I’m getting married in a few months and overall planning has gone pretty smoothly but there’s one issue that’s been driving me nuts. My future mother-in-law insists on walking down the aisle at my wedding.
For context, she’s not part of the wedding party, she’s not giving anyone away, and she’s not officiating. She just wants to walk down the aisle by herself as part of the processional, basically as if she were the mother of the bride.
I told her no politely. I explained that our plan was for my fiancé and the officiant to enter from the side, then the wedding party would walk, then my parents, and finally me. We’re already including her in a meaningful way. She’s going to light one of the candles during the unity ceremony and will be seated in the front row.
Apparently that’s not enough. She said she deserves her own moment to be seen and honored because she raised my fiancé and has just as much right to walk down the aisle as my parents do. I tried explaining that traditionally the mother of the groom is seated before the ceremony starts but she got really upset and said she’s not a seat filler, she’s his mother, and she’s not going to be shuffled in like some background character.
My fiancé tried to talk to her but she got emotional and accused us of disrespecting her and trying to erase her from his life. Then she said if we don’t let her walk down the aisle she might not come at all.
Now a few of his aunts and cousins are messaging me saying I’m being controlling and that it wouldn’t hurt anything to just let her walk. But to me it feels like she’s trying to turn the ceremony into a moment about herself. I don’t want to reward that kind of emotional manipulation and I really don’t want to start my marriage with this kind of boundary being crossed.
But now I’m wondering if I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Am I the asshole for saying no?
Comments
It is not traditional for the mother of the bride to walk down the aisle. So having your mother walk down the aisle but not your fiancés mother would appear unfair. Ultimately it’s your and your fiancé’s choice.
Why are the groom’s moms always out of pocket? NTA. Tell her too bad so sad
It’s your wedding, but would it really hurt for you to do something nice for someone who will be in your life for many years?
If one of the moms is part of the procession, the other should not be excluded. You don’t need to be petty just because “it’s tradition” – you can figure this out without being TAH. Think kindness and generosity. Seriously. What will it do, add 20 seconds?
It’s tradition for the bride’s father to escort the bride down the isle and you are departing from that by having both of your parents walk down the isle together.
There are 2 ways to look at this:
For the love of God, let the lady walk down the isle. YOUR mother is so why cant HIS. Would it really kill you? Pick your battles Miss, your life with this man is just starting and believe you me, if you start on the wrong foot with MIL you may very well regret being petty.
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A traditional Christian ceremony includes the groom’s mother. Let her walk, too. It’ll make your life easier.
A Guide to Wedding Processional Orders https://share.google/MYvjMPWnMTYxKW0oA
In a traditional Christian ceremony, the groom’s parents are the first to walk down the aisle. They will take their seats after all guests, before the mother of the bride.
The next person to enter is the mother of the bride, to be seated in the first row on the left side, before the officiants, groom and best man take their place at the altar to await the bride. If you’d like, have her escorted by a son, son-in-law or relative.
The officiant enters after the mother of the bride, and takes their place at the altar.
Then the groom and best man enter together to stand at the altar.
After the groom and best man enter, the bridesmaids and groomsmen enter, individually, in pairs, or in groups of three, and take their places on the left and right side of the altar respectively.
Following the groomsmen and bridesmaids, the Maid or Matron of honor walks down the aisle alone.
If using a Flower Girl and/or Ring Bearer, they can walk down the aisle together or alone. Last, the bride enters, escorted by her father (or whomever is giving her away), walking on his right side.
In the ceremony itself, the bride stands on the left and the groom on the right.
Is it not traditional? My husband’s parents walked down the aisle before the wedding party and both my parents walked with me
NTA
None of this happened OP, why bother with this???
Surprising, but YTA. There’s zero reason for your parents to walk down the aisle and not her. That’s really shitty and your reasons are bs. her response may be dramatic but I totally get where she’s coming from and feeling hurt. You’re excluding her and making her meaningless while your parents are both being honored.
Elopement is your best friend, bosom buddy, boon companion.
Yeah… YTA. I feel like most weddings I’ve been to, both mothers were escorted in. It feels disrespectful imo to honor your parents and leave his mom out.
YTA in so many ways. Lots of weddings have the mother of both the bride and groom walk down the aisle escorted by either their partner or another male relative. MIL drama is real and painful but in this case I think she is right and you are excluding her unfairly.
It doesn’t sound like your dad is escorting you down the aisle but your parents are walking in before you as part of the processional. So why cant your husband to be mom get to walk in the processional too? It’s your wedding but it does seem unfair.
YT! If you’re having your mother walk down the aisle with the bridal party, then it would be respectful for bothering sets of parents. Excluding her is wrong. Hey YOU decided to not follow tradition so I get her (MIL) being upset by it.
Have her walk her son down the aisle
So it’s ok for your parents to walk but not her that’s sounds exclusionary. Great way to start off a marriage
Yes you are the AH. If your mother is being escorted then so should his. It’s not just your wedding. It’s his too.
NTA. It’s super weird that she feels the need to be the center of attention on YOUR day. Stick to your guns. Say no and if she doesn’t show, she doesnt show. Tell the flying monkeys to take a hike
She just wants to be treated the same as your mom. It’s important to HER probably because she’s likely to be have been left out of most of the planning and wants to be seen.
Your day is about you and your husband. However it’s also about joining a new member to the family as a whole. Also if your MIL has a role such as walking down the aisle you have more of a say about what she wears.
In your situation I would probably ask somebody to walk down the aisle with her. And then say to her we changed our mind and have decided we would be honoured if you would walk down the aisle with xyz. This makes it look like it’s your idea and not her tantrum about it. If she’s still upset then tell her she has two choices. Do it your way or don’t do it at all
Most weddings I’ve gone to both mothers are escorted down the aisle by an usher or groomsman. Parents don’t typically get to be part of the procession unless the father walks the bride down the aisle. I do think if you have your parents as part of the procession, it’s unfair to your FMIL not to also be part of it. YTA
At our wedding my husband’s brother walked his mom down the aisle and my uncle walked my mom down the aisle. Then the wedding officially started.
Hang on, your parents get to walk down the aisle, but his don’t? YTA
Your mom should be already seated too. You’ve made an imbalance there by doing something else non traditional-having your mom walk down the aisle.
ESH
Too many reasons to list…
Weddings are stupid anyway…. go to a court house and get “hitched”. 🙂
Where is it written that tradition dictates that the mother of the bride is the only mother to walk down the aisle? I have never seen or heard that. Every wedding I’ve ever been to has had both mothers walk as part of the processional. Which one goes first has varied but they both are escorted in before the wedding party.
What is the real reason you don’t want her to have the same acknowledgment/moment as your mom?
You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt. This is NOT worth the fight. Just pick an usher to walk her down the aisle and seat her. Have her go first before the rest of the party, this is not worth fighting over and it’s doing a kindness to a woman you want to have a loving relationship.
Yeah, pretty much YTA.
I’m generally team bride but in this case yes, YTA.
You are NOT sticking with “tradition,” your parents are walking together and you are walking by yourself. Also, it’s your you and your future husband’s wedding… you can do anything you want to do… WANT being the operative word.
And don’t act like she has some honorable role by lighting the unity candle. Both moms light one.
Additionally, the mother of the groom DOES walk down the aisle. She *traditionally* is walked down the aisle by her own son before the ceremony starts or by a groomsmen.
Just say you can’t stand your MIL and you’re looking for a way to hurt her. Sheesh.
It’s not totally insane that the MIL is the last guest to be seated. One of the ushers can walk her down to her seat just before processional. You don’t need to play music or make it a big thing.
A lot of couples have FOG AND MOG as the last guests escorted to their seat by an usher. This may be a good middle ground. Especially because you are departing with tradition by having your parents included in the processional it seems lopsided not to extend any to parents of the groom. YTA.
Its tradition for the ushers to escort the mother of the groom and the mother of bride to their seats BEFORE the ceremony starts. YTA. But if you want to start out your marriage like this and ensure that there will always be drama with the in-laws, then you and your fiancé should go ahead with this plan. It is your wedding and your decision.
YTAH for departing from tradition to have your parents walk together down the aisle but not similarly recognize your fiancé’s parent(s). Your MIL is not wrong: Why do your parents get special recognition and not her?
Suggestions:
every formal wedding i have ever been to , just as the music starts, the mother of the groom is walked down the isle, by her husband and if she is widowed/single, by a groomsman………. then it is the mother of the bride ( if she is not walking with her daughter and her dad) then it is the grandparents………..then the bridal party…………..
what’s the big deal… afraid she’ll steal ya thunder? let her walk……..
i used to be a weddings etiquette columnist, and I realized that many people DO think there are ceremonial entrances before the bridesmaids.
In formal weddings, The mother of the bride enters just before the bridesmaids, and is escorted to her seat. People often think that’s an honor.
That’s probably what your MIL is thinking of. And you are as well: “basically as if she were the mother of the bride.”
But the MOB is NOT part of the processional, and that’s not an honor.
She’s not entering first; she’s taking her seat last. And she’s taking her seat last because up until that moment, she was *working**.*
The MOB is the traditional hostess of the event, and so she is on her feet, overseeing things. Only when she decides all is in readiness does the wedding begin, and only then can she take her seat. Her entrance is often the cue to the organist to change from prelude music to the processional.
Everyone notices her entry because, well, she’s last. And they associate her with what comes after her, not with what came before her.
And she is escorted to her seat not as an honor, but because in a formal wedding, every woman is escorted to her seat by an usher. Sometimes the MOB’s husband doesn’t trail along behind, because he’s waiting to escort his daughter down the aisle.
So people are assigning meanings that weren’t intended.
and they do things like make their grandparents hang around (often on their feet) before the wedding to make a ceremonial entrance of some kind as an honor, instead of letting them go sit in the church and make small talk, or smile at peopel as they enter.
Now…often the MOG enters the church shortly before the MOB. Because she too has been working, greeting the guests from her side of the family, and being of assistance to the groom and groomsmen, or the MOB even. And so as that sort of activity is winding down, she goes to her seat late, maybe even just before the MOB, as the two matriarchs agree that it’s time for things to begin.
If you wanted, you could capitalize on this and have your MOG enter, and then your MOB enter.
And then, when your musician sees your mom enter, they can switch over to the processional music.
And that might placate your MOG, and avoid the whole thing.
YTA. What you’ve described isn’t traditional. If you want traditional, BOTH moms are escorted down the aisle before the wedding party.
NTA because it’s your wedding and your choice, and her throwing a tantrum about her role is very childish and stupid of her.
But really. If you already have so many people traipsing down the aisle anyway, what’s one more.
This might be a pick your battles type thing. You’re still NTA but you are definitely making a big deal out of nothing.
TAH- so your mother can walk down the aisle but not his mother. Yes total AH. Why are you honoring your Mom but not his? Both should walk down or neither. Yes I agree with her you are very disrespectful to her.
Traditionally, both mothers are walked down the aisle and seated before the ceremony and the father of the bride walk you down the aisle so you using part of the tradition but not all of it to exclude her.
Mothers, of the bride and groom, are seated prior to the wedding party. Traditionally. And you are having a traditional wedding, correct?
What are you talking about? The mother of the bride doesn’t walk down either, that’s not “traditional” if your mom is walking down then she should get to as well. Your not being fair
INFO: Traditionally mothers are seated before the ceremony begins and only the father walks the bride. It sounds like your father isn’t even escorting you so this is non-traditional and a spotlight moment for your parents. Which does beg the question if your parents deserve a spotlight moment why don’t his?
YTA. If your mom is walking down the aisle, it doesn’t make sense that you would exclude MIL.
So is neither of your parents walking you down? It sounds like you’re walking down yourself. If so then maybe just have his mom walk right ahead of your parents.
Parents being seated in the front row is how it’s usually done so it’s not like you’re doing something extra in that regard.
YOUR parents are walking but she can’t?! That’s outrageously unfair, OP. Absolutely not. Either all parents are included or non are. What sort of a person are you?!
YTA.
I’ve seen it where the mother of the groom (sometimes with his father too) gets escorted down the aisle as he’s heading to where he needs to stand to wait for the bride.
Outside of this, the MIL isn’t part of the regular processional that includes the bride.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Traditionally, the mother of the bride is the last person ushered to their seat and the mother of the groom the second last. Then the wedding processional starts. If you want to include your mother in the processional, that is fine but to exclude her is not fine. You have to fix this for the sake of the life long relationship you will have with you husband’s mother.
I’m under the impression that both sets of parents walk down the aisle or none of them do, per the many weddings I’ve been to. If his Mom wants to walk, be gracious and let her. I like to see the parents walk the aisle because it helps me identify them (if I don’t already know them) so that I can congratulate them later.
It really gets dicey when there are step parents to deal with.
Yeah YTA. A wedding doesn’t happen without 2 people and each of those 2 people have parents that should be honored (unless they’re cut off for some reason).
YTA – if your parents are doing it, I don’t see the problem unless it’s a personal problem with her. The only way to fix it is to not have your parents do it either.
I have never seen a wedding where any of the parents were part of the processional, unless they were giving the bride away. I have seen some weddings where both sets of parents gave their children away as part of the processional, but I have never seen them walk separately. Every wedding I have been too the parents of the groom and the mother of the bride were both seated right before the processional starts. Therefore I kind of agree with her.
I’m sorry, but you are making a bigger deal than it should be. If you’re letting your mom walk down the aisle why can’t she? That seems really unfair. Do you not like her? Seems that way. My MIL also lit the unity candle. I had her and my SIL walk down the aisle each with a candle, they placed it at the front of the church and took their seats. It’s really not that big of a deal to let her walk down the aisle. YTA
Yes. You are the asshole here. Your parents can walk in the procession, but his mother can’t? You are being unnecessarily exclusionary. Yes, the response by his family might feel to you like they are piling on, but you started it by being unkind.
I’ve been married for 25 years. For our wedding, both my husband and I were escorted in by both of our parents. For my brother’s wedding, our Dad was the best man. He escorted our Mom to her seat, then went to stand with my brother. They were followed by the bride’s mother, who was walked down the aisle by her son, the bride’s brother, who was the bride’s best man.
“Traditions” vary and there is no one right way to have a wedding procession. But generally speaking, inclusion and kindness are a good start.
….. Why do i feel like this is not the first bumping of heads between you two? The whole “trying to erase me” line that she threw out there seems a bit deeper than this situation but i could be wrong? Either way i do wonder if your decision to not let her walk EVEN THOUGH YOUR MOTHER GETS TOO… isn’t a bit to be petty or some get back for whatever slight you may have felt at another time.
But hey, i don’t know y’all history so based on the facts laid out i still gotta say YTA. If she wanted something like to wear a white dress/gown, walk wiiiith you guys etc, just something really out there i would say it was her. She literally only asked to be treated as a parent of the couple SAME AS THE OTHER PARENTS?? 🤷🏿♀️
Now the tantrum and manipulation part? Shes an AH for that, yes. Throwing everything into an uproar when you don’t get something you requested is an AH move…. Letting her walk would have been such a simple thing but now 😮💨 even letting her walk has become an issue of rewarding her antics which is a set-up for it to happen AGAIN the minute she doesn’t get her way.
Just borrow from the Jewish faith. The groom walks down the aisle with his parents on each side of him (with linked arms). The groom remains standing in front, but the parents go to their reserved seats in the front row. Then the bride, with her parents on each side, does the same thing. It’s a nice way to honor your parents.
The mother of the bride and the groom should be escorted down the aisle by the groomsmen prior to the wedding party’s entrance.
I am so sorry for you! This is going to be a pattern. She thinks you’re stealing her boy/man. God help you. You have a much bigger problem than her having her big moment at your wedding. She have a white dress in mind?🙄
Let her walk or wander down the aisle. Every family has one. It might provide some eye rolls and brief pity.
YTA. If your parents have anything to do with the ceremony so should your fiancé’s parents.
So either all the parents get escorted down or they all have to enter like regular guests.
Why are your parents allowed and not your MIL? There must be a good reason otherwise this is disgusting, favoritism at its worst. Everyone will see who’s more important. At my wedding my parents walked down the aisle together, my in-laws both walked my wife down the aisle. It sounds like you’re a bridezilla.
Why not have the mums walk down the aisle together first then the bridesmaids then you and your dad. I don’t see the harm and it will keep the peace. I can see why she’s upset
It’s your wedding.
Why not both sets of parents together?
Tradition should never trump consideration.
Btw, what about the groom’s father? Assuming he’s alive and they are still married he should walk if she does
Traditionally, the mother of the bride doesn’t walk down the aisle either. Both mothers are seated before ceremony by ushers. Father of Bride walks her down the aisle and gives her away to groom.
YTA.
If this is the ONLY request, why can’t she walk with your mom down the aisle or walk before or after your mother.
This isn’t a difficult request to accommodate. It would be kinda of rude to let your mom walk down, but not his. He can walk his mom to her seat before he stands with the officiant. Easy fix.
YTA Normally, the mothers of the bride and the groom are both seated before the bridal party enters. The father of the bride walks the bride down the aisle. Having your parents walked down the aisle and not having your mother-in-law walk down the aisle is probably the reason she feels the way she does. It’s like you’re treating her as less than.
You can have it anyway you want, But I definitely understand her concern. Unless there is a big issue, I’d say most mothers of the bride and the groom should be treated equally.
There are a lot of other issues that will come up with your mother-in-law where you’re going to need to set a strong boundary. But in this case, I think I’d just have both mothers walked down the aisle by one of the groomsmen and each seated in the front row. That’s what I’ve seen at most weddings.
Yta So it’s ok for your parents to walk you down but not have his mom walk down. Yeah no bridezilla. Have an usher walk her down. This isn’t just your wedding. Is this really a hill you want to die on? This is actually making you look horrible. Why wouldn’t you want her to walk? Why not? This doesn’t reflect well on you at all
No, if she wants to walk down the aisle then tell her to have her own wedding. If she doesn’t accept it tell her to fuck off. It’s not about her.
My Gawd! It’s not THAT unconventional for both of the Bride’s parents to walk her down the aisle. For the past couple decades, at least.
If you want to get all “traditional”, it’s usually the groomsmen who act as ushers, including walking the MOG down the aisle, with the FOG behind. This is done PRIOR TO the processional starting.
This is for the Groom to deal with his Mother.
Why are your parents important but shes not?
This wedding isnt just about the bride but also the groom so if the brides parents are important then so are the grooms.
You can have the wedding party go then her then your parents then you
Why is this the hill you wish to die on? Why would this have a negative effect upon your wedding?
You haven’t given a rationale against this other than “it’s not traditional,” but, as others have pointed out, neither is having the bride’s mother escort her down the aisle.
My guess is that you’re young, but picking your battles is one of life’s key lessons.
My son just got married and my husband escorted me down the aisle first, then the bridal party, then the Brides parents both walked her down the aisle.
It would be much better to start your marriage on the right foot with your MIL. Just let her walk down the aisle. Don’t be a martinette about your boundaries. Set your boun.daries gently keeping in mind that she is your husband’s mother and het loves her whether you do or not. I am not saying this out of respect for her feelings particularly, but for your husband’s
I think it could go either way… but it seems like you’re going to have problems with boundaries and family piling on when you’re married and have kids…. You need to decide if your marriage can survive this dynamic. Toxic in laws stay that way from what I’ve seen.
To exclude your MIL and include your parents makes YTA.
Look its your wedding. You can do what you want. Would it be so easy to let her walk and have her little moment without really affecting your big day. Yes. But im guessing emotional manipulation is kinda her thing. And at this point this is more about you letting her know your boundries are non-negotiable and that is understandable.
This is a glimpse of what you will deal with the entirety of your marriage. Good luck
In Jewish weddings, the two mothers walk down the aisle with the bride. But that’s the only time I’ve ever heard of that kind of tradition.
Your mother should be seated before the processional ever begins. If you’re letting her walk down the aisle, no wonder your mother-in-law’s bitching.
YTA- Kinda.
This is why there’s ushers at a wedding. She is his mother, and it seems like you’re putting your own parents ahead of his. Maybe you don’t live in the same culture as me, but this is why we have them.
At my wedding, the groom and groomsmen walked in from a side door. Then, an usher escorted my MIL with my FIL walking behind them. Then, an usher walked my mom up because my dad was with me. Ava Maria played for the parents’ procession. Then the next song started and down went my bridesmaids. When they made it halfway, a groomsmen stepped forward and walked them the rest of the way up. Even my ring bearer stood with my husband until the flower girl made it halfway up. Then the wedding March started, and I walked up with my dad.
The Unity ceremony should consist of three candles. Both moms went up and lit a candle. Then my husband took the candle his mom lit, and I took the one my mom lit to light the larger candle in the middle.
I do think you’re treating his mom unfairly. But maybe it’s just a cultural difference, but for us, his family was just as important as mine.
YTA
Just tell her you hate her and dont want her involved instead of dragging it out like this.
Weird behavior and intentionally dense on your part. You know you are being frustratingly rude about this for no reason, right?
” she deserves her own moment to be seen “
This is your life from now on.
Tell your husband to be to tell her NO.
In no uncertain terms.
She’s making this a pissing contest, to be “seen” as important enough to you and her son, to be part of the ceremony.
You can not give her this because she will have to be front and centre in every event you have.
Easier to shut her down the first time. You don’t want to do this for everything until the day she dies.
NTA
YTA. It’s literally nbd to have her walk down the aisle. My mom walked down with the officiant, then my in-laws together, then my husband, then the wedding party, then me and my Dad. It was easy and a perfectly reasonable procession. Letting your in-laws walk down the aisle is an easy concession and not worth the argument.
If your parents get to walk the aisle, so should she. Fair is fair.
Traditionally, the rule for toddlers is that after they’ve thrown a tantrum you absolutely cannot give them what they want. Otherwise they’ll learn that throwing tantrums works. So you’ve drawn your boundary and now she can make up her mind. NTA. Grown adults just do what they’re told at other people’s weddings. It would only be controlling and immature to try to make decisions for someone else’s wedding…
Could you compromise and have her and your parents walk down the aisle before the procession? I don’t know if this is asking for trouble and I don’t know what kind of person she is obviously, but it sounds like she does feel left out which I understand.
MIL Main Character Problem. Hold your ground. OP NTA.
Ya, you’re kind of being an AH. Why would your parents walk down the isle? Your Mom would be ushered in along with his parents. Your Dad would walk you down the isle. They would all be ushered down the isle before the ceremony and after everyone is seated so they can be seen. They are honored guests, but not part of the ceremony, except for your Dad who would walk you and give you away. I have know people who get married and then their entire family is alienated, cause the wife only wants their family involved in their lives. I’m hoping that you’re not like that. Apologize and either let them walk or remove your parents from the ceremony.
Gently said… you either have both mother’s seated ahead of the ceremony or you give both mothers equal treatment to walk down as part of the procession. This is the mother of your future husband … is this really how you want to start your new forever with resentment and hurt from your MIL?
YTA
I had my in-laws walk in first together, after our sisters, then my mom with a relative. Then it was wedding party (music changed). It is a nice gesture, not sure why you’re wanting to start a whole off with someone this way. Seems alittle stubborn.
NTA. MIL wants to be the main character in your wedding. Supporting character is an honor given, not demanded. Talk to your fiancé and check how he feels about it. It’s his wedding too.
I’m gonna have to say YTA. It sounds like you’re just trying to exclude her from the ceremony, and unless there’s a justified reason for tension that you left out (she’s an unpredictable alcoholic, walks at a snails pace, etc) then it seems unfair considering both your parents are walking down together & not as a officiants or part of the wedding party or giving you away.
One suggestion is you could have your dad escort your mom and your fiancé’s arm down the aisle on either arm.
I mean, she’s acting like a child throwing a tantrum being told no over a lollipop. But its not really traditional for the MOB to walk down the aisle, just the father walking the bride down the aisle to give her away.
If your mother is walking down the aisle with you, then why not let her walk down the aisle with your fiance as well??
Is this really the hill you wanna die on before your future entwined with her begins?? Pick and choose your battles with FMIL wisely. She can and will make your life hell if it comes down to it. I’d totally say just give her what she wants with your fiance having the understanding that they WILL back you up in the future when it comes to her because you are his chosen family, an equal front, and that you now come before MIL and their wants and bs.
Why can’t your mil walk her son down the aisle? Why are you fighting this if it’ll make her happy? Pick your battles… Yta
Before my son took his place in the front he walked me down the aisle to my seat and it was beautiful. Have your fiancé walk her down the aisle to her seat then take his place at the front.
Yeah, YTA. You are already breaking tradition for having your parents (both of them) walk you down the aisle as part of the processional, and you are making it very clear that you are disrespecting both your fiance, and his mom, by not wanting her involved in her own son’s wedding. Either do everything by the traditional book, or include your MIL. You are making your own life harder by being so rude and ugly to someone who will be family to you.
YTA. You’re saying traditionally the mother of the groom is seated, guess what? So is the mother of the bride. It’s not tradition for the mother of the bride to walk down the aisle so why does your mom get to but not the mother of the groom? Traditionally the mothers of the bride and groom are escorted in by male relatives right before the procession. Your mom walking down the aisle after the wedding party isn’t traditional so why are you treating your future mother in law like this? She’s no less important than your parents and it’s appalling that you’re treating her as if she is less important. If your mom gets to walk down the aisle, so should she
NTA
Tell her she’s not doing it and if she doesn’t like it then don’t come.
If you give in to this it will NEVER end
You know, as I read through this initially my first thought was that well, what would it hurt? But then when I got to the point where she said she deserves her own moment, I literally said out loud oh hell no.
And it only got worse from there.
Take a few moments to sit and really think about the relationship your partner has with their mother. Then, continue to talk with them about it, because if they have mama control issues, they’re gonna have to step up. They need to be standing between you and their own mother and handling this way better than they are. I’m wondering if she has butted in with unreasonable self-centered demands before? And you’re probably gonna have to be ready for a future when she does. She sounds like the type that might try to redecorate the home that you buy, meddle in parenting decisions, all that kind of bullshit.
Best thing to do, your fiance’ should walk with his mother down the aisle, arm in arm, and seat her in her seat as a sign of respect and love. It is actually weird to have your parents honored but not his. Worst way to start off a marriage and honestly, letting her walk would make her happy, your groom happy which then makes everyone, including you, happy. She is going to be your mother-in-law so show humility and respect is always a good idea, even when she is acting up. Give her no reason to hate you.
I think she has a point. You’re playing favorites. “Oh, but MY parents are the parents of the bride, not the groom, so they’re special!” Get over yourself. YTA
I wonder what these people giving you a hard time would say if you ask them if they had their MIL walk down the aisle at their wedding or if not married are they intending to do this
Why your parents walk but not his? Because not his bio mother? YTA
You aren’t following the traditional wedding seating process. The last people seated before the actual wedding processional are the groom’s parents (mother usually escorted by a groomsman) then, lastly, the bride’s parents, mother also escorted. So in the standard/formal wedding ceremony arrangements, the groom’s mom IS escorted down the aisle, just not last. This is typical wedding etiquette, so I don’t get why you want to exclude her and pretend that her walking down the aisle isn’t the norm.
It’s your wedding but YTA. You’re having your MOB walk down the aisle but not the MOG? Neither is traditional. Have your fiancé walk his mother down the aisle then move to the side with the officiant. The only one creating drama is You. But it’s your wedding so do what you want
There is no reason why she cannot walk her son down the aisle to where he will stand. My son-in-law’s mother did so, and it meant the world to both of them.
Don’t be TA.
I’ve never been to a wedding where both mothers were not treated equally in this regard.
Both my mother and MIL were escorted down the aisle for my wedding.
I walked down the aisle for my son’s wedding (sadly the bride’s mom was deceased).
Both of the mothers were escorted down the aisle by ushers in every wedding I’ve ever attended.
Idk if I’d say you are an AH but this is certainly not a hill I would want to die on. Showing some compassion for the mother of the groom as this is a very important day for her as well and she deserves the same respect and honor that you are showing your own mother.
Wait why can’t her husband or someone escort her down? We just had a wedding and both moms walked down the aisle and we got ready with the girls. It made us feel included.
She has no reason other than wanting attention. The problem with letting her do this is she will take it as permission to crash your boundaries for the rest of your marriage.
NTA
YTA: Traditionally, in every wedding I’ve ever attended, the processional is in this order:
Grandparents of groom, grandparents of bride, parents of groom (mother is escorted if father is best man and sometimes he will escort her and then go around to join his son as best man coming in from the side), mother of bride (father often seats her then returns to bride), groomsmen, bridesmaids, MOH, ring bearer, flower girl, bride escorted by father
Traditionally, both the mother of the groom AND the mother of the bride are seated before the wedding. Sometimes, both the grooms parents and the mother of the bride (escorted by the head usher or another important male in the family) walk down the aisle just before the wedding party.
You are unnecessarily alienating his mother. Whatever you do for your mother, you should be willing to do for his mother. If not, your marriage is bound to be full of unnecessary strife.
Traditionally the mother of the groom is seated before the ceremony starts…
Um…where are you to where this is the traditional way? It sounds like you want his mother to sit at the same time as the guests? I’ve always seen it to be first guests. Then grandparents. Then parents, parents of the groom seated first, mother of the bride last. Then bridesmaids and groomsmen. Then MoH. Flower girl/ring bearer. Bride and father.
I had my MIL walk down the aisle as well as my own. They weren’t part of my bridal party. It wasn’t a big deal to me. I didn’t even see since I was behind closed doors waiting for my entrance.NTA but I don’t think it’s fair. Your mom isn’t more important than his mom.
YTA your parents are not more special than her. Why should your parents walk down the aisle but not her? Seriously, why? Do you think you and your family are better? More deserving? Somehow above her?
White dresses are hardly even traditional, they are like 100 years deep meanwhile marriage is thousands of years old. Videographers and DJs aren’t traditional. I wager to bet a significant number of things you are having at your wedding are non-traditional. So why dig your heels in at insulting your MIL?
A quick google says that it is traditional for the groom to walk down the aisle either alone or with his parents. I believe there is also a tradition (that has recently fallen out of practice but even in the 90s in the US was common) of having “ushers” walk the mother of the bride and mother of groom down the aisle right before the processional. Either way what you are doing with your parents walking first before you is not the most common tradition (which is fine, these traditions change over time and are all just made up, so do whatever you want) but I can kind of see how she’s left out in this way and I don’t think it’s crazy to find someone to walk her down the aisle right before everyone else. I’ve seen a lot of modern weddings where the mother and father of the groom walk down with the groom, give him a hug or blessing and then sit
I think you don’t like his mom. Prepare for an unhappy marriage. Your husband loves his mom. Do you want to destroy their relationship? So petty. I’d postpone/cancel marrying him until you work out what your feelings are
If your parents get to walk down the aisle, why can’t his mom also walk down the aisle?
If my parents were to walk down the aisle (they won’t), I’d allow Phil’s parents to do the same?
It is your and your future husband’s decision. Even if you get it wrong, your decision is to be respected. Trying to make a case for her idea is one thing, but threatening not to come makes your future MIL an AH.
Unless the way you are doing your procession is prescribed by your tradition, the fact that tradition doesn’t give the mother of the groom this role is not a good reason for you not to give it to her. I see no reason that giving the groom’s parents inferior status to the bride’s parents, if you are not doing the traditional “giving away” (and you are not), shouldn’t be seen as disrespectful. So you are also being an AH.
At this point, I have to say, I don’t think you should yield, because the issue of who gets to make the decision is more important, and yielding would embolden her to try to pressure you over future decisions. But I might encourage you to say to her: “You know what? You were originally right, and we should’ve let you and future FIL walk. But that doesn’t make your behavior since then OK, and we are now denying you any role at all in the ceremony because you tried to blackmail us into giving you the role you wanted. Feel free to skip the ceremony if you wish.”
ESH (meaning you and your future MIL)
Yes YTA. My son walked me down the aisle to my seat up front and waited for my DIL’s parents to walk her down the aisle. It was just assumed by all that it would be that way. It took nothing away from the bride and her parents. But we all like each other 🤷🏻♀️
Most weddings I’ve been to, including my own, the mother of the groom was escorted down the aisle to her seat by a groomsman or her husband immediately before the procession begins. Grandparents on both sides also did the same
YTA. You’re already making up a non-traditional procession that includes your mom, so why exactly should MIL be chopped liver? Even the whole “wedding party THEN parents” is weird AF, and making it “but ONLY the bride’s parents” is an AH move. It this just your wedding, or do you actually have a partner you’re getting married to? Why should the bride/her family be more important than the groom/his family??? I’m truly baffled by your mindset.
We always have both mothers walk down the aisle at the (numerous!) weddings I’ve attended, it seems like the proper thing to do. Why would the grooms mom be any less important than the brides mom?
Most people have both sets of parents walk down the aisle. As long as she’s not asking for a first dance and a long speech and to wear white, she’s not asking for too much at all. Let her walk
YTA. If your parents were walking you down the aisle, that would be one thing. But it seems like they’re walking before you, in which case, your future MIL is equally as important. There is no tradition, nor any wedding I’ve been to, where both the brides parents proceed her and the grooms mother does not walk. In most weddings I’ve been to , all family members excluding any in the bridal party (and the escort of the bride) are seated by the groomsmen or ushers before the groom and the best man come out. That would include the MOB (unless walking bride down aisle) and MOG.
She is your MIL, and she obviously is feeling left out, and I don’t see why it would be an issue to give her equal treatment in your wedding to your parents (again, especially if they’re not walking you down the aisle together). She will be an important person in your life, try to meet her where you can- especially on harmless issues, and also be aware of any way you’re treating her unfairly. I am so thankful for my MIL and that we have a good relationship. We both love her son and each other. If you can have a good relationship with your in laws, it’s a great thing. I see so much DIL/MIL tension online and it makes me sad. I know every situation is different, but just be aware of doing what you can to do right by other people who your husband loves and love him.
It’s your wedding. Period. End of discussion
Following tradition is nice, but you are free to make any changes.
It would have been nice to include her BEFORE her tantrums and threats. However, I would not give in now. You need to set the tone that she will not be manipulating you for the rest of your life.
Hopefully, your groom will back you up. How he reacts will be a big indicator of how your marriage will be.
To the family complaining, remind them it is YOUR wedding. It is the MIL who is being petty and manipulative.
Oh my God, Jesus Christ people make drama over nothing. It’s a boundary. It’s a boundary shes going to cross my boundary. This is not a boundary. read what a fucking boundary is. This is some nonexistent rule you’ve put in that says you want her to be seated, but your parents get to walk down the aisle, which is not traditional as everyone else has pointed out. You are overreacting and you ARE treating her like a seat filler. Oh, she’s going to get to sit in the front row and light a flipping candle so she should be happy about that. Every wedding I’ve ever been at the mothers of both bride and groom sat in the front row so you’re not making her special that’s where the mothers are supposed to sit. Were you going sit her in the back like a gremlin that you weren’t happy to be around?
YTA – in traditional weddings held in the SE USA, the MOG is escorted in first. The MOB is escorted next. Another commenter has given a detailed explanation as well as a link.
You sound petty and exclusionary. It will not hurt you to allow her to be escorted in even if it is not common in your culture.
I mean, do what you want. But letting one mom walk and not the other is a choice that is going to cause hurt feelings and I personally wouldn’t want to go into a marriage obviously snubbing a parent. I see zero reason the groom couldn’t escort his mother up, hug her and seat her and take his spot. I have seen it done many times in many configurations. YTA.
That’s not tradition. The mother is seated, the father walks his daughter/the bride down the aisle. If your mom is walking down, she deserves to walk down, too.
Both mothers can walk down together and then you and your dad.
If she’s paying for the wedding, she gets a say. Otherwise she just another guest. Offer to let her pay for and plan the wedding. That will probably shut her up,
5 years from now are you really going to care that she walked down the aisle? Does it really hurt anything? Is this just a control fight between the 2 of you?
I get everyone’s points in the comments.. but I think you all are failing to realize that’s she asking for her own SPOTLIGHT. She wants to be the center of attention for even a moment, and it’s not about the couple it’s about her. Things could have gone differently, but i personally don’t think op ITA. The mil shouldn’t be getting as worked up about it as she is either, again, it’s not her wedding. She had her time, if you’re told no, you’re told no, it does not matter the reason because, and I’ll say it a thousand times, is not her moment. She can go have herself a wedding if she wants the attention so badly. She sounds like a crazy boy mom.
How does your fiance feel? REALLY feel. This isn’t just your special day. It’s his too. This a decision to make together. You do give some props to that concept, but then
>I tried explaining
Why are you doing the explaining? If this is a decision that you and your fiance are both on board with, then he should be explaining things to his mother.
Not saying you’ve completely taken over the wedding planning, and your fiance is just your yes man. I’m saying it happens a lot, and I think maybe sometimes a bride doesn’t realize she’s turned what should be a joint venture into her personal vision. It’s easy to do when your man doesn’t care a much as you do. But when it’s his mother feeling like she’s being sidelined in favor of your family, maybe he might just start caring a little more. And feel like he doesn’t have a right to speak up. Before you go any further in your planning have an honest discussion with your fiance, where you make sure he has a safe place to say what he really wants, and why he wants it. If you’re both on the same page, then, once again, managing his mother’s expectations is his responsibility, and he needs to step up.
NTA. It’s your wedding, your rules. THAT BEING SAID, there are no tradition police who will come and raid your wedding, taking everyone off to prison for not following tradition. Still, it’s entirely your call. If you honestly feel this is all about MIL trying to attention grab, and not simply wanting to be a part of the ceremony, stick to your guns, I guess.
Sounds like your mother-in-law likes to be the center of attention and controlling keep setting boundaries cause I don’t see something like this thing a one time incident with her . The family needs to mind their own business. It’s not their wedding or their decision.
I’m just not sure why you can’t just have her be escorted to her seat last to signify the start. Is there something else going on that makes you want to exclude her?
Sorry but YTA. It’s not normal for either the bride’s mother or the groom’s mother to walk down the aisle, but if you’re choosing to shake up tradition and have YOUR mother walk then it is only fair to have HIS mother walk too. After all, it’s not just your personal wedding, it’s your fiance’s wedding too.
YTA. Why do your parents get to walk you down, but the groom has to enter from the side like a prop being pushed in from stage left?
His mother is being a bit of an attention seeker, but at the same time you’re treating them both like second-class citizens when he’s also getting married and his parents are not honoured like yours are.
You’re a bride, not a queen. And you’re only a bride for one day, and a marriage is hopefully for life.
No one cares about this but you.
All the weddings I have been to the grooms parents were part of the processional. Typically the PoG go down first typically with the groom escorting his mother. Then the MoB with someone. Then the bridal party. I have never seen the parents of the groom be seated before the wedding starts.
YTA. This isn’t going like you want. Either take your mom out or add his mom in.
I have been to several weddings where the mother of the groom and then the mother of the bride were escorted to their seats after everyone had been seated but before the doors open for the wedding party.
NTA – you say she is ‘sweet as pie’ but if you are deathly allergic to anything in a pie – it doesn’t matter how sweet it is, it can still kill you.