To start, my kids have been a handful today. Hissy fits, screaming and crying, fighting each other, hitting me, etc. I needed a bit of a break, so I turned on the TV and stepped into a different room for some quiet. My husband finished work and called me to ask what I was cooking and if I needed him to grab anything.
When we were done talking about dinner, I mentioned how tired I was and told him how the kids have been, and he just started laughing. I asked why he was laughing and said it wasn’t in any way funny, and he responded with “well I’m not there dealing with it, so I can laugh”.
I saw red. I realize now that it wasn’t the best example, but I snapped “well if that’s how it works next time you get hurt at work or something I’ll just laugh at you, since I won’t be there, that’s how it works right?” He stopped laughing and said he was going into the store now, said bye and hung up.
I apologized for using the “hurt at work” example, and told him I should have said something more like “next time the kids upset you I’ll laugh”. He says I shouldn’t have said it at all, because the situation was funny to him, and if he was upset about something I should listen and understand and not laugh. (Because I guess him being upset is more valid than me being upset? Idk.)
Anyways he hasn’t brought it up again, but he’s acting pretty coldly towards me and I’m curious if I should have just ignored his laughter. AITA?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Significant_Tune_376: To start, my kids have been a handful today. Hissy fits, screaming and crying, fighting each other, hitting me, etc. I needed a bit of a break, so I turned on the TV and stepped into a different room for some quiet. My husband finished work and called me to ask what I was cooking and if I needed him to grab anything.
When we were done talking about dinner, I mentioned how tired I was and told him how the kids have been, and he just started laughing. I asked why he was laughing and said it wasn’t in any way funny, and he responded with “well I’m not there dealing with it, so I can laugh”.
I saw red. I realize now that it wasn’t the best example, but I snapped “well if that’s how it works next time you get hurt at work or something I’ll just laugh at you, since I won’t be there, that’s how it works right?” He stopped laughing and said he was going into the store now, said bye and hung up.
I apologized for using the “hurt at work” example, and told him I should have said something more like “next time the kids upset you I’ll laugh”. He says I shouldn’t have said it at all, because the situation was funny to him, and if he was upset about something I should listen and understand and not laugh. (Because I guess him being upset is more valid than me being upset? Idk.)
Anyways he hasn’t brought it up again, but he’s acting pretty coldly towards me and I’m curious if I should have just ignored his laughter. AITA?
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Wow. YOu two sound like an awful couple if this is how you deal with eachother’s stressors. ESH
NTA: I always wonder how people like this ever get married and have kids.
I can’t imagine being with someone like this.
Yep your an A hole
He can fuck all the way off.
How is his pain or frustration more valid than yours?
How old are your kids? Sounds like time for you to go back to work and y’all split childcare in the evening.
A little E S H because yeah, not a great response. But the fuck did he expect.
NTA he’s being incredibly insensitive to how you feel and what you’re dealing with. Is it like that all the time, because that’s not okay.
Of course you’re an AH. That was mean. It’s not his fault you can’t control your children.
YTA. He made a joke when you weren’t in the mood to laugh. You reacted aggressively. His joke might not have been funny and admittedly in poor taste, but he was obviously trying to lighten the mood.
YTA. Two completely different situations. Not saying your feelings aren’t valid, and he is kind of a jerk for laughing, but you don’t ever wish harm on the person you love, EVER, even if they are being a jerk.
I would have been ticked off if my husband had laughed at me. Go have a spa day and leave hubby to watch the kids on his own. Relax and enjoy yourself! You deserve it.
Mayhe if he got killed at work …. that’d be a riot. What a knee slapper.
You were overwhelmed, exhausted, and needed support, not to be laughed at. Your husband’s reaction was dismissive and honestly kind of immature. Sure, maybe he found the situation funny from a distance, but when someone you care about is venting, laughing at them instead of empathizing is pretty insensitive.
This is the state of the world, everyone snapping at everyone else… No one knows how to control their anger… Is just sad
From a stay at home dad who has two girls under two ( well not anymore now I got one almost 3 and one that’s almost 10 months) and a lower middle class family, YTA. I get how exhausting kids are. I really do. Mine were such a handful and made my life hell. Till I realized it was my fault for being a crappy parent. We still have tantrums and bad days but it’s better since I started acting like a parent and have a schedule. But even in my worst days I would never say something like that at my wife. And besides when you’ve had a rough day and you hear your partner complain about something that’s not as big or as hard (giggity) it makes you chuckle. I promise from someone that’s been on both sides, you not being able to discipline your kids and him getting hurt at work are not the same. Entitled housewife coming to Reddit for the support of men hating left leaning teenagers.
Look he sucks and you do too a bit. I’d say he sucks more because clearly it was a bad joke and worse timing. Admittedly you made your point but you hurt his feelings to do so
NTA he’s a selfish moron and you need to kick him out.
So let me get this straight, he laughed at your experience and did not apologize after you expressed your frustration with his response, and instead doubled down. So you, in your further frustration, responded in perhaps an unbecoming manner, and you acknowledge it and apologize, but he is still butt hurt? Like my mom used to say, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it. What a crybaby.
Why are they all big ass babies. Gosh forbid someone treats you the same way you’re treating them. Like hello?
NTA. Not the best example but I get the point.
Don’t make fun of others if you can’t take it yourself. Big baby.
NTA. I think you have to explain it to him the way you just explained it to us….
“You essentially just said that you get to decide what is serious or important around here – and you did that by announcing your pain is serious while mine is funny.”
NTA You were having a rough day and you were exhausted. I don’t know why anyone let alone your husband would find this funny.
>. . . if he was upset about something I should listen and understand and not laugh.
Umm . . . but it is okay if he laughs when you are upset? Kind of hypocritical. NTA
I don’t think you are telling us the whole story. What exactly did you say that he then laughed at? Maybe something the kids said or did might sound funny if you aren’t there dealing with it. That has happened with me. Things I could never laugh about at the time can now totally crack me up years later because I’m distanced from it. Especially with kids!
NTA but your husband absolutely is. The fact that he is allowed to laugh at you but if you turn the tables and laugh at him, that’s not ok. Hello hypocrisy thy name is hypocrite. I bet he’s the kind of person who loves to prank others but loses his ever-loving mind if someone were to prank him.
He’s an emotionally immature man-child. It’s like he wants you to coddle him when he is struggling/hurting but when you try to lean on him first emotional comfort (the same he demands from you) he turns into a dismissive AH who can’t be bothered with your emotional needs.
Out of curiosity, how’s his relationship with his Mom? How did/does his Dad treat/interact with his Mom?
You both can take a portion of blame from my perspective. This is pretty classic “two wrongs don’t make a right”
He was insensitive about your state of being and wasn’t supportive of your emotional state. You snapped and said a hurtful thing about his physical safety which resulted in him feeling a way about it (I don’t know what he felt, I’m not him) and as a result he has pulled away from you because his feelings are hurt.
I suggest a book called “non-violent communication”, if I had found it before getting a divorce it could have saved my marriage.
Starting this post with the whole “in my defense…” is blame shifting your own behavior and coming to the internet for validation that your actions were justified. They weren’t, but neither were his.
If you had said something like, “hey, I’m feeling really overwhelmed right now and when you laugh at my situation like this is hurts my feelings and makes me feel like you’re minimizing the stress I’m experiencing right now” he might have reacted differently. When we speak from our emotions we are giving the other person the ability to stop in their tracks and have empathy for our situation. If he had reacted by going “oh yeah you little baby you think stress at home is anything compared to what I feel at work? I’m a big man that goes out and does big man things and you’re just the wife that does the inconsequential!” (I’m being a little extreme to prove the point) then that’s a clear act of disrespect and you don’t deserve that because nobody deserves to be disrespected by their partner like that. He would clearly be the AH in that situation.
Instead, you lashed out. We’re humans. I have yet to meet a perfect one but you have an apology that needs to be said too, one where you don’t put the blame on the kids or on him and fully take ownership for your own actions. Use this as an opportunity for the two of you to come closer by talking through it. Strong communication skills in all relationships will get you through what poor communication skills won’t. 🫶
Maybe it’s time for you to take a week’s vacation by yourself, to a meditative retreat. Let him stay home with them 24/7, and experience your daily routine. I’ll bet he never laughs at stay at home moms again!
Stand firm in your feelings. You have the right to be supported also.
Tell him if he can’t take it, don’t dish it out
The thing is, turn about is fair play. It just tends to piss off those that can’t take it
Hubby FAFO
Uh no, he should not have laughed and I would probably have done the same thing. Have him stay home one day and see how he feels
YTA. Good lord, he was just joking. I doubt he realized how exhausted you really were & he was just trying to make light of the situation so you could see that it isn’t the end of the world. I can’t believe you LET your children hit you. You were just having a bad day & that was an awful thing to say.
He was a major AH and your comment made him realize it. But instead of admitting his mistake and apologizing like a real man, loving husband, and father, he decided to double down like an even bigger AH. It’s ok that he initially laughed but it was not ok that he didn’t apologize when you made your comment which let him know you were hurting and needed support and not levity and ridicule. Tell him he can either apologize now, or you will go on a weekend vacation (alone) and he can watch the kids while you get the rest you need.
He thinks what you are doing is silly women’s work and that you couldn’t possibly know what a real stressful job is like…he goes to work all day, gets to enjoy the kids after you do all the hard parenting, then dismiss you because you don’t have a “real” job. I guarantee if he had to stay at home with the kids he would be in a way worse mood, complain constantly, not do as good a job as you, and disappear out with friends or to his man cave as soon as he gets a chance. Moms are on the clock 24/7 you don’t get to check out when you get tired of it. He couldn’t hang- 100% guaranteed.
I was with him until he made it entirely about him
So he finds joy in your pain? NTA. Sit here and think seriously hard about that. He finds joy in your pain. Good luck
I actually think your off-the-cuff response was great. I tend to think of those one-liners *after* the fact and regret that my mind didn’t go there in the moment.
I don’t understand how y’all are out here married to people that. Your husband lacks empathy for you as a mother and person.. that’s concerning as hell
So your situation is funny to him ans you should respect him laughing but when he is in a bad situation you shall not laugh and take him serious…? And now HE is playing the victim over an example of giving him a taste of his own medicine…?
NTA but may this type of relationship never find me. At that point you may as well be a single parent, sounds like less effort honestly.
I think it’s a win the selfish prick is acting cold to you! Aweosme if it means he’s not talking and being a selfish hypocrite. That’s a win.
He’s an asshole. Leave for the day when he’s off next and see how he likes dealing with all the kid stuff.
NTA. Rules for thee but not for me. He’s an AH. Go away for a weekend and leave the kids with him after giving them a truckload of candy.
You’re both in the wrong here.
He needs to respect you. You need to learn how to voice your emotions and needs better
Edit for clarity
You both sound ridiculous. You allow your kids to hit you, and he’s a raging pr*ck. ESH.
Sounds like there is more here. I’m the stay at home parent and if my partner laughed, I wouldn’t be taking it that harshly. Yeah the kids are having a crazy day it’s a lot. If that triggered you, there’s more to it.
ESH he laughed at your hard day with the kids and you trying and failing to be funny back said you’d laugh if he got injured at work.. that’s not funny. What kind of work does he do?
NTA… he shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t handle it.
Nta uve already realised snd apologised for the things you did wrong hes now just being a hyprocit expecting you to treat him better than he treats you