So I (25f) and bf (28m) had a date night two days ago and I’m not the type to wear makeup at all.. in fact I never liked it. However, lately I grew some interest in makeup and started trying out somethings but I never tried it around him .. always wore makeup around my friends and got positive feedback.
So two days ago I decided to put on some makeup for our date night, not heavy stuff since I’m still learning but just something as light as an eyeliner and at first my bf said that he liked it but then after a few hours he told me not to put on makeup cause I look like someone who is just starting to learn makeup (which I am ) and it’s embarrassing for him..
Now ofc I was upset but him saying that he is embarrassed was what really upset me and kinda made me feel insecure about it cause I was clearly tryna look good for the night and his comment made me feel idk just embarrassed and pathetic for putting the effort and him commenting like that just upset me.
So I brought it up to him tonight and he apologized for saying that saying that he didn’t think it would upset me but he also hinted at not regretting saying it cause he had commented on me wearing sneakers before and I stopped wearing them so he thought it’s just us learning from each other and growing.
Either way, did I overreact or something? Cause I still feel that was kinda rude to say idk u guys tell me.
Comments
He sounds awful.
So he didn’t apologize basically? You didn’t overreact at all. You have a right to your feelings, and based on what he said it is totally understandable that you are upset by it. The quickest way to kill someone’s interest in something tell them they suck at it when they’re just starting out. Also more importantly, you should never be embarrassed by anything your partner does.
And how does he think you’ll learn if you don’t?
Leave him.
Your reaction is 100% valid and normal. That was rude of him the way he addressed it. There’s better ways to have this conversation.
The toxic side of me would have said “I’m embarrassed to be seen with someone who doesn’t know how to dress” or something equal – but that will get you two nowhere 😞
Is this something you can move past or is your gut saying this is part of a bigger issue? I ask because of the sneaker comment.
yeah you are right; that wasn’t an apology. He was gaslighting you. You are not dramatic. If anyone is it’s him with his projection of insecurities and downplaying your emotions. And his comment wasn’t nice. And he lied. I bet you looked great and he’s jealous of you. He saw you felt good and decided to shut it down. I can tell this behavior happens a lot more than what you’ve said here and I’m sorry. It’s clear he wants to control your appearance, because not only is that what he seems to comment on, but if he *really* supported your style about makeup he’d say “hey since you’re playing with makeup maybe I can buy you a makeup lesson as you learn more” vs just telling you to NOT wear it at all. Like you aren’t capable of doing something your way? it’s weird. I don’t like this guys energy. you’re not crazy and I’m sorry he was so rude to you. And I’m sorry he makes you seem dramatic when he is acting like a child.
He is too immature to be in an adult relationship.
He is trying to make you think you are not ‘good enough’ so you stay with him, despite his rude behavior.
I would tell him that it is obvious that you are not compatible so you are going to move on with your life.
Nah girl, u didn’t overreact. Dude needs to learn some respect. U were putting in effort n stepping out of ur comfort zone for him n he paid u back w/ critique? That’s harsh. If he knows you’re learning, he should be supportive. Keep trying; makeup or no makeup, you’re still you n that’s what he should love. Don’t let his comments bring ya down. 💪🏾💪🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Nah, u didn’t overreact, dude was outta line. Like who TF says ‘ur embarrassing me’ to their SO over frickin makeup? We all gotta start somewhere, right? U learn, u grow, u slay. He should’ve encouraged u, not embarrassed u. Confidence takes time n’ this ain’t it. Sry for the rant but I just can’t with these 😂😂. Keep rocking ur eyeliner, girl! 👏👏🔥🔥
He doesn’t get a vote.
At least he apologized, but does he not realize that what he says carries weight and can really be emotionally cruel?
Unless your boyfriend can lay down a Cat eye liner like it’s no one business, don’t listen to him.
Ask yourself, why did he like it then suddenly didn’t? Were you getting a lot of attention/compliments? Was it after a prolonged conversation with a man? Don’t let his insecurities morph themselves into your insecurities. Enjoy learning makeup, we all start somewhere.
It’s a really, REALLY big red flag 🚩 when the person you’re dating has anything negative to say about your makeup, wardrobe choices, hair, weight, facial features, etc.
First of all, be yourself. Wear whatever TF you want to wear. If anyone else doesn’t like it they can shove your lipstick 💄 up their ass followed by your left sneaker. 👟
People who do this type of shit are controlling, insecure, and manipulative. Criticizing your appearance is their way of shitting on you and making you second guess yourself and acquiesce to their demands. If you’re so “embarrassing” then why TF are they with you?
Dump this bozo because this is just the tip of the iceberg. He doesn’t have your best interest at heart. He’s going to eventually affect your self esteem, if he hasn’t already. Trust me on this one.
Honestly, his opinion is not the be all end all. You should wear make up if you want to and if you feel it looks good. You are the most important person in all of this.
He’s a bully. I hope you dump this AH
I think you should start wearing sneakers again and good luck with your makeup journey 🤞🏻 it seems like he is almost conditioning you.
You can come back at him I a snarky way that say, “well , it seems like you’re trying to be a socially acceptable person… but, like my makeup technique , you are not doing a good job there either.”
When he gets upset you can offer him the non apology that he offered you.
Some people will only learn if you put it in a harsh manner and then they’re like.Oh wait that’s how I sound?
Do you prefer him not telling you that your makeup is something he finds weird/ dislikes?
And that you continue to do it until he has to stop going out with you?
He’s showing you who he is.
Why do manchild toddlers feel so free to tell us (fill in the blank)? He is an ass hat.
I really really don’t like that he’s the kind of person who feels that his partner reflects upon him.
He’s embarrassed? Why? You’re a completely separate human being. Other than extremes where people are showing themselves ignorant of social norms (eg walking around naked), you never want a partner to think of you as an extension of themselves rather than being a separate person. It indicates a fundamental lack of respect.
The other issue is the lack of apology when you raised it. Go back and try again.
“When I told you that you’d hurt my feelings by what you said – you didn’t apologize. I can’t move past this knowing that you’re not even sorry”
See what he says. Make a small sentence like that and then be silent and see what happens.
Somewhere in the conversation (preferably after youve discussed the lack of apology) I would also ask “why would you be embarrassed by anything I do? I’m not you, I’m a person in my own right. How would you feel if I got embarrassed by you being so bad at Pictionary? It would show a lack of respect dont you think?” (Choose something unimportant that he’s legitimately bad at)
You’re not being dramatic. Also though this is something he can learn and adjust about his attitude if he chooses to, so it’s worth another few conversations.
I thought of doing that but I didn’t want him to think that I was being bitter about it and saying stuff just to get back at him ..
Hmmm, as a long term married guy I have to say, that boyfriend really does sound like a bit of an AH.