My fiance (28m) and I (27f) are getting married next summer at the base of a mountain. It’s not going to be anything big or fancy with my fiance and I paying for most of it and my parents helping us the most. Our guest list is around 100 people and my MIL did request to add a couple of her friends to the list, which we didn’t mind since we figured some people wouldn’t be able to attend anyways. The wedding is mostly child free with a few younger cousins that are invited. The youngest will be 8 by the time our wedding takes place and we are very close with the family. We aren’t even having a flower girl or ring bearer. A couple of weeks ago we finally sent out our Save The Dates with a link to our wedding website. The wedding website does include a Q&A page. One of the questions includes “Are kid’s welcome?” Where we answer, “As much as we love your little ones, we will not be including them in the ceremony or reception. Any uninvited children will be thrown off the mountain.” As a joke. I basically just wanted to make sure people didn’t forget that this was a child free wedding and to not ask, while also being funny about it. I know this humor isn’t for everyone but our friends and loved ones have a similar humor for the most part. We’ve even has several people make comments about how they found it humorous. This past week my MIL reached out to my fiance mentioning that she was worried that some of her friends may not like that since they have children. Mind you, I have never met any of these friends and my fiance has only met a few of them. I would understand if there was a large disposing of children due to being thrown off a mountain epidemic but since there isn’t I figured everyone would know that we wouldn’t do something like that. My fiance explained that it was a joke and that it was our wedding. The two of us agree that we’re comfortable with the comment staying on the Q&A page and decided that settled it. My MIL has not mentioned any of this to me but is a bit short with me when we do talk. I do love my MIL and I am usually a people pleaser but am trying to put my foot down when it comes to wedding details since this is our day. So reddit, am I the asshole?
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My fiance (28m) and I (27f) are getting married next summer at the base of a mountain. It’s not going to be anything big or fancy with my fiance and I paying for most of it and my parents helping us the most. Our guest list is around 100 people and my MIL did request to add a couple of her friends to the list, which we didn’t mind since we figured some people wouldn’t be able to attend anyways. The wedding is mostly child free with a few younger cousins that are invited. The youngest will be 8 by the time our wedding takes place and we are very close with the family. We aren’t even having a flower girl or ring bearer. A couple of weeks ago we finally sent out our Save The Dates with a link to our wedding website. The wedding website does include a Q&A page. One of the questions includes “Are kid’s welcome?” Where we answer, “As much as we love your little ones, we will not be including them in the ceremony or reception. Any uninvited children will be thrown off the mountain.” As a joke. I basically just wanted to make sure people didn’t forget that this was a child free wedding and to not ask, while also being funny about it. I know this humor isn’t for everyone but our friends and loved ones have a similar humor for the most part. We’ve even has several people make comments about how they found it humorous. This past week my MIL reached out to my fiance mentioning that she was worried that some of her friends may not like that since they have children. Mind you, I have never met any of these friends and my fiance has only met a few of them. I would understand if there was a large disposing of children due to being thrown off a mountain epidemic but since there isn’t I figured everyone would know that we wouldn’t do something like that. My fiance explained that it was a joke and that it was our wedding. The two of us agree that we’re comfortable with the comment staying on the Q&A page and decided that settled it. My MIL has not mentioned any of this to me but is a bit short with me when we do talk. I do love my MIL and I am usually a people pleaser but am trying to put my foot down when it comes to wedding details since this is our day. So reddit, am I the asshole?
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> I made a dark joke on my wedding website and my MIL seems upset about it
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>This past week my MIL reached out to my fiance mentioning that she was worried that some of her friends may not like that since they have children
Makes me a bit suspicious that those friends were planning on hauling along uninvited children.
NTA because it sounds like the joke landed with most people, and the hypothetical guests that this may or not bother hasn’t said anything to you directly to indicate they were actually offended.
I would laugh on receiving such an invite, but a lot of people have their britches on way too tight and would get very offended
If they are offended, they don’t have to come. That simple
NTA.
I think your MIL was hoping she might be able to squeak by having her guests bring their kids.
There’s this sign that shop keepers sometimes hang in their window that says something like, “unattended children will be given a free puppy and” something else… Maybe fed a bunch of sugar? Idk. Anyway, no one thinks the shop keeper is actually keeping puppies in the back room in case someone’s child breaks something, do they?
NTA. When we say “people are too sensitive these days” this is what is generally meant.
Okay, I’m sorry, but if I got an invitation that said this I’d be giggling and probably display it on the fridge. That kind of over the top sarcastic humor lands with me pretty well, though. I say NTA because to your point, there isn’t a disposing of children off a mountain epidemic, nobody actually does that. 😛
I can find humor in many things, but this was in poor taste.
You can’t make an edgy joke about killing children and act shocked if the parents of the children in question are upset. Let your fiance sort this out with his mother.
NTA. Your MIL might just be projecting because her friends didn’t like the joke. That’s on them. If someone is genuinely offended by a clearly tongue-in-cheek line on a wedding website, that’s probably someone you don’t need to bend over backward for. Plus it was funny!
Girl why are there people coming to your wedding that you don’t know? NTA. You think you’re in your villain era, but really, this is just a whisper of a boundary. Rooting for you.
NTA.
You don’t know these people, but are allowing them to attend your wedding and the first impression they want to make is a complaint about your style of humor that the rest of your friends and family have said is funny? Makes me think perhaps they had intended to bring a child along.
Perhaps adding in something like (This is a joke, but the no children part is not – if you bring children with you, you will be asked to leave. No exceptions.)
NTA – you should make sure those guests from you MIL are completely aware that while the comment was a joke that no child without your permission will be allowed to attend and they will be turned away at the door.
I don’t think it’s funny tbh
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NTA
NTA. I laughed. Probably if they don’t share your sense of humor they’re not gonna be a big part of supporting your relationship, which is what a wedding is for – getting married in front of the people who will support you. Not some randos you’ve never met.
NTA, they were totally planning on bringing uninvited children. I found it funny.
NTA. How thin-skinned do you have to be to take offense to this?
NAH You made the comment as a joke and I’m sure it was interpreted as intended by most everyone, but you also know that it’s definitely a bit out there and not something that most people or especially people with kids would say. If MIL expressed some mild concern with it that’s fine but I also don’t think it’s something worth digging your heels in about.
NTA. Anyone who doesn’t know you well enough to know this is your sense of humor, shouldn’t be coming to your wedding.
Nope.
It’s a joke and some people might find it funny but you have to understand some people won’t and that’s also fine. It’s honestly up to you to be prepared to deal with that. I personally would have a hard enough time leaving my kids at home (I’d do it because it’s not my wedding obviously) but it probably wouldn’t hit as funny to me you know?
NTA and anyone not showing up because of this is an additional win.
I want to get married again just so I can add this to the invites.
NTA. I absolutely love this! The people who are offended at this are wet blankets who 100% planned on bringing uninvited children. You handled that with humor and grace.
So your MIL invited people who don’t know you who are offended by a joke that they probably would have laughed at if they were your friends and knew you were being silly.
Solution: uninvite anyone YOU didn’t add to the list. Why would you want strangers at your wedding anyway?
NTA
I read this to my family while my little one crawled all over the place and we are nearly choked laughing! This is hilarious. Make sure MIL knows her friends kids are NOT welcome because it sounds like they might thinking of bringing some along.
NTA. It’s pretty clearly a joke (although you might want to add a winky face or something to remove all doubt).
NTA
Your wedding. Your day. Your rules. MIL is worried about the strangers’ feelings in this scenario? She should be the one posting.
YTA but not a huge one. It was just an unnecessary joke that risked causing offense. You can convey that people can’t bring children without jokingly making a threat like that.
YTA – jokes like “any unaccompanied child will be given an espresso and a puppy” are funny because they’re not talking about causing harm – invoking an image of throwing a child off a mountain is an image of murder?
Your MIL isn’t saying her friends won’t like the joke. She’s saying her friends won’t like that they can’t bring their children.
NTA: The ones who won’t find it a joke are the ones who will be super offended that their child can’t attend an adult event.
NTA. I am surrounded by young kids, cousins, great nieces and nephews. Love the wholeheartedly and would cut someone over them. I am old (over 50). I found that really funny. Maybe it’s may since of humor. I am more concerned with the people that actually took that to heart.
NTA thats so funny
NTA and you are hilarious. That being said, apparently you’re safer with the classic “given an espresso and a puppy.”
100000% NTA and 10/10 humor
You are NTA
NTA I guess? I mean whatever, I wouldn’t make a stink about it but I don’t think the joke is funny. I would probably look at the invite and be like “okaaayyy”.
NTA if a guest can’t get your humor, they don’t belong at your wedding
Definitely not.
Where are you from/where do you live? If you’re anywhere near Texas or the South of the US, I can see people finding that comment in very poor taste given the recent deaths of the camp kids in the floods there.
Either way, I can see this being offensive to people. It wouldn’t bother me/I wouldn’t give it any thought, but if I wrote that on a wedding site, I’d give it about 5 minutes before my mother contacted me to take it down.
YTA. Save it for the group chat.
Uninvited children will be given a triple-shot of espresso and a free puppy.
NTA. It’s your wedding. You do you.
Totally NTA. I laughed when I read that. If these people are unknown to you and only known to MIL, why are they coming?
NTA. I have children and it’s funny!
NTA for the joke even though it’s stupid. But YTA for having a destination wedding but not letting the children come. Where precisely are the guests with children supposed to store their children during your wedding?
You might as well have said in your QA “Are parents welcome: parents will be thrown from the cliffs”.
“Any children caught attending will be thrown off the mountain as an appeasement to the wedding gods. No refunds.”
NTA
Obviously it is a joke, regardless if people find it funny or not. Her son has no issue with it yet doesn’t read like she is being short with him over it
The matter is settled as you both agreed and her son told her. Leave her to pout over it
As a mother of 3, I would love to go to a childfree wedding.
Nope
I personally love when children aren’t invited because I use no access to childcare as my excuse to skip out on the wedding. It’s a win for everyone. Keep it in your Q&A. YTA but so am I. 😉
NTA
That’s pretty funny. Some people just need to find a sense of humour.
YTA It’s not a “wedding detail.” It’s aninappropriate comment in very poor taste that shows your immaturity.
A sign I’ve seen: Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy.
NTA.
I like the joke.
NTA – that is absolutely hilarious 🙂
NTA. I mean, I can see how some may not find this funny and a bit aggressive. Example – unattended kids will be given an expresso and a puppy vs attending children will be thrown off a mountain. Both get the message across, with one being a little more moderate. That said, its your site and therefore you can write whatever you want.
NTA
And it gets the message across very well. Those who find it funny will remember the humour. Those who don’t will remember how inappropriate they found it.
YTA. There is no need for that on your wedding website. Even if it’s a joke.
Why are your fiance’s mother’s friends invited to your wedding anyway? You won’t know everyone from your fiance’s side/that he knows, but it sounds like he barely even knows them. Since when do guests get to invite their own guests (aside from an approved +1)?
Loki as a parent I would love this. Every time my kid asked me Why can’t I go? I’d be like oh shucks buddy. I just don’t want you to get thrown off a mountain
NAH. You’re making a joke banking on everyone you care about getting the humor, and your MIL is concerned that her friends (aka people you dont care about) wont take the joke. Tell your MIL to tell her friends that its a joke and call it a day.
NTA. You could have gone with “Children will be provided to the bears and mountain lions as appetizers.”
YTA. I get that you were trying to do one of those signs that restaurants or bars have that say things like, “unattended or misbehaving children will be given a shot of espresso.” But you’re not just talking about unattended/misbehaving children, you’re talking about any children at all, and threatening to throw them off the mountain is more like threatening to shoot them in the head. I get that you were attempting humor but it missed the mark and it’s just not funny.
Is MIL paying for anything here? I’m pretty on board with your wedding your choice, but when someone else is helping foot the bill that does change things a bit.
I think NAH if she isn’t paying for anything for sure. It isn’t crazy but yeah it’s a bit on the edge for some crowds.
NTA. This is very funny.
If this makes someone uncomfortable, be kind and let them know that you dont want to put them in an awkward position so they are welcome to not attend if they fear for their uninvited childs life.
NTA
I think it is pretty clear you are joking about throwing children off of a mountain. MIL can chill.
NTA and I would have made the same joke in person if anyone tried to test that theory. As a matter of fact, throwing people off the mountain would be my threat for a majority of the evening! “That’s it. You. Off the mountain” 👉🏻
Obviously it’s a joke and you don’t want people who don’t understand your humor joining you on your day.
NTA
YTA. I honestly do not understand how so many people are saying otherwise.
This is the kind of joke you make privately, not on a damn wedding invite. I’d laugh about a joke like this with friends, or might even make one, but on a mass scale message you send to people, some of whom you don’t even know well, ABSOLUTELY not. Joking about child death isn’t a publicly acceptable thing for a reason. Do you know if every person you mailed that to has never been affected by a child death or a falling death? That it definitely won’t cause an intrusive image to appear in their mind? Do you know what their circumstances with their small children currently are for EVERY guest? It wasn’t appropriate for that, I’m sorry, but it wasn’t.
The “but it’s just a joke” excuse isn’t any different than the jerk men who rip on their female partners and then tell them to lighten up. There is a time and place for certain kind of humor, a mass message to people who may not share that humor, is not THAT time and place.
Also, if you are inviting people to take off work, travel, and buy you an expensive gift, then if their children aren’t invited, either provide childcare or don’t expect a gift or attendance, maybe don’t even invite them. I get not wanting kids, but those children are their lives, their families, their futures, and you’re simultaneously asking them to celebrate YOUR family while excluding theirs, you have to be cognitive of that, and compassionate to it. You were the opposite. And honestly, idk if you are childfree, but if you are planning on children, don’t invite them to a baby shower if you get pregnant. If you’re too good for their children, then don’t expect them to celebrate yours later on.
It is your wedding. It’s your day to shine. I love humor as much as the next guy. It’s just not funny. Being a people pleaser isn’t an attribute to embrace.
NTA. MIL is trying to create problems where there are none. Idk what her issue is, but keep her at a distance. She will only continue to attempt to taint your day.
MIL “Some of my friends may not like your new husband’s humor”
Fiancé “Oh no! So anyway, we’ll have a few cute cupcakes brought out with the cake in case anyone is gluten free. “
YTA. Child abuse isn’t funny, and making a joke where there’s not any intonation or give and take just does not come across well at all. Take it down.
i mean it just seems like it’s a clear miscommunication and one person not knowing the other well enough
NTA. Anyone who takes this as serious needs to do some internal reflection. Who would seriously do something like this, let alone advertise it.
Maybe make a compromise and add an emoji, to emphasize this is a joke, not a promise? 😜😉🤣🤪
I mean, you’re at the base of the mountain? How far is that to fall, really?
NTA. but your humor is corny. Only highschool edge lords will find this funny.
Oh and of course lame ass Redditors.
NAH it’s your wedding, your jokes. The joke, however, is giving millennial “crotch goblin”, “semen demon”, and “fuck them kids” coming from childless adults; in that, it’s kind of an eye roller for anyone not in your “inner circle” ig.
Can I come to your wedding? There’s a couple of neighborhood kids I’d love to bring with me!
This is hilarious. NTA.
It’s gotten to the point we need to place joking threats for people to respect us and our wishes on OUR OWN wedding days. It ridiculous. NTA!!!
NTA. I’m guessing it’s only the guests she’s invited that might not have a sense of humor. They should be fun at the reception.
i swear to god ive read this exact post before