First post here, so sorry if I do or say something wrong. I (18F) am dating my partner(18M), let’s call him C. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years, and I don’t know what’s going on. He says he loves my body and all that, he says he loves going down on me, but he only does it like once a week tops, and even then I have to ask every time. I initiate about 90% of the time we have intimacy, and if I want anything but only penetration, quickie style, I have to ask. Every time. I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to feel like I’m pushing him into everything (We both have a horrible ex that did stuff like that to manipulate us into doing things we didn’t want to do), but I just feel rejected and crappy every time. Twice in a row we’ve had some kind of fun time and I’ve asked him to go down on me but he keeps saying no. Like I asked this morning and he said his jaw was sore from when he did it 3 days ago for around 5-10 minutes. He uses that a lot, saying his jaw is sore, like days after he has done it last, when I go down on him for 15+ minutes my jaw isn’t sore for more than like 1 hour tops. I just don’t know what to do. Recently he’s started calling me a fat ass as a joke, even after having a serious conversation as to why that’s not ok that I thought he understood. He only started doing that a couple weeks ago, around the same time he moved in with me. We do bully each other a lot, just messing around, but that is too far for me because of past trauma that he knows about and I have said that. I don’t know what is going on, and I feel really alone. If anyone has been through anything similar I would appreciate it if you had any advice. Sorry for the long rant
TLDR- Boyfriend never goes down on me, has weird excuses, never initiates intimacy, and has started making weird jokes about my body.
Comments
First of all. You need to sit him down and talk about this with him. Open communication is seriously important.
Time to find a new BF
This could totally be unrelated but my boyfriend (32m) and I had the same issue about going down on me (21f). We had the convo and it was more about a smell/taste issue. I’ve been using “Summer’s Eve” body wash (and wipes when needed). Even after taking a shower (with other body wash) it was difficult for him. He is sensitive to smells though. Ever since then he does it whenever and will be down there for longer periods of time. I know it could be something else but thought this might help. Best of luck 💕
Has he’s always never gone done there? He should also want to please u..
Ask him you’ll never know if it could lead to a real issue or just be a one step solution to great sex together 🤷
He’s living with you and taking you for granted. He’s doing the least he can do to keep you around. Maybe that’s not good enough. Maybe you can do better. Maybe you need to explore your options. It’s doubtful that he’s suddenly going to change. Go find someone who gives you a thrill and really wants to be with you.
You said he moved in with you, makes me think he has other issues going on. Like financial stability or family issues/drama. At 18 yo with a live in GF there’s something else going on. I don’t want to assume he’s cheating on you so rule out the above and then maybe clean up your diet. Eat more fruits and veggies. Drink tons of water. Re-evaluate the toilet papers and soaps you’re using. And really ask if he likes doing it with you (all the things) and then see what would make the experience more enjoyable to him.
Otherwise it’s time to move on. Because I’m a 33F and a thicker/curvy girl and never had a man turn me down. There’s other men out there and you have plenty of time to find him.
Some guys just don’t like going down on women. It could genuinely just be something that he doesn’t like to do or doesn’t have a desire to do and some men just don’t have a super high sex drive either a lot of women think that men constantly wants sex, but it’s not true for a good percentage of men
🙄
Is he working full-time? Dude’s probably tired as it’s probably the first time he worked 40h/week. I bet you’re doing the same as well, because let’s face it–nobody can survive on one income anymore. Truth is, he hasn’t seen tired–parenthood is like that and more in the first three years, if I recall correctly–I have homeschooled teenagers. It made my 91-hour workweek on a couple of construction shutdowns way more palatable if you want an idea. At least I was Management, then.
Life changes suck, even when they’re not supposed to. Just gotta remember that you’re going to have to maybe do some life shortcuts–maybe paper plates on the busy days, easy cleaning everything, y’know–whatever makes the chores go by quicker. Just survive somehow.
Might do some process analysis of anything that you two have to do. Figure out the unnecessary steps, take them out, and use it to gain more rest time. Once you get close to catching up, then figure out what to do–maybe go to a simple dinner or something–nothing extravagant, just a catching up.
Sit him down, Tell him that you will not be mad at his answer, you just want to know why he doesn’t like foreplay during sex. Be honest with him that you really enjoy it but not sure why he’s hesitant or not wanting to majority of the time unless asked. Then listen to what he has to say, uninterrupted and have some thick skin for the reply you might get.
It could be something he’s never been into and just does it for you when asked out of spite. It could be something as simple as he doesn’t think he’s doing a good enough job or is bad at it… Or… It could also be something more personal like a bad taste or smell, or even time of day when you are asking him to do so that has him grossed out or thinking it’s not as appealing that day.
Regardless, all of that is just speculation. The ONLY way you will ever know the honest answer is to talk to him. Communication is an absolute must in a relationship, and even more important when sex is involved.
most likely you and him having a horrible past we guys tend to like prioritize the female in the relationship over ourselves he most likely thinks “ill let her do the asking and stuff because i dont want her to see me as her ex or pressure her”
one-sided intimacy becomes emotional neglect over time
Idk why I thought it said “idk if my brother likes my body”
You should talk to him about It
Tbh idgaf
The thing that sticks out to me is that “fat ass” comment. Maybe it’s his way of hinting something at you without directly saying something. Ask him directly if your weight has become an issue for him. Sometimes you only get the answer you’re looking for by being blunt!