taunt her. He’s going to film her. He’s going to break her stuff, stuff that has meaning for her and offers her comfort. He’s going to destroy her things.
He will continue not parenting her. He will continue not helping her. He’s will continue not helping you.
He’s going to see that she’s overwhelmed and suffering and will do the absolute barest minimum, which she will praise him for because she’ll have grown up being treated like a burden.
Are you ok with that?
Why are you ok with that for yourself?
“I hadn’t slept in days and clearly communicated my physical and mental health needs. To his credit he made a half hearted almost effort then almost immediately stopped.”
He is controlling you. filming you is total bullshit, I suggest talking to a therapist and get some shit on the record. And every time he tries, start repeating “I do not consent to being filmed” Hell start saying how “you only film after you abuse me, after you hit me, after you threaten me and I get upset”. 2 can play at that game.
You have an abusive spouse.
There is no reason to destroy anyone’s property. You have a baby and two days of acute sleep deprivation, plus overall deprivation because babies are going to be babies.
There’s a reason some awful places use sleep deprivation as torture. Maintaining control would be beyond most people. I know when I was dealing with PPA and a baby that wouldn’t sleep I started hallucinating.
Your husband is so across the line it’s abuse and manipulation. He is filming you to discredit you in some way. Breaking your necklace is a test – he is seeing if you are broken down enough to accept that treatment. Abusers will test whether they can break your things before they start trying to hit and hurt you.
Please please read Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That book. There’s free e-copies that you can find. the author’ gave permission for free copies to be available.
Yeah it’s a bad sign when a loved videos your tantrums. This would typically happen from witnessing behavior that would be hard to believe otherwise. And it’s proof against future abuse claims heading his way.
Get a hold of yourself and your emotions.
I didn’t even need to read past the title but Jesus suffering fuck it only got worse.
First of all: the necklace is the least of your problems honey. Your husband is abandoning you AND YOUR DAUGHTER when you need him and abdicating his equal role as a parent. Then he’s blaming and shaming YOU for having a perfectly reasonable negative reaction. Then he’s pulling this fucking insane power play with filming you, then he’s destroying your property to “teach you a lesson”. That’s a fucking dangerous man.
No, he is not fucking correct. He’s abusive, neglectful, and controlling.
Omg. Get out. Safely. Quickly. Without warning. Do not tell him in advance. Go. Just go.
The abuse in this entire situation is crazy.
You tore your necklace off but he’s in the wrong for breaking it? Okay, two wrongs don’t make a right. I think you do need some help because sleep deprivation can make people crazy. I think your husband is documenting that. Please try to get some help. It sounds like you’re overwhelmed and not dealing with it very well.
I’m sorry to tell you that you’re a single mom. Your husband “tried soothing her”. How long? And YOURE the problem? Oh HELL no. You deserve a break and he clearly doesn’t know how to parent. He’s putting the whole load on you.
You were also sick. You were mentally and emotionally drained and sleep deprived. People cannot act rationally under sleep deprivation. That your husband mandated. He had the tantrum not you. You had many reasons. He had 0.
If this is a reoccurring issue I’d consider leaving. If this is a first time offense, I would leave for a friend’s house for a few days.
You need a break (have grandparents or someone trusted take the kid for a night while you get a hotel room or something) and probably some kind of couples counseling to make this work better.
You need to gather up any supportive ppl you can, start collecting your own evidence and making a paper trail. He clearly isn’t interested in parenting but that doesn’t mean he wolnt try to take baby from you just for the purposes of hurting you and not paying child support. Talk to a lawer and start making plans if at all possible. Damn this sucks. I feel for you.
Filming you for evidence? Girl he is not safe, he’s planning your downfall every time you fight. That’s not normal. People who are together don’t have to prepare evidence against each other every time they disagree. Please keep yourself safe
I will say this…. My wife has bpd and has what your husband calls “tantrums” from time to time. She will throw and break things. We have spoken about therapy and help and am doing that with her now. And we recently had our daughter, since then, my wife has been very good, even with bpd and postpartum depression. No situations or arguments that have been escalating. She understands what it takes to be a good parent and is willing to do the work. He is childish for napping the necklace. You already threw it. It took it then next step by breaking it. He seems like a miserable partner to have. Sorry you have to deal with this Op.
However, the lack of assistance your husband is providing is saddening. Then for him to pull a camera out and film you while you parent by yourself is disgusting. The SECOND I see my wife getting overwhelmed or upset, I am 100% willing to step in with baby and take her to put her to sleep or change her etc, whatever she would need at the time. I think it goes to show that since your husband has been so distant, that even the baby doesn’t like him. My baby will fall asleep in my hands in a couple minutes. Every. Single. Time. I think your husband is a dick, that he needs to be more present and helpful, and be a god damn dad for gods sake.
Yeah. My husband and I struggled the first 2 years of parenting together. We’re good now, but those first 2 years are so hard. So. Hard. It really brings out the darkness in you, it got really bad a few times. I’m not going to explain away OPs hubby’s behavior because you need to be accountable for yourself, even during the really hard times. I hope you guys are able to work through it and he will delete those videos because immortalizing someone in their worst moments is not a memory you want your photos to remind you of once you guys can recover from this. I hope that your love for each other isn’t lost and you can work it out together. My therapist taught me to strive for resolution during times of conflict, not focus on the conflict. Not sure if that’s helpful. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I remember the sleep deprivation and the sleep regression fights… it’s really tough. Hoping for the best for you and your family!!!
He’s not parenting his child. He’s not supporting you. And he’s trying to make sure you can’t leave because he has evidence.
Formulate a plan to leave. This will not end well. Document everything.
Your husband has let you down. He is filming you because he is going to use that footage in court in some way – maybe to get custody of your child, maybe to institutionalize you.
You’re not safe with this man, and you should stop relying on him. I am begging you to grey-rock. He was wrong to destroy something sentimental to you; he most likely did it because he can blame you for breaking it by throwing it, and because he expected you to have an emotional reaction that he could capitalize on.
Your husband is being very cruel, and it is intentional. He is not your ally anymore, and probably not going to be your husband for much longer. Please get your ducks in a row for a divorce; seek therapy, seek legal counsel, start documenting everything.
I can see how both of you would be at your wits end and dysregulated and sleep deprived. Its no fun in that moment and esp if you are being told you suck by an angry person when you tried to help and the baby chose you. So like on most of the story I would say that neither of you were necessarily right and both did wrong – but under understandable circumstances.
But…filming you? Thats sus af. I have never once been filmed or filmed my husband when we were having a time with it. Unless you asked him to, unless youre not remembering, unless a therapist requested this be done, and unless he thinks you had PPD – that’s very very very weird. And makes the situation way worse. Its like when people filmed a car wreck instead of helping.
I would agree with others that it seems like hes trying to build a case or something because that is unhinged.
Also when my kids were sick I coslept with them. The lullaby trust (a uk sleep safe charity) gives advice on how to make sure you’re doing it in the safest way possible and if you smoke / drink / take medication / drugs then these can all make it unsafe, so take a look, prep the bed so there’s lots of room for you and baby, no duvets or pillows and take a nap.
Breaking stuff in anger is never “correct.” He’s a crappy father and a crappy husband. Sounds like you’re basically a single parent since he can’t be bothered to hold her for more than a few minutes.
He’s filming you so he can show in court that you’re an unfit mother. It’s laughable that he wants custody when he can barely parent now.
Get a lawyer. He’s an awful person. This is not who you want to raise your child around.
This is not a healthy relationship. If you want to save it, book counseling immediately. But you seem like two incompatible people.
Your husbands behavior is NOT ok. Anyone with NO sleep and a sick child who is a velcro baby would eventually snap.
How dare he not really make the effort to help you so you can actually get some definitely much needed sleep? How dare he film your “tantrum,” which btw isn’t a tantrum. It’s a cry for help. The fact that he could sleep knowing you are up, velcro kid, fever, covid, etc. is disgusting.
The filming? My ex did this. He would start arguments, pick on me, taunt me, call me names, and then when I blew up very angrily, he’d start recording. Why? All to play it to his therapist who feeds his narcissist ego. (They are PERSONAL friends on Instagram) He wanted to paint a picture to his therapist and HIS friends that I was crazy. Didn’t work. His friends only thought I was actually crazy for being with him and sticking it out as long as I did. We were together 22yrs, 20yrs married.
Him breaking your necklace is a sign of how he really feels. He doesn’t want you to have emotions or express them. He’s showing you he controls the home and all that goes on inside of it. It’s the beginning and will only get worse. His goal is to hurt you and break you by taking away things you love.
Please go to therapy. ALONE! Get some CLARITY on what you want from life, and this is how you want your baby to grow up. FYI, when your daughter gets older, he will treat her how he treats you or worse, depending on how much she looks and acts like you. I lived it! Goodluck 💜
Everyone is going to „he wants custody“ about the filming. What if there’s more to this story? We only know one side.
He might be suspecting Postpartum depression or even psychosis and creating evidence because that unfortunately is something you would not believe easily about yourself, nor would a medical professional.
This is horrible. I just got over covid with my 17 month old and it was the most horrible exhausting experience I’ve had with her. Soothing her all night, noanaging her fever, worrying, not sleeping. I was also breastfeeding and sick myself. By the end of two nights with her my husband had to take her because I was literally curled on the floor rocking back and forth asking for my mother (who died 4 years ago).
You need support and help. Your husband is supposed to be your partner. His behaviour is 100% unacceptable.
You don’t sound violent at all. You sound physically and emotionally exhausted and touched out. Why isn’t your husband attempting to soothe his own child at all? Why is this your sole responsibility?
Throwing your necklace in the heat of the moment seems understandable. You’re sleep deprived, you’re upset, you’re angry, and coupled with your husband needlessly filming you you probably felt a bit humiliated. In that moment I can understand that feeling of ‘fuck this/I don’t want shit touching me’. I don’t understand the motivation behind your husband breaking the necklace at all and it’s even more concerning that he’d blame you.
Your husband sounds terrifying quite frankly. It sounds like he has no empathy for you, he tries to humiliate you, he gaslights you, and he destroys your belongings. If you have a trusted friend and relative you and your daughter can stay with, I’d recommend it. I’d also recommend calling a domestic abuse line and telling them what you’ve told us, I think you’ll find it useful to hear that perspective.
This is his proof of you being mental and the problem when you are likely reacting to a form of abuse.
First off, I want to say being “touched out” as a mother is a REAL THING! It’s super overwhelming and you should NOT feel bad about it. What you’re going through right now is so overwhelming and exhausting.. Your husband is basically taking a backseat to parenting rn and using the excuse “ baby just wants to cuddle” for him to not take over. I’m so sorry and I’m sure you feel very alone in this.
I would tell him “ I need you to take the baby, I’m taking a shower then having a nap. After that we need to talk, we both created this human and we both need to be able to soothe her. I need your help.”
If he still isn’t able can you call your mother, his mother or a friend to come take over? It’s ok to need a break!
Plus when he sees someone else coming over to take over where he isn’t willing I bet he will get embarrassed and come shuffling over to help.
Why tf is he recording you? That right there is a fucking red flag. 🚩 that’s some psychotic behavior.
My friend, you both desperately need a break. Right now, neither of you sounds like an adult in a loving, healthy relationship. His filming of your breakdown feels like a huge violation, him breaking the necklace feels incredibly cruel, petty, and punitive, and refusing to help with the baby is lazy and irresponsible.
Once your baby is no longer sick, find a trustworthy friend or family member who can spend a weekend with her and just take a little vacation, some time to let yourself rest and recover. My recommendation is that you find someone who can watch the baby for maybe 2-3 hours two evenings every week.
Use one of them for sessions with a couples’ counselor—both of you have exhibited behavior that should likely be addressed, and having someone to facilitate that communication can be really helpful.
Use the other night as a date night, spending the time focused on being present with each other rather than thinking about the baby.
All of that said: if,—even after the extra stresses of having a young kid are no longer such a huge issue—your husband’s behavior doesn’t improve dramatically, you have a bigger problem on your hands. Him expecting you to always be the “point person” for the baby is completely unreasonable and unacceptable. And filming your “breakdowns” is completely unacceptable behavior, as is “punishing” you by destroying things you value.
Finally, if he ever physically assaults (or threatens to physically assault) you, get out of that marriage. Yes, even if it was “just once” or “he didn’t even really hurt me” or “he was really remorseful afterwards.”
Good luck. Get some rest.
Your husband is a monster.
He is ensuring you are sleep deprived/overwhelmed and then provoking you into these reactions in order to film you. Despicable.
This is psychological abuse & torture.
Do you have family or friends you and your daughter could stay with for a while? You need deep rest not only for your well-being but also so you can think clearly about your next steps.
Sending thoughts of peace and healing to you, OP.
He’s a lazy person in general and a shitty partner to you.
I’d divorce him. Especially with him filming you for, “evidence,” you’re unstable. He’s trying to go for custody. Make sure when he films you that you verbalize what he’s done to get you to the point of a breakdown.
Oh, yeah. You guys sound perfectly healthy. You found a real keeper there. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
Damn, yet again, why y’all always choose such horrible men?
How often are you throwing these tantrums? You threw a necklace, you’ve thrown other things before, he says you are screaming at the top of your lungs. All this in front of your child? Honestly you sound out of control. If my brother told me those things I would tell him to CYA. Look into individual therapy. It can help you with your anger and figure out if you want to stay in this relationship. He needs to help with the baby though. Does he not help at night at all?
Why do men marry women they hate?
My dad did this kind of thing to me before he would kick me out of the house (I was a teenager), including the filming bit. I know my father hates me, and based off of that, your husband hates you too.
My dad recorded my whole he yelled at me to pack my things, and if I didn’t he would yell at me more until I started packing again. And he would record me while packing and as he pushed me out of the house. I think he did this in case the police ever came by. He kicked me out of the house for a week. And I still got my As in school (including honors classes)
Men like this do not love you, they are protecting themselves, and you need to protect yourself from this man. He’s preparing something to use against you later
where do yall find these mfs
Your husband is emotionally abusive. I’m not involved in this, but I’m shaking in anger just reading it. His behavior is HORRIFYING. It is not okay for him to film you when you are upset if you haven’t given consent for him to do so.
Parenting is a 2-person job. It is not just the mother’s job. Sleep deprivation is no joke. He should be helping with the baby.
If he won’t help, hire some help or have a trusted family member help.
Your husband is treating you like a child. He’s punishing you for emotions that he doesn’t want to deal with. Your husband should be your partner, not a disciplinarian. This is abusive.
Once you’ve slept and the baby is no longer sick, I think you need to start making a plan to leave your husband. This is emotional abuse. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.
If you don’t leave him, please don’t have any more children with him.
I’d get my own cameras to film at all times. I’d tell him, on record, that his selective filming is a red flag and you refuse to be edited into an unstable parent when running on 3 hours of sleep in a, give or take, 72 hour span.
And I’d dig so fucking deep to shut down and stop asking him for ANY assistance. I’d not argue with him. I’d ice him out. I’d single parent for as long as it takes to get my affairs in order and file for divorce.
Unfortunately, I think your husband is checked out of this relationship and is collecting evidence for a divorce. He might be going for custody or he might just want “proof” to paint himself in a sympathetic light to others. If he was actually fearful of your temper or trying to prove a point, he wouldn’t be goading you on by calling your upsets tantrums, scolding you like a child or breaking your necklace (which clearly doesn’t hold any sentimental value to him).
Look up what “reactive abuse” is. He’s gathering proof of how “crazy and abusive” you are, even though he’s the one making you that way through abuse.
Hun leave now. He’s being mentally and emotionally abusive and recording you for evidence of your instability. Go to a good friend or parent and talk to your doctor. He really might try to take the baby or use the evidence to have you committed.
You’re being abused in this situation. Your sleep-deprived despair and anger at parenting alone are totally normal. You’re a single mother anyway. You should get away from him.