Ok, this part happened about four years ago, but it still sits weird with me. At the time, I weighed 301 lbs and had just started focusing on myself. During that time, I met this guy over the phone he was a truck driver, and I cleaned houses in the mornings, so our schedules lined up pretty well.
We were on the phone constantly. Morning calls, deep late-night convos, laughing, flirting… it was a real connection.
Now here’s where things went sideways. I asked my (now ex) friend to show him a picture of me before we met, and she gave him an old photo before I had gained weight. I didn’t find out until later when I called her about what happened.
I did tell him I was a “bigger girl,” and he acted like he already knew and didn’t care. So, I figured it wasn’t a big deal. Besides, we never talked about looks much… we just had so much to talk about.
Fast forward to our first date, he picks me up, and immediately, the vibe changes. He got really quiet, wouldn’t look at me, barely spoke. I could tell he was thrown off. The energy was completely different.
Not even ten minutes into the drive, he suddenly says, “Actually… I think we should reschedule. The weather’s getting bad.” It was barely drizzling. Like a light mist. I asked him if he was serious, and he just nodded and turned the car around.
He dropped me off, and I was beyond embarrassed.
After that, I got completely ghosted by him, and as hurt and mortified as i was, i focused on myself. I lost the weight, not for anyone else, but for me. Now I weigh 110 lbs, feel great, and have built a life I’m proud of.
Before I continue, I want to say this. I was never angry at him…. only hurt & embarrassed. It is OKAY he didn’t like me, it is okay he prefers thin women. BUT. I want nothing to do with him because what happens when I’m pregnant or get my 1st wrinkle?
Wts, guess who slid into my DMs out of nowhere? Yep, him. Talking about how he’s “always wondered what could’ve been” and how he “misses me.”
I left him on read.
Now one of my new friends says I’m being petty and should at least hear him out, that maybe he genuinely regrets what happened. But honestly? If I wasn’t good enough for him when I was fat, why am I good enough now? Nothing changed about me except my weight. I am still funny and smart!
AITA for not wanting to give a second chance to someone who only wants me now that I’m smaller?? To be fair, he was shown a wrong photo… but like still 🙄
PS. yes, f him, but be nice he was a good guy.
PPS. She and I are not longer friends, either.
Comments
Nope. You know you’ve been the same before and after weight loss and so has he.
He’s an asshole.
NTA. He literally ghosted you after one look and now wants you back because you’re hot – that’s shallow as hell.
You’re absolutely right to question what happens when life happens – pregnancy, aging, illness, whatever. If he couldn’t see your worth at 301 pounds, he doesn’t deserve you at 110. You’re the same amazing person you always were.
Your friend calling you “petty” is missing the point entirely. You know your worth now and refuse to settle for someone who only values you based on your appearance. That’s not petty – that’s self-respect💪
NTA
You are free to date or not date whoever you want for any reason, just like he and everyone else. He made you feel bad, you don’t owe him a chance now.
NTA, congrats on the self improvement!
He missed the chance back then, it’s up to you to give him a chance now or not, seems like you’re leaning towards not.
NTA, but you do realize that it’s not your size alone that may have caused his reaction, it’s the fact that he felt lied to, catfished. This was not your fault, hence the NTA, but if that was his feeling, it’s not his either.
You don’t owe him a second chance just because you fit his preferences now. Good on you for knowing your worth
If he wanted to reschedule because of a drizzle, he clearly wasn’t ready for the storm that is your fabulous personality.
NTA, but the person who supplied the misleading photo didn’t help.
Imagine going on a date and finding that the photo was wildly out of date/misleading/wrong.
Definitely NTA but don’t leave it to others to represent you in future…
Oh NOPEE. He doesnt deserve you. Move on, find someone else, ynta, he is.
301 to 110.
I dO hope you are getting therapy to deal with mental health issues and insecurities that come work that.
Oh yeah, and also fck that guy.
NTA. For me, it’s the fact that he didn’t even finish out the date. Like, you guys obviously liked each other a lot, enough to be friends if the romance thing didn’t work out, but he didn’t even want to hang out after he saw you? Nah. Fuck that guy.
You’re not even close to being the ah in this situation.Seriously keep ignoring him and don’t even give him another thought.He showed his cards and I don’t think he’s a good person.
nta, block him and move on. there’s no need for second chances, he certainly didn’t think you were worth one four years ago. he could have been adult about it and talked to you if he felt the connection you both had was worth anything, it would have been easy to talk out the misunderstanding because you weren’t the one that sent him the picture in the first place
NTA. You’re not being petty, it’s called having self-respect.
He was a pos and gave you gift. Leave it at that and enjoy your life 🤙
NTA Always leave them wanting more
NTA ghost him right back!
NTA. You’re right, what’s he gonna do when life happens? We all age. Stuff sags and wrinkles. Health declines. Life.
NTA – same person, just less of you.
Your concerns are valid.
Besides, do you want lot lizard disease being transferred.
I think you being understanding about being shown a boy accurate photo and not being mad is showing that you aren’t petty. He changed his mind about you when he saw you. You are allowed to change your mind about him based on that interaction.
You are rightfully worried about it he’d stick around through normal life body changes, which is not a great foundation for a relationship.
I’m usually underweight. I’m very self conscious about looking like a classroom skeleton. I went on meds that made me overweight. Like just under what would be considered obese for me. The weight would not come off until I got off of the med. my husband made me feel beautiful at all sizes. You deserve that.
NTA! He doesn’t like you, OP, and that alone is a red flag. Someone who genuinely likes you will accept you, no matter your size. The fact that he didn’t go through with the date clearly shows that he wasn’t interested because of your physical appearance.
If he truly liked you, he would’ve at least given you a chance. He could’ve had a simple conversation with you or at least continued the date out of basic respect. That’s what a real gentleman would’ve done. But instead, he cut it short and brought you back home.
If he can’t like you at your worst, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best.
Remember: You deserve what you tolerate.
NTAH. If you were feeling generous you could tell him that he might have had a shot had he been honest the first time but what would be the point? Enjoy the schadenfreude!
You say you weren’t angry at him, that he just prefers thin women. But you sound pretty angry!
By the way, getting pregnant does not equal getting fat. Many women use it as an excuse to let themselves go, but getting fat only comes from one thing… eating more calories than you burn.
You have to gain some weight when you’re pregnant, but you absolutely can lose it after you’ve had the baby. I did.
Talking about wrinkles is not the same thing. Getting wrinkles is a natural part of aging and not something you can do anything about Riley. Staying thin is fully a choice.
All that being said, it is completely your choice whether to respond to this dude or date this dude. You owe him nothing.
I feel like that guy didn’t really do anything wrong, if you like him, and now he likes you, that’s good, no? He didn’t want to date a fat girl, a big part of attraction is physical. I wouldn’t date a girl who I liked but wasn’t into physically, no shade being thrown at all, I just don’t want to. And he’s the same. You can see it as shallow, or you can see it as you now meeting the bar for a guy who you seem to really like. You lost weight so that you would be happier. Isnt being with this guy part of being happier?