I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years now and I am pregnant with my first baby. We’ve been trying to get pregnant now for about a year so we were both super excited when we found out. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and have a super noticeable bump. I absolutely adored seeing my bump at first, as did my boyfriend, but now it’s something that I’ve become very insecure about.
For context, I have always looked extremely young for my age. Even though I’m 24, I genuinely still look like a teenager. It’s never been something that’s bothered me especially, but now that my bump visibly shows, I’ve noticed that I’ve been receiving very judgemental looks when I’m out in public. It’s blatantly obvious that people think I’m a pregnant teen and they don’t like or support it. My boyfriend has never noticed these looks so it’s something I’ve kept to myself. But it’s become something so bad to me that it makes me not want to go outside. So I’ll wear clothing that hides it the best it can.
My boyfriend has recently noticed this and accused me of not wanting the baby. I tried to explain the real reason I’m hiding it but he ended up telling me “Maybe you weren’t ready to be a mam if you’re this embarrassed by it”.
We don’t usually fight but hormones have been acting crazy so I just snapped at him. I told him that he should support me during this instead of guilt tripping me and that if he can’t even support me through this, then maybe he shouldn’t even be around when the baby actually actually gets here, as he’ll clearly show no support there either. That not only am I dealing with the physical affects of pregnancy, but I’m also dealing with the emotional affects of it. That everywhere I go I’m being judged like I’m a knocked-up teen girl who made a mistake, and the person who should make me feel the safest is the one ridiculing me.
We haven’t spoken properly in a few days, and he’s telling me that I overreacted and that he’s hurt by what I said. I know I went too far but I was just so angry and hurt.
So AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years now and I am pregnant with my first baby. We’ve been trying to get pregnant now for about a year so we were both super excited when we found out. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and have a super noticeable bump. I absolutely adored seeing my bump at first, as did my boyfriend, but now it’s something that I’ve become very insecure about.
For context, I have always looked extremely young for my age. Even though I’m 24, I genuinely still look like a teenager. It’s never been something that’s bothered me especially, but now that my bump visibly shows, I’ve noticed that I’ve been receiving very judgemental looks when I’m out in public. It’s blatantly obvious that people think I’m a pregnant teen and they don’t like or support it. My boyfriend has never noticed these looks so it’s something I’ve kept to myself. But it’s become something so bad to me that it makes me not want to go outside. So I’ll wear clothing that hides it the best it can.
My boyfriend has recently noticed this and accused me of not wanting the baby. I tried to explain the real reason I’m hiding it but he ended up telling me “Maybe you weren’t ready to be a mam if you’re this embarrassed by it”.
We don’t usually fight but hormones have been acting crazy so I just snapped at him. I told him that he should support me during this instead of guilt tripping me and that if he can’t even support me through this, then maybe he shouldn’t even be around when the baby actually actually gets here, as he’ll clearly show no support there either. That not only am I dealing with the physical affects of pregnancy, but I’m also dealing with the emotional affects of it. That everywhere I go I’m being judged like I’m a knocked-up teen girl who made a mistake, and the person who should make me feel the safest is the one ridiculing me.
We haven’t spoken properly in a few days, and he’s telling me that I overreacted and that he’s hurt by what I said. I know I went too far but I was just so angry and hurt.
So AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told him he shouldn’t bother showing up to the birth of his own baby
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. You do not sound mature enough to raise a child or be in a committed relationship. Verbally attacking him because you care too much about what people think is ridiculous.
I would suggest seeking a therapist. There is no shame in the fact that pregnancy does change things mentally. I think you may be having some paranoia about the people you see in person. No one really cares that much.
ESH you both way overreacted.
Are you going to hide forever when the baby is born or get the baby to call you sister or auntie? You’re not going to look older once you’ve had the baby. This is something YOU are going to have to work through, why do you care what anyone thinks? I think therapy may be good for you or you’re going to end up alone and isolated for fear of judgement. YTA.
NTA. He is supposed to have your back, instead he lashed out at you.
But, keep in mind he is also going through a mental shift to becoming a dad and is likely also scared and nervous about it. Maybe when you have a time when you are not super stressed out, talk to him about how important it is that he put you (and soon your mutual child) FIRST in his life and that the both of you should remember that you are a team that should always have each other’s back against the world.
I’ve got two kids myself, so I can sympathize with the hormones. My wife experienced a LOT of very strong emotions during her pregnancies with health concerns for herself, and our firstborn.
BUT… What he said, according to what I’m reading, is not that severe, and you went nuclear, scorched Earth on him.
YTA.
I think this just needs to be explained to him better. You feel like everyone is judging you; whether they are or aren’t is up to debate (honestly, based on your seemingly over reaction to him it does make me wonder if this judgment you are experience is at least partially imagined and not real). You can explain that it’s an emotional and physical toll on you, and other things like that, and just explain that you want him to be supportive.
ESH
Pregnancy hormones got to you but what he said was also inappropriate.
I will tell you this – people judge pregnant women no matter how old they are, and will make inappropriate comments. Ignore or clap back. Show your pregnancy with pride. They don’t matter.
My kids are close in age and my 2nd pregnancy showed immediately. I was at the grocery store pushing my baby in the cart while obviously pregnant, and a random stranger asked me if “I knew how that works.”
I said “Yes and I’m obviously good at it too.”
NAH, but honey, I’m nearly 50, people are going to judge you for EVERYTHING, you’re the adult, the parent.
Time to deal with it and stop giving a fuck. You’re NEVER going to be able to make the people judging you happy. The only person you have a chance at making happy is you, if you’re happy to be a mom, fuck them.
NTA.
But… talk to your doctor – reading this post makes me feel like you have spiralling anxiety, it’s quite tense.
And … consider getting some counselling – you and your partner absolutely need to find ways to sort things like this out, rebuild and repair the bridge between you. You are about to have far far harder things to resolve.
Soft YTA for not talking to him for days, but I think that’s anxiety and hormones. The doc hopefully can help hook you up with some support for that.
If you know you went to far, then you’ve already judged that YTA. What are you doing to repair the damage to your relationship and soothe the wounds you inflicted? Making that effort might help you more than asking for Redditors’ opinions of your self-judgment. BTW, pregnancy is hard; however, hormonal shifts are not an excuse to avoid responsibility – they are an explanation. You are still ultimately responsible for the effects of your choices and actions.
I do think that your bf overreacted, too.
NAH (though you both suck a bit). You did overreact. But he could have been more sympathetic.
BTW, trying to hide the bump probably makes you look even more like a knocked up teen. Just be proud of it, and screw everyone else’s judgement!
YTA. Your boyfriend was not ridiculing you. The baby isn’t even born yet and you are already using it to control your partner.
NTA I think he went too far saying you weren’t ready to be a mother.
If you know you went too far, then just say sorry. It’s not that hard, gurl.
You need to seek professional help now! I’m not saying that in a mean way but you need to get on top of your anxiety before baby comes. You shouldn’t care what strangers think, they don’t know you and you’ll never see them again. Please speak to a therapist
YTA. You aren’t overreacting for feeling upset about the comment. But implying that he leave and not be a part of his child’s life is an overreaction.
You don’t get to be pissed at him for not supporting you through stuff you didn’t tell him was happening. That’s unfair to him. He’s not psychic. You threw things he had zero knowledge of in his face like he’s the one who did them.
You gotta be open with him, sweetie. You can’t do this to him for the rest of your lives. It’s harmful to both of you. And you don’t want your child growing up watching you do it to your boyfriend, because then the child will think it’s how they should be treated, and how they should treat their partner.
YTA
Have you tried actually talking to him and explaining things?
Honestly, 99% of issues would be solved if people actually spoke to one another
ESH. He shouldn’t have made that comment, you shouldn’t have lashed out at him.
As a person who is also constantly viewed as significantly younger than they are, people are so weird about it. I don’t blame you at all for being self conscious about the stares. Teen dads get praise for “stepping up” teen moms get shamed for getting pregnant in the first place. It makes sense that you feel uncomfortable form those judgmental looks.
NTA – your boyfriend accusing you of not being ready for motherhood probably felt much the same as the feeling those strangers project onto you. Your boyfriend should have assured you that you look great, and not to worry about what strangers think.
Of course there are better ways of talking it out, and the both of you could grow in this way. Y’all need some space to cool down before you go back to talking it out.
>I tried to explain the real reason I’m hiding it but he ended up telling me “Maybe you weren’t ready to be a mam if you’re this embarrassed by it”.
Oh no you do NOT say something so hurtful to a woman carrying your baby!
It happens on a regular basis where something ends up being more than someone expected whether with pregnancy or with the actual baby. It doesn’t mean you aren’t ready, most people have no idea what they can handle with hormones on board. NTA
Also just a reminder that a woman is super vulnerable during birth and one of the determining factors of a successful birth is how safe she feels. Obstetric violence is a real thing, and the last thing she needs is to be told she’s not ready to be a mam if her doctor is overstepping.
ESH. You look young. You’re pregnant. Those are facts. These are people you don’t know and it is a sign of immaturity that you are trying to hide your pregnancy from strangers. They could be frowning on an unwed mother. It still doesn’t matter
What are you going to do when you have the baby? Never take it out in public? Pretend it’s a puppy?
You’re bringing a baby into the world who is wanted and who will be loved.
Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind
YTA I was told off by a stranger for being a pregnant teen. I laughed and told her that I love her because she needed to add about 10 years to her estimate.
Take it as a compliment. And your reaction to your boyfriend is childish and does show that you may not be mature enough for parenthood
YTA. You are overly insecure and putting way too much thought into supposedly judgemental looks from complete strangers. Who cares what they think? You know you aren’t actually a teenager, so stare back at them and get over it.
With our 1st baby I was 21 and looked a bit younger. Had no issues with showing off that baby bump. Fast forward 10 years and 2nd baby is on the way. For whatever reason I felt ashamed – I told my husband, “OMG! Now everyone knows what we’ve been doing!”
Totally irrational thinking. No religious beliefs or anything that made me feel that way, it just was. I find that acknowledging the thought when it pops up, then reminding myself that every married person and many unmarried people are getting their freak on too, that’s how we all got here, and then refocus on what it is I’m doing or getting ready to do. All 3 steps are important or it just stays top of mind. I personally think thoughts like this happen when we’ve got everything running on schedule preparing for whatever the event is and because the brain isn’t in planning or gathering mode anymore it overthinks wherever it can. Yours is focusing on insecurity in how young you look. If it helps, you likely can’t look any younger than my daughter in law did when she was pregnant both times. She was over 18 but looked 12.
YTA for caring about what other people think. Flaunt that baby bump. Truly nobody that matters gives a shit. It’s all in your head.
I’m going to say a soft YTA with a sprinkle of ESH.
It sounds like communication is a really big downfall for both of you at the moment.
You didn’t communicate this MAJOR insecurity that would have been best to share with your partner, and he’s noticed it for so long that it’s become pent up and come out as an accusation.
I don’t think what he said was a fair or healthy response, but I can see how his mind has manifested the assumption because his mind sees “when she’s in public with me (as that’s the only time he would see it first hand) she is ashamed and hides our baby” he should have asked but you should have just said something from the get go too.
ESH cause of the childishness in the responses to eachother, sounds like you were hurt so you tried to hurt his feelings back more. Not ideal when you’re about to raise a child into the world.
This sounds genuinely concerning and I really implore that you talk to your doctor about this, hormones are a big thing but this sounds like something that could spiral if left unattended.
Please seek some support.
Maybe talk to a therapist about the issues. He has a right to be there for the birth.
I had my first baby at 22 and I looked young too. Nobody really was excited and I definitely got looked down on by strangers. It made me feel bad too. So I get it.
He needs to understand you’re not ashamed of the baby. That’s not what this is. And yes he needs to be supportive. But saying he shouldn’t be at the birth is too much. Please apologize for that. It was an overreaction. But explain yourself again and ask him for his emotional support here. All the best OP.
NTA
NTA, but your boyfriend is a bit immature. I know what it’s like to look for far younger than my age and believe me when you get older it will be a blessing (I’m in my 60s). My youngest daughter runs into major issues with this because she looks very young for her age and she is placed in a professional setting and struggles to be taken seriously, until she opens her mouth and comes out with more than mature sensibility then some of the old timers she is dealing with. It’s a curse now it will be a blessing later. In the meantime, you are NTA.
If you know you went to far why haven’t you apologized?
Gentle yta. People will find a way to judge you regardless. It’s worth talking to someone to help
YTA but so is he. Both of you did not handle it well. Now I’m not going to jump on the inevitable Reddit divorce train. Pregnancy and having a child is stressful! For BOTH parties involved. You have to deal with the hormones and HE has to deal with you while your hormones are sky high.
You saying he shouldn’t be at the birth cause he won’t care is a few steps too far. Especially if you understand it’s your hormones. Think of it this way, you can’t be snapping at your child in the future either when they don’t agree. Step back, take a breather and try again. As for how you feel about the looks, that is valid but also something you need to work on. You will still look young when the baby is born. You can hardly leave the house for the next 5 years because people might potentially judge you. Who cares if they do! You know you aren’t a teen mom and that’s all that matters.
Boyfriend needs to understand that this is something you struggle with, maybe due to the hormones. Explain it’s not that you are ashamed of the baby, but you are feeling very uncomfortable receiving bad looks and you’d like for him to help you find a solution. Both of you can then come up with a strategy to mitigate this. Maybe having bf there, or just tell him when you are getting the looks and when you are getting uncomfortable. Your bf can help and reassure you and that way you can just go out without hiding. Relationships are like teamwork, and now that you have a little one on the way even more so. Work together to find solutions, and don’t expect just one side to do the work.
I would suggest maybe talking to a proffesional or even your doctor about how pregnancy is affecting you mentally. I’m sure they can help you as well. I also suggest taking bf with you for this. It might be the case that you have said or done other things related to the pregnancy that have made him feel this way. Possible with the hormones acting up and you just not realizing. He shouldn’t have snapped and said what he did, but in this case I think BOTH of you own eachother an apology.
Communication is the foundation of every relationship. If you can’t handle it now, child rearing will not end well, so it’s best to work on it before that bit starts!
Edit: I’m a dumb dumb and said hubby instead of boyfriend
Oof. ESH, and I’m inclined to agree that maybe neither of you were ready for this. What he said was mean and unhelpful, but you took it to 1000% the second you got mad. And now, you’re both pouting like a bunch of toddlers. Perhaps your insecurity is less about your looks and more about the fact that you genuinely are young to have a baby, and that immaturity is showing.
Either way, you need couples counseling ASAP. And if not that, hire your family law attorney now since you want to have a custody agreement in the works the second the baby is born.
Soft YTA because hormones are a b****. You are finding fault with how he is handling what you assume other people are thinking. You may be right, or you may be overreacting.
What do you envision “support” to look like? What’s he supposed to do? Glare at people?
Your bump isn’t going to get smaller, and then you’ll have a child. Wait until your kid is having a tantrum in the middle of a shop or a restaurant.
In summary:
ESH I’ve always looked very young for my age. I had my daughter at 20, so I know what you’re going through. But girl… who cares what strangers think? Your hormones are high right now, that’s a fact. Little things will set you off, but you have to understand that you will ALWAYS look young. And people can look all they like, and make judgements. People do that. The biggest issue here is how you’re internalizing it, and lashing out at your partner for it. Unless folks are outright attacking you, it’s nobody’s business how old you are or aren’t. You gotta take a breath, and just keep yourself healthy. Stress isn’t good. Now, as for your man… he is just trying to figure out how to talk to you when you’re riding high. Was his response appropriate? Not really. But neither was yours.
PLEASE STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK!! Sorry for the all caps, but please, don’t ever sell yourself short.
NTA I looked very young when I was pregnant, and I too received those looks. It’s amazing to me that often these looks also come from the same people who are “right to life.” You’re not embarrassed. You’re tired of masking. Big big difference.
ESH.
He’s dismissing you when you raise a pretty solid issue.
But you way overreacted. He was a low-moderate asshole (would have been minor if not for that ‘you weren’t ready’ line). But you literally told him not to come to the birth of his child, haven’t spoken to him properly for days (which is incredibly foolish – you’re bonded to this guy for at least 18 years, and you’ll never be fully rid of him with a kid in the picture), and you know your hormones are messing withy you. Plus, you say he never noticed the looks, but you never said anything either – how can he be expected to support you if you don’t tell him he’s missing something? In the balance, you’re outdoing him as the asshole by probably 2:1.
NTA what an insane response he had. what kind of person reacts to a woman dressing to hide her bump by saying “you must not want to be a mom” to her face? your boyfriend of 5 years said that to you?? doubled down when you explained yourself??? him accusing you of over reacting is him projecting. he over reacted by accusing you of not wanting to be a mom ffs.
Why are you so bothered by what people think or say, live you life it’s yours to do as you please, be happy and carefree
Once you can ignore silly people things will be so much better for you.
It’s taken me a long time to remove toxic people from my life and it’s like a weight has been lifted.
ESH. You definitely overreacted but your boyfriend should have been more supportive. At the end of the day, who cares what others think about you. You do you!
Esh. You both said hurtful things. I gotta say, how obvious are people doing? You might be reading a lot into rbf that people aren’t actually thinking. I hope people aren’t that rude to actual pregnant teens, wtf?
YTA I had my first when I was 20 and looked about 15. When we went out with my parents, people thought he was my little brother. I found it amusing because It’s no one’s business. You shouldn’t give a F what people think. And no, you shouldn’t ban your baby’s father from the birth for pointing out that you are being ridiculous, because you are.
I’m between ESH/ NTA. He started the escalation with the whole “not ready to be a mom” comment. The way you responded wasn’t very mature, but I dont understand why he would even say that in the first place.
YTA- by your reaction you seem quite immature regardless of your biological age…
YTA. I get it though. Wear a fake engagement ring or wedding ring if you must. I truly doubt you are being judged half as bad as you think you are. Please some let anyone steal this joy from you. You deserve to be happy and flaunt the beautiful babe you created.
YTA I WAS a teen mom and I didn’t have a bunch of people staring at me. People have better things to do. I really think this is mostly in your head and you were way out of line to say he cannot be there for the birth. And maybe if you bothered to get married before you got pregnant people would see your ring and think you are older.
I doubt you look as young as you think you do. Lots of people think that, and I bet you’re not being judged as much as you think you are.
I don’t think either one of you is mature enough to be a parent based on what I’m reading. ESH.
YTA for being unable to handle the perceived opinions of total strangers. Just wait until you have the baby! People will outright judge you all the time, people will criticize your choices all the time. A lot of it will be well-meaning & from people you actually know, but still something you’ll have to deal with. For years.
You have no idea what these random strangers are thinking. It’s nothing more than pure projection on your part, and whatever they’re thinking shouldn’t matter in the slightest to you anyway. I agree with your boyfriend. You need to mature pretty quickly before you have this child or you are going to be headed for a very rocky time ahead.
This is a wonderful time in your life! Don’t worry about these other people & what they might or might not be thinking. I wish you, your BF, & your baby well!
>I know I went too far but I was just so angry and hurt.
Yeah, no. Stop saying shit like that. You 100% did not go too far. So let me get this straight, he’s allowed to say that he was hurt by what you said but somehow you’re not allowed to say the same thing? Also, let’s be clear here, you two are not on the same page. You’re telling him that normally you’d be feeling a reasonable amount of self consciousness about the stares and dirty looks (which is hard to accept under the best of circumstances) but that the added hormones are kicking it into overdrive. But he’s telling you that merely being embarrassed means you’re not ready to be a mom. WHAT?! So motherhood means that suddenly all of your fears and concerns have to be automatically jettisoned and you’re supposed to turn into some super hero with super powers? Does this man not realize that it’s the opposite? That he should count his lucky stars you’re not crying every day and questioning your own sanity? That dope needs to take a basic health class because clearly he’s not ready to be a father if he doesn’t understand what hormones are, not to mention the emotional and physical toll pregnancy takes on a woman.
Do not worry about other people giving you looks. You don’t actually know what they are thinking. IVF is incredibly common today and many women have trouble conceiving. They might be jealous, anguished that it isn’t them, you never know.
ESH but also YTA. A comment like “clearly he’ll show no support when the baby gets here” is wildly uncalled for and a major overreaction. Absolutely not a fair statement to make.
He was also very unfair when he called your readiness to be a mom into question.
You both need to be kinder to each other.
ESH. You both need to say you’re sorry and work to move past this. Pregnancy is stressful, and you’re both trying to adjust to how your lives are about to change drastically. You fought, but now you need to apologize and continue preparing for this baby as a team. Who cares what the people on the street think! Their opinions don’t matter, but your relationship does. Hormones or not, you both said hurtful things, don’t let one fight ruin what you guys have together.
NTA, your bf has some growing up to do if he’s not supporting you in every way, even if you’re technically being irrational. You get a pass on that while you’re pregnant. And post-partum. Why? Cause you’re sacrificing your body for the baby, and he’s not. (Of course, there are limits to that, but you’re well within your rights to have the occasional blow-up, especially when assholes are involved.)
I suggest you try to direct that anger and excess emotion at the people giving you side eye. Call them out. In public. Make them sorry they were ever judgy judgers.
YTA but lightly, pregnancy hormones shouldn’t be downplayed because they do radically change you in every way. He shouldn’t have said what he did, afterall it was incredibly inconsiderate. You shouldn’t have said what you did either, that one off comment isn’t indicative that he doesn’t care about you or the baby. You guys owe one another an apology and a follow-up conversation to boot, explain to him where you’re coming from and tell him instead of judgement you need to hear some reassurance.
And consider this, what is going to change about these apparent perceptions of you as your bump only gets bigger? What about when the baby arrives, and you inevitably have to go out into public with them? Are you realistically gonna be able to hide another human being from the world until your face shows your age? If not, why bother now? People who don’t know you personally, who don’t even know your age, are not worth all of this.
YTA
>hormones have been acting crazy so I just snapped
Yes you’re hormonal. Apologize.
ESH.
Does he already have kids? That was a weird thing to say
NTA. I look like a teenager and im pregnant. I also feel like a fat whale and im insecure. Nothing about that has anh bearing on the type of mother i will be, and it doesn’t for you either. My husband supports me and yours should too.
YTA. One, he’s right. Maybe you aren’t ready to be a mom if stranger’s perceived, not even real, judgements make you change your behavior so much. If you think that will change when the baby comes you are wrong, both in that you obviously have a lot of anxiety about thinking others are judging you, and that people will judge your parenting too.
Two, he is an equal partner, half that baby came from him. Using your unborn child to control and shame him is so shameful. You don’t get to unilaterally tell him he can’t be a father.
Look, I’m currently pregnant. But I would never say what you did to my husband. You have an issue with thinking strangers are judging you, you need to get help for that. You are pregnant. People stare at pregnant people, I get looks too. It’s interesting to people. Lots of people have RBF. In any case, it is immature as fuck to care what strangers might possibly be thinking about you.
It seems like you put a lot of emphasis on a person’s looks. You should be proud of your body which is growing & nurturing your baby. Unless you don’t want a baby. Try speaking with a counselor about your body insecurities.
Whoa YTA. Sorry your hormones are crazy, but you totally overreacted. Who cares what strangers think, try to enjoy your pregnancy, you can’t get this time back.
Hey you’re about to have a child and you guys get into arguments about what others think of your looks.. you guys aren’t AH but you need to grow up fast and start communicating better with each others, otherwise I swear this baby is gonna come down on your couple like a tsunami on a straws cabin
He’s a dick, your anxious. Your anxiety is yours to manage but the father of the child growing in you causing increased anxiety should be a resource for you and you have a right to expect that and be upset when he doesn’t deliver. Furthermore, not talking to your pregnant gf for days is crazy fucked in almost all circumstances. I hope you have other people in your life to support you come baby day cause this guy is not looking promising as you correctly told him.
I suggest looking up the “spotlight effect.” I promise you that everyone is NOT looking at you the way that you think that they are. Seriously. Strangers simply do not care as much as you think they do. This is something that you’re sensitive about so you’re biased to find evidence to support it being true.
Even if you’re right? SO WHAT. Seriously. Why does it matter? Why should the WRONG opinions of strangers have any weight with you at all?
This is very much something that you need to work very hard to get past NOW because I promise it will not get better/easier once you have a kid. You cannot hide that in bulky sweaters. You will end up teaching your child (especially if they’re a girl), intentionally or not, to modify all their behaviors, to be small, to hide their sparkle, in order to appease the potential opinions of total strangers, which is dangerous & sets them up for abuse.
Get yourself a sassy t-shirt that says something like “I’m 24 years old & 6/7/8/9 months pregnant, thanks for not asking!” or “I’m 24 years old, how old are YOU?” or “I’m old enough that it’s none of your business how old I am” and wear it with pride and let the haters die mad.
My mother had a similar issue. (Whilst heavily pregnant with me she was asked if she was a full or half (child) fare on the bus.
I have 13 years between my children and my very proud daughter got some funny looks when she would push her brother around in his pram.
Your partner should hang his head for being so unsupportive.
But – you are not handling this well. What are you going to do when the baby comes along? Hide?
You need to find a way to raise your confidence. You are a grown woman. This is not something to hide of feel insecure around. And the more confidence you have the more people will recognise you as an adult. Get therapy if you need to.
I’m not going to judge you though. It’s not easy when the pregnancy hormones are raging.
NAH I would recommend bring stuff like this up in the future. He probably doesn’t notice and honestly its up to you to tell him.
He was being a perk when he said you weren’t ready to be a mom because youre worried about it. I think especially if its an otherwise good relationship with a baby you both want that you’ll regret not having him at the birth.
I’d recommend finding a time youre both in an alright mood (hopefully some soon) and telling him that you just felt really upset and judged when people gave you dirty looks for your bump. That in that moment you really just needed him to be there for you, and that in coming months this will likely happen again.
He might now understand so tell him; youre going through an enormous change right now. Neither of you have probably ever experienced your own body changing so quickly into something you’ve never experienced before. Your hormones are changing rapidly. You’re going to need extreme support during this time.
Tell him you love him. You both wanted a baby. You’re going through all of these crazy emotions, pains, changes. What he needs to do is be empathetic and kind and gentle. You’ll remember youre whole life how he treated you while pregnant. Make sure (unaccusingly) he knows that. Make sure he knows you’ll be there for him as much as possible as well.
I really think you’d regret not having him at the birth if you love him at all.
NTA.
I knew someone who was pregnant at 25, married, has Masters degree from university, and good job. She looked like a teenager and got a lot of glares, when she was pregnant. I understand that if you want to avoid judgmental stares when you are just trying to go about your business, then changing your wardrobe for a few months isn’t the end of the world. Your boyfriend is right that you have feelings about pregnancy (show me a pregnant woman who doesn’t have feelings about this major life change). But you are right that you need support. As long as the support isn’t harmful, then he should follow your lead. For example, if you decided you didn’t want to announce the pregnancy until the third trimester, that doesn’t mean emotional neglect. It means “I need a bit of time but will get there”, which is ok.
There will be a time when you are too far along to hide it and a time when you are pushing a stroller. At that time, you may want to wear a sweater with a university emblem (don’t have to have graduated from it) to changing your hairstyle and outside jacket to say “professional”. You can still have clothing on underneath that is youthful, but just a few signals to the public that say “20’s”.
Soft YTA to ESH. In your own post, you acknowledge that you went too far and hurt your BF. You also didn’t tell him about the judgemental looks you are feeling out in public. Additionally, your BF should not be accusing you of not wanting the baby.
Just communicate your feelings clearly, tell him why you’re wearing more clothing, how being accused of not wanting the baby felt, and make amends with your BF.
YTA and painfully insecure. Guaranteed people aren’t giving you dirty looks, nobody cares.
NTA. You actually hit the nail on the head. If he can’t support you now when you are literally carrying the entire burden, how will he manage to be supportive when he is actually being stressed by the infant?
You overreacted so YTA. Him wondering if you’re ashamed or having second thoughts isn’t the same as you telling him not to be around for the birth.
However, communication seems to be lousy here, and you both worded things poorly and should apologize to each other. Are you really insecure because you believe people are looking at you weird, or is there a deeper issue beneath those hormones? Like, do you want to be married and he doesn’t, which is also why you flipped right to testing him by saying he should just leave you and the baby? Are you afraid people are judging you for not being married yet, or is that your own decision too and you really are good with it?
I doubt people are staring and judging to the extent you think, but if you want them to stop, you can always put on a fake wedding band when you’re out alone.
It’s all in your head. The “judgmental looks”, the insecurity. It’s in your head. Your boyfriend did not deliver the point well, but he has a point. You’re about to become a mom. Time to focus on what is important and prepare for quite frankly tough times ahead (because newborns and kids are not easy), not fret over what you imagine other people are thinking.
ESH
I’m going with mild ESH but I’m leaning in your favor because I’ve been in your situation and people who’ve never experienced the judgement, especially in religious areas of the world, do not understand and think you’re exaggerating.
You were an AH for 2 reasons. You didn’t communicate from the start about what was going on. That’s not good because he’s supposed to be your partner but he can’t support you properly if he’s clueless because you kept everything to yourself. It would be different if you had clearly communicated and pointed out instances of this happening in real time to him and he just didn’t believe you but that’s not what happened here. Secondly that was really harsh telling him he couldn’t be at the birth. I get it and he did deserve harsh words, but you need to watch yourself because there are some things that are too far and can’t be recovered from. So unless you truly feel what he said was unforgivable and you wanted to end the relationship, that may have been a step too far
He’s an AH mainly for that nuclear statement of saying you don’t want the baby and wouldn’t be a good mom. That’s horrendous to say to a pregnant woman, much less your own partner. That right there would kill all the love and trust I had for a person. He didn’t want to believe you and had already made up a scenario in his head and just attacked you based on that. That’s extremely immature behavior on his part.
Frankly I think both of you should apologize, him more than you. And I think if you want to continue the relationship couples counseling would be beneficial so that you both learn to communicate properly.
Also word of advice from someone who was also judged for looking young while pregnant, call them out and do it loudly. Make it clear you see them and that they’re wrong. Every time I yelled “Why are you giving me nasty looks? Have you never seen a pregnant woman in her twenties before?” They always turned bright red and scurried as fast as they could away from you. It doesn’t stop with pregnancy either. Busy bodies love to judge anyone and everyone. They’ll see you with your baby and start gossiping about the teen mom or glaring. They leave you alone real quick when you throw it in their face
I hate when people blame their female hormones for being irrational. It puts all women down. It’s time to grow up, if you want to be treated like an adult then act like one. Your baby needs both of you and using the baby as a weapon is not a good start for your family. YTA
YTA yes it sucks being judged but instead of being a grown up and talking to him about it you hid it until he noticed and as he very clearly told you he felt as if you didn’t want the baby.
From his perspective what wil you be doing when you still look young and the baby is really there? Are you still going to be too embarrassed by what strangers think?
He should be more willing to hear you out but again you didn’t say anything until it was an argument. Has he even had a fair chance to think about what you said
INFO
If your boyfriend does not show up for the birth, or if you break up, will that eliminate how you feel about looking young as a mother?
Will that remove the stress of feeling judged by others?
Will that make this pregnancy easier for you?
If so, then break up, so that you can enjoy this pregnancy and raise your child without feeling judged.
That said, it does not seem to me that your feelings of appearing young to others have anything to do with your boyfriend’s actions. I don’t see what he did wrong.
YTA. A bunch of random people are regularly glaring at you everywhere in 2025 in a noticeable way because they think you’re a pregnant teenager? I find that hard to believe.
But regardless, I don’t even get your thought process. The people who would judge you for being a pregnant teen are generally the same people who would judge you for being pregnant before marriage too, so unless you plan on hiding your baby too this whole thing is stupid.
Apologize to your boyfriend and stop being overdramatic.
YTA – you obviously over reacted. Just apologize. You’re an adult having a kid. You need to be able to do that
Talk to a professional. You should both enjoy this special time.
Why do you care what other people (who do not know you or care about you) think? Like why does it really matter?
I am also pregnant and young looking and even when I get looks, idgaf bc I don’t care about those people.
And you’re using your bf pretty much telling you to get over yourself as an excuse to ban him from the birth? Dick move really.
Are you going to teach your child the same ideology? That he/she should care about the opinions of total strangers? If so, maybe you’re bf was right (even though he prob didn’t mean it and just wanted to snap you out of this little delusion of yours that strangers actually care that you look like a teen mom)
YTA
Listen, I get one aspect. I’m 37 but don’t look my age whatsoever. I’m 31 weeks, FTM, and at 16-20 weeks I was in a musical where I played a 13 year old (at 22 I played a 6 year old). I understand the feeling of being looked at and judged for looking like a kid. It took me well into my late 20s to appreciate my youthful looks and love my body.
I’ve waited too long to be a mom so I am loving showing off my bump! You should be proud of what your body is capable of doing!
People are always going to be judgmental and give looks, but who cares? You know you are an adult
NTA. I’m 22 look like a teenager, doesn’t help that I’m 5 foot nothing. The amount of looks I get if I drink or smoke or go to adult events is insane and sometimes makes me feel like shit. I couldn’t imagine the harm when you have pregnancy hormones. Sorry you are struggling.
YTA. You not only made your unfounded insecurity his problem, but you belittled him for zero reason. He’s right. You have A LOT of growing up to do in a very small amount of time. If you feel judged for carrying your child, good luck. Wait until you feed it or sleep while it exists. You’re never going to make a choice everyone else agrees with so now is a good time to learn how to focus on your perceptions of yourself and stop blaming your inner thoughts about yourself on others.
Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Unless you are living in a small, highly judgmental community, people probably don’t care that you are a young looking expectant mother. You and your BF planned for this little one so your current feelings seem unusual to me. Changes in emotional health during and after pregnancy are something to be aware of and talking to your doctor is a good first step. Take your man with you to the appointment. You are a family now and are in this together. There are no assholes here.
YTA. You need to learn to communicate better and deal with your insecurities. He’s kind of right, you wanted a baby without any thought to the consequences.
YTA
Dude, nobody cares.
They only opinions that should matter to you are the people closest to you. Enjoy your pregnancy, own it!
YTA you are well aware that you went too far yet you have done nothing to help resolve the matter, furthermore you are already using the child to control the situation by threatening to talk his right away from being involved in the child’s life. You both need to apologise and communicate with each other otherwise rising the child together will be near impossible.
NTA
It’s crazy how many YTA I’m seeing because you are obviously NTA. If you guys were trying for a baby and are preparing for the baby, it’s crazy that his first reaction to you hiding your bump would be that you aren’t excited for your baby. I know lots of women who are even married who hid their bump as long as they could. Some people just don’t want ANY attention, positive or negative, when it comes to a pregnancy. People love to give unsolicited advice or judge when they shouldn’t. If hiding your bump is what’s going to make you feel the best, then keep hiding it and explain to your boyfriend that yes, you are sorry for lashing out at him and for what you said, but that hiding the belly in public is what’s going to make you feel most comfortable. You owe him an apology, but he also owes you one as well
ESH but mildly. It’s clear you’re both stressed and though you might have overreacted he did make the first shit move. I feel like there might be something else up with him. It’s giving projection a bit cause I have no idea how you could jump from “my girlfriend is covering up her pregnancy in public” to “this means that despite this being a mutual wanted pregnancy, my girlfriend must be getting cold feet about having a kid” especially considering that body insecurity is so common during pregnancy. I think the next step would be to talk about where you were both coming from with your comments.
A bit YTA. It sounds like you’re feeling some sort of imagined (or real) societal pressures, but don’t feel confident enough in yourself or your relationship to let your partner know what’s going on so he can encourage or support you.
You also didn’t mention your family, friends, or neighbors. A supportive village should help you be out “loud and proud” (to borrow a phrase.) Are you from or in a very religious or conservative area where marriage is expected before children? Maybe you think people would be judgy for that? All things to talk to a therapist about…
YTA for caring too much about what strangers who don’t matter think while expecting your BF to do all the emotional heavy lifting all of the time.
You overreacted to what you believed others thought about you. You got angry and took it out on your boyfriend. You know who you are and where you are at in life. Don’t worry about what strangers think about you. Talk things out with your boyfriend. This isn’t something to explode a relationship over. NTA
Don’t hide the bump. Let people stare. And i know that seems weird, but that’s their own deal not yours. I was pregnant when I was 24, and I looked young. Even when I was 12,I had a baby brother and I would take him with me to the store sometimes, and people thought he was mine. I thought it was funny, after the fact. I had a group of nuns cross themselves at me, that was embarrassing at the time, but funny now. I was at mcdonalds when a lady crashed out at her kids, talking about she didn’t want them to end up like me. You could handle it with humor, wearing a shirt that says I’M NOT A TEENAGER when you go out.
I get how it can feel, I have an 8 week old (2nd child) so I understand the hormones are going wild. I had my first at 24 too. Im going to go NSH but I do want to gently say what you said was extremely across the line. This is going to keep happening, as you progress in the pregnancy then after the baby is born. Please do try and see a therapist if you can because this will get worse and can start affecting your mental health really badly. I feel like youre both in a vulnerable place right now, and you’re both hurt. Hopefully you can work through it.
ETA when I say keep happening, I mean looks from other people.
People thought I was a teen mom when I was pregnant at 25 too. Don’t let their meanness in, just smile and look right in their eyes. It worked for me
NTA – YOU are the one with the bowling ball in your stomach, and others staring. He can be supportive, or shut his trap.
You’ve been trying for a baby for about a year … but weren’t totally ready for the realities, and your bf also seems a bit underprepared. You’re being an AH to yourself. You nee to be physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually ready to be the best mum you can be.
It’s a pity that you’re emotionally responding to strangers crossing your path are causing you to doubt and challenge the miracle life you’ve been blessed with. Your bf can be more mature and supportive, but you’ve got to get a lot more realistic and down to earth. There are people in your life that matter to you who are proud of your choices – accept their love and support.
Don’t isolate yourself from your bf; your baby daddy. He has his own emotional rollercoaster ride. Please calm down, and mend the hurtful moments that you both experienced, to get back on the same page … together.
NTA
I’m 4’11” on a good day. Petite with slim hips. Looked 3 months pregnant at 7months along. Got looks, sure. But who cares? People are mostly just curious, tbh. I think therapy would be beneficial here.
Both of you were wrong. You are first time parents and their are going to be bumps in the road. You both need to sit down and have an open and honest conversation. Could he have tried to understand you more? Yes. Is he going to make more mistakes and say things he shouldn’t? Yes, but you have to give him some understanding because like you he is doing this for the first time too. So, yes, he will mess up, but hopefully he will learn from his mistakes. Should you have told him what was going on before he noticed what you were doing? Yes. Are you going to do and/or say more things you don’t mean while going through this pregnancy? Yes, but like him you are also a first time parent and he shouldn’t take what you say to heart because of what you are going through. You both are going to say and do things the other won’t understand or like and the only way you will get through this is by talking. Just putting out all the fears and nerves that I’m sure both of you are feeling. This is a big change to your relationship and if you want to keep this relationship than you both need to be able to lean on each other.
You are NTA for feeling that way, but your way of expressing your frustration was not the best. He is an AH for not supporting you.
I get it. I was pregnant with my first at 19 and look young for my age on top of that. I did get looks, but they were all from people that obviously don’t know me and I will never have to deal with in my life. Let them stare. Be proud, Mama. They only wish they could look as good.
YTA for caring so much what other people think. You’re NOT a pregnant teen, so that is their problem.
ESH. Soft for him, harder for you.
I mean you even say in the post that you know you went too far and you definitely did.
He made an arsehole comment saying that you’re maybe not ready, but in all honesty if you’re this worried about what random people in the street think about you, there might be a smidgen of truth in what he’s saying there. Not helpfully put though – he could have reassured you that you don’t need to care what they think, because the opinions that matter most are your own.
Meanwhile your response was obviously way too much and extremely hurtful – he said one phrase prefaced with ‘maybe’ and you’ve implied you don’t want him around as a parent. That’s a lot.
I’m 40 now but I was a teenager when I got pregnant the first time and those looks are awful especially when it’s from the medical staff. As well as the hormones and feeling like a blimp and when they aren’t judging people trying to touch the belly you have all the reasons to feel insecure and I’m only saying this because I about five years ago lost my f$&!’s and started doing and dressing in a way that makes me happy. People will always judge take a breath and remind yourself that you have done nothing wrong their perception is not reality and they don’t love or care for you so why should their opinions matter. And your husband needs to read the room happy wife happy life especially while you’re growing a tiny human.
ESH truthfully.
The one thing you need to be prepared for is the looks. No matter what you do people will look and judge. Should it happen? No, but it does and it’s just life. People will stare at you if your child is crying, being obnoxious, being loud, or for just being a baby. That’s just being in public. And of course it’s rude but we can’t control other people. Parents are always judged the harshest in public.
He shouldn’t have come at you and accused you for not wanting the baby and you shouldn’t have told him not to be there for the birth. I understand pregnancy hormones, but that wasn’t very nice of you.
Honestly you should be embracing your pregnancy. This is something that you guys wanted. Your body is doing an amazing thing, be proud!
ESH. You took it too far and need to stop caring if people look at you. People look at pregnant women for all sorts of reasons, and I doubt they are focusing on what you are. You shouldn’t be hiding that bump right now and be fully embracing becoming a mama soon.
He shouldn’t have said what he did and instead tried explaining it better to you.
Both of you should apologize and move on from it, imo.
People aren’t nearly as interested in you as you think they are.
NTA and people who say you’re the AH are wrong. You had more right to express your frustration than he did to judge you. You have the right to feel your feelings and choose who you want to be there when you give birth. He needs to try and hear you when you express your feelings and not make snap judgments of your reaction to this pregnancy, which is upsetting your life wayyy more than it will ever disrupt yours.
NTA. He jumped to conclusions and apparently doesn’t care to listen to your feelings.
YTA- give him a chance. You are acting like a teen whether you look like one or not. Let’s blame the temporary insanity on hormones.
These judgements are all over the place, but I’m going with NAH. Being pregnant and having a baby is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
You will learn to be ok with feeling in your own skin again. I wish someone had told me that.
You will also quickly learn to not give a shit about what strangers think. To me, this was a blessing.
Think about where you’ll be one year from now. You are going to be ok, and you are going to realize you’re way stronger in every way than you ever thought possible.
ESH for horrendous communication issues. Both of you need to use your words better before going batshit on each other.
Even if those looks arent judgmental at all, it doesnt matter because you are feeling unsure! Your bf should have your back!
When my mom was pregnant with my younger brothers, she was super self conscious about her size, and age, so my dad stepped up! He called her beautiful, and strong snd amazing, he would walk around with his hand in hers to remind her she wasnt alone, he was a real father.
If your bf cant do the bare minimum of supporting you, or even just listening to your worries, maybe he isnt ready to be a dad.
Nta
(Ps: congratulations on the baby, regardless if you decide to stay with bf or not, I hope your future with your growing family is bright, your baby is healthy, and you to get as much sleep as you can lol! I suggest r/moms where you can go and get motherly advice or care if you need some extra support during this time. )
What are you going to do once the baby is here? Hide it as well? YTA
YTA. You’re allowing what other people (STRANGERS!!!) control how you enjoy your own pregnancy. Why would you kowtow to what random assholes think than your own partner? Strangers can mind they own damn business. You have to talk this out with your man. You both said some hurtful shit and it’s time to apologize and for you to get some therapy.
Girl who cares what other people think, you may never run into those people again. Do not allow someone giving you a dirty look for a few seconds/minutes to affect how you feel about the pregnancy and causing issues with your partner. You’re letting these strangers have way too much control.
Overall, NTA
BUT, i don’t think you needed to go so far. I get it, hormones probably played a role, mixed with your insecurity.
I’ve been there. I look young, and was pregnant well before we planned so even though we were already engaged, I got looks from all sorts of people- those I know, those I didn’t.
But what’s the plan when the baby comes? You’re still going to look young, only now you’re carrying around a baby.
Forget those people. Ignore the stares, comments.
TBH, a lot of it is likely insecurity getting the best of you.
NTA, but the father is.
Soft YTA. Love, as a fellow young-looking mom, this is only the beginning of people judging you for being a parent. You have to learn to let it roll right off of you—quickly—or you’re going to be as miserable as you are now, and worse, forever.
He could be more tender with how he says it, but he’s not wrong that you need to get over dumb people. You cannot let the opinions of twats influence you so strongly.
YTA. You’re letting a bunch of randos outside get to you enough to compromise your relationship, the potential relationship of your partner to his child, and your own mental health.
When I was 15, I used to take my niece everywhere, and everyone would glare at me. Who cares what people think of how you look? What are you going to do when the baby is here? Wear a sign that says “I’m an adult”?
Please have an open and honest conversation about the thoughts you’re having with your doctor.
Your reaction was extreme. Most people literally don’t care about a stranger that much. Their gaze falls on you, but they could be thinking about their own crappy life issues.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and it your bump. Literally no one else cares about us that much. You can’t allow other random people to affect you like this. You’re going to be a parent, you need to have. A thicker skin to advocate properly for yourself and your child. The way you treated your partner was not right.
Please talk to your doctor, see if there is anything else going on you need to know about l, especially the mental health aspect of it.
YTA
Just swallow your pride, apologize and talk to him. It’s not worth arguing over something so trivial with the father of your child. And especially not worth ruining your relationship.
ESH. He can’t support you if you don’t communicate. You better learn fast because once baby comes if you don’t communicate NO ONE can help you, and raising a baby with zero help is HARD.
He should have supported and stopped to try and listen when you were trying to explain. But I’m guessing by then he was angry and unable to hear. And had weeks of pent up fear, anger and hurt that he thought you didn’t want his baby. So guess what you aren’t the only one who needs to work on communication.
I think most people(myself included) need constant work on their communication abilities.
As someone who was a pregnant teen. I combated this by not paying attention to it. I knew I was awesome. My kid would awesome. I knew I had to be the change I wanted in the world so I met their looks and glances with my own confidence and continued to take up my own space as a respectful passerby, rather thank shrink. I think… This goes deeper than what I think you’re implying. Is it really the way strangers are perceiving you, or how you are coping with these changes? Here changes are forever. Pregnancy comes and goes but your body and lifestyle will change forever. You are hormonal so this feeling may be temporary. Grieve your old self then let her go. Welcome your new self because she’s going to be here to stay. You might even like her more- I did. Being pregnant is uncomfortable and not beautiful to some. That’s ok. Accept that you feel this way and give yourself grace.
Just start wearing an over sized tee that says 14 and proud of it. Those judgmental fools can stuff it.
Congrats on the baby.
ESH
While your replies to him may have been a bit of an over reaction, who goes to their pregnant partner accusing them of not wanting their baby because they’re not showing off their bump?
ESH – he’s taking your response personally. So are you. Pull a Katie Holmes. Get yourself an older haircut @ make up style. 🙄
I mean…. the fuck you gonna do when the baby comes and you need to go to the store? You can’t hide this. You need to come to terms with this and ignore everyone else. This is your family. Be proud. Soft YTA, but AH nonetheless.
YTA it’s harsh- but this type of behavior would also make me question “readiness” for parenting. I think you should need to do a lot of internal work vs making him the problem
ESH. You both overreacted.
I am a little more understanding of you because I get the hormones, but you said some awful and hurtful things, too. I’ve had three babies. Hormones explain why we say some things, but they aren’t a license to be mean without consequences.
Your boyfriend wasn’t listening to your feelings and reacted out of his insecurities.
Have a conversation. Get some counseling if you can. You two are having a BABY TOGETHER. You are going to need to communicate for the rest of your lives about problems big and small. Get some skills before baby is born.
Sweetheart, you know and the important people know that this baby is a planned for and much wanted addition to your family. Ignore the looks and see your doctor about the anxiety. A very close friend (who calls me second mum) had her daughter nearly 7 years ago. She found the fact that some people thought she was a pregnant teenager hilarious as she was 30 at the time. Anyone who knows her, knew her age. Please don’t take your anxiety out on the father.
You’re really going to need a thicker skin if you’re going to be a mom. Complete strangers are going to judge every single thing you do. If you’re neglectful, people will judge. If you’re the most perfect mother in the world, people will judge even more. You’re gonna need to learn how to deal with it and just deal with your own self.
YTA. You overreacted and now you are talking about making it worse.
ESH he was a jerk about it but he was kind of right. what are you going to do when you have a baby and you look like a teen mom? You have to grow up a little if this really bothers you
A soft YTA because pregnancy hormones can absolutely wreck you in ways you don’t expect, but you know you overreacted and you owe him an apology. You should both sit down and discuss this at a time when you’re not feeling overwhelmed – would it help to have a third person around to be a support for you both? A mutual friend or family member who you know won’t take sides? I’m physically disabled but don’t “look” disabled and I totally understand the feeling of people judging me when I’m not giving up my seat on PT or not doing basic activities that a stranger would expect me to be able to do – it sucks, but lashing out at your loved ones who can’t understand it won’t help and will just alienate you further. Hopefully you’ll be able to move past this and laugh about it one day. I know I give my friends shit for trying to get me to do things they now understand I can’t do, but they had my best interests in mind at the time