I [24m] make 200k per year. For reference, my girlfriend also does well, making 100-110k per year, so she’s not broke herself.
Anyhow, she sent me a tiktok earlier today about never dating broke men. I assumed it was just something she found funny and responded as such, but she asked why I laughed when she was being serious.
She proceeded to explain she was trying to compliment me by saying I’m a good boyfriend because I’m not broke. This admittedly rubbed me the wrong way a bit because I want somebody to be with me because of who I am, not how much money I have.
She could tell I seemed a bit annoyed or upset, so she said that it’s okay that she wouldn’t date a broke guy, because I or any other guy wouldn’t date a girl that wasn’t physically beautiful.
I wanted to object to this, because in our case, I figured this was exactly what happened. When I first met my girlfriend, I knew she was conventionally attractive, but she wasn’t my type— she’s a slim, tan blonde and my type before was curvier, paler brunettes— so I didn’t find her beautiful or attractive initially but fell for her personality until I found her attractive.
I began to say it, but thought better of it, because I felt it would lead to an argument, so stopped, but she demanded I say what I meant, so I said what I said above: that her logic is wrong because although I find her the most beautiful girl now, and even then could recognize she was conventionally attractive, I wasn’t physically attracted to her when we started dating.
She said I was a huge AH for saying she wasn’t attractive. That wasn’t my intention, and I do think she’s physically attractive, I just meant she wasn’t my type or somebody I was drawn to before getting to know her. AITA?
Comments
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OUT! She’s a taenia.
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What happens if you suddenly lost your job tomorrow would she bail? Things happen unexpectedly, if all she’s seeing you for is the dollar amount you have in the bank, she’s not the one.
Sounds like she is motivated by money primarily, which is never good.
NTA. you are right and she is just playing the victim now to take the focus away from her being a gold digger. I should advise you to rethink your relationship. Good luck. 🙏
NTA
She seems to be intentionally provoking a scandal or an argument. You did not say that she wasn’t attractive so her accusation is a lie.
But also, I have to note that your income is absolutely a part of who you are because it indicates a lot about you (your education, your morals, your perseverance, etc).
You’ve been served notice. She is with you not because of you, but because of what you provide. If that disappears, so does she. A fair weather love, at best.
NAH.
Truthfully I have no sympathy for your girlfriend and I went through several drafts of my response.
I believe your girlfriend has a right to know your story about how you fell in love with her, removed from the fairy tale glitter.
Once.
Since you are her equal, the same applies to you.
She is intentionally misunderstanding you…. or she isn’t that bright.
Your point was clear. You were attracted to who she was first. This is the kind of love we look for.
She wants to act insulted so that you will back peddle.
Honestly, this TikTok stupidity is ruining good relationships and stupifying the masses.
I question the personality of someone who reduces the value of a person to their income. It sounds like she views relationships as transactional.
You both suck. I can tell you from a woman’s point of view that it is very difficult dating a broke man because do you end up taking care of them in all financial situations …And when people are being taken care of they rarely take the initiative to go out and get a job so women are sort of taught to look for a man who has ambition. Also, you didn’t accidentally insult her you knew exactly what you were doing and that it was insulting.. so basically you were hurt by her saying she wouldn’t have gotten to know you if you were broke so you decided to hurt her back… and you did. Except a broke man can become ambitious and get a job but you insulting her looks is something she can’t change… ask yourself why you were even taking to heart that she said she wouldn’t have dated you if you were broke.. She wouldn’t have gotten to know you… If she did get to know you she still would have fallen in love with you whether you had a job or not because that’s how the heart works… this was just stupidity between the two of you … you didn’t have to take it to heart because it really wasn’t anything about you personally, and you really should have thought twice before mentioning her looks.. you know, damn well if she was actually ugly you wouldn’t have given her the time of day.. i suggest she keeps future thoughts like that to herself when she sees videos and I think you should really rethink your need to strike back and hurt someone when they make you take something out of context and you feel insecure… this is a stupid petty argument…
NTA.
NTA – you are 100% correct in saying she should be with you because your you and not because of the amount of money you make. She’s reflecting and trying to make the situation your fault. It’s easier said than done but I don’t think I could stay with someone who has this mindset. If something happened and you lost it all tomorrow, would she still stick around? Or would she be off looking for the next man making a lot of money.
Don’t stay with a gold digger.
You’re Not an asshole, but she is. You need a ride or die chick, not this clearly superficial one. You need someone that’ll hold you down regardless of your financial status. She accidentally told you who she really was. Move accordingly and dump her ass.
Just let her know that you realized she’s right that dating a broke person isn’t something you should do. Unfortunately for her, broke is relative and compared to you she’s broke. She is the weakest link. Goodbye.
That’s a really weird way to “complement” someone for being a good boyfriend. She insults you and then plays victim. NTA.
Funny story, I’ve got a buddy in canada who made a quarter of your income – helped his gf through school, and she finally graduated this year and got a job. I always thought she is a lucky girl to have him. Now she makes the same income he does. Then he lost his job. He has been jobless for months now. She just married him a few weeks ago, bragging how she is now going to be his sugar momma. Now i know he is a lucky dude.
Anyway, NTA. But at the same time, what a situation – she is dating you because of the money, and you are dating her for her looks, even if she is not your initial type.
Luckily, you’ll likely keep your income and she’ll likely keep her looks , so as shallow as it sounds, you guys have a pretty secure relationship. Carry on, i guess.
Wait, I changed my mind. YTA – because as shallow as it was, she actually sent you the tiktok to praise you for your …income. And you returned her praise with an insult….as true as it was. So …i guess YTA after all for insulting her out of nowhere.
NTA. She is shallow. She got her feelings hurt because she chose to be a materialistic girl. You said how you felt after she asked.
The game is already over. She is telling you she is still looking for better. And if you had no money then, not you? You are the goal for every girl out there, you got money 💰
I understand where you’re coming from but couldn’t this just be poor communication?
It benefits both of you that you are both being paid in the six figures ( although you are being paid a lot more). That means that you can have an equal partnership, certainly more equal that someone who is making 100,000 a year and a Hobosexual ( unemployed, in it for the sex).
So, communication? Refuse to reply to tictoks and texts (and all social media) except in person. Explain that it’s too impersonal to be a successful way of communicating and that you’re invested in the relationship. You’d want to explain this in person and come to an agreement about it.
Add a couple of code words or phrases for this is important call now, let’s talk in person later, let’s leave now.
Maybe ask for more clarification on what she means and have a conversation. Sounds like there might be some more context needed of her point of view. I think it should depend on whether she’s saying that’s the main reason she’s with you and if you weren’t successful would she have continued to date you. If anything changed leading to you not making her idea of “not broke”, is she saying she wouldn’t stay with you?.
There’s a chance that she isn’t meaning it in the way you are taking it.
Also it was unnecessary to tell her you weren’t physically attracted to her. You could’ve just said physical attraction isn’t something you find to be the most important factor.
Cool story
She’s a gold digger.Run.
NTA. She doesn’t realize that she has the kind of guy that most women want in a relationship (you find her beautiful and attractive after learning who she is) and you are learning that you have her under the pretense of meeting XY & Z criteria. In other words, you love her for who she is and she “loves” you for what you bring to the table.
What’s the definition of broke here? Willingly unemployed or fired for misconduct? Or is it 50k a year or being down on your luck because of a layoff? It’s the first two or something similar than I don’t see why it’s so offense that people wouldn’t date you. Who would want to date someone lazy with no money?? Even if they love you that puts a huge strain on a relationship and there is more to relationships than just love.
Okay, NTA. She shouldn’t have sent you that TikTok. Or she should’ve played it off as a joke at the very least. What you said wasn’t even really an insult. Your words were still nice while she had been blunt, like she needed you to know that she would bail if you lost your job and ended up broke. Thats just so wrong in my opinion. I’d take that as a hint of what kind of person she really is. She’s clearly someone unreliable if times get hard.
Nta, she sure as hell showed you she is shallow. As a man I find a woman more attractive if I fall in love with her first before physical. All honesty being my type is a plus but if you have a shit personality that cancels everything from me. Op I would leave her before she leaves youif life takes a dramatic turn and you have no money but could help support for a short while.
NTA
And you didn’t say she wasn’t attractive. You said that you were not attracted to her. That’s a very different thing. Her insecurities are making her lash out because she knows she looks bad here.
NTA. I AM a broke man. My girlfriend dates me because she just loves me, with or without money. You should try it sometime, man. It rules.
YTA to yourself if you put up with greedy people like that.
I think this incident exposed that you and your girlfriend have different values in how you approach and engage in romantic relationships, and it is a sign that you are likely not compatible. I understand fully what you said about her being objectively attractive but not being attracted TO her, until you started liking her. That was also you giving insight into your values in romantic relationships to your partner, and she reacted badly. At the same time, if you feel uncomfortable at her insinuation that if you had less money, or went through hard times financially, she would not be with you—your feelings are very valid, and you should listen to them. These are her stated values and you alone can decide if they align with yours and what you seek in a partner. NTA
NTA but why stay with someone who only cares about your salary and that you weren’t attracted to (or had to grow on you). Sounds like time to move on.
Some questions don’t need to be asked. Only TIME will tell how we would really deal with such crucial situations when we come to that bridge and have to cross it. Or not.
So she earns half what you do. So compared to you, she is ‘broke’.
Act accordingly.
You are overreacting. It’s completely reasonable to want to date someone who can at least contribute to the relationship in an equitable way. After dating a broke musician for almost a decade, being forced into debt and having to claw my way out after we broke up, I can definitely say that I would never date a broke man again. It’s not because I am looking for someone to take care of me, it’s that I want someone who can take care of themselves, so we can contribute to a comfortable life together.
why did you tell her you didn’t find her attractive when you started dating? yurghh. well at least you have money
She did you a favor. She showed her true colors before leaving her got any more inconvenient.
Honestly anyone who sends a Tiktok and wants you to take it seriously is a no go for me. Plus it kinda seems like she wants to upset you.
She’s not a gold digger but she is a bit shallow/money focused.
I hope she could identify other things she likes about you.
You’re 24 making 200k a year? What the hell do you do? But anyway NTA just know if you ever lose your job she’s gone.
You’re both immature and need to stay single, but I am wondering what y’all do for a living to make that much money. Damnnnnnn
This is why capitalism sucks.
NTAH!
Well at least she’s honest!
Now that you know who she is, what are you going to do?
Whether you like it or not, in this age, being financially capable for a men is one of the criteria woman is looking at. And she is right that physical attraction is what makes it ticks when people meet for the first time. So I don’t think you should be alarm when she said that as I think many woman do look at financial but many may not openly say it; there are things better kept inside. Without better financial to provide good living conditions, a relationship may not survive. For you to say she is not attractive when you met her for first time isn’t wrong but as I said, there are things knows to heart but better kept inside as secret. There is no harm to say nice things about others as long as it does not bring harm.
Many may disagree openly but deep down, many would agree secretly 😊 with my comment here
Good thing you make some serious coin. Cause that woman will dump your ass if you go broke for any reason. Not a confidence builder.
Whaaaaaat her saying, she would not date you if you were broke is completely different from her saying that she’s only with you because of your money. If she was only dating for money odds are she would be dating someone a lot richer and a lot uglier and a lot older than you are
It’s OK to not want to date people who are broke. That does not make you a gold digger.
I wouldn’t stay with someone who just blatantly admitted that your money is at least 75% of the reason they’re with you…
Women often look for a guy they know will be able to support a family since they are often the one to sacrifice careers and income to raise children. Children get their intelligence from the mother, do you really want kids with a woman not smart enough to look after her and her potential childrens’ economic future? Taking a male partner’s ability to provide into account is the smart move on a practical level in a society where women are so often asked to be dependent on men.
Whores will open leg
You should follow her TikTok drone lead and prank her that you lost your job. See how she reacts.
She was honest. You were honest.
I mean, relative to you, she is the broke one. If i made 50k and my partner made 25k…
Maybe she wouldn’t find it so funny if you held the same opinions.
She’s just trying to twist your words in a way to play the victim when she’s just being a hypocrite
Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with wanting a partner that makes similar or more in income than you. Not everyone wants to be a breadwinner. People are allowed to have standards, which can be appearance based, fitness based, hobbies/interests based, personality based, and yes income based (among others).
If she was a raging jerk but hot af would you want to date her? Probably not and if so not for long lol
If you’re worried about it then have a conversation with her about what she would do and how she would react if you lost your job. Bring up that her comments made you feel like she only cares about your money.
But honestly you did fuck up by bringing your lack of attraction to her attention. She’s never going to be able to forget her boyfriend doesn’t think she’s hot (even if you do now). She basically said she had standards and how great it was you fit them and you said “oh yeah? Well you didn’t fit my standards and I got over it!” Because her standards made you feel bad?
Imagine a dude getting upset cuz his gf said how great it was he had a big wang and that she wouldn’t date small wang guys. “Does she only love me for my wang? What if I lose it in an accident 🥺” She says “what? Girls like big wangs and guys like big boobs” and the boyfriend says “Actually I’ve never liked big boobs, I like itty bitties, but I liked your personality so much I ignored those things on your chest.”
Sounds a bit ridiculous, no? Cuz it’s basically starting a fight over a compliment you took the wrong way.
You don’t have to win every argument and this seemed really low stakes to launch a potentially relationship ruining nuke like that.
Men are only valuable to women for what they can provide. Not the asshole
NTA. She doesn’t want to understand your point and twist it into a reason for her to be mad. Manipulator.
NTA.
I’ll say this though. I hope you never lose your job and fall on hard times. If you do, she’s gone. I don’t know if this is wifey.
$200k is pretty damn good, especially at your age, but what happens when she catches the eye of someone who makes $400K??? Or $4M ? Suddenly, you look broke. I would get out now, bro. Find someone who falls in love with YOU, not your income.
Her attitude is a huge red flag and indicative of the transactional nature of some women today.
She also assumes you’re as shallow as she is but about looks because ALL men only care about looks. /s
ur a fking MOReon if you continue to date this mofo.
shr would never date a broke man but ur the idiot dating a pos.
if u got laid off for a bit or an accident happened u think this mofo would stay by ur side?
money is def important in dating and marriage. but to flat out say it liek that is so dumb.
I’d walk away from that relationship if I were you.
I wouldn’t date a broke woman. I’m not a broke man. I’m not carrying anyone through life. We are in it together. Now that I’ve said that, I don’t necessarily mean $$ bills. Her income is part of a whole. Although it matters, there are many other valuable tools and traits a significant other can bring to the table. It’s all in what you’re looking for and how you define it.
You were objectively honest with her as she was with you. But that does give gold digging vibes. There’s a difference between being broke and stable. The question id ask is if you made less than her would she still have dated you. Don’t feel bad that she got upset man that would of rubbed me the wrong way too.
I think you got tripped up and awkward explaining the attractive bit. But the “you’re a good bf bc money” is gross. NTA