Fake names for anonymity. Sarah (29F) , Alice (26F) and I are coworkers. Sarah and I have been working together for 4 years, and became friends outside of work for 3 of those. Alice is newer to work, less than 6 months. Alice was in a long-term relationship with Kyle (31M), who works in a different department, and I know him decently well.
At the bar last weekend, Alice and Sarah tell me that they’re together now. Alice said decided to breakup with her boyfriend because she wanted to explore her sexuality, and he had a ring to propose, and she realized she wasn’t ready for marriage. Later that night, Sarah who’d been drinking heavily, pulls me aside to say she feels guilty about lying to me 4 weeks ago when I caught them flirting in a side hall at work (Sarah was holding her waist, leaning close, and they were giggling about something) and I asked if there was something going on between them and Sarah said no. Sarah said that just before that incident, she had found out from Kyle that he had a ring to propose, and she told Alice, then hooked up with Alice on her couch. She asked me to keep it a secret because Alice didn’t want to tell Kyle about the cheating, but Sarah felt like she could tell me since we were “friends, and I had already caught them flirting”. I think Sarah was feeling guilty about homewrecking and felt like I was a safe person to tell since we were friends, but I feel really uncomfortable and weird having this information.
Alice and Kyle had already been broken up for almost two weeks when I heard this from Sarah at the bar, and I want to know if I should tell Kyle about the cheating. I know Kyle decently well, I saw him in the building yesterday, he’s a nice guy who didn’t deserve to get cheated on, and if it were me, I’d want to know if I had gotten cheated on. On the other hand, is it rubbing salt in the wound? Does telling him help him at all if they’ve already broken up? I’m leaving this job soon anyways, and I’m not sure if I want to continue being friends with Sarah, this is the second time I’ve seen her home wreck. I am conflicted about what to do with the information, thanks!
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
What you need to do is take a step back from this ever-brewing drama and mind your own business.
You only welcome problems by involving yourself.
The golden rule applies here: Do unto others as you’d have done to you. So if you would want to know then tell him. I suspect you would want to know you were cheated on just in case your love wanted to come back to you, you’d have informed consent. But just know that You and Alice will no longer be friends when Kyle tells her
And this is why I put limits on the degree of friendship I have with people at work. I go to work to work, not to become part of some deeply stupid soap opera.
Do not involve yourself in other people’s bullshit. It splatters.
You now know both that your friends are cheaters and that at least one of them really really wants to tell you all about it. Do with this info whatever you want, but holy shit when their relationship ends it is going to be loud, messy, and stupid and I strongly recommend avoiding the hell out of it.
At your new job, I strongly recommend being the place where gossip goes to die. The exact right point of friendship with coworkers is “friendly enough to go out for coffee/lunch/a drink but not so friendly that anybody wants to tell you their secrets”. Part of that is being —like nice and all, I’m not saying to be rude—but like—the person who says you’re happy things are going well but not the person who asks for details? If that makes sense.
I tend to throw cheaters under the bus. I like to be able to look my coworkers in the eyes. My friends as well. So if anyone did something shady: don’t tell me.
I would stay clear of this train wreck esp at work
You really wanna say something to Kyle and he deserves to know the truth, doesn’t deserve to get suckered and played like he did. It’s in the past though nothing could be done to change it. I’m assuming you’re still friends with the other two girls so basically you’re friends with cheaters. Distance yourself from them; you don’t need that shit in your life. If Kyle and Alice decide to get back together, well that’s up to you but I would tell him. If Alice is pissed about it oh well. Aside from that it’s none of your businessso don’t get involved unless you absolutely have to.
I say tell him, but just be prepared for the fallout and Sarah not wanting to be friends with you any longer – which you’ve said you’re already said you’re fine with. I’m of the opinion it’s the right thing to tell people, since they deserve to know, but I know lots of Redditors will disagree with me.
I suppose I would let Kyle know without explicitly telling him “You dodged a bullet, brother”
I would be worried about the fallout afterwards. The absolute hostile workplace that it would foster if OP told Kyle. If you are leaving, and if you are okay with ditching Sarah (who doesn’t really seem like a good friend anyways) I would do it.
I’m shocked anyone is encouraging you to tell him. What possible good would sharing this information do you, Kyle, Sarah, or Alice? The answer is absolutely none lol
I get why you feel the urge to tell him now that you know but what good does it serve? Is he considering getting back with her, is he acting like he’s still hung up on her in some way? If there is no urgent reason he needs to know, I think you just stay out of it as there is no ongoing relationship and he can’t just move on. I’d agree you should also end your relationship with Sarah. Someone who regularly engages in cheating and breaking up relationships is not someone I’d keep around as a friend.
Everyone telling you “would you want to know?” And “tell Kyle”
Here’s my advice
Mind your own damn business
She’s already broken up with Kyle. Mind your own damn business. When exactly the timing happened is gossip, speculation, and just not your business. You weren’t there. You weren’t participating. You weren’t a witness. It won’t help Kyle in any way.
Mind your own damn business.