My parents are both 50 years old, they have my sister who’s 20 and me, I’m 18.
Ever since my sister was born, she’s had a lot of health problems, and on top of that, she has a neurological condition that keeps her from doing many things. She didn’t go to school, doesn’t work, doesn’t study, and she can barely read or write. All her meds, therapies, doctors, and special care are extremely expensive. More than once, my parents had to sell things (cars, jewelry, art) and take big loans to cover her needs.
My mom quit her job when my sister was born to take care of her 24/7, so the only income we had came from my dad. He works two jobs and is gone for around 16 hours a day.
They’ve always favored my sister and gave her way more attention. I never got new clothes or shoes—just whatever my sister outgrew. They’d buy me cheap toys worth like 2–5 dollars. My birthdays were just a small cake in my grandparents’ living room, and my Christmas presents were leftovers from what they got for my sister.
I always felt bad about it and tried talking to them, especially when I started playing volleyball. They’d only show up to one or two games a year. There was always an excuse:
• “Your sister has therapy.”
• “Brittany’s not in the mood to go out.”
• “We can’t leave her alone.”
It was always something.
So, I started spending more time at my grandparents’ house, where I felt more comfortable. They actually paid attention to me and made me feel like I mattered.
When I turned 16, I started working at a fast-food chain. It was super stressful because I had to juggle work, school, and sports. But thank God, I was able to stand out in my sport and got a full athletic scholarship to a good university. I was so happy—and my parents too, though I know it was more because they didn’t have to explain why they couldn’t pay for college.
Over the past few years, with my job, I managed to save $5,075. I couldn’t save more because I had to cover most of my own needs, but I was really proud of that money and planned to use it for my first months at university. It made me feel excited and secure.
But here’s where things went wrong.
One day, I went to add a bit more money to my savings box, and it was empty. I asked my parents if they knew where the money was, and they told me they took it to pay for something for my sister. I asked when they planned to give it back, and they straight-up said they weren’t going to. They just assumed I wouldn’t mind giving “that little help” to my sister.
I told them no—that my whole life I’ve already sacrificed enough for her: being forgotten, living off her hand-me-downs, always being second place. That money was something I earned with so much effort and they had no right. They looked shocked and told me my sister always needs money and they didn’t do it on purpose. I yelled that I didn’t care and if their daughter was so expensive, then maybe they shouldn’t have had another kid just to raise her in misery.
They were in total shock. My dad slapped me across the face, and I snapped. I looked at him full of the rage I’d held in for years and started hitting his chest with all my strength. My mom was crying and yelling for me to stop. I told her I was sick of her too and she could save her crocodile tears for when her “useless 20-year-old baby” finally did something with her life. (Yeah, I know that was cruel—my sister isn’t to blame, but I exploded after 18 years.)
My parents just stared at me in silence. I went upstairs, packed my things, and left. I told them they had one week to pay me back my money plus $500 in interest. They said they couldn’t, and I told them I was done hearing “we can’t” and that I didn’t care anymore—I wasn’t a little girl anymore, they were dealing with an adult now.
I moved in with my aunt. She lives alone and is financially stable. She’s not super close to my mom, so she didn’t really know how things had been. When I told her everything, she felt bad for me and said I could live with her permanently. I’ve been back to my parents’ house twice to grab some more stuff, and they just cry and beg me not to leave them. I just tell them to stop crying and find a way to pay me back, or I’ll take them to court for stealing.
If you made it this far, sorry for the long story—but I really needed to let it all out.
Comments
Nta. Why haven’t you called the cops? Paper trail
Absolutely not, you are not the asshole here.
Your parents stole your hard-earned money, which you saved diligently while supporting yourself. Their actions were a blatant betrayal of trust and a disregard for your autonomy and sacrifices. While your words to your sister were harsh in the heat of the moment, they were a raw outpouring of years of neglect and emotional pain. Your parents’ favoritism, coupled with their financial exploitation, has created a deeply toxic environment. You are an adult, and you are entirely within your rights to demand your money back and protect yourself from further financial and emotional abuse. Moving in with your aunt sounds like a crucial step towards your well-being and independence.
Sorry that happened to you. They stole your money, on purpose, but they clearly cannot pay it back (plus extra) within a week, it’s unlikely your father earns that much, so unfortunately that was slightly unrealistic of you.
NTA for finding a new place to live
NTA did you report the theft to the police?
NTA – If your sister was desperately in need of something life dependant and it was imperative to have, I could understand your parents ASKING to BORROW the money from you if they were hard up. Outright taking it without asking is tantamount to stealing and you’re well within your rights to expect it back In Full, with Interest. Stick to your guns, don’t let them make you play 2nd fiddle to your sister anymore. Best wishes and Good Luck 👍
NTA
Its absolutely difficult to raise a disabled child and still make the other child feel like they are wanted/needed/worthwhile, but other people manage it.
Stealing from one child to give to another is disgusting. If they needed the money, they could have asked and respected your response.
As your sister is 20, she is old enough by far to do daily community programs that would allow your mum to work, if they’re that short of money.
Have you given them a firm deadline? If not, send them something in writing (ideally text) giving an outline of the circumstances and telling them that if they have not paid back the money in full by x date that you will be speaking to the police about the theft. Hopefully they will respond so that you have something in writing that confirms the theft. And then follow through.
Call the police, and press charges, for theft and assault.Make sure you get text confirmation of them admitting to taking your money. And open a bank account.
NTA
Call the police . File a report . Sue . Get the money back .
Police. Police. Police. NTA
Updateme
NTA, you can’t get money from a rock. Your parents don’t have it and probably never will so you might as well give up on ever getting that money from them. You may win in court but getting money is another different process you will have to go through. It would be wiser for you to let it go and just end the relationship with them. It will be easier for you the sooner you accept what has happened, make a new plan about how you will manage without that money and carry on as best as you can. You are not wrong for feeling the way you do, you have been cheated in many ways. Your parents are going to suffer quite a bit by not hearing from you. They will think about what you said to them. In reality their truth is probably that they were doing the best they knew how. They didn’t realize they were shortchanging you and when you brought it up, well, it was too late, they were embarrassed and also thought you were selfish, after all they were also giving up what they thought was going to be a normal life too. They probably didn’t have much to give to you after taking care of your sister. They are to blame for this mess, so don’t feel guilty but maybe try to understand a little bit of the position they have been in too. Not excusing them, but just pointing out that no parent is perfect, some are worse, some are better.
Contact them via text and mention the money. Then go to the police or small claims court.
IF this is real (big If) then NTA.
Read a very similar scenario a few times recently.
NTA
Please file a police report asap so you have a paper trail.
I also hope you took photos of any marks thay came from your father slapping you so if they try to charge you with assault you can claim self defence
NTA.
They probably expect you to take over caring for your sister some day. You have them a ride awakening.
UpdateMe!
Updateme
You are NTA. It makes total sense that you blew up after all these years. You worked hard for that money, it was yours, and they stole it!
But $5,000 in a money box is ridiculous. Anyone could steal it. I know it’s hard when you’re young to get a bank account, but please never put that kind of money in a box again. Always keep it in the bank.
You are NTAH but your parents are. Take them to court.
This is more of a police matter.. criminal more so than civil.
If they are cosigners on your account, you may not be able to get them legally for stealing your money. Do tell me that you opened a new account, maybe even at a different bank?
Also, lock down your credit with the credit reporting agencies, so they can’t open any credit cards in your name. They have your social security number, and now we know for sure you can’t trust them.
Updateme
This post should be a reminder that you need to open a bank acct. That would have been proof enough that you had that amount. I dont see how you are going to prove that they took 5k. That whole court drama won’t be worth what they took.
Call the police and file a report, they stole from you. I get they are in a tough spot and it wouldn’t be easy having a child that needs to much care. But that was your money and they just stole it.
Didn’t ask just took it like it was their god given right. You needed that money for Uni. I’d tell them until that money is paid back with interest they only have one daughter.
NTA. If you want that money back, you probably need to file a police report. Good luck. You deserve more.
UpdateMe
Press charges. You need that money. NTA
Rage bait.
If it’s a thing where you live, I would try to file some sort of charge or claim against your parents, just so you have a record. But I don’t think you’ll be able to get your money back because if they don’t have it, they don’t have it. I would cut them off and I would not talk to them again. They’re counting on you to take care of your sister when they’re gone and you need to make sure that you are not there for that. They will continue to take and take from you as long as they have any contact with you.
NTA definitely go NC with them. You seem to be doing well on your own and they don’t seem to be adding anything to your life.
Police report. Sue them.
Updateme
NTA
But do you think your parents actually have any money to pay you back?
You can’t get money from a rock.
Just something to consider if they don’t actually have much in finances.
They probably want you to take care of your sister when they can’t and that’s why they are begging your forgiveness.
Losing 5k is brutal, but I would just cut your losses and go no contact with them.
NTA, call it in to the police. Start the proceedings. You don’t need a lawyer to take them to small brains court. If it has met the felony requirements, it’s a different story.
I’m with the file a police report and take them to court crowd. They had no right to that money and it’s better to document it now instead of waiting.
I’m so sorry they have put you through this. I know it’s difficult, but you likely won’t see the money again. Try to find a way to let it go emotionally. Look at it as the price of finally getting your freedom.
If they come up with the money at some point, it’s a bonus. For your own peace of mind, find a way to let it go. Don’t let them have any more of your life
NTA. Moving out is the best thing you can do
if it were urgent medical treatment for the sister maybe i could understand.
if it’s just to buy something for the sister
then they are definitely the AH
the slap wasn’t because of anger. it’s because of shame. because that father knew he KNEW he was in the wrong. he KNEW he let you down. because what he did was SHAMEFUL
you are NTA
Updateme.
NTA since you are 18 file a police report
get it in a text that they stole the 5k. You will need proof for when you take them to small claims court. Make sure you have your birth certificate, Social Insurance Card, and if you live in the US you need to lock down your credit to make sure they have not taken out loans in your name.
Call the police. Go to court.
NTA
This doesn’t really make sense to me.
You are NTA. You are 18 years old. Check the laws in your state, and then give them the information that you find.
You made a big mistake. At the age of 18, you should have gotten yourself a Bank. Account. You have found out the hard way what comes of hoarding money boxes or, as they say, ‘under the mattress’. Learn from this experience, and start financially adulting. That was a massive temptation to leave under the nose of money starved parents.
Check the recording laws in your state, and then talk to them again and record it, if legally possible, so you have evidence of them admitting to the theft of the cash. It’s even better if your aunt can witness the conversation, maybe on speaker phone. You can call them to discuss the fact that you intend to press criminal charges, and to ‘give them one more chance to work it out’. Some states have ‘one party’ laws, where one party can consent to recording.
Research the laws on financial crimes. This is called ‘financial abuse’. In my state, the theft of that amount of money is a what’s called a ‘state jail felony’. AFTER you have collected evidence of the theft, such as a recording including a discussion of the amount stolen and them admitting the theft, you can explain that you do have evidence and this is their last chance before you call the cops. Explain (if it’s true in your state) that their crime was a felony, and that it will be more expensive to hire a lawyer to keep them out of prison than it will be to pay back the money they owe. It will probably cost them around $10,000 to defend a felony theft. Or, they can get a public defender, if they qualify, and go to prison for a couple years. Their choice. But – what would happen to their precious daughter? If they want to argue that they are your parents and you owe it to them, then play along and see if you can get them to talk to a cop like that. It’s an admission of guilt. So, don’t shut it down.
You can also sue in civil court, but it would be easier if they understand they are facing potential prison time, and decide to pay it back. My concern is you can’t get blood out of turnip.
I am sympathetic to your family’s plight, but this was outright theft. It was not something you agreed to. Having no help from them, you worked hard to help yourself, and they even stole that from you. Throw the book at them.
Update me
NTA call the police and report them for theft.
Send them a formal legal notice that you will be suing them by X date if they don’t pay you back.
Sorry you have had to live this childhood with such worthless parents.
Congratulations, though,for surviving so well. Now go out and live a wonderful life free of them all.
Uhm that is definitely theft. Call the police and press charges. What they did is abhorrent.
Updateme!
nta
if i had a family like that, id keep ALL savings from jobs, ie yard work like mowing lawns raking leaves etc away from my family.
and furthermore its sounds like they never cared for you but when you started making money they waited till the op have a few thousand saved up then stole it. heres a few hard truths for them.
1 they took money from someone without asking, then said its a gift, theft then saying its a gift, is blatant disrespect, they gaslit the situation saying its a gift, its stolen so the lie steal gaslight and slap their kids around after they stole from them.
Please call the police to start a paper trail. Text both your parents and request the money they stole from you. Get them to state they can’t and admit they stole it too if you can to show the police too.
Respect. But you got more rights. Use them. The law is at your side.
NTA. They didn’t ask, but outright took the money they knew belonged to you. That’s the definition of stealing. And they just assumed you didn’t want your money back? Didn’t cross their minds why you were saving it in the first place? They knew you are going to go to university. Or did they forget it?
What you said may be cruel, but it happened in a moment of high emotion — considering that you held all those emotions and negative feelings in for years. They never showed you an ounce of love and care. It did all go to your sister. And she isn’t to blame, but she is the reason your parents are the way they are. So, that you feel some sort of resentment not to her, but her condition is only logical.
Otherwise, I don’t think you will get that money back. Your parents didn’t plan to pay you back, probably because they don’t have that money. They just assumed that you would say anything against it, like all the years before.
But that action will be the reason you go no contact with them. As it is, they will not miss much, right? They have only one child, that did get all the attention over the years. They don’t really know you as it seems. Tho, I think they had planned that you take over your sister’s care in the future. But that backfired with that too. You are not responsible for your sister and never will.
Updateme.
NTA-Please call the police now and file a report. You need the paper trail. They will give you a copy of the report and you then need to make another copy and give it to your parents.
Tell them that, for the moment, the police are allowing you to decide if you want to press charges of grand theft. Remind them that they are on a deadline and if the money is not returned, with interest, by that deadline, you will ask the police to go ahead and arrest them for the theft.
You might also inform your father that you are still considering an assault charge for slapping you in the face as well as a report to adult protective services to have them investigated and insure that your sister isn’t being mistreated as you have been.
You need to file a police report so you have the paper trail for when you go to court.
Make no mistake, they have no plans to ever pay you a cent.
UpdateMe
Call the police OP. File a report. Document their theft.
Text them the terms of repayment, that way you have it in writing that they stole it. Included the amount they stole, timeline to repay, interest you are adding on and confirm that the money was yours and they had no permission to take it.
Once they respond stating they can’t repay or some other excuse, use that to file a police report and file small claims suit. You’ll need to pay a fee to submit paperwork for small claims but it’s usually been $100-200 dollars and you can recoup that in a court order. Don’t wait, just do it.
Updateme.
NTA updateme
NTA. File a police report so you have a paper trail and absolutely persue any and all legal remedies to get your money back.
NTA – time to call the police. I hope they figure out how to give it back. Do you know what they purchased? Could they return it? updateme
Updateme!
Report the theft to the police.
NTA. You deserve the money back BUT consider not escalating your claim. Consider not enforcing your rights against your parents but not letting them off the hook. Earn and save more money-you will make it back. You will homage a better life without them as you are self reliant.
It is a small price to pay for the feeling that you took the high road here and did not burn your bridge to your suffering family.
My step mother stole my life insurance proceeds from my father’s policy for my benefit. Then left without saying goodbye. The best advice I ever got was to let her go. She is out of my life and that is something that I could not otherwise buy.
In this circumstance, you control the end of the story. Write yourself the best ending possible – the one you want and deserve.
Good luck.
NTA This sucks. If it was in an account with their name on it, they have every right to the money in the eyes of the law. If it was just in the house, if you were under 18 when it was taken, you have no recourse. If you were over 18 when it was taken you can file a police report, but nothing can really be done if you don’t have proof of them taking it. For proof you would need a written/text/video confession, video showing them taking the money out of your private space, and usually a paper trail of the money that was in there.
You will likely not get your money back through legal means. You can try to get the rest of their family on your side and with enough pressure they may cave into paying you.
If your parents thought they weren’t doing something wrong, why didn’t they talk to you about it first rather than just taking it? File charges, the dollar amount makes it a felony.
The dumbest thing her family did was steal it from an 18-year-old because she’s a legal adult. They might’ve been able to convince a court that they should be in control of her money if she was under 17. So they are definitely not criminal masterminds just pathetic parents.
If you have not created one already, try to create a “paper trail”. You’ve been screaming at them in person. Send a text and say “Even though you went into my room without my permission and broke into my bank and stole $5000 of my college money, I will give you an extra two weeks to pay me back or I get a lawyer or file a police report. if they respond to you, then you have evidence to take to court. You can still take them to court without this information, but it’ll be much easier for you to get your money back if you have it and you can attach your text exchange to the police report.
NTA. Like you, each of my parents is the younger (and only) sibling of a disabled child. While both my parents made willing sacrifices (time, money, relationships, and opportunities) for their siblings, NEVER did any of my four grandparents ask them for money or steal from them.
NTA.
Just go.
You have an incredible amount of damage but fighting on this hill won’t assuage any of that pain.
Go to school, live with your aunt, turn your efforts towards building a life separate from your dad, mom and sister.
Get out and get some perspective. Some distance.
There is nothing to be had trying to hurt them or drag money out of them that they don’t have. It will only frustrate you and hurt you more.
Put some distance between yourself and those people for a while.
And congratulations on the scholarship! Already have a lot of the immediate future set to attack!
Best of luck in your endeavors.