My husband and I have two children. A 3 year old and a 8 month old. We live in Boise, Idaho. Currently he is working in phoenix Arizona and traveling back to be with us on the weekends. I am a full time stay at home mom. I have no outside help with my children and all household responsibilities are mine. We have some money in savings, would it be a terrible idea to have my husband quit his job and live on some savings so he can come home while he job hunts for something else? I am so exhausted and run down and am feeling like a shell of myself. We are down two months of the 9 month contract. He has some promising job leads, but I just don’t know how much longer I can last doing this alone.
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Why don’t you move to Arizona if you have no support system in Boise?
If the savings can realistically cover you for a few months, let him come home. Your mental and emotional health matter just as much as his job stability. A supportive, present partner now could make all the difference for both you and the kids.
If he has solid leads and you’ve got enough saved to float a few months, I’d say bring him home. You’re burning out and no job is worth your health or sanity.
This is not sustainable; you’re burning out fast and something has to give. Let him quit now because your sanity, your children’s well-being, and your marriage are worth more than seven more months of survival mode.
I have always been taught that you don’t quit a job without having another one. If he quits and you have some emergency, your savings is gone.
Why would people recommend a husband quitting job without a new job? There is no guarantee of the next job. Then what? Running out of money? Get mental health help for you. Maybe a teenager to come help while you are there for a lower hourly rate would help.
My husband a wildland firefighter and gone weeks a time year round I get it it’s hard but be strong it will get better. See about putting your three year old in prek it will help a lot
Typical contracted work is unreliable. Also the job market is not the best. And the local you’re in doesn’t have much to offer. I have long time friends in the Boise/Nampa area.
Contracted work is okay. Is there any way he can do it remote? Being on contract does allow for him to put the job on his resume which is great! Another option is to ask for 4/10’s so that he comes home late Thursday and is home fri-sun leaving out late Sunday night. This means that he’d be on site longer hours each day but more time at home. Maybe in the middle of that like Saturday morning you go to the library by yourself or go get a tea at a local coffee shop. Just something to get out.
Also consider joining your local chapter of the mom’s club. For me it was $25/year and being part of the organization also means that you can help plan outings etc. in my local chapter we had one mom from Scotland and one from Belgium and both were here with no help. Suddenly they had friends and traded babysitting etc. this is especially helpful if you don’t have a religious organization to be a part of. Mom’s club is not a religious organization fyi.
When I was raising my two children, my husband was also an absent parent—not out of neglect, but because he was working long hours trying to build a better future for us. That left me alone for 14–16 hours a day in a foreign country, with no family, no support system—just me, two little babies, and a whole ot of frustration.
What truly helped me was finding a group of moms at my local library. We started meeting in the afternoons with our kids, watching over each other’s little ones. It gave us all a moment to breathe, to feel seen and heard. That sense of community made a huge difference—it eased the emotional burden I was carrying and took some pressure off our marriage too.
That season of life eventually passed. The kids grew, my husband found a better job, and we found our rhythm again. Sometimes, what you really need isn’t a perfect situation—it’s a bit of support, connection, and patience while you and your partner work toward a better place for your family.
You need a mother’s helper! This would be a perfect job for a local high schooler or college student studying early childhood education. Pay someone to come hang out with your kids at your house for 2-3 hours a couple times a week. You can clean, you can nap, you can go get coffee and sit by yourself in the parking lot. I have kids of similar ages and am a SAHM and I can’t tell you how much of a difference that break time made for me.
So I did this for two years. My husband worked on a barge and wad gone 30’days and home for 15, then he did road construction and was home every other weekend. It was hard and I did not have help. It was 25 years ago and we made it but we’ve had multiple conversations that if we had it to do over we would never do it again. Family time is too important.I would not quit without a job but I would take anything local to be home while I looked for something better
This is a pretty challenging time to be job hunting it depends on where and what field but it’s better to get another contract before walking away from the one he has
Yes, this is a terrible idea. The job market is weak and getting weaker. You may lose everything (house cars, comforts of life) and end up homeless living in a motel if he quits without another reliable job already secured.
My mother was in a similar position – SAHM, two young kids, and my dad traveled 6 weeks at a time (and worked 8-4 locally for a couple of weeks between work trips). It was absolutely brutal for her.
My best recommendation is probably the simplest: find money in your budget to hire a babysitter a couple of afternoons a week.
And if you can’t afford that, start a babysitting co-op with friends, neighbors, and parents from a local playgroup. For every hour you look after other people’s kids (often at your place with your own kids) you get an hour another co-op member will care for your kids and give you a break. No money is exchanged, and it works on a credit system.
You want to know how my mom coped? She founded a babysitting co-op 🙂
Or move to AZ