Three years ago I separated from my ex wife and moved back to my childhood home with my 4 kids (ages 8, 10, 12, 14). My parents and 4 of my siblings (adults aged 24+) also live here with us. It’s a large home and has about 8 rooms so it works. 7 years ago I purchased the remaining mortgage off my dad so he could retire and just live off his pension debt free. So we co-own the house where he owns 5/8 and I won 3/8. My mortgage is still roughly 350k with pretty high monthly repayments seeing we live in Sydney.
We all share the bills/utilities which comes to around $40 a week per person on average. Everyone buys their own food, petrol, etc. Ive asked them to pay $50 each per week as board, and they refuse to do so. It also doesn’t help that my dad is on their side and also doesn’t think they should pay. Their argument is that they live in my dad’s 5/8 share of the house, and me and my kids live in my 3/8. But of course we all share the common areas like the kitchen, toilets, parking, etc. A few of the other family members agree with them and it seems I’m the only one who thinks this way, which makes me wonder if Im in the wrong here.
Im not asking for much imo. $50 a week for a room in a house in Sydney is not much at all. They see me going to work every day and raising my 4 kids trying to pay off this mortgage and they still don’t want to help out. The situation is also putting a strain on our relationships.
So AITA for wanting my siblings to pay board???
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Three years ago I separated from my ex wife and moved back to my childhood home with my 4 kids (ages 8, 10, 12, 14). My parents and 4 of my siblings (adults aged 24+) also live here with us. It’s a large home and has about 8 rooms so it works. 7 years ago I purchased the remaining mortgage off my dad so he could retire and just live off his pension debt free. So we co-own the house where he owns 5/8 and I won 3/8. My mortgage is still roughly 350k with pretty high monthly repayments seeing we live in Sydney.
We all share the bills/utilities which comes to around $40 a week per person on average. Everyone buys their own food, petrol, etc. Ive asked them to pay $50 each per week as board, and they refuse to do so. It also doesn’t help that my dad is on their side and also doesn’t think they should pay. Their argument is that they live in my dad’s 5/8 share of the house, and me and my kids live in my 3/8. But of course we all share the common areas like the kitchen, toilets, parking, etc. A few of the other family members agree with them and it seems I’m the only one who thinks this way, which makes me wonder if Im in the wrong here.
Im not asking for much imo. $50 a week for a room in a house in Sydney is not much at all. They see me going to work every day and raising my 4 kids trying to pay off this mortgage and they still don’t want to help out. The situation is also putting a strain on our relationships.
So AITA for wanting my siblings to pay board???
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im constantly trying to get them to pay board. Ive had countless meetings with my parents about this raising my arguments. My relationship with my family is strained and I don’t know if I should keep up the fight or just give in. Im also thinking about “renting” my 3/8 out to randoms to teach them a lesson.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I cannot imagine why you decide to split the house this way. It is never going to work. See if he can buy you out and then you can do your own thing. This is a financial/family disaster
Yup. YTA. It’s your dad’s decision.
YTA. The house does not belong to you. You are also responsible for the choices you make – like taking care of your kids – and it’s not just for you to impose those responsibilities on them.
Do the 4 adult siblings work? Also roughly $360.00 a month for rent and utilities is cheap
Do the 4 adult siblings work? Also roughly $360.00 a month for rent and utilities is cheap
This should have been discussed before you bought into the house. As someone else pointed out this arrangement would only work if it was 50/50 and even then I don’t think it would have really worked. Your siblings will always see the house as your Dad’s; they will never see you as the owner.
YTA you and your kids are talking 5/11 of the house that you own less than half of. They can very much live on your parents part of the house without paying you. Did you pay additional board when you didn’t own part of the house?
YTA – no where in your post do you say that you are going to be giving 5/8 of whatever your sibs pay you, to your dad. You’re just thinking about the debt that you CHOSE to put yourself in. They are 100% right that they are living in your dads share and you and your kids are in yours. Stop trying to gain off of family for a decision that YOU made that didn’t involve them. You discuss this BEFORE you sign on the dotted line. YTA>
This is something you should have talked about before you did what you did. Wanting them to pay something isn’t wrong, but if you knew beforehand that they wouldn’t be on broad with it I’m sure you wouldn’t have paid anything for part of the house. I mean, living isn’t free. Also, you don’t really co-own the house since you are saying he owns it more. If it was 50/50, maybe you would have more of a say. As long as your father doesn’t agree with whatever you want you will never get whatever you are trying to get and unfortunately, right now that is your siblings paying rent. It’s was a nice thought; you wanting to help your father; but you couldn’t have really thought this through. I doubt this will be the only problem you come by.
Your ‘side’ has five people, their side has six. Is there a rough allocation of bedrooms (3 for you / 5 for them?) how about living spaces? Surely there are multiple living spaces in an 8 bedroom house (unless you meant total rooms was 8, in which case it suddenly feels a lot smaller).
You might need to re-envision how the house works, but their argument about living in your dads side has merit (so long as the expenses are being fairly covered, which is sounds like they are). If you feel like your living situation is being encroached then you need to work out a better time / space share.
If you think this is an issue just wait until you settle your dad’s estate and his 5/8 is divided between your siblings.
I think this is sort of an ESH, the house being joint owned makes it complicated and you should have thought about that before buying your dad out.
But also stop saying you are asking them for board. I think you want rent and board refers to food so it’s certainly going to add confusion and not help with anything.
Perhaps you could reframe it, not as “board”, but a “contribution to a home maintenance account”. Houses need to be fixed up from time to time, and there’s nothing wrong with all parties contributing to expenses that will benefit everyone’s comfort while living there. You’re paying the mortgage, everyone contributes to recurring expenses like electricity, taxes, etc. It seems very fair.
You are asking for rent, is that rent going to you or your dad?
But in the end not your house. If your dad wanted to charge rent he wouldn’t have had you buy the rest of the mortgage, the rent from the siblings would old of covered it two fold.
I get the sense you are trying to be a worm, YTA.
YTA
If you’re asking people to contribute to the maintenance of the joint areas of a home you co-own with someone else, then you need to split that money with your co-owner or set it aside to be used for shared maintenance costs. Was that the plan? That you would set that money aside for general house repairs or split it 5/8 and 3/8 with dad?
Because if you’re demanding your siblings pay you (and only you) $50 a week for “board” when you are not the majority owner of the home, it seems like you’re asking them to help you afford your mortgage. A mortgage they do not benefit from. They have every reason to object to that.
If both owners of the home were on board with this or the money was being set aside for shared costs, I think this would be a great idea. But it seems like you may have bitten off more than you could chew with this arrangement, and now you’re trying to get your siblings to bear some of your burden. But they have no duty to you and your burden. They live there because the majority owner of the home allows them to, and if that person doesn’t agree with asking them for board, then that’s that.
>They see me going to work every day and raising my 4 kids trying to pay off this mortgage and they still don’t want to help out.
Yeah, that’s how it works. My siblings don’t help me pay my mortgage. That’s my debt. My siblings don’t need to help pay for my kids. That’s my responsibility. If you can’t afford this mortgage, then you need to look at what your options are for getting out from under it. Maybe time to sell the property back to dad (or to your siblings) and move elsewhere. If you can’t afford your kids, then you need to hit up their other parent. That’s the person responsible for helping to support your children. Not your siblings.
Sounds like you made a lot of expensive choices and are expecting your siblings to bail you out by pitching in to your finances because you’re struggling, but that’s not a reasonable ask.
In a situation like this whatever the living/rent agreement was prior to you buying the mortgage is what should continue. You moved into their house technically, just because you made a gesture to help your dad and assuming you could afford it doesn’t mean they are subject to your rules. As you said your dad still holds majority share, so even if you look at it that way he still has final say. Nothing wrong with asking them to help if they can, but expecting them to isn’t really ok.
Edit: also seeing your bit about renting out to randoms is petty and childish response to not getting your way. You did your dad a solid helping him with the mortgage, that doesn’t give you any “power” though which seems to be what you think. You’re trying to run the household when it’s not yours to run.
Buddy, you did not think this through. So by your reasoning, each sibling pays $50 a week rent equalling $200 total. Allocating your dad’s 5/8 of a share of this would leave you $75.
I think it’s admirable that you bought into the property so your dad could retire. However, you need to have these big conversations BEFORE you made such decisions.
You moved your entire family into your dad’s home where your siblings were already residing. Bet they loved the idea of another 5 people moving in. Though from your post, doesn’t sound like they raised any issues with this.
Charging them rent would be a mutual decision with your dad and needed to be discussed prior to your purchasing ownership. As it stands, you don’t have the power to veto his decision.
Also, have you considered what happens when your dad dies? Assuming his share of the property is divided equally between you all, you are either going to have to sell or buy your siblings out.
How you treat them going forward may come back to haunt you.
YTA
YTA. you didn’t offer to pay off the mortgage out of the kindness of your heart, stop lying to yourself. If you got your name on the title and are paying the remaining “3/8” of the home, congratulations, you managed to weasel your way onto the title and are a “minority owner of the home” in a very much high cost of living city in Australia. Just wait until you have to deal with estate and realize how much of an asshole you’re being to your own siblings.
You have already stated: “We all share the bills/utilities…” that means that your siblings and parents are already covering “board” as you would put it. Asking (and let’s be honest here, demanding) your siblings to pay an additional $50 PER WEEK is not “board” you are asking them to pay for “Room” in Room & Board, which was not part of the agreement in the first place, especially since they are correct if they live on the 5/8 that your parents have already paid off and are the owners of, you have no say in that.
As others have said, if they pay you another $50, is it going to be split 5/8 to your parents and 3/8 to your portion of the mortgage? Which again, if your parents own 5/8 because that’s the portion that is completely paid off and your siblings are living in their 5/8s, then that money should 100% be going to your parents, not YOU. You don’t get to pretend to do a good deed of “paying off the mortgage and letting your parents coast” then reverse and charge your siblings for rent when they don’t even live in your portion of the 3/8 of the house. And before you even say it’s because they use the “shared” areas, they already pay for that in the form of shared bills and utilities.
Just admit it, you were in over your head paying off the remaining mortgage, realize this and are trying to weasel more money out of your OWN SIBLINGS AND FAMILY to pay off the mortgage YOU agreed to take on solo and pay off, all the while using YOUR OWN KIDS as a sympathy card to sway opinions by framing it as “Im not asking for much imo”. YTA through and through
You are asking $50 per person for food and preparation and nothing for rent (board and room). Is this correct? If the adults are refusing to pay for food, don’t provide any. There’s no point fighting about it. Feed your kids and yourself and let the adults fend for themselves. NTA
Kick your siblings out. They need to contribute to costs in some portion. If they’re that entitled and bratty to dare have an issue w that, then you can evict them and they can pay 100% of the costs elsewhere, in their name.
Tell them all that they need to pay rent on the space you partially own or else you are going to force a sale and let them deal with the fallout.
At this point your kindness is being abused, this should have been discussed before you took out the mortgage but that isn’t where you are now.
Play hardball.
Nope, but since you bought into the mortgage you’re stuck. Not much you can do other than ask and they’ve said no. You can always ask your dad to buy out your part of the house and move, I don’t see any other solution.
You were paying on your mortgage for 4 years before moving in.
Why didn’t you start to charge them then?
YTA for clearly NOT clearly having a conversation
INFO
How many bedrooms are you using? Are you, and your 4 kids, only using 3 of the 8 bedrooms? How much of the utilities are you covering? And how will the remaining parts of the house be split in your dad’s will? Will you still get another share of the house?
Because your mortgage, frankly, is your responsibility. If you own 3/8 of the house, then your dad owns the remaining 5/8 and can do with it as he wishes. But your responsibility is covering the portion of the house and utilities that you, and your kids use. Your dad is responsible for the remaining 5/8s, and if he chooses to let your siblings live there for free, then that means how much he charges them to stay there is none of your business. As long as he’s not expecting you to be covering their food/utilities as well.