MIL is addicted to weed, I don’t want her to watch my kids, and told my partner if she smoked around them I would cut her off

r/

Hi,

I am not sure if this is the right place for this My MIL is an addict, she has struggled with alcohol, pills and her latest drug of choice is weed. This is an addiction. She used to live with my partner, he was going on a trip and asked her to watch his pets, she agreed. My partner didn’t take her to a dispensary prior to leaving and she told him she was going to abandon his pets and steal his car. My partner at the time lived in a community that required an ID for entrance and a sponsor to allow you onto the property. (iykyk) he arranged for a friend who is in the same community to take her. After this incident he decided to she could no longer live with him and he bought her a one way ticket to his home state. She’s gotten back in her feet, she is supporting herself, she’s bought a car has her own living space and is in general doing well but still smokes everyday. Recently we needed a sitter for our 10 month son, we chose to send him to my parents, they are an hour away by flight, they are retired and do not have substance issues. Well this made my MIL pissed, she started going after my partner and my parenting style, she said some hurtful things. We were able to move past this situation but I told my partner that should we ever need to leave the kids (I am pregnant with another) that she would have to give up weed while they were in her care. He said she would probably still do it and tell us she didn’t. I said that if she did that then we would cut her off. My partner said that this was extreme. That she would change based on us limiting her contact as she was able to get clean from pills when she lost custody of him. This started a huge argument. I told my partner that kids who are exposed to substance use disorders are more likely to become addicts themselves (my partner struggles with alcohol) that I didn’t need weed to be normalized for them as this is already a huge struggle in our home. His argument is they will be exposed eventually. I said I want the opportunity to educate them on substance abuse before they are exposed especially by their grandma. My partner is 2 months sober right now. He grew up in addiction and is now an addict. I didn’t know he had a problem until we moved in together, and I was already pregnant when we moved in together. I am extremely stressed as we can’t come to an agreement. He says that cutting her off will impact our kids mental health and that we need to consider that, I said I am considering their mental health by removing them for a situation that may hurt them.( I have also told my partner that if he continues to drink I will leave) he feels like I’m singling out his mom, but I would do this for anyone in their life including him. I have already spoken to an attorney should he continue in his addiction. I just can’t risk my kids. Am I overreacting?