Hi goobies, I (19f) have a mum (60f) who has a partner (60m). They’ve been going out for a while now, around 5+ years. Thing is he’s always taking the piss out of me. He’s commented on how i look, along eith making weird sexual comments in the pass. E.g. i was going to mention about getting a red dead redemption related tattoo, but he asked if i was gonna get a garter around my thigh. I was 16/17 at the time, correct me if it’s sexual or not but it very much made me uncomfortable. He also takes the piss out of my dislikes for certain textures. I hate the feeling of velvet and it makes me feel ill at the thought or feel of it. Any chance there’s velvet in a shop he tries to shove it in my face.
Anyway, i was talking to a tattoo receptionist who I’m getting really close with. She commented on how mum’s partner were staring at her chest last time we visited and it made her uncomfortable. Me of course feeling bad said he looked like a bulldog impulsively to try and make her feel better about the situation (there are times where I don’t know how to react in certain situations so i either try to make jokes to make someone feel better). My jeans at the time answered my mum who phoned me and she heard me call her partner a bulldog. I noticed and talked to her and she told me to come home.
I came home and she was angry. She said I don’t care about how she feels and that if I’m talking about her partner behind his and her back, what am i saying about her. She’s threatened to kick me out if i cross a line again since i live with her before she walked out of the door to take some time for herself. I haven’t had chance to apologise or explain cause she doesn’t want to hear it. I understand what i said was awful and i do feel bad, but am i an ass for this?
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Hi goobies, I (19f) have a mum (60f) who has a partner (60m). They’ve been going out for a while now, around 5+ years. Thing is he’s always taking the piss out of me. He’s commented on how i look, along eith making weird sexual comments in the pass. E.g. i was going to mention about getting a red dead redemption related tattoo, but he asked if i was gonna get a garter around my thigh. I was 16/17 at the time, correct me if it’s sexual or not but it very much made me uncomfortable. He also takes the piss out of my dislikes for certain textures. I hate the feeling of velvet and it makes me feel ill at the thought or feel of it. Any chance there’s velvet in a shop he tries to shove it in my face.
Anyway, i was talking to a tattoo receptionist who I’m getting really close with. She commented on how mum’s partner were staring at her chest last time we visited and it made her uncomfortable. Me of course feeling bad said he looked like a bulldog impulsively to try and make her feel better about the situation (there are times where I don’t know how to react in certain situations so i either try to make jokes to make someone feel better). My jeans at the time answered my mum who phoned me and she heard me call her partner a bulldog. I noticed and talked to her and she told me to come home.
I came home and she was angry. She said I don’t care about how she feels and that if I’m talking about her partner behind his and her back, what am i saying about her. She’s threatened to kick me out if i cross a line again since i live with her before she walked out of the door to take some time for herself. I haven’t had chance to apologise or explain cause she doesn’t want to hear it. I understand what i said was awful and i do feel bad, but am i an ass for this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my mums partner a bulldog because a tattoo receptionist felt uncomfortable cause said partner was staring at her chest.
My jeans pocket dialled my mum and she heard the conversation. She was angry and basically called me an asshole for disrespecting her and her partner.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You shouldn’t feel all that bad. Did your mom hear only your bulldog comment and not the part about how your friend was expressing discomfort at her BF’s gross leering? If she didn’t hear that part I certainly hope you took the time to tell her. Does she generally know what a creep her BF is? He sounds like someone who never grew out of adolescence and the fact that your passing remark insulting his looks is her focus rather than his predatory and inappropriate behavior is very, very telling. I suspect she is not someone who is going to stand up for you or keep you safe. If she doesn’t already know how gross he is, you ned to tell her. If she does know, you need to work on getting away from them both.
Nta you alr know my opinion 🙏
NTA. Is your mom aware of the comments he has made that make you uncomfortable. Is she aware of the fact that his stares make other women uncomfortable? This doesn’t bode well for your future if mom is attacking you after such a minor comment without wanting to know the context. I’m thinking she may take his side no matter what he may say or do. I called my step dad a lot worse than that over the years, my mom would never have said something like that to me…he was quite capable of standing up for himself.
NTA. I can already tell what kind of a parent your mom is. Straight to the nursing home she goes.
NTA. What’s the line? Not finding her bae attaractive? Is “looks like a bulldog” even an insult? Folks love bulldogs and their jowls. I dunno. Whats to feel bad about?
Harsh take here. YTA, but not by much.
His treatment of you is horrid, and your feelings about him are valid as well as reasonable.
That being said, you were gossiping at the least or disrespecting him behind his back. People do it all the time, but it’s still poor behavior. Hence why you wouldn’t wanted her or him to hear that.
Related to each other’s trauma is a trend that creates socially awkward situations to avoid such situations. You’ll get better at that with time.
YTA.
YTA; no bulldog wants to be compared to an adult human (of any gender) who makes suggestive comments to/about underage people. Next time, please choose your comparisons a bit more carefully…. 😉
Oh yeah, when she’s calmed down a lot, tell your mom what you wrote here. She really needs to know that her bf is making suggestive comments to her underage daughter.
NTA your mom sucks, her dude sucks, you don’t owe her an apology, move out and go no contact until she gets her shit together. Tell her when she respects you enough to drop her creepy boyfriend she can be part of your life.
Also very gently for next time, often the best way to handle something like what the tattoo artist was saying is to validate and sympathize not necessarily insulting the guys looks.
ppl saying you’re an asshole for gossiping about someone who sexualized you as a minor need to have their brains examined NTA CLEAREST NTA EVER
NTA and the fact that she’s mad about you commenting on his looks vs. him creeping on you makes her a whole field of red flags.
NTA. Your mom shouldn’t be threatening to kick you out like that, not over a man, not over a comment, not over anything.
I think she’s feeling internal conflict knowing her man has a bad rep and knowing other people are judging her taste and her judgement. She knows, and she feels uncomfortable, but she’s not mature enough to know what to do with those feelings so she’s taking it out on you.
Please communicate to her that you love and respect her, but that you don’t feel loved or respected by her when she lets him treat you like that.
Hey she has a partner that’s made you feel weird but you’re getting threatened??? Wow just wow
NTA. Print out this post and the comments and just hand it to her.
Trust your gut. He is a perv. That is NOT appropriate behavior from a grown ass man to do to a very young woman.
Maybe start planning your exit route. If you don’t have a job, get one asap.
NTA remind her she doesn’t care about you as she stays with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable with his tasteless and weird remarks.