So this morning my ex husband (52m) sent me a message that he might have found a good used car for our daughter (17). We had a previous passing conversation about possibly getting her a car and I told him I couldn’t contribute because I am paying her school fees which are around $12000 for the year.
Today’s message was a link to the market place post about the car for $6000 he then followed up with it has low mileage and after looking at the post I said it only has 2 months until registration is due. He then suggested he could pay $1500 towards it and our daughter could get a loan from her grandmother (my mother). I was getting in the car to pick up my mother so didn’t reply and we drove to visit her friend which took about 45 minutes. He had texted a “No?” While I was driving. I then replied with “probably, I was driving to visit Norma. Do you think we could get the price down to $4000?” He replied with “too late I think” then I said “that sucks”.
I then whet and picked up our daughter from school for a Drs appointment and my mother and I talked with her about if she wants a loan to buy a car. She wants a car but doesn’t want to pay for it so we ended the conversation as neither myself or my mother think it’s ok to just give her a car. She has a job after school and spends all her money on clothes. Her current savings is $200 after working for 2 years. Her three brothers paid for their own $10000 exchange trips overseas and then also contributed to half the cost of their cars they also went to public school with no costs.
Skip to after appointments and errands. I had paid for drs and medication for her she lives with her father but I pay for all her needs other than food and clothes. Her father was waiting for her at my house for them to go home and he was very quiet he waited in his car while she came inside with me and grabbed a snack. I thought they had left but he came inside and used the bathroom then went to leave without speaking which I thought was odd. I said “ I’m not sure Chelsea wants a car or at least she doesn’t want a loan” he walked to my kitchen without speaking and got a drink. He is very welcome at my house and I have the same freedom at his if I’m there so that’s normal but the not speaking was odd so I asked if I’d done something. He said “you didn’t reply on purpose because YOU don’t want her to have a car and we missed it because of you”. I explained that I was driving and talking to my mum about it and he just left.
What is this really about? I’m just after some perspective because I do want her to have a car but I can’t afford to pay for it.
Comments
What did you want us to do?
Your ex sounds like an absolute drama queen, don’t think there is much more to it than that
Real communication issue.
Do you ever talk or find a resolution at the end of a conversation?
The conversation about the car was passive so you never agreed on the terms.
He went on his own buy a car without even talking to your daughter about it previously and who is going to pay what?
Then, your ex husband decided on his own to buy one and got pissed when you weren’t available although you didn’t know there was that thing going on?
When he came back home, the “I am not sure Chelsea wants a loan…”. You are sure. You talked to her.
You need to learn to sit down and have a serious conversation. Both.
He will tell you better than us what its all about.
He’s your ex for several reasons. You’re done with mind games so stop wasting your energy trying to figure things out which no longer matter. A raise of the eyebrows would be an appropriate maximum response.
Difficult to really advise, since we don’t know what the relationship is like between you and your ex. I’m guessing that since you both allow free access to each other’s houses and are comfortable with that, then you’re civil, at the very least.
What reason would he have to think you would purposely not respond sooner? Is he always like this? Expecting someone to respond to a non-urgent message whilst driving is totally unreasonable, so there’s definitely some missing context here.
He’ll get over it. Not your problem anyway. When princess decides she wants a car badly enough she can work on making that happen for herself. In the meantime, get her a bus pass and start dropping her off at the station.. or letting her walk, if it’s within a mile or two.
You daughter isn’t old enough/mature enough to have her own car, she doesn’t want to pay for the loan, who’s going to pay for the insurance and maintenance on the vehicle? ( Btw, I’m not criticizing your daughter, at all (!)she’s just a kid and I think it’s great she has a job). She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to chip in.
Your former husband is upset because he didn’t get what HE wanted. He wanted to play the hero who found the car but he doesn’t want to pay for it? LoL. I don’t think so.
If it were that important and time sensitive, he should have called. Let it go, i imagine this behavior is a contributing factor to why you aren’t together in the first place.