For background, we have been dating for 7 months and been official for 1 month. We were having a sleepover yesterday when I decided to scroll on his phone. I then found messages of him flirting with other women from when we were dating(we agreed to be exclusive), before we were officially in a relationship. Then I saw a message notification from a girl just from few days ago but their conversation is deleted. I told him about what I saw when he woke up. He was apologetic and did not know what to say. He said he stopped flirting with others when we became official, and that the deleted message was of her asking to meet up in his university. He told her he wasn’t there and she replied “ok next time”, the notification that i saw. He said he didn’t respond further and deleted the message because he didn’t want to engage further.
Now, he has been sending me messages saying he’s sorry. That he loves me. That he’s been trying his best to change and that even if i didn’t see the messages, he already stopped flirting with others. He is promising to never do it again, asking for a second chance. He’s saying he doesn’t know how to prove himself to me but that he doesn’t wanna lose me. He’s saying he’ll tell me everything from now on. That he’ll never give up on me.
I told him I need space. I haven’t been responding to his messages. I love him. I wanna believe everything he is telling me, but the trust is gone. I don’t know how I’ll be able to trust him again. I don’t know what to do. What am i supposed to do? Please help me clear my mind.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
[deleted]
Wait you’re upset that he was flirting with other women before you were together?
Why is that any of your business or concern?
Also though, “having a sleepover”? I thought you said you were 28?
But you weren’t exclusive then, so what’s the issue? Serious question I’m not being mean. I’m trying to understand why you don’t trust him now?
INFO: Why didn’t you both get together/exclusive earlier? Who wanted to wait 7 months to be exclusive?
Sorry but what’s the difference between dating exclusively and being bf/gf?