My bf doesn’t have sex with me anymore. I stopped initiating because I just didn’t want to get rejected anymore, but now it’s like a dry spell. We’ve been dating a little under a year and at first we had sex all the time and now I’m lucky if it’s once a month. What should I do? I brought it up and he said he hasn’t been wanting to because of self esteem, but his it’s starting to seriously impact my own self esteem. I just don’t know what to do, it really bothers me. Advice?
Edit: We are in our early twenties. I don’t really think he’s cheating on me, I feel like his anxiety is too severe for that and he has a really great set of morals. Of course it’s still a thought but I just don’t think that’s the case, as someone who’s been cheated on by all of my previous partners.
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Not much you can do the ball is in his court to do what he needs to do to find his self esteem. If that’s therapy or whatever it’s up to him to fix it
Wow, sounds like a tough spot you’re in. Look, IMHO, everybody’s entitled to off days, but if the dry spell’s affectin’ both ur self-esteem and the relationship, that’s not okay. Hav a real heart-to-heart convo with him – lay it all out straight, no BS. If he really cares, he’ll work on it or at least meet ya halfway. If not, maybe it’s time to rethink if he’s the right dude for ya. You deserve someone who makes you feel wanted, bro. Peace n love.🤞🏼💕
Sex is often considered a barometer of the overall health of a romantic relationship.
Do the two of you see each other regularly? Do you spend time together, enjoying activities and just having fun in one another’s company?
If there are tensions in the relationship, if one party does not feel respected or appreciated, or if one partner is having stress about finances or a work situation or something similar, or if one of the two of you is having any sort of mental health difficulties, then it’s unlikely that there will be any sex.
Does that sound like a familiar situation?
Try again to calmly discuss the situation with him and be honest about how it’s affecting your self and maybe you’ll come to some sort of compromise
My ex quit having sex with me because he was spreading his lovin’ all over town-found almost 400 text/sext messages between him and 3 other women over about 72 hours…..48 of which I’d been physically with him. We’d been together for over a year but we’d been friends for 13 years before we got together. He put on a great mask but once it started slipping, the devil came out!
Sex is an important part of a long term relationship.
Break up, his getting sex elsewhere.
Next man up 🤷
The answer is always the same: you are in a dead bedroom, and dead bedrooms never get better. Go to the DeadBedrooms subreddit and see all the proof of that you could ever need. None of the advice anybody in the thread gives you to try to “fix it” is going to do anything. Not talks, not counseling, not meds, nothing. you’ve only been with this guy for under a year. Just cut your losses and move on. Otherwise you’ll be dealing with this sexual frustration and rejection for the rest of your life.
And to really spotlight how bad the advice is by people trying to tell people to stay in their dead bedroom relationships and try to fix them: look at people here saying “talk to him and ask him to meet you in the middle / find a compromise.” A compromise? For sex? Would you even want to be having sex with him if you knew he didn’t really want to, but he was only doing it because he “agreed to“ do it with you as a compromise?
I went through that when I was 18 and was married my husband was 19 I found out he was cheating on me with his co worker it hurt me so much that he didn’t want to have sex with me and I later found out why. But in your situation how old is your boyfriend if he is middle aged it could be his libido
Is he watching a lot of corn. This is why I lost interest in my ex.
If a guy complains about lack of sex it’s his fault, not trying enough, not helping enough ect.
If a girl complains about lack of sex it’s again the guys fault. He is cheating ect.
Guys can’t win
Hi unpopular opinion, I had bad eczema and felt unattractive or wanting to be intimate or initiate sex for a while. My girlfriend making the first move made me feel a lot more wanted when I was down on myself. Some people (like me at the time) needed a little push when I was hyper fixating on how down I felt. Maybe he’s like me and needs some positive reinforcement at a low spot. This is reddit tho so I have no idea how y’all interact
Hygiene?
My husband was like this when we first started dating long ago. He had severe anxiety that went unchecked and unbalanced meds. I had a high drive and it was hard to get rejected several times a week. It took me a long time to understand that it wasn’t my fault and it had everything to do with mental health. After a year or so he switched doctors who put him on a better medicine for his anxiety and it got better. We would be intimate more like once or twice a week rather than once a month. This really sounds so similar to what we experienced. I do not think he is cheating. Try to help him work through it!
I would start by seeing if he’d be willing to see a doctor for a physical and a mental health check up. A simple blood draw could show if he has low testosterone. And mental health makes a huge difference. Good luck !
Definitely, being a man I am sure he is sexually active with someone else, U just didn’t catch him till now, I was involved with someone and stop sex with my gf, its just not normal at all. The best to judge him try to kiss him, If he refused to do so, his face expression will tell you whole story, Like when man have no feelings he will not kiss properly.
ultimatum, therapy or breakup, he is allowed to feel bad, but he is not allowed to just stew in it for months and hope it goes away when you suffer for it, he is in a relationship so that means less “him” and more “you(couple you, not you you)” and whats best for “you” at this point is him seeking therapy to work out his issues.
Ya know, I dated a girl just like this. She came up with excuses why she wouldn’t even kiss me in the last couple months. Turns out she was cheating and hated me deep down. That doesn’t mean that he’s cheating on you, but this isn’t a situation that improves IME. I would try to move on unless you’re happy being with someone who will never want to sleep with you again and most likely wouldn’t care if you broke up with him.
Any chance he has been using drugs? Just something to consider as a possibility.
He probably doesn’t wanna be with you anymore 🤷🏻♀️ at least that’s what my personal experience tells me cos mine did that and the whole time didn’t want me. And we were in a pause and he was sleeping with someone else.
im in a 10 year relationship it was like this from the beginning. im now 36 feel so un loved and un worthy because we never are intimate…2 successful times in a year. leave and find what you deserve.
Avoidant attachment style.
OP I know you said you’re sure he’s not cheating but idk this sort of reminded me of my ex.
He was trying to cheat on his gf at the time with me, they barely had sex. She would be the one wanting it and trying to initiate it and he wasn’t interested in it with her. No idea why he stayed with her, if he felt that way.
He messaged me out of the blue and said he wanted to start an affair with me, because I was what he wanted sexually. After exposing him to his gf, she did confirm that they barely had sex.
Just consider the possibility, that he could be?
Either he’s got chicks on the side, has a porn addiction, or is too much of a coward to end things so waiting on you to do it. Too young to be sticking around for these games. No explanation needed, move on
Hm. Maybe open, honest communication? I know it’s a crazy thought…
A guy In his 20’s could have sex everyday.
Does he do any activities like ; sports , gym , hiking?
Is he taking anything for his condition any medicine the medicines will change your sex drive, humans are not a monogamous species mean we tend to get bored with one with it’s up to you and him to keep things interesting, or they will become boring and mundane, hope everything works out well
damn :/
Everyone blaming the guy, but there must be a reason for it….
Is your hygiene and grooming in check?
Is he using the hub?
Has he started working really long hours which he wasn’t doing when you first met?
Is he depressed?
Depression, anxiety, severe self-esteem issues, or it could be something physical. I think he needs to see a doctor first to rule out any potential physical issues. If that’s not it, then mental health professional. Sex is a big part of committed long-term relationships. If he’s unwilling to do anything about it, then you have to decide if you want to stay with someone who refuses to help themslves. The concern in the long term is how will he handle other big problems?
Saturday night put on something nice, open a bottle, cook something he likes (takeout or delivery works, too).
After dinner, sit him down in the living room and put a nice soft blanket on the floor. (Bear skin rug is ideal.) Unceremoniously take off all your clothes and lie down on the blanket. Do some stretching or yoga or roll around like a cat that wants her belly rubbed. Dont look at him just carry on like he’s not there. Try touching your (NSFW!) if you have to.
If that doesn’t result in sex, suggest he go see a doctor.
If he wont go, new boyfriend.
It’s important for you to fulfil your needs too. You’re young and deserve experiences of your own. Leave.
.😃😗 ,
Maybe hes turning gay lol
Thank goodness! I see too many folks blaming themselves for their SO’s bad behavior. Congrats on your new model! Rock on girl!
Everyone needs to stop posting about their sex lives on Reddit.
Every single one of these is flooded with the same “any drop in sex drive is a disaster, your relationship is over, people who don’t want to have sex every day are monsters” lol
Just pure ignorance and an inability to understand emotions more complex than “horny”.
He needs a full medical work up too. Low testosterone could be part of the issue and he sounds like some psychotropic medication would maybe help. It may take some time and fine tuning but it may completely change the game. Radiant_Bank had a terrible experience, but that doesn’t have to apply to you guys. Much luck!
He’s either got porn brain or he’s got issues with testosterone production. Sometimes a lack of drive can exist with testosterone in the “normal” range also so it’s worth it to talk to an endocrinologist.
Time to move on, imo.
He might not be cheating, but could easily be whacking his bag to porn a lot.