So just like the title says my wife and I were on a rough patch, we decided to separate to give ourselves some space to think, we started couples therapy and the goal was to put things back on track. A couple of months later she came back and decided she wanted to put our marriage back together. Eventually we had sex, being that we were still married and we were working to put life back on track I didn’t think anything of it. After we were finished she said she had to tell me something and not to get mad, my heart dropped and I felt sick to my stomach. I said to tell me and that’s when she told me. I was absolutely appalled! The love of my life, wife of my children, stepmom to my son…I died inside. I didn’t freak out, I kept calm but mostly out of shock because I didn’t know what to do. I was irritated and snarled how could you do this to me?! What the F is wrong with you, I can’t believe you’d do that to me. She goes on to tell me that everyone has herpes it’s not a big deal and if I ever bring this up again our marriage is over. Is she for real?
AITA?!
Separated with my wife she got herpes didn’t tell me and let me have unprotected sex with her
r/AITAH
Comments
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The fact that she did it willingly is insane. there’s a lawsuit brewing in my opinion i’d absolutely take her to court over that
F her! The marriage is over. And it’s her fault
NTA – Get tested, hope you didn’t get it, and divorce her. Absolutely use that as irreconcilable differences
You know that the majority of the human population has hsv1 at least. It’s so common it’s often not tested for unless you have an outbreak…
Knowingly infecting someone with an STI is a crime in most places
Tell her that it won’t be the end of your marriage if you bring it up again as the first time she brought it up your marriage was dead. Get tested. If clean get tested again every 6 months til the doctors say you’re no longer at risk. Serve her divorce papers.
NTA! Herpes is not normal to have! It’s a serious incurable disease! That is an insane violation of your trust!
So yeah, that is illegal in most popular places around the world.
The type of herpes that most everybody has is not genital herpes.
I wonder if she thought your options would be limited if she gave you herpes and youd have to stay with her or something insane like that
You’re NTA but almost everyone does have it
I agree she is TA for how she told you. Is she on meds? Was she having an outbreak? Depending on those answers it could be very unlikely you got infected.
I do think everyone on here is blowing herpes out of proportion. Would people be freaking out if someone with oral heroes kissed them and didn’t disclose first? Probably not (unless they were kissing a baby, that is dangerous), and odds are that has happened to the majority of people here based on how many people have oral herpes. There’s a lot of unnecessary stigma against genital heroes IMO.
Anyway, good luck to you, get tested to be safe.
I’m pretty sure if you have sex with someone while knowing you have an STI is a crime. She put your health at risk. There’s no part of this that makes you TA. Divorce her immediately!
NTA. That’s really fucked up. Takes a special type of POS to do something like that
YTA for posting a stupid question and not telling us why you think YTA
Updateme
I’m not sure where she got the audacity to sleep with the man she claims to love knowing well that she has that horrible disease, really weird honestly
Her deflection and guilting of you is outrageous. Unfortunately I don’t see how you get past this, especially in light of her shameful lack of accountability.
You didn’t just get betrayed, you got violated. Consent includes knowing the risks. Her silence wasn’t protection, it was deception. You’re not the asshole, you’re the one who got hurt and still tried to stay kind.
Im gonna call BS. It would take time for her to know she had it and she wouldn’t be contagious unless she was actively having symptoms or not being treated.
Couples can safely have sex as long as they avoid sex during flare ups and she’s had treatment.
Considering this account is 10 hours old- also fake posts for karma. Reddit needs to stop being so damn gullible!
Sorry, but your wife is a POS.
Updateme
That’s a special kind of delusional if she thinks everyone has herpes.
NTA. But your wife could be found guilty of a misdemeanor, which is punishable with up to one year of imprisonment or a fine (or both).
LEAVE HER!! I’ve been in the exact same situation looool
NTA, the marriage was over when she decided to have unprotected sex with someone else while you were supposedly separating to work on your marriage. The separation was so she could cheat guilt-free. If she hadn’t gotten an STD, she probably wouldn’t have told you at all.
Bail
It’s only contracted right before/during breakouts
She’s not just the asshole she’s a grade A certifiable C**t! Good luck with the divorce process.
Herpes is not a horrible disease but something very normal. About 84 bis 92 % of the adults in a industrialised countries have or had herpes and carry the virus in their body. Herpes is one of the most commonly transmittable virus, very effective in spreading. So, what exactly are you so upset about? Transmission of the virus is through kissing, through drinking from a glass that wasn’t properly cleaned, that simple. Everybody who does not live in an utter idiocracy knows that.
YTA for not doing your homework about what it actually is you are upset about. To quote yourself: What the F is wrong with you?
You need to notify the authorities that she did that on purpose. You don’t deserve that no matter how bad she hates you ! That will require medication for the rest of your life.
I too choose this guy’s wife
Oh, you 100% could sue her and have her charged.
The fact that she did it knowingly means she could be charged with:
•Reckless endangerment
•Battery or assault (e.g., if transmission is viewed as harmful or offensive contact)
•Negligent or intentional infliction of harm
•In rare/extreme cases: attempted murder or manslaughter (if a person commits suicide or develops complications)
Things she could be sued for:
•Medical bills
•Pain and suffering
•Emotional distress
•Loss of enjoyment of life
•Punitive damages (if deception was extreme or malicious)
In New York, a man was successfully sued and criminally charged for knowingly giving a woman genital herpes. And in California, people have been charged with battery and negligence after transmitting herpes without warning their partners.
(Not so fun fact, Intentionally giving someone HIV can land someone with a felony, 7 years in prison (up to 10 to 20 years in some states), and in rare cases, can put them on the sex offender registry. And in some states, you don’t even have to have transmitted it, just having it and not telling someone can still land any of these charges)
In many places, not telling a sexual partner that you have herpes before engaging in sex can be a crime, particularly if transmission occurs and sometimes even if it doesn’t.
In the U.S., for example:
• Criminal charges can include:
• Knowingly exposing someone to an STD
• Criminal negligence
• Reckless endangerment
• In some cases, sexual assault or battery (depending on the circumstances and state laws)
• State laws vary widely:
• Some states require actual transmission for a crime to be charged.
• Others may criminalize exposure alone if the person knew (or should have known) they had herpes.
• Some states have specific laws about HIV but not herpes, though general criminal statutes might still apply to herpes.
• Civil liability is also possible: Even if it’s not criminally prosecuted, the infected person may sue for damages (e.g., medical costs, emotional distress).
⸻
Key legal factors often include:
• Whether you knew you had herpes
• Whether you disclosed it before sex
• Whether protection was used
• Whether your partner contracted the virus
⸻
If you’re facing a situation like this — or are concerned about legal exposure — it’s wise to consult a lawyer in your state. Laws are very specific, and consequences can be serious both legally and personally
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I guess her boyfriend she left you for didn’t work out
Bro, this woman is pure evil. I don’t know how you both are but no one should ever do this. This is a form of abuse. You should seriously consider if this is the best relationship for you and your family.
She cheated that’s why you divorced or separated
Everyone has herpes except you didn’t and if you bring it up again the marriage is over? She thinks this marriage is still going?
For sure divorce her and file a police report. She is a disgusting human being.
How long has she had herpes?
Dude, she would be absolutely hysterical if you did it to her, so act accordingly and report her.
Nta. She did that on purpose, obviously out of spite.
not the asshole consent includes health disclosure. she broke your trust, not just your heart.
In Colorado there are 3 laws that can be used if a person knowingly gave someone an STD
Immediate divorce. Gave her space to think doesn’t equal space to go get dick.
Fck her! That was a dirty thing to do.