so yeah this might be petty but it’s been bugging me
i (34M) play a lot of pickleball. it’s my thing. i’ve got a regular group, we mess around, keep it competitive but chill. i went to this open play thing last weekend, got paired with some dude (let’s call him mike or whatever) for doubles. never played with him before.
first few points were fine. but then he starts with the “tips.”
like “you should’ve dinked that”
“try stepping in more on your serve”
“you’re crowding the net a little”
EVERY SINGLE POINT. I’m like bro, its not a clinic. I actually told him, I’m good bro, just not to sound rude. He says “Totally” but kept doing it.
By the second game I was done. I grabbed my stuff and left the court. No drama or anything. Just got up and left. now people at the courts are saying i was overreacting and that he was just being helpful. idk. i feel like he killed the whole vibe and made it weird. maybe i could’ve sucked it up but honestly it just ruined the fun.
AITA????
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so yeah this might be petty but it’s been bugging me
i (34M) play a lot of pickleball. it’s my thing. i’ve got a regular group, we mess around, keep it competitive but chill. i went to this open play thing last weekend, got paired with some dude (let’s call him mike or whatever) for doubles. never played with him before.
first few points were fine. but then he starts with the “tips.”
like “you should’ve dinked that”
“try stepping in more on your serve”
“you’re crowding the net a little”
EVERY SINGLE POINT. I’m like bro, its not a clinic. I actually told him, I’m good bro, just not to sound rude. He says “Totally” but kept doing it.
By the second game I was done. I grabbed my stuff and left the court. No drama or anything. Just got up and left. now people at the courts are saying i was overreacting and that he was just being helpful. idk. i feel like he killed the whole vibe and made it weird. maybe i could’ve sucked it up but honestly it just ruined the fun.
AITA????
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA if he wanted to coach, he should’ve opened with “ want some tips?” instead of treating you like a project
YTA. Why take it so personally? The guy was just trying to help. It sounds like you have a fragile ego and can’t take any critique.
Were you trying to be an asshole to make a point? If the answer is “yes” then, yes you were being an asshole but I don’t care. Sometimes you gotta be an asshole. YTA. I think this is an instance where you probably could have gotten him to stop if you brought it up more directly with him or just pointed out that you were just there to have a good time now to have a lesson.
That being said, being an AH probably was effective at communicating to this person and anyone else to not coach you.
NTA but you should have just ignored him.
NTA. He was nitpicking you. And being condescending. Now you know how it feels to have someone ‘mansplain’ at you. Anyone who thinks you were overreacting, tell them you are so glad to hear that they are volunteering to partner this person and you are very excited to hear how they feel about his ‘feedback’
ESH. He sucks for the unwanted and unasked for coaching.
>I actually told him, I’m good bro, just not to sound rude.
That’s terrible communication. Say what you mean instead of worrying about sounding rude. Instead of only sounding rude, you were rude in action to your opponents, who deserved a complete game. You never actually stated to this guy what you found upsetting. Stop avoiding sounding “rude” if it’s just going to make you stew in anger.
Now you know you never team with Mike again. He’s a mansplainer. NTA but you should probably have made an excuse or told him to his face ‘this isn’t fun I’m gonna bounce. Sorry everyone. Baiiii’
NTA. It’s a game, you’re not obligated to play with someone who ruins the fun.
ESH He shouldn’t be coaching a peer especially after you asked him to stop. At the same time you should have at least finished the game you were playing, a pickleball game only lasts 15-25 minutes according to google, if you were already halfway through the game you only had another ~10 minutes to go. The only way I’d say you weren’t the AH is if this guy was so irritating you could feel yourself about to loose your cool and just needed to be somewhere else before you were definitely TA
Why didn’t you just say something directly instead of beating around the bush, then storming off like a child? A very firm “dude, I don’t need a lesson from you”, especially said loud enough for everyone to hear should have shamed him into keeping it to himself.
ESH. You for being passive aggressive instead of just addressing the issue, and Mike for being a tool.
LOL I read your post at the perfect time as I’m about to leave for a pickleball game. Yes, I get it as I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me and it is annoying. What works for me (and might work for you) is just say “yes you’re right” and play however the heck you want anyway. Then avoid that individual in the future. Walking off the court mid-game is honestly rather childish so I have to say in a very mild way, ESH but mostly your “coach”.
NTA – until his picture is on the wall of The Pickle-Ball Hall of Fame, he needs to know his place. Classic case of “I’m perfect and if we lose a point it’s because of you not me.” People like this do not know the word “casual” when it comes to sports.
ESH – It sounds annoying to have someone critique your every move, especially uninvited, but you could have chosen several different ways to handle the situation that would have been more mature and wouldn’t have resulted in you throwing a fit and quitting. You could have calmly and directly told Mike that you weren’t looking for advice and didn’t want any more. You could have accepted that Mike likes to give advice and chosen to ignore him. You could have considered that maybe Mike was offering good advice and your ego was getting in the way of accepting it. While I agree that unwanted advice would ruin the fun if you’re just trying to play, you ultimately ruined your own fun by quitting.
ESH. The guy’s ‘coaching’ sounds annoying and a casual space isn’t really the setting for that behavior. But he was trying to be helpful- his heart was in the right place. And he may have had previous partners who appreciated it. However, him assuming everyone wants some coaching makes him a bit of an AH. If he saw issues he should ask if you want some help, not just start telling you what to do.
Where you’re the AH- If all you said was “I’m good bro” then you didn’t actually tell him you didn’t want to be coached. That phrase is too vague in this context. When he didn’t pick up on what you meant, you just taking your stuff and leaving was actually rude. No one understood what was going on, so it looks to them like you just left in a huff, and the group was now a person short for doubles. This would have gone much better if you had maybe pulled him aside and said “I think you’re trying to be helpful, but I’m not really here to be coached. I just want to play and have fun. Do you think you could curb those comments when we play together?”
You did not overreact. Stop being polite in any way. They are an adult and are fully aware that giving unsolicited advice is wrong and insulting. They have chosen to be a jerk and are ruining the fun.
Been in that exact position. I had to firmle ask for the person to stop. They got mad and wouldn’t play with me. If that happens, you know who the AH is. However, leaving may have been a bit of an overreation,
NTA I remember one time playing volleyball with some coworkers and one of them said to me if the ball comes your way just duck and let me get it. It’s rude for someone who thinks they play better than you to start coaching you. If it happens again start coaching that person back, maybe they’ll get the hint.
Nah, not the asshole. Pickleball isn’t the Olympics and unless you asked for coaching, he was just being annoying. Like, there’s a difference between giving a heads-up once and narrating every damn move like it’s ESPN. You told him to chill, he didn’t. That’s on him.
Also, good on you for just walking instead of snapping. That’s restraint, not overreacting
INFO: Did you make it clear that you weren’t looking for feedback?
NTA but I am guessing he didn’t pick up what you were putting down with “I’m good”. I think most people would understand what this means, but then again, most people wouldn’t be mansplaining so much!
NTA. If you’re anything like me when I feel I’m being condescended to, I tend to have a short fuse and snap back viciously. Walking away calmly is sometimes the best solution.
ESH.
Claiming walking off mid game is “no drama” is short sided. You went from one very passive comment to a dramatic walk away.
Being assertive would’ve been a better approach “Mike, I know you think you’re helping, but please stop correcting me”
He sucks for obvious reasons.
Considering it’s a place you frequent regularly, you probably made things harder for yourself then you had to
ESH. Instead of walking away like a child why couldn’t you calmly talk to him?
NTA
This kind of crap is why I stopped playing kickball
ESH. Mike is definitely annoying, and it’s an AH move to assume that a total stranger (who is presumably at about your same skill level) is interested in constant commentary on their play. OTOH, was there no option for you in between “Dude, I’m good,” and packing up your stuff and leaving? Like, “Stop giving me tips man, just play the game.”
If nothing else this was disrespectful to your two opponents, who were presumably just watching all this in mild disbelief and thinking, “um, excuse me, but we wanted to play a whole match?”
ESH Mike for obvious reasons, but it doesn’t sound like you communicated clearly. “I’m good bro” might not have gotten your point across, especially if Mike is older.
Walking away is a bit immature.
Info: Did you say you don’t want pointers orna coaching session, you just wanted to play? Or did you just say “I’m good?”