The header kind of says everything but about 2 years ago my wife got “blackout” drunk and said my brother and his wife pressured her into cheating one night. I just found all this out 2 days ago and idk how to go about this. If anyone has anything similar and tried to work things out I would really appreciate advice on how maneuver this situation without just getting mad all the time. We 26m and 24f
My wife cheated
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Consider therapy for both of you. Open communication is key to moving forward.
If she was blackout drunk how did she remember it?
Sorry to hear this happened to you.
Not only did she betray you but your brother did too.
Oh man the old blackout defense classic
Pressured my butt, she was into it, then discovered after two years that her conscience wouldn’t let it slide. Remember that she hid this for two years.
Leave her. Now.
Once a cheater always a cheater… Leave her or learn the hard way
The old blackout defense classic
Hello and sorry to hear that your wife cheated.
I am sorry but your marriage is over. There is no fixing this. You can and should forgive her but other than that, your marriage is finished. If it’s your place, give her two days to collect her belongings and then help her with her stuff and shut the door behind you. If it’s not your place but hers, keep her “sweet” while you sort out your belongings, get some help (family or friend) and then you leave.
As someone slightly older than you and having gone through many things in my life already, I speak from experience and am giving you the best advice based on actual experiences. So do forgive her if you can so it doesn’t eat you up BUT the relationship is finished.
Please feel
Free to get back to me if you fancy a
Chat or like some more advice etc
I hope you stay strong and do what’s right sir
There is no fixing. You are still young… as much as you want to “fix” & try to work this out, it will always be in the back of your mind. You’ll later grow resentment and become someone you don’t even recognize. Don’t lose yourself over her.
Cut ties now, including brother. That is the biggest betrayal of all. How do you hide something like that from blood family?
Divorce wife, murder brother.
did she tell you about this, because if she remembers it she wasnt blackout drunk. I dont know how you can recover from your wife sleeping with your brother and his wife. that is beyond just cheating.
best to ask your brother about it since she may also be lying about it like having a “blackout” but still remembering things.
If she was that drunk to the point of passing out, she can still have some memories. Also she was 22 then? How old are your brother and his wife? It’s pretty disturbing if she was that intoxicated and they slept with her. Unless they were all that intoxicated.
Alcohol wasn’t the issue. The issue was that your wife doesn’t respect vows. Wedding vows are sacred. Well they’re supposed to be. Your wife desecrated her vows. She didn’t just lie to you she lied to God. Sorry to say this but your wife can never be trusted again. You need to leave that woman bro. I’m sorry but it’s too hard to overcome that type of fuck up. Her infidelity is always gonna be stuck in your head and you’re always gonna be throwing it in her face during arguments, and she will end up resenting you for it, even though she deserves it. And because of her infidelity, she’s gonna be in her head, thinking you’re cheating on her all the time. It’s a fucked up situation, but at the end of the day, she fucked off your marriage. Let me make one thing clear though. Your wife doesn’t have a drinking problem. She has a cheating problem. You shouldn’t have to inherit the emotional side effects of her problem. Personally, I think working it out is not a possibility because her infidelity is gonna stick with you forever unless you divorce her. You won’t get over it and you don’t have to. I would get the fuck out of that situation man. She don’t deserve you King. Never let a woman put you beneath her respect. If you allow that shit she’s gonna make it a habit.
Even if her story is true she should have told you. She had two years.
Screw your brothers wife
Damn man. Your wife and your brother betrayed you. That’s a double whammy.
My ex wife was a serial cheater. She claimed some sort trauma that came out later as a 16 year old consensual relationship with a married man turned bad. Anyway. There’s a website that I found helpful. It was called SurvivingInfidelity.com. People from both sides posted what they found helpful in healing. Some reconciled. Some did not. Obviously if she’s my ex we did not. I tried. She didn’t. But I still found the insights helpful.
Good luck. It’s a pain nobody wants. It’s a club nobody wants to be part of.
The replies on these posts are always so dead set on ending relationships, not even just romantic ones. It’s like people don’t understand there’s nuance to life. While infidelity is absolutely reprehensible, there are a couple of things to ask yourself OP.
Did they get her drunk, and do you believe she was truly pressured? That’s coercion and a version of assault/rape.
Is this the first time? Do you guys have kids? Has the marriage been terrific thus far and in the last 2 years? Ask her if you can go through her phone and see if there’s any evidence of more.
Most importantly, do you think you can work through this? This one is incredibly rough because of the familial aspect as well. Personally, while I could forgive my wife for cheating, I could never forgive my brother for boinking my wife. (Also, super weird imo). Good luck, OP.
What are you going to do about your brother? Hope you understand he’s the mastermind behind this betrayal. If I was you , I’d out him to the family and would not consider him a brother or friend anymore.
Throw away the lot of them
Hi Op may I ask how comes that she told you eventually about this incident?
The truth is, if she really was black out drunk then was the sex actually consensual? I would be torn because it seems like she was taken advantage of. Have you talked to your brother and his wife?
Ask for the video!
That’s awful. Betrayed not just by your wife but your brother as well. How did you even find out 2 years after? My advice would be to divorce. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if that’s not true in this case, she still chose to betray you AND keep it from you for 2 years
Not something to do with the post but I find that disturbing amount of Reddit is just : end it. Like there’s no effort to understand it. But on the flip side, OP is asking on Reddit so you get what you paid for, I guess.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
If she was blackout, then it was rape, so a police report is in order. If she wasn’t blackout, then you ditch her, your brother and sister in-law. Pretty simple….
It is absolutely this kind of evil that exists in the world that made me turn to God. I wouldn’t advise staying, you’re young and have no kids, move on and build something better for yourself.
Mane whatchu asking reddit for? You don’t already know where to get some duct tape, rope, and pliers?
So so sorry this has happened to you, it’s horrible for me to even consider how you feel, did the 3 of them sleep together could it have been just the women which is still very awful but would be easier to handle mentally for you. Good luck with any action you take but don’t lower yourself to their level.
Make sure you have every possible side of the story
There is no work things out, you either cuck or leave.
You have all the time in the world to plan something wonderful for all of them
Take your time
Divorce!
Personally, I don’t think I could recover from that. I could maybe forgive my wife but I could never forget or get that image out of my head. My brother would be dead to me.