Back story : I’ve been dating this woman for almost 3 months. I knew she was married, but she said she was in the process of getting a divorce and their marriage was over etc. I was in the same boat.
Turns out, she decided not to leave him and was just stringing me on and making me an unwilling partner in her cheating on her husband. I wanted a relationship, not a fling. Wouldn’t have done it if I knew she was a liar and a cheat.
So a friend knows her husband and said I should send him proof of her infidelity so he knows what she’s been doing. Some friends think thats the right thing to do, others thing I’d be an asshole for interfering.
So, reddit, would I be the asshole for filling her husband in on his wife’s infidelities? To note, this wasnt just screwing around. She made comments about wanting to have a child with me, build a life with me. I went apartment touring with her. She said she was in love with me. Not your average one night stand cheating, she made this hurt pretty deep.
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Back story : I’ve been dating this woman for almost 3 months. I knew she was married, but she said she was in the process of getting a divorce and their marriage was over etc. I was in the same boat.
Turns out, she decided not to leave him and was just stringing me on and making me an unwilling partner in her cheating on her husband. I wanted a relationship, not a fling. Wouldn’t have done it if I knew she was a liar and a cheat.
So a friend knows her husband and said I should send him proof of her infidelity so he knows what she’s been doing. Some friends think thats the right thing to do, others thing I’d be an asshole for interfering.
So, reddit, would I be the asshole for filling her husband in on his wife’s infidelities? To note, this wasnt just screwing around. She made comments about wanting to have a child with me, build a life with me. I went apartment touring with her. She said she was in love with me. Not your average one night stand cheating, she made this hurt pretty deep.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’d be the asshole for interfering in someone else’s marriage.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You should tell him. He has a right to know the kind of person he is with.
NTA. She can reap what she’s sown.
NTA. He deserves to know.
NTA let her face the consequences of her actions
NTA – Always out a cheater when you have the chance, especially since you, as the unwilling “other man,” have all of the receipts to prove her infidelity. Her husband has the right to know who he’s married to, and if she’s robbing him of that, he has to be told.
NTA. Dude, c’mon obviously ratting out a cheating spouse is the right thing to do.
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ESH. Don’t date until you or the person you are dating are completely unattached aka, in terms of marriage, divorced. You’re both still married, regardless of how each of you feels about your respective marriages. It’s also a mistake to rush into moving in and potentially starting a serious life with someone you’ve know for 3 months.
NTA.
She can’t have her cake and eat it too, and the husband deserves to know what kind of person he’s with.
Were they actually split up for the majority of your relationship and then she decided to get back together with him, or was she lying to both of you? Either way, tell him. NTA
You knew she was married. You’re both assholes.
Tell him everything from the divorce story to the moving in together tell him it was all her idea you dont want the husdand on your bad side if she gets to him first you better have screenshots with dates and times saved and then send it to him
Two things no your not the assh come plain and clean to him in private away from the house explain everything and for how long
And secondly WHY would you get with someone who’s going to divorce him soon brother……. Have you watched tv???
Oh just cut ties and skip the drama and fallout. Be mature. Yta for needing some sort of “revenge” to boost your hurt ego. It sucks, move on and don’t date people who aren’t divorced in the future.
Why would you willingly be in a relationship with her if you knew she wasn’t officially single? I don’t understand why you weren’t even a little hesitant
NTA. He deserves to know.
You are kind of an asshole but I’m sure how you’d go about this. If you tell her husband that she’s been cheating with you, then that might create tension between you and the husband or worsen the relationship to the wife/your girlfriend. She also seems a bit crazy saying how she wants a life for you two, but goes back to her husband, making it seem like she doesn’t know what she wants. If you don’t tell the husband, he might end up finding out sooner or later. I’m worried that if you tell the husband, then he will accuse you of dating a “married” woman turning him and potentially the girl against you for “ruining her marriage.” It seems like the girlfriend is very indecisive about what relationship she really wants. Finish your divorce and go find someone who doesn’t have any potential partners to fall back into.
NTA don’t rub his face in it don’t give him details he doesn’t need for proof. But yeah he should know
You were never an unwilling partner in her cheating. You knew from minute one that she was married. Her story about divorcing him “later” is the oldest story in the Cheating for Dummies handbook. The only reason you want to “tell on her” is that you want to hurt her.
NTA: He needs to know
Personally, do what you think is best for your emotional well-being.
If you’re thinking about this as a type of closure or karma, please dont do it. Its not healthy for you.
Especially if the outcome is that they stay together anyway.
I’d suggest moving on, cutting her out of your life and memories and being grateful you dodged a bullet.
This woman sounds unhappy or untrustworthy. Her husband likely knows one or both of these things already.
If your mutual friend mentions something, thats possibly a better outcome.
NTA – she’s lied to you. She’s lied to her husband.
What would you want a guy to do if you were married to her and he was fucking her too because she lied to him?
Don’t listen to people who say it’s none of your business. It is very much your business because she involved you in it.
TELL HIM!!! Be a bros bro… it’s the right thing to do
NTA he has a right to make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to remain in his marriage. He deserves to know that his wife was unfaithful. As you said you never would have done this had you known. It’s like a “hey girly” message. Send him a message and let him know she made you an unwilling participant in her affair and you felt he should know. Apologize for your part even though you had no ill intent, and provide evidence. Tell him you’ve blocked her and do so.
NTA-Would you like to know if it was you?
You should absolutely tell him.
However, for future reference? If someone is willing to cheat with you, even if they’re supposedly going to end it? They can’t be trusted. They’re going to cheat on you or do what she did. It’s not worth it.
YTA bro its messy but you diving into that drama won’t fix shit you’re just stirring the pot from the sidelines yeah she’s a snake but telling the husband is like dropping a grenade in someone else’s mess best to just cut her loose and move on dont be the dude who fans the flames unless you wanna burn bridges and peace of mind too
So you were with a married woman for only 3 months and you were apartment shopping and talking about children……..
There’s no nobility in what you did I don’t see where you have room to judge her
You were married and she was married somebody could have had enough character to say we can wait until we’re at least separated or not cohabitating with spouse
You’re not against her behavior you’re just spiteful it was all good when your needs were being met
NTA
The truth is always the right thing.
NTA
It’s rare for me to find someone an a-hole for telling the truth.
Personally I’d say send the proof, tell him your side, then just dip. By telling the husband you’re doing the right thing by him and morally. Afterward I’d just ghost her and avoid the drama that she will undoubtedly try to bring your way. She should have gotten the divorce first then started dating. Plus someone like her ain’t worth hanging around if she treats others emotions as play things.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole for not doing so, but it does show cowardice if you don’t. Not saying that to come off rude to you since I know this is probably a situation you never wanted to be in. But I say doing the right thing and distancing yourself from the situation will keep you from not feeling any guilt down the line and give you less of a headache.
lol this can’t be real (hopefully)…already talking about having a child after less than 3 months together? that’s incredibly dumb
First of all you are a 100% ahole for getting together with a woman who is till married. This old lame story of ‘oh she was still married abut said it was over’ is bs lame excuse.
Now that that is over with yeah sure spill the beans on her but do not expect the husband to buy you a beer.
Hope it’s not my wife
So, you were married too and you want to tattle? Maybe tattle on yourself first.
NTA
People all the time say that they are divorcing their spouse in order for their new partner to be okay with the infedelity. Unless there’s proof, unless the divorce is finalized, I think it’s wrong to build a relationship with someone who is married but claims they’re divorcing.
At the end of the day, her husband deserves to know. People deserve to know if they’ve been betrayed, and bringing the truth to light isn’t wrong. I wouldn’t tell him out of pettiness, revenge or hate. But simply letting him know what happened and making him aware would not make you an asshole
Hmmm… why doesn’t the “friend” tell the husband if he/she thinks he should know?? He probably deserves to know, or he may already know, or they may have both been seeing people while separated— but what happens after you tell him? How many more days of your life will you waste on drama involving her?
You had no problem clapping her cheeks while married yourself, but now that situation has soured, and you want her to pay.
You’re both married 😆😆😆
YTA, you knew what you were doing. The relationship wasn’t over. You know it’s wrong.
You don’t know the guy or what he’s capable of. I’d strongly recommend you remove yourself from the situation and not risk any damages to yourself, her or him.
NTA, been there too. She would get bored and either run to you again or someone else soon like they always do. Don’t let him get dogged
NTA, someone needs to tell the poor man
>others thing I’d be an asshole for interfering.
But being an unwilling cheater is not interfering? They can shove that self-righteousness up theirs.
She made you part of it when she decided to lie to you- ergo, she’s TA, not you. You’d be doing that man HUGE favor. It’s a good thing she brought up a divorce in advance.
NTA.
You both should’ve waited until the proceedings were over but telling the husband is the best thing you can do now.
Both you and your ex are the same type of people. Despite knowing she has husband, you have full relationships with her. She is a cheater and needs to be exposed but you are no better than her. So go ahead and tell the husband but please also reflect on yourself.
You’d be an asshole for being a sore loser
NTA, but it’s a close one. Never start a relationship even someone only says they’re leaving someone. I’ve never seen it actually work where they actually leave them and everyone’s fine. This woman’s husband deserves to know. Don’t ruin this man’s life twice, just be honest with what happened and what was said. Let him make the choice whether he stays with her or not. All you can and should do is give him the truth, it’s up to him what he chooses to do with it. The woman needs to face the consequences of her dumb and mean actions
What is your goal here? To punish her? You’re already TA for messing with a married woman. Why would you tell him? The bro code? You’ve already stomped on that, so don’t act like you’re any better.
Move on and forget her. Do not tell the husband. She has caused you enough trouble.
All these people saying “you’re both married” clearly haven’t met anyone whose divorce has taken years to go through or been through a divorce themselves. I would find a way to tell him anonymously, but still provide the receipts, just in case he feels the need to take his anger out on you. He deserves to know.
Yta . You , a married man , were dating a married woman.
You were both trying to muddy the waters with the whole ” I’m in the process of a divorce,” but unless you’re actually divorced, you shouldn’t start committed relationships.
Personally I don’t think it’s your business to get involved here. Relationships are complex and not binary. Let them sort their own lives out.
Cut your loses and run. Don’t involve yourself in her delusional existence. You will become a puppet
NTA, but personally I believe in not getting involved.
NTA – Tell him, he deserves to know.
ESH. She is either lying or doesn’t know what she wants. You’re a hypocrite and want to ruin her life if you can’t have her. The only non AH here is her husband. You’re not doing this to do the right thing, you made it clear you just want to get back at her for hurting you.
She clearly changed her mind, and your reacting so negatively and possessively might be part of why she doesn’t choose you anymore.
That said, I’ll always be grateful for the girl who told me my ex was trying to cheat on me with her.
NTA
You know the answer, you were a married man. Every human being has the right to know if their significant other is stepping out on them. Forget basic respect, sexual health shouldn’t be lied about and some STDs are incurable.
If you know, you tell. See something, say something.
NTA but seriously why would you even want to? Seems like a bunch of unnecessary drama that no longer involves you. I could see if it was a person you had to face all the time or had an ounce of loyalty to, but people are unpredictable and you have no idea how this person will react.
YTA. What would this achieve? Hurt the woman and the husband. Would that get you your woman back? No. Don’t pretend you have noble intentions. You are only after revenge because she wounded you. And that is pure asshole material. Forget her, move on, find another woman
NTA, if you were him.. what would you want?