I’ve been fat my whole life, but last year I made a serious change. I started working my ass off, lost 70 pounds, and built a lot of muscle. Now I have a six-pack, a solid chest, and strong arms. Even when I was 220 pounds at 5’8, I never felt ugly. I always knew I had the potential to be insanely attractive because of my facial features. After my transformation, the hottest girl in school suddenly has a crush on me and wants to date me. But she never spoke to me during freshman or sophomore year. She never looked at me, never said a word, even though we’d make eye contact almost every day. Now I don’t know how to feel. On one hand, I feel proud of how far I’ve come. But on the other hand, I’m questioning why she only noticed me after I changed. She didn’t care when I was invisible, but now she does. What should I do in a situation like this?
The hottest girl in school wants to date me after I lost weight.
r/Advice
Comments
Focus on your self growth. Gauge her intentions before diving into anything serious.
I wouldn’t go for it. You sound unsure and that’s not a great way to start a relationship. I’d keep focusing on yourself for now.
So?
So fucking what?
You became more attractive, and now people are more attracted to you?
Fucking duh.
I know the general opinion can be that of rejecting this girl, but hear me out. Ambition and motivation are extremely attractive. Yes you may conventionally look more attractive but you also changed your life around in a big way at a young age. That would make anyone notice that you set goals go out and get them. If she’s all about looks sure def tell her to F off but if she’s noticed you now cuz of your hard work I don’t think that’s a bad thing
For starters, you’re in high school. Everyone is shallow whether they know it or not.
Don’t completely write the gal off just yet. Ask her out if you want. Give her the opportunity to grow, too; meaning that she noticed you make a big change, so maybe she’ll stop being judgy towards others altogether 🤷♂️.
Were there any girls that gave you attention back then that maybe you are attracted to? I’d say pursue them
Well would you date her if she was 70 pounds heavier?
It’s not that deep, attractive people want attractive partners, go for it.
The story of Dan Martell.
Something along the lines of, “The old me, who was fat and had no ambition, my wife Renee, who is a 10, would have never put up with that. I had to get better to attract better”.
You got better looking and now you can attract the hottest girls. Most decent girls would’ve never looked your way or engage with you. But now you’ve shown signs of great discipline, hard work, and ambition. We all are attracted to that, brother.
Not just her. Literally every hot girl would’ve probably done the same thing and not look your way or engage with you. If they do when you were fat, something is probably wrong with them(typically).
You deserve the attention. Now continue to get better, and treat people well. Peace brother
Hit that
Would you even consider her if she was heavily overweight?
She wasn’t attracted to you before. That’s not a crime.
But it’s ok to not date her. Sometimes you want a fresh start.
would you be into her if she was fat??? probably not.
You’re saying she’s the hottest girl in school and are questioning her attraction to you since you’ve worked on your physical appearance? Would you have noticed her of she wasn’t the hottest girl in school?
Looking after yourself is an attractive quality. Most people would also think differently of someone who went from not showering/brushing teeth/washing clothes to having good hygiene, also.
It’s up to you what you do, but ultimately, most people are attracted more to those who care about their health, which you are now.
This seems like high school but might be college..
Depending on the above…you’re either young or really young. I would think about more is this someone you enjoy spending time with vs what her motivations are. If she has bad motivations, that will show as you get to know her and you’ll become disinterested.
Attraction is part of the romance equation.
Losing weight and working out aren’t just about how you look, it’s a reflection on who you are. You’re disciplined, ok with delayed gratification, take care of yourself, etc…Maybe that’s what she’s attracted to.
Bro ur hard work paid off and now the hottest girl wants you. I mean bro are u serious? Or gay? This is what u worked for isn’t it
Did you speak to her freshman or sophomore year?
You got hot, and now people are attracted to you. Don’t over think it.
You didn’t indicate if you even like this girl?
bro. great job on getting fit. I was an athlete in highschool but not particularly ripped or anything. one of the sports i played i needed to put on some weight for so every spring i’d have a bit of a fat on me….
anyway there was a girl i was really into in high school (frankly i was into a lot of girls, but this one was a longtime flame, i sorta put on the back burner because she never showed any interest in me. not even slight interest or acknowledgement that i was alive, so i dated other girls, and just figured i wasn’t her type or something). well senior year, i was done with that sport in the spring, and decided to get cut. I went from 6’0″ 215 to 178 in about 3 months (i started about halfway through that sports season), had a 6pack for the only time in my life (it takes a lot of work to have one, which is why i am impressed by your work bro).
well we all went to a graduation party with a pool, and i got a chance to show off the 6pack for my classmates, and i got the instant gradification from it. But the girl who i had a longtime slow burn for went googly eyes for them, and before i knew it she couldn’t keep her hands off my stomach.
instant turnoff (for me). I mean i was in great shape in highschool. I was a 3 sport star, so it’s not like i wasn’t in shape in the first place. but i wasn’t even in this girls eyes. but the moment she saw that 6pack. bam. instant recognition. well that flame for her died on the spot.
I don’t really have advice for you, but i think something real would be someone who likes you for you, not how much work you put into the gym. I was never enough for this girl, 3 years trying to get her interest. and taking off my shirt did the trick. she had no interest in who i was. just my pecks.
but my POV comes from that of a guy who was successful with a lot of girls in highschool (not a brag. i had my own issues with being SA’d i was working on it one of the most unhealthy ways possible), so i won’t sit here and tell you not to date the hottest girl in your school. i think every guy has to take a swing at the impossible girl once in their life. succeed or fail. I did in college. it was an interesting experience.
just don’t fall too deep my guy. this girl wasn’t into you before you got jacked. she probably doesn’t have a lot of interest in who you are. so thats not great grounds for building a long term relationship.
You wouldn’t notice her if she wasn’t the “hottest girl in school” yall can be shallow together
Looks just make people notice you.
I notice that you noticed her because she is hot… I don’t see you mentioning her cool personality or musical talent or unsurpassed kindness or stellar grades. You noticed her looks.
After that, it’s about personality. So, you have noticed each other. Now it is time to find out if you get along.
Maybe you will like each other and maybe not. Go find out.
Dude, GO OUT WITH THIS GIRL.
She’s not wrong for only being attracted to you after you made yourself more attractive. This is not a moral failing on her part. It’s just how attraction works.
But didn’t part of you change for the satisfaction of being noticed by people that you didn’t before? So she would be in that category and since she wasn’t a bish to you, she just didn’t really recognize your existence, I say if you like her as a person and not just cuz she’s the top pick at school, then go for it! U earned it if you put in all that work right??
Lol. Insanely attractive.
The only reason you noticed her and made eye contact everyday was because she is ‘hot’. Maybe there is a big girl who you make eye contact with everyday who you have never noticed. Would you notice her if she had a similar glow up? Possibly. Probably. Is it because you’re a shallow arsehole? Possibly 🤷♀️does it matter
Go on a date. Get to know her, be vulnerable, talk about your journey and your insecurities, be open. Ask for her motives. Everything in a nice setting where you can get to know her. Even hot girls have insecurities.
From then on you can still decide if she is the right person for you
So now you are 5’8 150lbs and you think “the hottest girl in school” (definitely subjective and almost certainly not the consensus) is now crushing on your “couldn’t even start on a Varsity football team” physique? Maybe your confidence has changed but I promise she’s not just after your body.
It’s pretty hot having that work ethic and self discipline at that age. Just look at other teenage boys. You seem a lot more mature, I think.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Bro enjoy the transformation. Enjoy the rewards that come with bettering yourself. If you was fat you was fat don’t take it personal that that girl didn’t fancy you.
She now does so enjoy it 🙂
You could always ask her.
I’m sorry but the bit where you said “I always knew I had the potential to be insanely attractive” has got me in stitches! So no issues with the old self esteem? 😂😂
I’m not a fan of “lived experience” argument to inflate or deflate someone’s advice, but I have to say… A lot of the people you are talking to totally don’t understand what you are feeling.
I used to weigh 500 lbs. lost the weight slightly older than you, and found the same jarring thing.
It is really positive, but painful, realizing how differently you get treated in a smaller body. It is fun when it’s a woman for the first time… and then you realize the waitress treats you differently… the bartender treats you differently, your uber driver treats you differently, you friends treat you differently, every person you see does.
The struggle you are having isn’t just “X individual treats me differently” it is “everyone treats me differently.”
The black pill that you have to swallow, is that you do too, along with everyone else.
Pretty privilege is 100% real, and it impacts everyone. At the end of the day, you aren’t up against a shallow woman. You are up against societal norms outside of all of our control. We are all victims of monkey brains and shallow souls. Our own, and each others.
I think you need to grieve for the pain that being large has cause you. Years and years later, I still am.
You raised your value in the market, and high value girls are now getting attracted to you. Nothing wrong here, enjoy
So, let me get this straight. If I put your words more blunt and directly, what you’re saying is:
I was unattractive and decided to become attractive.
The most attractive girl in my school, now finds me attractive.
HOW DARE SHE?!
Bro, what.
You were unattractive. You know you were unattractive, that’s why you changed it. Are you seriously judging someone else for noticing you when you’re attractive? What?
Embrace logic, not silly feelings.
You are now more attractive and she notices you. Doesn’t seem like she was like bullying you or smth, she just didn’t acknowledge you.
The fact of life is that looks matter. Being fit is more attractive. It’s not a necessity, but that’s just how it is.
It’s hard to psychoanalyse her based on such short text and a lot of people here tend to say that this must mean she is vane. I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
For myself, I want my partner be both good-looking and a great personality. It’s both. I’m not going to date a person who is unhealthy/fat but has great personality any more I would date a model with a toxic personality. It’s about balance.
A “minimum partner” is a difficult thing, but for most people it’s basically combination of looks, personality, world view a bunch of factors.
Embrace the fact that you have now opened a completely new sector in dating pool. Because what, you reject her and then what? Meet someone else? OK, well how can you know for sure they would have not treated you the same? Because chances are they wouldn’t if they are “upper echelon” of the dating pool. Sure, you can ask, but everyone can say “yes, I would still love you if you were fat”, but that’s just words.
But do you even like her? Or just bc she’s the hottest girl in the school your interested
Date her. You worked hard on yourself and that alone is attractive. Unless she was explicitly rude to you or mean to you, it’s really not that deep that she didn’t talk to you before, I promise.
It’s called reaping the fruits of your labour and you’re asking if you should? Don’t think too much about it, enjoy yourself, you worked for it.
It’s your choice. Get to know her or not.
I was in your situation kind of. Obese my childhood. I dropped 100 lbs at 18. I didn’t realize people took noticed. Romance was never on the table for me growing up so I never really learned the language.
Appreciate you noticed. It’s not that she didn’t see you before. You don’t have the same level of confidence since losing the weight. You’re not the same person anymore you’ve grown and matured a little bit. You overcame a great accomplishment.
That’s what she’s noticing. The dedication to getting healthy. If you want to see where it goes. Go into it with a positive mentality not a negative one.
You need to know the person you are and want to be. You need to set appropriate healthy boundaries for yourself. If she doesn’t treat you how you want to be treated you’re gonna have to be able to open up and talk with her about it respectfully.
But it’s up to you. Life is all about perspective and choice. The better you understand someone the more you can empathize with them.
Good luck! I have faith in you.
AI shouldn’t date high school girls.
I don’t see why this is so much of an issue for you.
She wasn’t attracted to you when you weren’t attractive. Now, you are attractive and she is attracted to you. It’s normal.
I wouldn’t overthink this shit.
To be honest, you don’t have to date her. I believe it would make you feel better if you dated someone you didn’t know, like outside your school. A person that knows you like how you are now.
“Why did I do all this work to make myself more attractive? Now the babes are attracted to me!”
For real though… You’re young, enjoy the attention. Date the hottest girl in school. This is like the plot of ~50% of 90s highschool movies And if Hollywood is right… you’ll probably blow her off for the girl you’ve had a crush on since middle school. But not until after you win Prom King. Or you’ll climb a moon tower.
So you’re only young once…do it. Am if it doesn’t work out then at-least you’ll have a story to tell when you’re middle-aged and overweight…. Take a selfie as evidence tho
Well mate, I won’t act like I’m Socrates.
When has anyone noticed your hard work? Go on? When has anyone noticed you changing your life, putting the work? You don’t even get that nowadays in jobs or with family, no matter what you do, what you change.
She noticed.
That’s something.
That means there are values she takes seriously like health, grooming, looking after yourself and that’s not a bad thing. You know, being attracted to people who have similar values as yourself.
Ok, she’s into appearances but she at least acknowledge that you doing the work, she took notice while others did not.
Get to know her, maybe she will surprise you with other things about herself and she finds more about you.
Cause let’s face it mate, this is school and school doesn’t last long.
You’re going to be invisible soon for a lot longer as we al out cause school is nothing but a tiny puddle to the huge ocean that’s awaits you out there.
So enjoy it, be confident, go for it and see where it takes you. Might take you nowhere but at least you end up with a fit body, good health and good grooming.
Do you like her? Or would you only be dating her because she’s the hottest girl in school? Because if you only want her for her looks, by your own logic that’s sus.
She looks good, you look good. Go and see if there’s anything more. Don’t overthink it.
You probably have to talk to her first and see if you like her and if she has good qualities.
I say if you’re into her then date her. People like attractive people. I know it can be a hard pill to swallow especially as someone who started off as not bring attractive, but that’s just how life is and it’s something you just have to accept. After all, how many overweight girls have you checked out and dated since?
You can be mad at her for not being into you the way you were before, but that grudge might be keeping you from something that could potentially be great… well… it’s high school so maybe not, but you get the idea. I think there are better hills to hold grudges on.
Your kids, the 1st thing you notice is how good looking people are, sod it date her an have fun you’ve not done all that hard work for nothing
Look around in your school and actually pay attention to all the overweight girls you are not interested in and ask your self why not care about them. Life is like that my friend.
Go for it, that’s what.
I know it seems shallow of her, but it’s obvious that you’ve put in work, and that’s admirable. It’s impressive and worthy of respect. I guarantee there are lots more people nodding in approval behind your back, and probably a lot more crushes too.
Don’t feel upset that she never cared before. The feelings of disgust you had for your own fatness, that led you on this journey in the first place, are the same reasons she never cared before. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Count your blessings. You earned this.
It is a strange man who does not want to reap the rewards of his own efforts.
You say she’s the hottest girl in school, you don’t say she’s the hottest coz of her personality coz you don’t know her, exact same situation with her
She wasn’t attracted to you before because you were over weight.
I’m sure part of the reason you decided to lose weight was because you wanted to be more attractive to yourself and others and you achieved it. What’s the issue here?
It’s been said somewhere here I’m sure but it should be expected that people will be attracted to you once you exert some effort. I don’t walk around like a bum then question why people give me looks when my clothes aren’t torn. You seeing the potential you had doesn’t mean others saw it too.
Honestly, I would straight up ask her why she’s suddenly into you now if it really bothers you. Everyone has preferences, I don’t think preferring fit people necessarily makes anyone a bad person. Maybe they’re fatphobic at worst, or simply shallow, or at best they assume lifestyle incompatibility. You won’t know for sure unless you ask. But it’s also ok to be irked about it and reject her.
I’m a 24yo man who’s short, 5’4”. I’m done growing ofc, but say I had a miraculous growth spurt and woke up 6’2”. If the women who weren’t interested in me before were then, I wouldn’t feel right giving them a chance either tbh. So I can empathize with the hesitation. If it doesn’t feel good don’t do it.
Just hard driving as long as it lasts
Just go in with eyes wide open. If you are physically attracted to her then why not have some fun, you can end it at any stage. Just don’t be deceiving about your intentions and I don’t see any issue. If it turns out she likes you for less shallow reasons then maybe something more significant develops. I actually think the only reason you wouldn’t pursue something would be if there is someone else out there that you have a real connection with. In that case don’t date this first person just because they are “the hottest”, as that other option may not be there if you wait.
She is not ‘the hottest girl’ without effort – that implies she spends a lot of time, money and daily effort into looking good. For women, doing hair and makeup everyday can take an hour, not to mention the expense. It’s not unreasonable to want to date a partner that puts as much effort into life as you do. If you’re meticulously clean, you might not want to date a hoarder. You matched the level of effort she shows into how she presents to the world and she showed an interest, that’s her right. It’s also fine to choose not to date someone based on a lack of physical attraction. Honestly, you likely need therapy to understand how years of rejection have created a dysfunctional and bizarre view of women.
Don’t let who you were before be the decision maker!
You felt wounded from her not being interested in you buuuut did she ever actually reject you when you were a little heavier?
You can’t be angry or hold grudges against people who didn’t find you attractive when you were heavier. Take her on a date forgot about who you were before that shouldn’t guide you now
The heading sounds like the title of a Japanese anime/manga
She’s hot because she puts in the work to look after herself/learn makeup etc.
Now you’re hot because you put in the work.
Are you giving the frumpy overweight girl the sweet eyes as a guy with a six pack?
See. Makes ya think
crazy
congrats but please dont do any of the stupid shit
If I were you I’d see it through. You don’t really have anything to lose. If you aren’t actually into her then you can move on. Allowing the resentment of your past self to cock block you is crazy. Look at it this way, would you still have interest in her if she was 20 or 30 pounds heavier? Would she be able to hold much space in your head then? It’s not like she berated you or call you names. For all you know she may have actually had some interest but then saw that you stepped your game up grew more interest. Get out of your head.
Dude you’re young and in school and it’s not like this will lead to marriage anyways. Just have some fun with a hot girl and stop overthinking it. Jesus.
Sounds like an experience… Enjoy!
Even tho it seems cold, why would a girl that cares about her body and how she looks be with someone that didn’t. That already means you have a strong difference of opinion when it comes to health, activities, and eating. She might not be shallow, just realized you may have more in common. On top of that, in her world being the hot girl, she 100 percent cares what people think of her and her social circle
This is a toxic world and there is no way she had to courage to date a fat guy. We want to spin all of this as immoral and shallow but this is all just human nature and biology. Not really her fault.
What if we turn this around?
If she would be severely overweight and not attractive, would you have noticed her?
It goes both ways.
Okay-fair point, but then why is it relevant that she’s the “hottest girl in school”? Seems like you’re judging her even more than she’s judging you. At least it’s possible that she’s admiring your work ethic and/or focus on health. You don’t indicate knowing her at all besides her “hotness”.
Unless she was directly mean to you for being fat, go for it!
Dude are you upset that things are going good for you????
You sound very conceited and shallow when you say ‘I know I had the potential to be insanely attractive’. People lose weight to enhance their own mental health and self-image, not to seek external validation for their physical appearance. It seems like you only really care about looking attractive.
The ironic thing is that you’re now criticising the girl for only expressing interest after your glow up, suggesting that she’s predominantly motivated by physical attraction. Shallow. Seems like a good match.
Even if you reject her, I’m sure she has plenty of options – being the ‘hottest’ girl in school and all. Do whatever you want; you’re not as important as you think in this scenario.
You knew you had the potential be insanely attractive ?? What🤣 is this fake who says that
You should be happy, not blind, but happy.
I’m not saying except it with arms open eyes closed. But you were fat, unhealthy, among other things. Not saying this makes you bad person, definitely not. But it does speak to a person’s lifestyle and physical attraction is part of Romance. You yourself said “hottest girl in school”. I don’t see you saying anything about the ugliest girl at school.
I feel for you brother, I was 5’8 and 220lbs and went down to about 160. So I felt so maior to you and had to work past a lot of the trauma of being builder in school for being obese. Then one day everyone wants to be my friend and I’m cool. I didn’t change who I was but I did see who were genuinely good people and who weren’t.
Hey man, great job to you!!!!
You called her the hottest so you only noticed how she looks the same as she has noticed how you look.
Give her a chance beauty might not be skin deep.
Your hard work is paying off.. I don’t understand the issue tbh 🤷♀️ why should she have an interest in someone she’s not attracted to? She’s attracted to you now cause you’ve demonstrated strength and determination and yeah getting fit too
Why go thru all that effort to look better did deny yourself the benefits of looking better? If this prettiest girl in school was 100 pounds heavier would you care if she ignored you?
Dude take the win
The potential to be insanely attractive sent me. Who cares if she didn’t notice you when you were heavier. Everyone has preferences plus hustle and hard work is admirable and hot. Go for it.
Yeah – don’t get your take here. You worked hard to make yourself more attractive and people have noticed and want to date you and you’re… a butthurt bitch about it due to the fact she didn’t want you when you, yourself, recognised that you weren’t attractive enough for her?
I think the question you ought to ask yourself is “Do I like this girl?”. Nevermind how hot she is. Nevermind her relative high school social status. Is she funny? Is she kind? Do you get on well? Does she have compatible views? Do you have fun together?
And what’s the difference in how the less attractive or popular girls treat you? Did you even notice or care? You might not be as different from this girl as you think…
Date her…….. You are NOW attractive to her?, why is this a bad thing?
If the “shoe were on the other foot” it would be fine too.
I dont like very overweight girls….. If a said girl lost 100lbs and was no longer overweight then i would date her…… Simple.
She noticed because you actually started to take care of yourself and act more like a man instead. Nobody wants a weak man. Yes her interest may be superficial, but either way you’re noticing the rewards of actually working hard on yourself.
Hey Buddy, why did you lose the weight?.sure to be healthier but also to be more attractive, normal etc.
So now you attained your goal, enjoy it.
Sure people judge each other on external things, you judged her to be the hottest girl in school. Now you’re the hot guy,.enjoy your newfound hotness, WTF why are making a negative out of this.
Maybe she is shallow,.maybe you are.shallow too, you could date her, look past the hotness facade and see a great person. Or she could be shallow and dumb as a bag of rocks but you won’t know until you date her.
My husband lost 75 pounds before I met him, and he is about your height. When he first showed me pictures of what he looked like before it came up whether I would have initially approached him and I said no. I don’t consider myself that shallow – I don’t put much time into my own looks, and I don’t expect him to, either. But that much weight isn’t just a “looks” thing. It is a lifestyle choice. I don’t care whether he has a six pack, but I wanted a partner who would share interests with me – hiking, sports, eating healthy, outdoors activities, etc. I’m not saying being that overweight isn’t compatible with liking those things, but he was 30% heavier – that much weight limits your abilities and does create assumptions on your goals/interests. You are now showing her a different set of interests and priorities she may think are more in line with hers.
Would you have wanted to date her before your transformation? If yes, imagine her 70lbs heavier? Still want to date her? You like yourself better now, right? Then dont be surprised when other people like you better this way, too. That is all.
Do you notice which girls are prettier? To use your words, you were invisible, don’t you think when you were heavy that you gave off body language to also say ignore me? I think it’s expecting a lot for the prettiest girl in school to ignore all the attention she gets to go out of her way to seek out the chubby kid, high school doesn’t work that way.
You did the work, enjoy the reward. Always remember that as easy as it was to be accepted is as fast as you can be dropped.
I’m gonna give you the unpopular mom answer. Don’t worry about girls worry about your grades.
Referring to yourself as insanely attractive is wild.
It sounds like you weren’t her type before and now are. She couldn’t have exactly fallen for your personality if she didn’t already have a reason to speak with you. If you actually find her attractive too and not just because she’s known as hot, then you should give it a go and see if you like each other’s personality too.
As someone who was overweight in high school as well, DO IT! You have nothing to lose. And everything to gain!
People are attracted to attractive people .
I mean, congrats? Why does she have to love you at your worst? You like her and feel good that she likes you because she is attractive, yes? So why can’t she have the same standard for you? If it isn’t all about looks, why not date a fat girl at her worst now that you have lost weight. Seems like a ridiculous cognitive trap you are placing yourself in in order to be loyal to who you once were rather than accepting your progress and letting go of the past.
Attraction is a huge part of wanting to date someone. It’s not shallow. The majority of people need both to want to date someone. People have preferences. Some don’t find larger people attractive, others don’t find skinny people attractive.
Notice how you’re also only talking about her looks? All you said is she’s the hot girl. You haven’t talked about her personality…
It’s natural.
Give it a shot. You might not realize it, but your personality changes as you lose weight and gain confidence. You are probably much more attractive now, but not just physically.
Some people are attracted to certian body types 🤷♀️
OP…. im significantly older… but I was the fat girl in HS… I didn’t drop the weight until I graduated.
So let me give you this perspective…. I had some of the former jocks in HS interested after I lost weight.
But I wasn’t interested in them. If you couldn’t see me as a person when I was fat…. why am I more “valuable” now. I am the same person. I was kind. Funny bc all fat people generally are. Lol. If they had taken the time to get to know me, they would have seen all of that.
I got mostly picked on. Harassed by some of these kids. So no… I was NOT interested in someone who made me feel small.
Just remember this, and this is what shined for me…..at now 49 years old.
I kept up my healthy life. I’ve been weight training for 30 years. Im stronger. Thinner. I am more confident than I have ever been. HS was but a small blimp in my life… I’ve seen photos of some of my HS reunions where the masses are indeed fat and balding. A friend who went said it was just as clicky as it was in HS… bc for those few.. HS was their glory life.
NOT ME…. my life fucking thrived after HS lol!! (College, moved out of state. Married now etc)
Whether you date this girl or not…. REMEMBER who you are. Don’t change bc you lost weight.
While my confidence is higher than HS, .. Im still kind. Caring. FUNNY…. None of my core characteristics changed. I also still dont care for snooty, pretentious people who act superior.
I understand attraction is a must. Im a very athletic person now, so I absolutely need someone who fits my lifestyle…. but in HS your “image” or status is everything….. but KINDNESS is still a trait you do or don’t have. Imo.
Just ask yourself as well. Does this person fit your personality the same personality of the kid who weighed 70lbs more…. or is she just surface level type person? Does she match the energy of the kid that once weighed 220lbs?
Take what I said for whatever value you find in it…
Signed that former fat girl!
Why are you worried about the hottest girl in school? Why don’t you focus on the girls who are 100 pounds heavier?
Did you notice all the girls that weren’t the hottest girl in school before you noticed the hottest girl in school?
I’m going to be honest, physical attraction is important for a relationship. Her not being interested when you were overweight is not a red flag, because if she was overweight you wouldn’t be calling her the hottest girl in school. Just be thankful she is attracted to you now and go for it if you want. I just think rejecting her purely because she isn’t into fat people is a bit of a rash decision, most attractive girls will feel that way.
Swallow your pride. Honestly man, when you’re my age and looking back at this, you’re not going to be proud of yourself for rejecting her and teaching her a lesson, you’ll just have some mild regret for not banging the hottest girl in your school when she was down for it.
If you were my son I’d be giving you the same advice.
Umm why else did you go to all that trouble ?
Sounds like the fat nerd still lives in your head bro!
Forget about it and go live your best life!
Because she’s human.
Would u wanna knw if was other way round??????? Nah
Oh. I know. I saw this film too! So what happens is, you take her for a date. You realise she’s completely shallow, and you have nothing in common. At the same time, your reliable and quirky best friend who you’ve known since childhood is on a date too, and suddenly you notice how hot she is and you never saw her that way before. Her hair, her smile…. her boobs! First you have an argument because she thinks you’re cock blocking her, then she realises you really are her one true love. Then you both hop into a classic convertible and drive off into the sunset to the soundtrack of 80s alt pop music
Ah, young love 🥰
Go for it. But know she’s a bit superficial, so watch the donuts. This is most people, by the way.
This just sounds reads like the fan fiction fantasy a fat incel
Simple, she is not attracted to fat guys. That’s it. Are you attracted to all kinds of girls?!
People saying “if she all about looks she can F off” are going to sit there and pretend weight and looks aren’t the first thing you look for when you see somebody when you find them attractive. As if somebody who was considered hot wouldn’t be looking for other people that are hot. Literally how it works up until your late 20’s.
Think of and look around at all the girls who have been invisible you, ones you have never noticed. The overweight girl who hasn’t lost weight yet, who hasn’t started working on her looks. As long as this girl was never a horrible and shallow person to others and you in the past, she likely never noticed you. Don’t read into it.
However pretty girls also suffer from others not asking them out. People are “afraid” to ask the pretty girl out and don’t get dates. Be brave and go for it.
But don’t let your looks now go to your head. Don’t become the shallow jerk yourself. Nothing will make you more ugly than an ugly personality. You are only young once, you’ve improved your looks, you got noticed by her, and probably many other girls, this is what you’ve worked for. Enjoy.
Gorgeous people have lots of potential suitors and need to weed people out. Maybe you were smart, interesting, funny, etc but you werent attractive, so she paid attention to those who had all those internal good qualities but were also good looking. Now you have had a glow up, so you have caught her attention. Does she also have internal qualities you admire or are you only considering and noticing her because of her external features?
You refer to her as “the hottest girl in school”, not the nicest, not the smartest, but “the hottest”. This appears to be the only reason you’re interested in her. Yet you have concerns about her being shallow.
Yeah she wants to have sex with your muscles. I had this happen to me too—I was skinny then fat and also invisible. I worked out consistently for two years and got muscles—it was weird going to the grocery stores. I never experienced women coming up to me and getting their number—many even called my phone there to show it was legitimate. My advice: watch Shallow Hal movie with Jack Black—it’s good. Try not to be mean but do protect yourself by not giving into the shallowness
OP, would ypu notice and chat up a very overwieght girl you don’t find at all attractive? Or would you simply not even notice her?
Did you have the confidence you have now before?
We can all say it’s what’s the inside that counts, but being physically attracted to someone is also important. I wouldn’t write her off as shallow, people do need to find the people they like visibly attractive at least a bit, and personality makes them more attractive if it matches. She probably just did not notice you at all before, unless she was rude to you then but not now, go for it if you like her too. And I also agree with the other comments confidence and hard work is also attractive and could be playing a part outside of looks.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You got insanely attractive , and now the hottest girl in school wants to date you!??
I think you should gain the weight back, this new life may be too difficult to navigate.
embrace it dude, you use your looks to attract women, and your personality to keep them
It could be more than just your looks that have changed. I bet you carry yourself with more confidence and are more outspoken now, which can be “insanely attractive”. However, your use of “insanely attractive” here makes me worry about some of your other qualities. Humbleness also goes a long way.
It would be different if you knew each other and rejected you already. Discipline is sexy and you had to have a lot of it to do what you did. Take it as a compliment someone noticed your hard work!
You can get upset about it if you want, plenty of people do. But the reality is, even people who didn’t have the opportunity to ignore you when you were fat and want to date you now, may have ignored you if you were fat.
Attractiveness is not the only factor in love, but you can’t get to know everyone, and its an awfully convenient filter.
What I mean is — being fit gets you the chance, being yourself gets you the rest. Just because someone doesn’t want to date you when your 70 pounds overweight doesn’t mean they can’t / won’t still like you for you. It just means they have standards that include weight and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Its not something to be resentful about, though its understandable
Mennarr invisible until they make themselves seen.
That’s just how it is
She finds you sexy now
, its your call whether or not you should go for it
But as someone who’s been invisible you should place more priority on the character of her rather than her looks
I get the impression that looks matter far too much and your neglecting the other important aspects. Though looks are no doubt important.
Dude no need to question it. Obviously she’s attracted to you now since you actually put in the work to be attractive.
It all starts with physical attraction then you date and figure out if you actually like each others personalities.
Date her!
She noticed you after you got fit because people have preferences and attraction isn’t a choice.
Don’t overthink it.
And remember, there’s nothing wrong with taking a victory lap around the gene pool, but it’s up to you to make sure your big head is in charge of the little one.
Being more muscular and less fat within a normal expected range is probably what many of us are evolutionarily predisposed to be attracted to as we are on the look out for healthy appearing mates. Just a theory though. People don’t want to attract attention from people they don’t want to invest in. It’s sad. But it has been my experience too. But you can’t blame her for not being attracted to you. I was very short. They I grew taller than my bullies and my face developed a lot more masculine features. All of a sudden. I got attention. It’s just normal. Keep riding this success for all of your life. It is good for you in multiple ways. If she is a good catch on the inside as well, you’ll forget about these feelings eventually.
People telling you to reject her are using you to act out their own ongoing rejection pain. You worked hard, changed your body. She noticed. Accept the appreciation you are offered.
You think she is hot, that means you found her attractive so you noticed her right away but what about other girls in your school.
If she wasn’t actively mean to you then you can’t really hold it against her for not noticing you. My wife was at the same school as me but I never noticed her. Saw pictures of her back then and thought she was hot then to but was surprised i never noticed her.
You don’t notice everyone at all times, if you date her as long as she likes you and doesn’t treat people like trash you should be fine.
If you were comfortable with your past look you wouldn’t have made the effort. She wasn’t comfortable with it either. Now she is. This is half the reason you took steps to improve yourself. Holding judgment against that very impulse is not right.
And you’re referring to her “as the hottest girl in school” who you made eye contact with. You can be vain but she can’t?
It sounds like “potential to be insanely attractive” uses the same metrics the “hottest girl in school” does to judge others.
Most men are invisible to girls. Till something like that happens. You can take it personal yes. But you became visible while everyone else remains invisible.
i definitely lived your exact situation in high school. my advice to you? do what you want with “the hottest girl in school” as long as you treat her (and everyone you’re with) with respect. those types usually aren’t “settling down” types, at least not at your age so be wary of long term relationships.
however, and this is the hard part, don’t let all of this new attention go to your head. have fun and maybe enjoy it a little now for the next couple of years. if you meet a good woman you can see a future with, don’t take her for granted.
i thought life would always be that way- that good women were everywhere and that they would always come easy to me. as you get older, the smarter men lock up the good women earlier on in life and the dating pool gradually shrinks and shrinks until eventually finding a good woman that matches your criteria is going to become a rarity.
TLDR; enjoy it now, but don’t let your ego get the best of you in the long run. it can ruin a lot of great opportunities
Have you dated any 5’8” 220 lb women since you lost the weight?
“Potential to be insanely attractive” lmfao wtf did I just read.
Congrats on the grind. It’s normal that people notice you differently now, but you don’t owe anyone a yes. If you’re curious, take her out and keep it slow. See if she’s into your humor, goals, and how you carry yourself, not just the abs. Pay attention to how she treats other people. If it feels shallow, pass. You earned the right to be picky.
Well first of all, good for you. I had a very similar experience when I was a teenager and felt the same way.
The thing is though, you look a lot different. Attraction is not something anyone can control. It’s a bodily reaction that’s completely involuntary. There’s nothing wrong with being interested in you now. Just shows you did a great job working your ass off.
I’d say get to know her, and if you don’t like her personality or find she’s actually shallow, move on. It’ll feel amazing turning her down. Or even more amazing dating her!
Have fun
dude,,, former fat guy here. NONEOFTHATSHITMATTERS!! Now get that ass son!!!!!
I call BS. This sounds a lot like “Just Friends” starring Ryan Reynolds.
Nobody wants to date a fat nasty person bro. You locked in got and shredded, reward yourself with a baddie
You worked for this. Women generally just don’t want to date losers. You either accept that and become better (as you did) or become a whiny resentful piece of shit.
Yes life’s not fair in that regard, yes women would absolutely lose their shit and call this discrimination if roles were reversed – but it is what it is.
aside from the fact that this looks like a formulaic ai created nonsense narrative, are we to believe that it’s not intentional that the “story” involves someone excited about a “hot girl” questioning why no attention was received when fat?
Look for the girl that was friendly with you anyways even when you were fat. Ask her out.
No one is the hottest girl in school without a little effort. She puts in a lot of effort, and now you do too. It’s not wrong for her to want someone who puts in an equal or similar amount of effort in their life. It doesn’t make her shallow. Just go for it
It’s high school right? So fleeting. Do whatever you want.
Orrrrrrrr… Hear me out a second…
Find the female version of you. The girl with potential who has to work for everything and help her get there, and she might be better!
She’ll be loyal and appreciate you!
She’s the hottest girl in school? Would she still be as hot to you with an extra 70 lbs? If so feel free to reject on principle. Chances are you find her attractive for similar reasons that she now find you, do what you will.
A lot of times the hottest girls are not so hot when you get to know them. they used to getting by on their looks this is not true for every hot girl , you find a hot girl that is extremely humble and you’re in business! but I would rather date on a scale from 1 to 10 the six or seven then the 9 or 10 due to the willingness to try things and do things and they learned to appreciate and things are being done for them, really really cute ones they used to having everything just given to them they don’t appreciate it that’s not true with all but most.